


Skulls

by Kahnah



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Angst, Blood, Drugs, Fake AH Crew, Female Jack, GTA AU, Guns, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Manipulation, Trans Jack, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, as always, immortal au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-10-25 03:18:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 99,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10755633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahnah/pseuds/Kahnah
Summary: Michael Jones had decided very early on that he would stay out of trouble as much as he can.Getting recruited by the most powerful crew in the city wasn't part of that plan.Them insisting he was immortal wasn't either.----“You’re the missing part,” she said solemnly and okay, what the fuck?“The missing part to what?”“The last immortal one. We’ve been waiting.”





	1. Michael

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go again, guys!
> 
> This time we explore the immortal AU, something I wanted to do for a long time! The chapters will get kinda long, sorry in advance for that.  
> There might be more warnings coming up, so be on the look out for that (there will be one scene in chapter 3 but I'll make it skippable if you're not comfortable with it!)
> 
> But for now please enjoy!

Chapter 1

Michael

 

Michael Jones knew he was in trouble.

Well, to be fair that was no surprise. He was pretty sure he’s been in trouble since he could walk and he never made any move to change that, mostly because he was born in Los Santos and the children of Los Santos were lost to begin with.

Los Santos was perfect on the outside, with white beaches and nearly constant sunshine. Pompous parties and pretty people mingling with each other, flasks of champagne in their hands like accessoires.

A place right out of a Hollywood movie until you took a second look, until you leaned forward in your seat and made out the fake smile, the thick make up and the well practiced laughs.

As pretty as Los Santos was on the outside, once you got inside it was a filthy place no matter the money being passed around.

Michael was pretty sure that shit didn’t get any better just because you threw glitter at it or something like that. He wasn’t very good with that analogy shit.

He was good at throwing a punch and he was good at betting but not at knowing when to stop. He was good at making little money into a lot and he was also good at losing all of that in a heartbeat.

That’s just how things were in Los Santos.

You were either one of the rich assholes who stepped over the filth, or you were part of the filth that clawed and bit to come out on top, or, well… you were dead.

Michael Jones was on quite a good way to become the latter.

The thing was, he didn’t even know why exactly.

He certainly wasn’t a saint but all in all he kept out of most trouble. He didn’t run with any crews even if that would mean more money since it also meant turning against every other crew, and nobody was there to have his back. 

He fights in the ring and stands behind the counter of some shitty shop whenever he can to get money for his even shittier apartment and hopefully a bite to eat, and that was that.

So why people had been keeping an eye on him, he didn’t know.

At first he didn’t even mind that much. He had a knife on him at all times, but he was in Los Santos after all and it wasn’t the first time a crew had come up to him like that.

By now he somehow always got out of it alive only that this was the moment Michael realized he wasn’t in trouble.

He was outright fucked.

See, he had been behind the fucking counter of their fucking sad excuse of a shop and had messed with his phone, fair enough. The door had opened and he hadn’t bothered looking up. For what anyway? If it was a customer, congratulations.

They would either walk up to him if they had a question or fucking steal whatever they needed. He fucking wasn’t paid enough for eye contact or a hello, less of all to try and stop them and risk getting stabbed.

Why he did look up, he didn’t know.

It was the perfume, he figured.

Nobody coming in here smelled nice, they’d smell unwashed or like weed, but not like some fucking flowers.

The  _ clack clack _ of high heels was his next clue, and that wasn’t as unusual, but not common around noon. No, it would be after midnight when the women would cling to the next guy, giggling and drunk.

Their heels would have their own rhythm as they got some cheap booze and disappeared again.

The woman walking in didn’t need the high heels, Michael was pretty sure she would be taller than him even without them. In the high sun coming through the dirtied windows, her hair glowed red, cut short into a pixie cut.

The simple black suit she was wearing probably cost more than Michael made a year, and fuck, he was pretty sure he couldn't even buy one of the red shoes she was wearing.

Oh, he was royally fucked.

He let his phone sink as she stopped in front of the counter and if this filthy counter was your last defense you would also begin to doubt your choices, okay?

In that moment he was acutely aware of his thrift shop clothes that hadn’t been washed in a while because who truly cared? Well fuck, he cared right now because how about a little dignity in his death?

“Michael Jones?” It wasn’t a question even if she was polite enough to make it sound like one. The one customer besides her fled the scene and Michael was debating if he should beg to come along.

They wouldn’t get away, he knew that. Even if he made it into a car he didn’t own, she would catch him long before.

He opened his mouth and wondered what he should say. Who wants to know that?

No reason to insult her, he knew who she was.

It was hard not to know the second in command of the Fake AH Crew if that crew owned the whole fucking city.

And he had seen her before, at the ring. She was only there to bet, to watch the fights happening, but their eyes had met over the crowd as she put a couple thousand on his opponent.

It had enraged him back then and he broke more bones than necessarily but after the fight when he had looked up to her, she had smiled.

Now he regretted it, because maybe he had caught her eye, maybe she was here because of that.

She cooked her head to the side and there was the same smile on her lips, full of fire and danger, and he had heard stories of her. That she stepped over bodies with grace and that she didn’t mind getting her hands dirty.

You didn’t get to rule the city without doing so, even if her nails were perfect and red.

“Come with me,” she told him and what difference would it make? What was he gonna say - that he was at work? That he really couldn't leave right now?

A simple no?

“We’re going on a ride,” she said and nodded towards the doors. He didn’t dare to take his eyes from her, but he followed obediently.

She held the door open for him and he stepped outside in the sun and heat of Los Santos.

“Holy shit,” he blurted out and great, now he could talk. But it was only fair, because parked in front of them was an Adder. A fucking, real Adder, painted black with neon green rims.

Hey, if he couldn’t go out with dignity then at least in style, right?

She chuckled behind him, and he took this as an invitation to let his hand wander over the paint in wonder. It was smooth and warm beneath his fingers as he rounded the vehicle. He was aware of people watching but he didn’t expect any help from them. It would be useless anyway, and so he opened the door and let himself drop into the seat.

“Holy shit,” he mumbled again, because this seat was heavenly. He nearly slipped right from the black leather and could feel the warmth coming from it, even if the inside of the car had a nice temperature.

“You like cars?” The woman asked as she slipped behind the wheel.

He nodded in awe and pulled his door closed without any hesitation because holy fuck, even the grip was made out of some wood or whatever. Certainly not cheap, grimy plastic!

He sighed and hunched in the seat as they began to drive, and this car really purred, seriously, a cat was nothing compared to this!

“Do you know who I am, Michael?” the woman asked, and he turned his head towards her.

She threw him a glance and he quickly sat a little straighter, acutely aware that he was in deep shit, but hey, it had been nice as long as it lasted, right?

“Of course I do,” he forced himself to say, because his hands were sweaty and his heart pounding. “You’re Jack Pattillo.” 

She hummed in affirmation as she followed the street, and he didn’t even know where they were headed but he also didn’t care. This car was nice, and in the corner of his eye he saw how she put her sunglasses on with more class than he would ever have. For a few moments he got a sneak peek of what life in Los Santos could be like, grand and luxurious.

“Do you know who I work for?”

“Ramsey,” he answered dutifully. “You’re part of the Fake AH crew.”

“Damn right.” She stopped at a red light and he was a bit surprised about that. He had heard rumors of her, a reckless and fast driver that only got caught if she wanted to. He didn’t think he would have that kind of self control once he sat in a car like this.

“I’m sure you heard all kinds of stories about the crew.”

“Of course.”

“Like what?” she asked and turned towards him. The light turned green but she didn’t bother with it, and nobody dared to honk even if there was a line behind them.

It was fascinating in its own right but Michael barely noticed. Even beneath the sunglasses he saw her eyes glint with something amusing and he had heard a thousand stories about the crew, even more rumors but in this moment he knew exactly what she wanted to hear.

“They say your bunch is immortal,” Michael said and watched the grin grow on her face.

They raced off, tires screeching, and maybe he was as well because he got pushed back into this damn comfortable seat and his hands searched for purchase, way too filthy for the handle he found.

Now they flew down the streets like he’d imagine, weaving in between cars and on the wrong side of the road, anything as long as it allowed them to go ahead, to drive faster.

It seemed to come natural to her, her hands just loosely curled around the wheel as she steered with well calculated, small movements.

Michael watched with big eyes as the city passed by, leaving behind the streets he knew and showing them the other part he had always hated. Even now it seemed foreign, the bright facades and luxurious shops.

“You’ve been watching me,” he said once he stopped reeling, and she didn’t even deny it. “What do you guys want from me?”

“For you to join our crew,” she answered bluntly, and he knew that he outright stared at her, but how could he not?

They could have anyone, they could hire whoever they wanted because they fucking owned the city! Instead they chose him? Why would they, he didn’t have any talents, he barely made enough money to stay alive!

“Why me?” he asked confused because it didn’t make any sense!

She threw him another glance and he wanted to beg her to look back at the street. Just because she was who she was didn’t mean he wouldn't turn to paste in case they crashed, but her eyes made him shut up.

“Because you’re the missing part,” she said solemnly, and okay, what the fuck?

“The missing part to what?”

“The last immortal one. We’ve been waiting.”

Michael spluttered something that certainly weren’t words and she laughed again. If possible they sped up even more but he could just stare at her.

“Believe me, I explained it as bluntly as possible,” she said easily. “I am sure you’ve got a ton of questions and I will answer them as much as I can. Guess it’s not fair to just jump at you like that, but Ray and Gavin were supposed to recruit you, and that wouldn’t have been nice. As far as I overheard they wanted to like shoot each other in front of you and then magically stand back up as a greeting. I figured you would like this better.”

“What?” he mumbled, confused, because none of that made any sense, and her eyes crinkled in amusement.

“You’re immortal, Michael,” she explained. “I am too. The rest of the core crew as well, but according to Ray you’re the last one we’re missing. We’ve been keeping an eye on you for quite some time now.”

“I’m an immortal,” he said slowly, halfway between laughing at her and valuing his life.

“A very young one of course. You might want to talk with Ryan once we got home - he’s barely older than you and still pretty new.”

He didn’t know who that Ryan guy was and also didn’t waste another thought on that; he was still pretty occupied with just staring while his mind was running on overdrive.

So, okay he had known about that stupid rumor, but of course he had. Only that he never believed it, because immortality wasn’t something that existed!

It was just that the Fake AH Crew had more money than they knew what to do with and so of course they lived pretty long and looked as young as they did ten years ago.

Fuck, he hadn’t even really thought about it in the first place because it was a rumor and he had other things to worry about.

But here he was now, sitting in an Adder with the most powerful woman of the city, and she actually expected an answer or a reaction?

If so, he couldn’t quite deliver.

Jack seemed to notice, and she laughed.

“Guess that’s a lot to take in.”

“You think?” he spat, and that made her grin.

“And how can you even be sure?”

“Well, did you die before?”

“No? But mainly because I try to stay out of trouble as much as possible?”

“I saw you fight in the ring,” she said and nodded towards his fists. “No scars though, and you were pretty regular there. I asked around a bit and nobody could recall that you ever broke your hand or something.”

“I’m careful,” Michael said defensively but he couldn't deny it. He had just been lucky, okay?

“You heal quickly, don’t you?” She asked next and he shrugged.

“I don’t know. Maybe? But it’s not like instantly.”

“It will grow stronger when you’re close to us. It always does. Might take a week, but after that you should heal just like us.”

He opened his mouth to ask further, but she finally slowed down and he didn’t know where to begin with in the first place. So instead he turned around as they drove into a garage and the next thing he knew Jack parked and got out.

He scrambled to follow, not only because he didn’t want to get left behind but also because now he had a better look at the cars around them.

It wasn’t the only Adder in here; there were several, and many more super cars that he could only dream of. He wanted nothing more than to check them out but he wasn’t quite sure if he was allowed to, so when Jack turned towards the elevator in the back, he was quick to follow.

“Where are we?” 

“Home,” she answered easily, and he frowned. No way she had lead him straight into the heart of the Crew right? Into their own private residence? It was probably their base or something like that, which was bad enough in its own right.

The elevator moved, further and further up until they reached the penthouse, but when the doors opened, someone was already waiting for them.

Golden hair and golden sunglasses, the first two buttons on his shirt open and revealing a tan expanse of skin.

“Hey Jack!” he chirped with a bright grin that matched his style, and Michael wanted to laugh. He hadn’t expected the Golden Boy to sound like a freaking bird but he did. The frontman of the crew fucking sounded like someone just kicked him in the balls.

Then he noticed him and his smile fell, his forehead wrinkling in confusion. Michael was halfway between taking a step back and kinda hiding behind Jack a little so he just stood still.

If Jack was right, this guy should know about him right? After all they had talked about him and stuff.

“Hey Gavin,” Jack answered, but it just made the other pout.

“You already got him?” Gavin whined and pointed at Michael as if he wasn’t right there. “Me and Ray were supposed to get him! We had a whole choreography planned!”

“And that’s exactly why I went out on my own. We don’t want to scare Michael away.”

Gavin scoffed as if he was willing to take that risk before he turned towards Michael. He pushed his glasses into his hair and gave him a once over before nodding.

“You and Ryan really took your time,” he said and held his hand out. “I’m Gavin Free.”

He shook his hand and didn’t quite know what to do with the smirk he received.

“Michael Jones.”

“Oh, I know.”

And in the next second he was pulled close, out of the elevator and nearly right into Gavin’s arms. The other winked at him before letting go and stepping into the elevator himself.

“Now if you two will excuse me. I have to scratch a dick into Ryan’s new paint job.”

“He will strangle you one day,” Jack chided him softly, but Gavin just shrugged.

“Maybe that’s what I’m counting on.”

He waved at them before the doors closed and Jack shook her head.

“You should be glad that I got you and not him.”

“I think I am,” Michael mumbled and for the first time he took in his surroundings.

The elevator lead into a huge room, larger than his own damn apartment. It looked like a lounge straight out of a movie with several couches and bean bag chairs. There was an incredible TV system in the back corner and he would surely check that out later.

Before that he couldn't help but step towards the windows. They went from the ceiling to the floor on one side of the room and let the natural light in, making everything so much bright, but what was more impressive was the view.

He hadn’t realized how high up they were, and as he stood there, there was barely a tower taller than them. The Maze bank tower to their right maybe, but besides that he could look down onto roofs, could watch the tiny cars follow the narrow streets.

It was like watching a miniature world beneath him, and he pressed both of his hands against the glass, needed a point of contact because there was a distant fear prickling in his stomach, as if he could lean too far forward and fall.

He was so fascinated by the view, by the warm window beneath his hands, that he didn’t notice that Jack’s phone rang and she began to talk. He figured the feeling of being watched had been there for quite some while until he finally registered it, and then it took a couple moments longer until he managed to tear his eyes away and turn around.

There was a beanbag chair behind him, pulled into the sun, and someone sat in it. It was no surprise that Michael hadn’t seen him before because he was sunken into the beanbag chair, his legs sticking out to keep him from disappearing completely.

But now the guy had sat up a little to see him better, a 3DS loosely in his hands as he outright stared at him.

Unsure, Michael threw a quick glance to Jack, but she had turned away, was talking into her phone and fuck, he was on his own then.

It was even worse because he didn’t know this guy. Surely he was from the crew if he was here, but Michael didn’t recognize him from the TV, so he was probably someone who worked behind the scenes.

“Um…” he began and figured it was his place to introduce himself, but he was interrupted before he could.

“Michael!” the guy blurted out.

“I- yeah.”

“You’re finally here!” He fought to get out of the beanbag and Michael had never seen someone stand from one of those things with grace, but this dude at least tried. And even though he awkwardly got on his feet there was something intimidating about him, something about his eyes that were dark and somehow greedy.

Michael had to fight taking a step back, and even though this guy seemed around his age he wanted to ask how old he really was. If Jack was right about this stupid immortal thing it might be a legitimate question, but he didn’t quite dare.

The other stopped in front of him, dark eyes wandering over him as if to make sure he was real, and once again Michael knew he wasn’t dressed well enough to be here. Self conscious he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“So you know who I am,” he said quickly just so they wouldn’t watch each other in silence. “Everyone here seems to.”

“We were waiting until Geoff said you were ready to come here,” the other explained. “So we kept an eye on you so you wouldn't get into trouble or disappear.”

Well if that wasn’t creepy at all!

But Michael decided against saying something and just waited. It took a few heartbeats until the other realized his mistake.

“I’m Ray by the way.”

“Right. You were one of those who wanted to pull that stupid stunt on me Jack talked about.”

“To be fair that was Gavin’s idea and my plan was to ruin it all for him,” Ray admitted with a shrug. “I am not that cruel.”

Michael couldn't help but snort, and Ray perked up at the noise.

He seemed excited more than anything, and somehow that made Michael relax. Jack had been intimidating but now Ray seemed more easy going, even more so when he nodded towards his abandoned 3DS.

“You playing the new Pokemon?”

“Yeah, I got Sun at home.”

“Sweet, I hope you are better than Gavin. He chose Popplio as his starter.”

“Nobody ever chooses Popplio.”

Ray shrugged and went back to plop into the beanbag.

Michael hesitated before dragging a second one closer and sat down besides him. He still couldn’t quite take his eyes from the view even though he tried.

Ray was pushing buttons but they seemed random, like he was nervous as well, and what was he nervous about anyway?

Half an hour ago Michael had stood behind a shitty counter and now he was sitting in a fucking luxurious penthouse with the criminals that ruled this city.

Talking about Pokemon.

Oh, and apparently he was immortal.

So yeah, if someone here had any reason to be nervous it was him and he would get on that once he was convinced he wasn’t dreaming.

“I’m glad you’re here now,” Ray mumbled next to him, and Michael turned towards him. The other was talking to his 3DS, not bothering to look up.

“What am I doing here?” Michael asked, and now Ray reacted.

His eyes were dark but not unkind as he watched him. There was something familiar in them that Michael couldn’t quite place yet.

“You’re home here,” Ray explained. “You were the last one missing. We waited for so long.”

 

When Ray had said something about home, it certainly had creeped him out a little. Granted, most people would be if they were taken from their job by strangers who then proceeded to tell them they had been waiting for him.

What he didn’t expect though was the fact that there was actually a room prepared for him. 

It was two floors beneath the penthouse and was rather an own apartment than anything else. There was everything he needed and more, fuck, that thing had more furniture than his actual apartment.

When Jack had showed him, some part of him still expected this all to be a joke.

Apparently it wasn’t one.

They left him there and even though they didn’t lock the door or anything, he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to leave. He felt locked away, nearly captured, but couldn’t bring himself to fight against it.

Sure, the door maybe wasn’t locked, but there would be cameras, they would surely notice when he tried to flee. 

Where was he going to run anyway? They knew where he lived and where he worked.

For now he would wait and see how this played out.

A day later Gavin took him out to his old apartment to get his stuff because apparently they expected him to actually move in with them.

“What do you guys want from me?” Michael asked as drove away from the skyscrapers and down towards the shitty apartment complexes.

Gavin raised his brows until they appeared from beneath the sunglasses. “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said. Do you guys expect me to… I dunno, join the crew or something? Because it can’t be because of any ransom.”

“You are one of us,” Gavin said nonchalantly. “We just want to keep you close because of that. What else you do is completely up to you even though you will probably join the crew at some point. Not because anyone tells you to or something, but it was the same with Jack and Ryan.”

“What if I don’t?” he asked because this sounded too easy. There had to be ulterior motive somewhere.

Gavin shrugged and then parked the car in front of his apartment. Michael wondered if he should be more surprised that Gavin knew where he lived or how shittily he had parked - right in the middle of the road.

“Like I said, your call to make.” When he turned towards him, his smirk was bright and mischievous. “But it would be more fun if you’d join us, Michael! Last time we robbed a bank it was so great!”

“By the looks of the penthouse I highly doubt you bunch need any more money.”

“Well, of course not. But it was fun to break every armored door on the way to the vault and then leave again.” He threw his hands up in childish joy. “We listened in to the transmission and the cops were so confused! They searched and searched but couldn’t find what we had stolen because we didn’t take shit!”

Now it was on Michael to raise his brows, but the other just chuckled to himself.

They got out and before Michael could think further about it, he realized what a different world this must be for Gavin. There was trash plastering the short walk to the entrance and inside the lobby the dim lights flickered, an old AC tried its best to fight against the heat without succeeding.

But even though it smelled like piss in here, Gavin didn’t seem to be bothered. He followed him, certainly unimpressed, but nothing more. With his skinny jeans and the button down he looked out of place. The bleached hair was styled into a wild mess and when he pushed his glasses up, Michael saw he also wore golden eyeshadow of all things.

“What?” Gavin asked, and Michael realized he’d been caught staring.

“Nothing,” he said quickly as they reached his door. He opened it quickly as if he could escape the other’s gaze but Gavin just waltzed in.

Fuck.

“Um… sorry about the mess. I didn’t expect… well, everything that happened,” he backpedaled quickly in hope Gavin would wait in the hallway or something because nobody ever came here and nothing was clean. The trash was overflowing, everything was dusty and dirty clothes covered most surfaces. Mold grew behind the TV and most likely in some other places, and still Gavin just dropped down on his shitty couch. 

It groaned under his weight and Michael was quick to snatch any boxershorts he had mindlessly thrown over the armrest.

“As if I’d care,” Gavin mumbled and got his phone out. “You have electricity and water, so let me assure you that I lived in worse places before and for way longer than you.”

“What?”

“There was a time where those things weren't common, love,” Gavin chastised him and reached up so that he could lay his head on his arm. It made his shirt ride up and reveal a sliver of tan skin but Michael didn’t pay it any attention.

He was still trying to figure out what the other meant, and even though he was pretty sure, he had to swallow and bring himself to ask, “Gavin, how old are you?”

“Old,” Gavin simply told him and threw him a quick glance over his phone.

“How old?”

“Very old.” He shrugged and turned back to his phone. “I don’t remember exactly so let’s just say I still look bloody hot for my age.”

He winked at him but Michael didn’t react. He just stared down at him, unsure of what to make of this because Gavin didn't look old. Gavin looked like he was in his twenties, around the same age as him, and he also didn’t act like he was any older. 

Sure, Michael hadn’t known him for long so he probably should judge someone by that short time and still…

“You guys are serious about that immortal thing,” he mumbled. “You really believe that.”

Finally Gavin let the phone drop onto his chest to pay attention to him. He watched him thoughtfully before he sat up.

“You got a knife?”

“What?”

Gavin just moved towards the tiny kitchenette and Michael made no move to stop him. He watched as the other rummaged through his drawers until he found a knife he deemed fitting and then beckoned Michael closer.

He did so, if reluctantly because he really didn’t want the other to stab him or something, but surely Gavin wouldn't do something so reckless, right?

But he didn’t seem to be the target at all because Gavin put his hand down on the counter and then thrusted the knife straight through the palm. He didn’t even flinch, even though Michael jumped.

“What the fuck!”

“I figured showing was easier,” Gavin told him and ripped the knife out. He mindlessly threw it onto the counter and lifted his hurt hand. At first Michael could just see the wound and the red blood streaming down the other’s long finger, but the longer he watched the more he realized it was stopping.

At first it was slow, the blood still dripping from Gavin’s fingertips, but then it seemed to recede, to get sucked back into his body, and in the next second the stab wound was gone.

Just like that.

Gavin moved his hand a little as if to get rid of the stiffness.

“Regeneration,” he explained. “It gets faster if we’re closer together or depending how severe the damage is.”

He offered Michael his hand and he took it nearly greedily, had to see up close. But sure enough the skin was intact, not even reddened or anything. It looked just like before, and if Michael hadn’t seen him hurt, he wouldn't even know that anything had happened to begin with.

“Holy shit,” he mumbled and rubbed over the skin as if the tan would come off like paint. “Didn’t that hurt?”

“It does, but I don’t really feel it anymore. Got too used to it a couple decades ago,” Gavin said. “Also I had way worse. Burns are awful. I don’t like them. Drowning is nearly nice, you just slip away, but it’s so cold. Things like this though? It’s nothing.”

Michael finally managed to lift his eyes and found Gavin too close. He tried to step back but now the other was holding on to his wrist. He twirled the knife in his free hand and the blade was clean, no blood left anymore.

“You wanna give it a try?”

He did not. He really, really did not want to stab his own fucking hand and still he hesitated trying to free himself.

“How can you be sure I am one of you?” he asked and Gavin chuckled.

“I can’t be sure but Ray said so,” he explained easily. “Ray can see it. I can’t.”

“What does he see?”

“Dunno. You will have to ask him, but don’t expect an answer, I am not sure if he knows himself. Besides that there is only one way to find out.” He nodded towards the knife and Michael swallowed heavily. Still, he couldn’t help but be intrigued. If he did this he could finally make sure. And maybe they were wrong and would just leave him alone.

“You said it still hurt…” he said unsurely, and Gavin chuckled.

“I am not going to stab you or anything. I just want to nick your finger, love.”

“Oh.” Yeah, that sounded way better and he relaxed slightly. Gavin noticed and turned his hand.

The pain was sharp but short lived as he pricked his finger and they both watched blood well up. It was barely more than a drop but it didn’t even escape.

It sank back down, back into his veins, and the tiny cut closed while he watched. It left a slight tickle but Michael wasn’t even sure if his mind wasn’t just playing tricks on him.

Gavin let him go and he checked closely on his finger as if he expected another trick somehow.

“That didn’t happen before,” Michael mumbled because had cut himself before, okay? And he surely would have noticed something like that!

“Not this quickly for sure, even though you probably always healed faster than most people,” Gavin said. He turned away now to put the knife back onto the counter. “It grows stronger when we’re together. Strong enough to not make you die. Listen to someone who currently holds the record with most deaths in this crew.”

“You can fucking keep that title!”

“You wouldn’t be able to catch up anyway, not without a ton of dedication,” Gavin told him, his voice mocking. “I’ve been known to be kinda unlucky.”

“Sounds like it.”

Gavin threw him a smirk before nodding into the apartment, “Why don’t you grab your stuff so that we can head back?”

He did so, nearly absentmindedly because he had too much to think about. His finger still tingled but now he was positive it was all in his head, and still more than once he hesitated and made sure he wasn’t bleeding again or just that he really hadn’t overlooked the small cut.

But there was nothing there, and while he went into his bedroom to throw stuff into an old backpack with broken zipper, he tried to think back to his childhood. Surely he had broken his arm or something at one time, right?

But he couldn't remember an instance, couldn’t even remember being in a hospital without visiting someone else.

How had he never noticed?

After all it was true, he had stood in the ring once a week, bashing someone’s face in for a few extra bucks, and surely he hadn’t won all of his fights, but still he had never been really hurt. A split lip, but that had healed by the next time. A few bruises that had faded to a sickly yellow the next day and that one time he had been sure his nose was broken only that it stopped bleeding after a few minutes, and after he pressed some frozen peas against it, it had stopped hurting all together.

He had just taken it for granted, simply because he didn’t know anything else.

And if Gavin was right this was far from anything. Now that he was closer to the others it grew stronger, both he and Jack had said that and he had seen it right now, hadn’t he? He had watched as Gavin’s wound closed nearly as quickly as it had happened in the first place.

He wondered how strong this regeneration really was, if it could save them even from sudden deaths.

But it wasn’t like he knew where the rumors came from. That the Fake AH Crew had survived nearly impossible things.

The countless shoot outs with the police, the explosion back at the train station that had made half of the building collapse. Michael remembered that he had to take the bus to work during that time.

And he had heard how after a few minutes, bodies had stood in the wreck, black from ashes and soot but smiling nonetheless. Back then he had thought that surely they had survived miraculously, squeezed in between some rubble until the police had let their guard down.

Now he was pretty sure they just had to wait until they were completely healed to get back up.

So it seemed clear why they wanted him around, after all they would get even more powerful like this. And fuck, he was willing to give them that if that meant he could live in that fucking apartment they had!

They were criminals, but so what? Who in this fucking city wasn’t? And they might be the most successful out there and now it seemed obvious why, but they weren’t the worst. They fucked around with the rich and the police, sure but they deserved it anyway. Corrupt, every single one of them.

When Michael stepped out of his bedroom, he felt a little better about this whole thing. He was still kinda convinced this was a dream or a bad trip but for now he went with it.

Gavin had waited for him, sitting on the counter in the kitchen and kicking his long legs.

In the sunlight it seemed obvious why he was called the Golden Boy. He was the frontman of the crew and if you wanted something you had to get through him. It didn’t seem like a hard thing to do, considering he was built like a stick, but apparently he had a golden tongue, able to make even the devil blush.

They also said he fucked half of the city but Michael didn’t know if that was true. It also wasn’t something he could just ask.

Gavin’s eyes found him and he let his phone sink. “You done?”

“I think so.”

He watched as Gavin slipped from the counter to walk towards him. “You really don’t need a lot. Just go out and buy whatever you need, I’m sure you’ll get a sweet credit card soon enough. At least once Geoff gets his ass up to get you one.”

Geoff Ramsey - the leader of the crew. Michael hadn’t yet met him but he was kind of looking forward to it. It wasn’t every day you got to meet the most powerful man in the city.

“Is he away currently?” he asked and Gavin shrugged.

“I guess so. Haven’t seen him in a week or two. Think he went out on a deal with Ryan or whatever.”

“Well you don’t seem to care a lot.”

“You’ll get used to it. I’ve known Geoff for a couple of decades, I really don’t want to spend every minute with him. Also he farts on my stuff!” Gavin huffed, and for the first time he seemed really annoyed. “I always have to go out and buy new stuff then!”

“I- okay?”

Gavin grinned up at him before he linked their arms. “Anyway, I am sure you will like him! Geoff is a great guy!”

Hopefully so. For now Michael just shrugged and let Gavin lead him outside. Even though this apartment was a hole at the best of times, he still kinda missed it. After all, he had lived here for a couple of years, but now he was exchanging it for something way better. Also Gavin was right, most of the things in here he could buy again. There really wasn’t anything left with personal value here.

Once they stepped outside, Michael steered towards the car but Gavin stopped him just as quickly.

“Oh, for fucks sake,” he mumbled and when Michael followed his gaze, he found a motor bike close by, the driver leaning against it. They seemed to be waiting for someone, and Michael had quite an idea for whom that was.

“Please don’t tell me we’re already in trouble.”

“Not in trouble. It’s just that he’s annoying.” Gavin pulled him towards the driver, and as they got closer Michael could finally tell that it wasn’t a helmet the other was wearing, but a fucking mask. Only when the stranger turned around he could tell it was a skull, and his heart sank.

“That’s the freaking Vagabond!”

“Rye-bread!” Gavin chirped instead of answering, and Michael felt himself pale.

Of course he had known that the Vagabond was occasionally working for the Fakes, but he hadn’t known he was part of the core group, least of all that he was his freaking Ryan they had talked about.

This guy was a hitman, a freaky one on top of that, and Michael really didn’t want to get to know him. Maybe he couldn’t die but he sure as hell didn’t want to test that theory so soon!

“I saw what you did to my car,” Ryan grunted, his voice deep and dangerous. How Gavin could smile through it, he didn’t know.

“Did you like it?” he asked instead. “I didn’t know how big your knob was so I figured I’d scratch a few different size ones in the paint! The big one on the hood is my personal favorite.”

“You’re a dead man, Free.”

“I highly doubt that.” With a grin, Gavin leaned his head against Michael’s shoulder, but Michael barely noticed. He was still frozen in place and it certainly didn’t help when Gavin introduced him next. “That’s Michael by the way.”

The blue eyes beneath the mask flitted to him and Michael wanted to die on the spot.

“The Michael?” Ryan asked and Gavin nodded enthusiastically.

“You finally went out and got him?”

“No, Jack did. Had to screw up everything!”

“Well, welcome on board then Michael,” Ryan said with a nod towards him. “You were lucky that Jack got you and not this asshole here.”

“You still pissed about your recruitment?” Gavin asked in mock offence. “Everything worked out just fine!”

Ryan threw him such a cold glare that Michael wasn’t quite sure how Gavin didn’t drop down dead on the spot.

“Don’t touch my stuff,” Ryan ended up saying before turning back to him. “I’ll see you around then, Michael.”

He nodded quickly, still a bit scared that he’d make a mistake, and when Ryan finally sat back on his bike, he felt a little better. Even more so when he drove off, and he allowed himself to take another breath.

“A little warning would have been nice!”

Gavin patted his arm in sympathy. "Don't be scared of him. He's just playing it up for the media and the police. He surely is an asshole but not a scary one."

"So he is not wanted for manslaughter?"

Gavin grimaced a little, "Well I guess he is. But he's not scary! Also we all are kinda wanted for that so it's not really a big deal."

"I'd say that's a pretty big thing actually!" Michael protested, but the other just shrugged.

"It comes with the job. Also who cares? Those people only live for a couple years anyway, so what if we cut it short by a few? Most of them won't even do anything productive in their life anyway." He huffed in disgust. "What a waste. If I only had so little time I would make sure it would be worth it. They just waste it day by day."

Frowning, Michael freed himself from Gavin's grip and took a step back. "I don't think that's for you to decide. It's their lives."

Gavin just threw him an amused look as he walked back towards his car. "That's cute. Just wait a few decades and you'll see my point. They are like ants, insects. Sure, it's nice when each of them does their job but they are oh so easily replaced."

Michael didn't follow; the thought disgusted him. Sure, he had met a lot of scum, but that didn't mean that humans were interchangeable, that they weren't unique with their own hopes and dreams.

It must have shown on his face, because Gavin's smile grew sad when he threw a look towards him. "I angered you. This is all new to you, you will soon learn."

"Maybe I don't want to learn to think like that," Michael snarled and that made Gavin stop. He turned towards him, a thoughtful look on his face before his smile brightened again.

"You are a lot like Jack. She also has faith in humanity no matter how many ugly sides she sees. Instead she tries her hardest to clean up and allow other people a better life." Something soft crossed his face as he turned back to the car. "I admire her for that. It's such a warm way to live, but she always was kind at heart."

That made him relax a little. He hadn’t known Jack for long but out of all of them she seemed the calmest and now when he thought back, he recalled how she had made sure he came up into the penthouse to eat, how she had checked up on him.

Gavin on the other hand seemed a bit more distant now, and Michael wasn't sure if it was true that he would also think like that after some time, but he hoped not. He didn't want that.

"Come on," Gavin called now, a hand on the car door. "Let's go home."

 

The few items he had brought with him seemed lost in his new huge room. All his clothes he had deemed still good enough to bring with him fit into one drawer and his games filled the shelf to the right of it. Besides that there wasn't really anything else, and he stood in the middle of the room to look around, a little lost as to what to do.

He wandered a little aimlessly into the bathroom and showered before returning to the bedroom to get dressed. He stayed there for a while, sitting cross legged on his bed to look out of the window. Sure, it wasn't as high up as the penthouse, but was still breathtaking.

He couldn't get enough of it, and after a while he dragged his blanket right in front of the window and sat there. Like this he could nearly forget where he was, and if he leaned just a little forward he could look straight down. Down to where the cars raced through the streets and tiny humans wandered along.

It still felt surreal, even more so after Gavin's words from before, but right now he didn't want to think about that.

He wasn't yet sure what to make out of this situation, if he should just run away. But where to? The crew ruled over the city and there wasn't anywhere to hide. He doubted it would be worth it because they would surely find him. So he was either fucked or... well, he wasn't.

He still kinda expected to wake up from this strange dream.

Someone knocked on his door and Michael jumped. Bracing himself against the window, he got up and quickly crossed the mainroom to open the door.

Ray waited there, and he stood a little awkwardly, his eyes wide as if he was surprised to see Michael.

"Hey," Michael said, and Ray blinked at him before clearing his throat.

"Uh yeah, hi," he mumbled and Michael wondered if the other really was that shy or if it was just that bad because he was the new guy. "Gavin told me you went and got your stuff, so I was wondering..." He held his 3DS up, and Michael couldn't help but snort.

"You came to play Pokemon?"

"Sure," Ray shrugged and Michael stepped to the side to let him in. At first Ray seemed a little unsure but then he immediately steered towards the shelf to check out the games.

"Dude, you don't have a lot of games but a good taste at least," he judged after he pulled a few out to check them out.

"Well, can't risk buying a bad game," Michael chuckled and closed the door. "I had to put money aside for each game so I made sure to do my research up front."

Ray hummed as he placed the cartridges back in order. "We have a gaming room. I'm gonna show you later, I think we have like all the games."

Oh, his life just got a lot better.

"I can't wait." He went to get his 3DS and by the time he returned, Ray had already flopped down on his couch. "So are you a Rowlet or Litten kind of guy?"

"I chose Rowlet but only because I had to. Snorlax is where its at.”

“A guy who doesn’t use his starter,” Michael huffed and dropped down next to him. “Cruel, dude.”

“Shut up,” Ray told him but with a nice smile that Michael couldn’t help but return. “Now come and get your ass kicked!”

 

“Oh my God,” Michael mumbled in awe.

After an excellent visit at a local IHOP for breakfast, Ray had taken him to the gaming room he had talked about. He looked like all his prayers had come true.

Every imaginable console was neatly lined up in a shelf, the controllers stacked at its side. And not even only the newest ones, oh no! The classics as well.

Michael let his fingers travel over an Atari, careful as if he feared it would break, but of course it was in perfect condition. The indirect light behind the shelf was warm, showing him everything in great detail and then he turned around.

Ray had to bit back a laugh as Michael gave a fake cry.

On the other wall were the games. Rows upon rows. Ray was pretty sure they had every important game at least once and some well… not so important.

Nobody wanted to admit to buying the Barbie games, but now they had found their place at the bottom shelf.

Again he watched as Michael let his fingers travel over the game cases, his mouth slightly open, and Ray couldn’t help but grin.

He was glad that Michael liked games because that was at least something they could talk about.

Before, when Jack or Ryan had joined, he hadn’t known how to act around them. They both hadn’t seen as the type who liked video games and well, granted, during the time Jack joined there weren’t a lot out there.

But he didn’t want to play that same game of dancing around them for weeks, even years, with Michael. Because procrastinating and facing issues surely didn’t get easier once you realized you had all the time in the world.

But not this time. With Michael he would force himself to not be shy and grow closer more quickly.

“Did I promise too much?” he asked nearly mockingly, but Michael didn’t seem to pick up on it.

He turned towards him with bright eyes, just like a child on Christmas morning. “Can we  _ play _ them?”

“Of course! You think they’re just here to gather dust?”

“All of them?”

With a shrug, Ray dropped in front of the big TV. “Pick your poison. All of those consoles work and are just waiting to be used.”

“Holy shit,” Michael muttered again and then proceeded to pull different games out of the shelf to check out.

Ray watched him fondly before realizing he was staring. It just felt good to have Michael here, the last piece missing, and now he was also safe. Those last couple years waiting for him had easily felt like a decade.

“I haven’t played this one since my childhood!” Michael cried suddenly.

“Banjo Kazooie?”

“Yeah! It was my favorite game as a child but I lost it at one point! Do you mind..?” He held the cartridge up and Ray quickly nodded.

“Go ahead.”

He watched as Michael hurried to start up the Nintendo 64 and caught the controller thrown at him.

“Is the game even multiplayer?”

“If I remember correctly then yes.” The screen lit up and Michael sighed. “Look at that. It’s my childhood.”

That made Ray’s smile fall because he remembered playing this game. It didn’t even seem that long ago, but for Michael it would be half of his lifetime, if not more.

“You’re so young,” he mumbled, nearly to himself, but Michael looked up in surprise. He seemed to take a moment until he understood, and then he smiled halfheartedly.

“How old are you, Ray?”

He had seen the question coming; had heard it a couple times from the others. “I’m old.”

Michael grimaced and turned back towards the TV. “Is that the answer I will get from everyone around here?”

“Who did you ask already?”

“Gavin.”

Well, of course Gavin would say the same thing.

“It’s a nuisance to remember your age after a few decades and birthdays weren’t such a big deal before,” Ray explained. “We don’t say this to mess with you, it’s just that we don’t bother trying to think back this far.”

Michael huffed, clearly still annoyed and Ray scooted a little closer. “If you wanna know I can tell you that I was born way before video games or TVs. In a time where things like that would be called witchcraft and electricity was nothing but a myth.”

That made Michael hesitate and Ray allowed him to mull over that for a while.

“You really are old,” Michael finally said, and Ray just snorted.

“But I stayed young at heart!” he protested.

“I guess? Not even my dad played video games.”

“I’m glad I’m cooler than your dad.”

“Dude, did you see this room?”

Ray grinned, “Glad you like it! I hope you’re a better player than the others.”

“Just wait, I’ll surely kick your ass!”

They started playing and even though they were competing, Michael soon drifted off, exploring the levels. That was also fine, and Ray just leaned back to lazily watch him.

It only took a few minutes until they got company, and Ray turned his head to nod at Ryan.

“You’re going old school today,” he said and stepped closer until he could brace his arms on the back of the couch.

Next to him, Michael froze and Ray threw him a quick glance. “You two...?”

“We already met,” Ryan told him and he appeared amused by Michael’s shocked reaction. Of course he would be.

Shaking his head, Ray figured he should change the topic, “Did you ever play this game, Ryan?”

“I don’t think I did. I never owned a Nintendo 64 before coming here.”

Ray hummed thoughtfully and then started to grin, “I brought you a muffin from the waffle house.”

“And that’s why you’re my favorite, Ray,” Ryan admitted and reached down to ruffle his hair. He gladly accepted it before offering his controller. “You wanna join us?”

“Another time. Right now I have to gather some stuff for Geoff.” He clapped Ray on the shoulder, loud enough to make Michael jump, before disappearing with a smirk.

Ray couldn’t help but roll his eyes, knowing fully well that Ryan did this on purpose. He waited until the door fell closed before turning back to Michael.

“He didn’t wear his mask,” Michael mumbled and somehow turned quite a bit paler than before. “The Vagabond didn’t wear his mask, holy shit.”

“Of course not. He’s not on a job. He’s not that much of a weirdo.”

Michael threw him a doubtful look and okay, fair enough.

“Listen, on a heist we all play up our part, Ryan as well as Gavin or Geoff. Once you’re on the frontline you gotta intimidate your enemies.”

“And you don’t?”

“I stay in the back and give cover for the most part,” Ray explained. “If everything works out fine nobody will even see me. Also I am not very intimidating to begin with.”

Michael fell silent, his fingers moving absentmindedly over the controller. He stayed for a few minutes like that, clearly thoughtful until he slowly said, “If I would join the crew what would my role be?”

“I’m not sure,” Ray admitted with a shrug. “Geoff talked about an explosion expert or something like that.”

“I have no idea about that.”

“True, but you’ve got all the time in the world to learn,” Ray reminded him. “Besides that, I guess as one of our muscles? You fought in the ring before, Jack was quite impressed. But seriously, that’s up to you.”

Michael hummed and Ray couldn’t help but ask, “Do you plan on joining the crew?”

“I live here and eat here. I have to give back something,” Michael said. “Also Gavin said it’s fun.”

“It is fun but don’t worry about the other stuff. It’s not like we don’t have enough money. Also we kinda brought you here in the first place.”

“I guess…”

“It’s fine,” Ray tried to assure him, and Michael just groaned.

“Who even cares, I saw the Vagabond’s face. I am dead anyway!”

“Actually, you are the exact opposite of dead.”

Michael turned around to glare at him, but Ray just shrugged. “Better get used to those puns, you will hear them as long as you live.”

“Shut your mouth.”

Chuckling, Ray leaned back in his seat. “Seriously though, Ryan is quite a nice guy and far from being as scary as the media makes you think he is.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Dude, the guy loves muffins and cookies or just everything that’s sweet. It’s disgusting – he can’t be evil.”

“I highly doubt that that’s a disqualifier!” Michael protested, but Ray just waved him off.

“Give it some time. You’ll see what I mean.”

 

“Jack you cooked!” Gavin cried out as he entered the penthouse.

“I cook every night,” Jack said confused and handed Michael his plate.

“Thank you!”

“You’re very welcome, Michael,” she told him with a smile and he could get used to this. The chicken smelled delicious and the sauce looked mouthwatering, certainly something different than his usual microwaved food.

Gavin hurried to his side, staring up to Jack in expectation but she took the next plate for herself.

“You will have to cook your own food, Gavin. This is just enough for me and Michael.”

“Why didn’t you cook something for me as well?” he instantly protested.

“Because you weren’t here and you didn’t ask.”

“But…” Gavin began before he started to pout. It was pretty impressive, Michael had to give him that, but it didn’t seem to phase Jack in the slightest.

When Gavin noticed that, he as quickly said, “Then why does Michael get something! You two should share with me!”

“Because Michael is new here and I want him to feel welcome,” Jack told him, and Michael turned towards her. He grinned, fully aware of his mouthful and the sauce on his chin, but it made Jack laugh and that was nice. 

He had spent the last hour with her, busying around in the kitchen and it had been fun. He was no big help, after all he had no idea about cooking but he could fetch stuff… after Jack told him where everything was of course.

And still, it felt better than sitting around doing nothing.

“Also Michael is very polite,” Jack added. “He knows the words ‘thank you’ and ‘please’. It seems like I can still be surprised on my old age.”

“But Jack…” Gavin whined and reached over the table to pull on her sleeve. “I know those words but we’ve known each other for such a long time that I don’t think we need such formalities!”

“Like an animal,” Michael muttered with a mocking glance to Gavin. “You should be ashamed.”

Gavin turned to him, shellshocked, and both he and Jack started to laugh at his expression.

“You know what, Michael? You’re good in my book,” Jack told him and Michael couldn’t help but feel his cheeks heat up. It wasn't every day you heard that from the most powerful woman of Los Santos. Also, he liked Jack.

She wasn’t as intimidating once she was out of her high heels and business suit. Now she wore a wide hawaii shirt and shorts.

Not only that, but she also checked up on him, making sure he was feeling alright and wasn’t overwhelmed by all this, which, granted, he still was but the question was nice in the first place.

Grumbling, Gavin leaned against the counter, looking like a kicked puppy but by the way Jack ignored him, it seemed to be a normal sight, so he also turned back to his very delicious chicken.

It was nearly peaceful until Gavin cried out, “Geoffrey!”

Behind them the door opened but Gavin was already racing across the room, jumping at the man stepping inside. That also didn’t seem to surprise anyone because the man just sighed in defeat.

“Can you believe that Jack made food and didn’t cook anything for me?”

“You probably deserved it,” Geoff grunted and pushed Gavin off so that he crashed onto the ground. At least he stopped and pulled the boy back up, and Michael couldn’t help but stare.

That was Geoff Ramsey, the most powerful man in the city, and while Michael watched, he loosened his tie and threw his suit jacket over the next beanbag chair. A spluttering came from there and the jacket began to move until Ray’s head resurfaced with a frown.

Shit, Michael had nearly forgotten that Ray was also here, but mostly because he had been so quiet that he figured he was either asleep or in a game.

“I’m back, bitches,” Geoff announced loudly and pushed Gavin aside. “You all better have missed me.”

“Nobody ever misses you,” Ray answered and promptly got his hair ruffled.

“I missed you!” Gavin was quick to assure.

“Sure you did, Gav.”

Michael opened his mouth to introduce himself when Geoff left those two behind, but Jack was quick to lay a hand on his arm and stop him.

“Wait for a bit longer,” she told him. “Let’s see how long it takes him to notice.”

It took a surprising amount of time.

Geoff went right past him on the way to the bathroom and then actually went to check out the food they had cooked. Jack watched him with a mocking fascination as Geoff sat down on the same table, a glass of whiskey in his hand.

It took until then that their eye met and still Geoff hesitated, checking him out closely before saying, “You’re not Ryan.”

Michael shook his head and Geoff turned around to yell at Gavin and Ray. “Who gave the permission to recruit him? I told you two to wait!”

“It was Jack!”

“You gave the permission?” Geoff asked Jack, who just shrugged.

“No, I just went out to get him,” she told him and that made him deflate. It was fascinating, he just fell silent as if he didn’t dare go against her words. For a moment Michael wondered who really was the boss here, but then Geoff turned back towards him. “You drink?”

“I- yeah, I guess.”

“Good. I already like you more than Ray.”

“Oh fuck you!” came it from the depths of the beanbag chair, but Geoff just got up and returned from the bar with another glass of whiskey. He slid it over the table where it  _ clanked _ against Michael’s plate and he was quick to take it.

“Glad you could join us, Michael,” Geoff said and raised his glass towards him.

“Um… thanks for letting me stay?” Michael mumbled and let their glasses clink together.

“It’s not like we don’t have enough space for ten other people!”

“What he’s meaning to say is,” Jack interrupted Geoff and placed her hand back on his arm. “You’re very welcome Michael. We’re glad to have you.”

Michael couldn’t help but blush and with both of them watching him, he felt a little like a child, sitting at the table with his mom and dad.

“Thank you.”

“Also we got tons of money, so if you ever need something just let me know,” Geoff assured him while Jack next to him rolled her eyes.

“And then he tells me because I am doing the finances.”

“Only because I’m so busy.”

“No, because you can’t be responsible with money.”

“I have so much! Just let me buy what I want!”

“Getting a thousand small dicks painted on your car is not a responsible thing to do and you will not use the crew money on it.”

With quite an impressive pout, Geoff leaned back in his chair to brood. It was such a Gavin move that Michael briefly wondered who learned it from whom. At least Geoff brightened up when Jack offered him a piece of her chicken and with that everyone seemed cheerful again.

 

Later, after most of them had gone to bed and only Geoff was snoring on some couch behind him, Michael pulled the beanbag chair towards the window and looked over the city. His head was spinning a little and he wasn’t quite sure if it was from the height or the whiskey that had settled warm in his stomach.

He didn’t mind it because somehow that made the colorful lights coming from the city beneath even more beautiful. There was something digging into his back and he was pretty sure it was Ray’s 3DS, but he couldn’t be bothered with reaching for it.

In the silence this whole situation felt even less realistic or maybe more… he had reached a point where it was hard to distinguish. Which, granted, could be because of said whiskey.

Something moved in the corner of his eye and he lazily turned around. He expected Geoff to get up even though he still heard him snoring but instead there stood a figure in the doorway, big and imposing.

It took a moment until he realized it was Ryan and maybe it shouldn’t make him calm down at all but here he was, sinking deeper into the beanbag chair.

“Everyone else asleep?” Ryan asked quietly, his deep voice sounding nice in the silence, not intruding. A little like it belonged here.

“I guess. They all left a while ago,” Michael told him and craned his head to look at him.

“Then what are you still doing here?”

“Dunno. Too lazy to get up.”

“You sound like Ray.”

“If I remember correctly Ray did say something like that before…”

“Then I’m surprised you got him to bed.”

“Wasn’t me. Gavin took him.”

“I see,” Ryan hummed thoughtfully. He was standing next to Michael’s beanbag chair now, also looking out over the city. They fell into silence for a while and Michael caught himself throwing glances at the other.

In the dim light he didn’t look as scary anymore.

“What?” Ryan asked but not unkindly.

“Nothing. Just staring.”

Ryan huffed amused and leaned against the windows to watch him as well.

“You’re not as jumpy anymore as you were this morning.”

“I’m drunk,” Michael explained and searched for his empty glass to raise it towards him. “Also Ray said you’re alright.”

“Did he?”

Michael shrugged. “Yeah, something along those lines, I think.”

With a hum, Ryan turned back towards the city, “I have to stop him from doing that. He destroys my reputation.

“Also you can’t do shit to me,” Michael babbled on. “I’m fucking immortal, bitch.”

The sober part of him realized that might have been a wrong move, after all it didn’t need much to figure out calling The Vagabond a bitch wasn’t the brightest idea. Luckily, Ryan just laughed, quietly and nicely, and Michael grinned up to him.

“I think I start to understand why Jack called me cute in the beginning,” Ryan said before dropping down into another beanbag chair. “I guess I was also as naïve as you, felt invincible.”

“Well, we are, right?”

“Maybe we can’t die, Michael but we can still get hurt.”

“But we’ll heal!”

“You will still be in pain, and I know the others, the older ones, don’t make that big of a deal out of it, but it can be agony.”

Michael grimaced as he turned towards him, “Dude, you’re kinda killing my vibe.”

“Just telling you how it is,” Ryan said, but let the topic drop.

They sat there for a moment in silence, watching the city below and ignoring Geoff’s raspy snores behind them. It had nearly something homely to it and Michael let his head roll back until he could see the ceiling.

“But it’s true, right? I’m immortal.”

“If they say so, then yes, it’s true.”

“So weird,” Michael mumbled. “I didn’t expect immortals to be so nice, you know? But everyone here is.”

Ryan turned towards him and now there was a strange expression on his face.

“What?” Michael asked and with a sigh Ryan looked over his shoulder to check on Geoff.

And even though the other was clearly sleeping, he lowered his voice, “Listen Michael. Take these words from someone who has been here slightly longer than you and had to learn this the… let’s say, hard way. You can’t trust everyone here.”

“Well that sounds fucking ominous!” Michael whispered, and Ryan at least smirked.

“I guess. But here is not the place to talk about that.”

Michael raised his brows and turned towards Geoff, but before he could ask further, Ryan took the glass from his hands.

“Also you’re drunk,” Ryan told him as he got out of the beanbag chair. “Good night, Michael.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as always I will try to update once a week - same place, same time, baby.
> 
> Well... besides next week because I am leaving on Monday for a week and won't have an internet conection. But the next chapter is finished and will go online on Tuesday if everything goes according to plan!
> 
> (Also I chose Popplio as a starter, everyone else go home)


	2. Ryan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What is it about you, Michael?” Gavin went on, and now he was standing in front of the couch. “Ray was so excited to find you and I was also starting to think you'd be someone special. Now you're here and you are just... just some bloke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update but like I said before I was on a vacation but here I am!

Chapter 2

Ryan

 

_ Then _

Ryan’s story wasn’t a new one.

It started out with wrong friends, even though he got to know them relatively late in his teens, around a time when he should have known better. At least he had never really trusted them, but they were someone to hang around, so he went with it.

He'd never really made much of drugs even though he had his fair share of experience with them, and guns were cool and he could use them, but that was about it. Fast cars were better, and he figured that was one of the reason why this group chose him in the first place.

First off, he had a car, and second, he put any money he managed to make into it.  He wasn't the best driver, he would later learn that when he drove with Jack, but out of them he surely was.

It wasn't even that his grades slipped or that his parents were all too concerned. Sure, they worried when he stayed out longer than allowed, when he smelled like alcohol that was mostly tipped over him on accident because he wasn't fond of the taste. They didn't like his friends, the few they knew, but they rolled with it.

When the group started to steal, to break into houses, he refused. They didn't push him but asked him to be their getaway driver, and later he agreed. It was a way easier way to get money than working at a fast food restaurant and they didn't really hurt anyone, right?

No, it was rather a Robin Hood kind of thing, where they took from the rich to give it the poor. With them being the poor of course.

The thing that did fuck them up was when they broke into the wrong house. Some ex-soldier or Marine or whatever, they didn't even know.

He just know that three days later he had an envelope in mail, containing every bit of information about him and his parents.

They had fucked up big time because that had most certainly not been part of the plan, and so they panicked.

In retroperspective, the accident had been a blessing.

His 'friends' had taken his car and had ditched him - no real surprise there.

Even though he hadn't expected them to crash just ten miles south in a fiery explosion. Some even said the car had been forced off the street and Ryan was ready to believe that.

And so his so called friends burned up, barely recognizable and somewhere along the line the authorities decided he had also died in there. Apparently that stupid guy they all called Steve, even though that wasn't his name, was burned so bad that they just assumed it was Ryan because no one else was allowed to drive his car. Then someone was sure they had seen Steve's stupid face down at the west coast and apparently that just confirmed that theory.

Maybe DNA tests and stuff were just too much effort for a bunch of stupid teens.

Anyway, Ryan was officially dead and his first reaction was to just go back home. Thankfully he didn't, seeing that this insane ex-soldier was still hanging around, searching for actually dead Steve, and surely Ryan would be all over the media when he appeared unharmed.

So he left.

He didn't want to, but in that moment it seemed like the only way out. He bought a mask, just for a few months, he told himself. Just until everything had calmed down. He headed to Los Santos because everyone knew that it was the easiest place to disappear to and it was true.

Nobody asked and nobody cared and he took random jobs from random crews so he could get a shitty apartment.

Again, a story that certainly wasn't new.

He was 22 the first time he killed someone, and it was probably a blessing that he hadn't been younger.

He hated it.

The thought alone made him sick to the stomach and didn't let him sleep. It took him three weeks until he dared to step foot out of his apartment again, two weeks until he took the next job and eight weeks until he killed again.

He needed money and those jobs paid well. Apparently he was also good at it.

He didn't care and he didn't want to think about it.

He took a good portion of the money he made and sent it his parents with a letter telling them that he was alright but couldn't come back. That by God, please don’t make a big thing out of this message.

It felt good sending that envelope even though he never knew if it reached them or how they reacted. He had done what he had to and felt a little better about himself.

It didn't take long until he got into new trouble, and when he found the Fake AH Crew watching him, it was already too late.

At first it was Ray, who was at least trying to be sneaky, but then he was joined by Gavin and the Golden Boy wasn't easily overlooked.

Ryan didn't approach them because he at least wanted to stay out of that kind of trouble, but that didn't stop them from approaching him.

It was a Saturday morning when someone knocked on his door, and with the gun in his back pocket, he opened it.

"Ryan?"

It was Ray who asked that, swimming in his too big hoodie. He looked like a child standing there, nervous but with bright eyes that crinkled when he started to smile. "It really is you, right?"

He slammed the door in his face and ran to the window. Nobody in this city should know his real name, he was only known under The Vagabond and even without his mask he introduced himself as James.

In his haste, he ripped the window open and just as he jumped onto the fire escape he heard the lock break. Fuck, that guy was good. How had he done this so fast?

No time to figure out as he hurried down the steps, ignoring how his name was called from above. Fuck kid, did everyone really have to know? Maybe he should have just shot him point blank in the face, making sure that stupid rumor about this crew being invincible was done for.

But he really didn't want to get involved with the Fakes.

So for now it was running until he lost that kid, and with some luck he could loop back and find somewhere else to hide after got his stuff from the apartment. At least the cash that he had stored there, everything else could go to hell.

He reached the street and began to run. He wasn't stupid, he knew his way around, had checked out the area because he had learned to always have an escape. Now he dashed into a narrow alleyway and then took a sharp right, hoping the other would just run straight. But when he turned around after a couple yards, Ray was still behind him.

Shit, that kid had some pair of legs if he had caught up to him, and even though Ryan saw him, he couldn't even hear him. He was silent and quick but still some ways behind and Ryan quickly darted around the next corner. He did that a couple of times, hoping to lose the other in the labyrinth of alleyways, and when he lost his breath, he squeezed himself into a dark corner.

If he was right, he had nearly looped around and once he caught his breath, he would just return to his apartment and head the exact opposite way. No way the boy would think of that.

Only that said boy suddenly appeared from around the corner, his breath barely leveled as he looked around.

Ryan pressed himself further into the shadows and pulled out his gun. This kid also wouldn't find him if he was dead.

Something cold pressed in between his shoulders and he froze.

"Don't move," someone whispered behind him, and he wasn't that stupid. That was a gun pointed at him and he could just watch as Ray ran further, disappearing into the next alleyway.

"Drop your gun."

Ryan did so and it clattered loudly onto the ground. The gun pressed into his back disappeared and in the corner of his eye he saw a foot kicking his weapon away. Then a flash of golden hair appeared, circling him until they were a few feet apart and facing each other.

Clever. The Golden Boy was built like a twig and he could have easily broke him in half.

Not so easily now with the gun still trained on him.

"What do you guys want?" Ryan grunted and Gavin cooked his head.

"What do you care?"

"Well it seems to have something to do with me."

Gavin hummed. His sunglasses were clasped in his collar, his shirt had one too many buttons open.

Ryan had heard stories about the Golden Boy, Ramsey's whore. Slept with everyone who had information and then some more.

Ryan was pretty sure he wasn't here for that though but it probably meant that this guy wasn't as good with the gun. Maybe he could leap forward and take i-

"I want you dead," Gavin said easily. "I really, really do. And I don't like it if I can't get what I want."

"What?" Ryan snapped at him, and as Gavin jerked the gun into his direction, he lifted his hands. Fuck, this guy wasn't really going to shoot him, right?

But Gavin aimed at his head and his hand was steady, certainly not inexperienced, and his gaze was cold. There wasn't a flicker of emotion on his face; he would have nearly seemed bored if it hadn't been for his eyes.

Ryan wasn't sure what he had done to piss him off so much, but now his heart was racing and for the first time he was acutely aware that he might die right here. 

"Listen," he tried to reason, "I don't know what I did to-"

Gavin shot and everything went black.

It stayed black for the longest time and he was sure he was dead. No way he wasn't dead because there was a bullet somewhere lodged in his face and this warmth had to be blood.

And he'd been shot point blank; he didn't deserve a miracle to actually survive this.

"Fuck, what happened?"

That was Ray again, and Ryan hadn't heard him coming.

"He scared me! Bloody got the drop on me!"

Gavin.

If Ryan could, he would frown because that wasn't what had happened.

"Shit, are you alright, Gav?"

"I'm fine. Just got scared a little. He's a big bloke."

Someone was close, he could feel them right beside him, and then there was a touch on his arm.

"You got him good. If you could just always shoot like that."

"Hey! I'm a good shot! Look; right in his eye!"

"I see it, yeah." There was a sigh, close to his left ear. "Let's get him back to the base."

What? But he was dead, wasn't he?

Gavin also started to whine. "Can't we wait until he comes back and then try again? He's heavy!"

"We can't just let him lie here in a dirty alleyway!"

"Why not?"

"It's Ryan, Gavin!"

"Just because he is one of us doesn't mean I have to like him!" Gavin hissed and Ryan got the feeling they didn't have that discussion for the first time.

"Don't be like that," Ray said softly. "Please help me?"

Gavin huffed, but then Ryan could feel another pair of hands on his other side.

"Fine, but you owe me!"

"Yeah, yeah."

They moved him and his head throbbed. Funny, that was the first real pain he felt. Considering he had been shot in the head that was a surprise. Actually, it was a surprise he could get a clear thought in his condition.

Even more so when after an eternity in darkness, he felt his eyes again, could actually open them.

They hadn't gone much further, still in some alleyway but he heard someone panting.

"Told you he's heavy!"

"You're just weak!"

He was sitting down and Ray was squatting next to him.

"Well, that was quick," Gavin mumbled from somewhere and Ryan lifted his head. The Golden Boy stood behind Ray and his face hardened once their eyes met. His eyes were dark and cold, something lurking in them, but then Ray touched his cheek and he turned back around.

"Ryan?" he asked softly. "It's gonna be fine. You will be alright again soon."

He doubted that but he couldn't get his mouth to work yet. Instead he watched as Ray smiled at him.

"You're home now."

 

_ Now _

Michael wasn’t sure what he had expected. When Geoff Ramsey had invited him for a drink, he’d expected some fancy restaurant with a breathtaking view. Surely owned by himself and everyone would cower in fear once they entered.

He himself would be horribly underdressed and everyone would stare, wondering what this new toy would do here.

He was just happy that Gavin had promptly announced he would come along and then Jack as well. At least there wouldn’t be any awkward silence then, and he kinda looked forward on driving with Jack again.

In the end, it wasn’t like he imagined at all.

He hadn’t seen any of the other three in anything but prestigious clothing, but now they wore hoodies and old jeans. The car Jack chose wasn’t bad but certainly not a supercar, and the fancy place was a bar downtown, smelling like alcohol and greasy food.

Michael briefly wondered if they chose this place because of him but by the way they were greeted by the barkeeper and the waitress it didn’t seem like that. At least it helped his nerves a little as they took a booth in the corner, because he didn’t stand out like a sore thumb.

“Michael,” Jack said as she sat down opposite of him while the others went to get the drinks. “Please don’t try to compete with Geoff or Gavin. They are idiots and have nearly killed themselves multiple times with alcohol poisoning. Not a nice way to go the first time around.” She winked at him and he kind of stared.

“Wait, really now?”

“Absolutely. They will drink until they pass out and would drink even more if they could.”

“Dude, their heads probably killed them the next morning!” He wasn’t a stranger to a hangover but it had never been that bad that he passed out. At least he was pretty sure.

Jack just threw him a funny look, but then turned around to wave the waitress closer, “Just don’t overdo it. You wanna share some fries with me?”

Jack hadn’t lied, once Gavin slipped into the seat next to him, he and Geoff began to knock the drinks back like nothing. He watched impressed and kinda terrified as they ordered over and over again while Jack chuckled amused, sipping on her drink.

But all in all it was a fun evening. Geoff began telling old stories about the crew, some Michael knew from the news even though that certainly was a different kind of view, others had happened before his time.

Some sounded so overextervated that he doubted they were right but neither of the others said something so maybe they were. He didn't ask, just listened for now because Geoff and Gavin were a funny duo, ending each other's sentences a couple of times like they had practiced this whole speech before. Then there was Jack who quietly added things to clarify or just gave him a look that told him not to take those things they said too serious. 

They shared their fries, and it was his greatest joy to push Gavin away whenever he tried to steal some, and he started to like Jack’s little laughs each time. He liked her being here; she kept the other two grounded.

Later when they mostly had the bar for themselves Geoff and Jack started a deep conversation but Michael had stopped paying attention. There were a lot of names he didn’t know and places he had never visited.

There was a nice buzz in his head as he sat in the comfortable booth, picking on the last of the fries Jack had ordered once more. Not that he was hungry, but the fries were there and he was here, so what else was he meant to do?

Gavin had also fallen silent and Michael had been pretty sure he was asleep already. After all, Gavin had slumped against him, his head warm against Michael’s shoulder as he breathed softly. But more than once he demanded fries or another drink, his accent even more prominent than usual.

It sounded funny and more than once Michael found himself chuckling about it. In the beginning he had nearly feared Gavin would be offended, but he also fell in and then they laughed together about nothing at all.

There was a hand right above his knee, feverishly warm, and Michael wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. There were rumors about Gavin, yeah, but the hand stayed right there and didn’t move so he didn’t push it off. 

Maybe Gavin just did it to not slip off because right now his body seemed to have the consistency of a wet noodle. Michael was pretty sure if he gave the other a shove, he would fall to the floor without any problem.

Maybe that was also why he slipped his own arm around the other's waist to keep him close.

 

Later, when they returned to the base, he found himself back in the penthouse. He wasn't quite sure when that had happened but he didn't care. He was going to sleep now because this couch was too comfortable and like hell he would try and find his room now.

“You're still here? The others all went to bed.”

He turned his head and found Gavin standing in the door. Or rather leaning against the frame.

Michael shrugged as an answer and was debating just to drift back into sleep.

“What is it about you, Michael?” Gavin went on, and now he was standing in front of the couch. “Ray was so excited to find you and I was also starting to think you'd be someone special. Now you're here and you are just... just some bloke.”

Michael blinked up at him and it took a while until the words made sense in his brain. When he finally got it, he frowned. “Hey asshol-”

Gavin raised his hand to interrupt him. “I know that sounded harsh, I'm sorry. It's just strange.” He climbed onto the armrest and sat down there, close enough that their arms touched. “Ray was looking forward to you. You were the one we found so young, actually before Ryan! And still... back when we found Geoff and Jack it was like Ray didn't like them... At first I don't think he wanted them to join us, but with you...”

Gavin's face was still flushed from the alcohol but he seemed a lot more sober now.

“There was a time when I hated you for that,” he spat and now Michael sat up straight.

“Hey, that's not fair!” he protested, but Gavin didn't even listen.

“He just wouldn't shut up! I wish he would have, it was awful!” Gavin huffed in anger and slumped in his seat. It made his hoodie ride up, showing his tan skin.

“So I figured you'd be something special, you know? He usually isn't good with new people but he's really trying with you. It's disgusting because as far as I've seen there is nothing special about you! You're just you! You're just Michael!”

“What the fuck did you expect me to be?”

“I don't know, okay!” Gavin slid down even further and now his long legs were hanging off the edge as he stared up to the ceiling. “But I think you're kind. The same way Jack is. I adore her because of that. Kindness has always been rare. The world needs more of it, so maybe that's the reason why you two are immortal. It's more reason than I ever had.”

He sighed and Michael sat there, unsure on how to react. In the end he put a hand on Gavin's arm as if that would help.

“Hey... you're also kind, right?”

Gavin bursted into laughter and sat up. “God Michael, you might be kind but also fucking naive!”

Michael shrugged, but then Gavin slipped of the armrest and into his lap. “Hey-”

“I'm not kind, Michael,” Gavin told him as he wrapped his arms around his neck. “I take what I want and that's that. And right now I want your kindness.”

Gavin was warm above him as he leaned ahead to kiss him. He didn't close his eyes and neither did Gavin; his eyes were a dark emerald and crinkled at the edges.

It was nothing more than a soft peck before Gavin sat back again to watch him and Michael’s hand flew up to keep him there.

“Hey, you can’t just-”

“If you want me to I can go right now,” Gavin told him with a shrug. “But we can also fuck if you’re in the mood. I wouldn’t mind.”

Michael found himself sputtering something unintelligible and Gavin just chuckled. He leaned ahead again and Michael’s hand slipped to his waist but he couldn't find it in him to push the other off.

This kiss was harder, Gavin’s intention clear as he reached back to push Michael’s hands further down to his ass.

He couldn't help but groan and now he could also taste him. Like vodka and gin and something minty he didn't recognize.

Gavin smirked against his lips before he pulled back but Michael didn't allow him to go very far.

Fuck, he was too drunk for this and Gavin had to know because now he laughed.

“Good choice, love.”

 

It was a soft buzz that woke Michael. At first it wasn’t even that bad, he was still slumbering but then something in the corner of his eyes moved and he sat up straight.

As it turned out it was the curtains in front of the window, opening on their own. They were black and heavy, swishing nearly silently over the ground and letting the sun in. Of fucking course, because apparently you can’t get out of bed on your own to open the curtains yourself.

With a huff, Michael slid back underneath the cover and looked around.

Gavin was asleep next to him, probably used to his curtain-antics by now because he was taking soft, deep breaths. He looked good in the early morning light with the blanket kicked down to his waist, tan all over and without a single mark on his skin.

Even in his drunken state Michael had found that strange. The other looked like a doll, skin too perfect for his age and lifestyle, and though of course he knew why, it was still somehow wrong. But who was he to judge? He didn’t look any different.

Turning around, he took in the room.

He had expected a lot of gold or something extravagant, but besides some touches most furniture was actually white. It was modern, clear corners and edges. It could as well be out of some magazine. Not that it looked as impersonal and cold as in those though.

Their clothes from last night were thoughtlessly thrown onto the ground, and to be honest, they certainly wouldn’t include that on a magazine, but there were also pictures on the walls, a corkboard pinned full with what looked like tickets to some events.

There was a dresser with a mirror on the right side and on it was a vase with yellow roses that didn’t quite fit in.

Still, it felt good to know that the room wasn’t as perfect and smooth as Gavin always appeared.

“Good morning,” Gavin mumbled next to him and Michael turned around.

“Morning,” he said a little helplessly. He had kinda hoped that the other would sleep for a bit longer so that he could catch up with his thoughts about how the fuck he had ended up here.

Maybe some of that showed in his face because Gavin’s eyes narrowed as he watched him. “You gonna make a big deal about this?”

“I’d rather not,” he admitted and Gavin nodded.

“Good. That’s at least one good thing about your generation. You guys start to realize it’s not that big of a deal when a dick gets stuck into some kind of hole.” Gavin sat up to stretch and Michael watched the pull of his muscles. How was that guy built like a twig and still had more muscles than him?

“You know as long as everyone involved is okay with it and nobody gets hurt – who cares? You have no idea what kind of a big deal people made about that like fifty years ago. Can’t they just chill? It’s just something that gets stuffed in a hole and they act like it’s the bloody end of the world!”

“Please shut up.”

“Nothing against your dick though, Michael,” Gavin tried to assure him and actually reached down to pat his head. “Your dick is great and stuff. It’s just that people are so uptight about something like that!”

“Gavin, I swear to God it’s 9am,” Michael groaned and heard the other chuckle.

“Sorry. Normally I try to make sure beforehand if we’re on the same boat, so that you don’t fall hopelessly in love with me.”

“I can assure you I did not because you just won’t shut your damn mouth.”

Gavin smirked at him but then thankfully laid back down. “Not the talkative type, I see.”

“Not after last night. I am just waiting for the headache to come.” He threw an arm over his eyes to block the sun out just in case.

“Then you’ll wait for quite some time,” Gavin told him helpfully. “We don’t get hangovers.”

He peeked out from beneath his arm. “You are shitting me.”

“Nope.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me this in the beginning? This is the life, Gav!”

The other laughed as he turned onto his side to watch him. “Yup, no scars, no hangovers, no death.”

“Great food, a fucking penthouse and nice cars.”

“You were also banged by me last night and still you’ll be able to walk just fine,” Gavin added cheerful and Michael glared at him.

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“I guess I was pretty smashed yesterday,” Gavin mumbled thoughtful. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be so mean to me.”

“You think?”

“Of course! You’d beg for another round!”

“Doubt it.”

Gavin flashed his teeth at him before rolling on top of him. Michael had expected him and his hands flew up around the other’s middle. His skin was warm and flawless and it was fascinating how the tan faded once he dug his fingers in.

It also made Gavin chuckle and he reached down to grasp his hand. 

“You can hurt me, you know? I don’t really feel it anymore.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Michael mumbled, and Gavin watched him curiously.

“I said it would be fine.”

“Great. I still don’t want to.”

“Oh.” Gavin sat up, obviously confused about that, and something about that made Michael sick to his stomach. Instead of grasping him, he rubbed up his side, but again Gavin stopped him.

“It really is your kindness,” he said slowly. “The thing that makes you special, I mean. It’s your kindness, Michael. Maybe Ray knew that before, I don’t know. He didn’t talk about it.”

He pulled at his hand and Michael let him have it. He watched as Gavin twisted it around to press a kiss against the inside of his wrist.

It was a strangely tender gesture because surely they had kissed last night but it had been with a clear intent. This right here wasn’t.

“I’ve seen how it hurts those who have it in their heart,” Gavin mumbled against his skin, his eyes half closed. “You have to be so careful in this forsaken world, Michael.”

 

* * *

 

 

Michael took a big breath and tried to brace himself. After all he was rolling with the big guys now and he couldn’t really die – what could he possibly be afraid off?

Well, apparently a private chitchat with The Vagabond.

Now, he had pushed this off for a couple of days even though he still couldn’t make sense of what Ryan had meant about not trusting everyone here. Seriously though, who dropped a bomb like that and just went out of the room? A fucking supervillain, that’s who!

That wasn’t even everything, catching Ryan alone seemed impossible. Sure, he saw him around, it was hard not to considering they lived together but there were always the others around. He could hardly blurt something like that out with everyone listening in, right?

So he had hoped Ryan would address him first, would search for him and fucking explain what he meant by that, but no.

Maybe he should have gotten drunk first, just a little bit. Enough to be a bit more courageous but not so much that he forgot what they had even talked about. Also if he’d never be hung over again there was all the more reason.

Well, too late now. He already stood in front of Ryan’s door for around five minutes and he had been pretty determined to just knock and ask him. He wasn’t someone that liked to beat around the bush even if he couldn’t deny being a little nervous beforehand.

That was until he found the little sign on the door telling him to keep out. It was literally a Do Not Disturb sign, bright red with yellow letters like a child would have.

With a child it would be funny though, now it was plain terrifying because this was The Vagabond!

It might be a joke or bitter reality and Michael wasn’t quite sure if he was ready to find out. But before he could bring himself to turn around and walk away, the door opened and thank God he couldn’t die because he was pretty sure otherwise he would have dropped on the spot.

Ryan stood in the doorway and watched him in amusement and fuck it, he wore sweatpants and no mask and Michael was already tired.

“What the fuck,” he blurted out instead, and pointed to the sign.

Ryan just took a glance and shrugged because apparently that was all so very amusing.

“Come on in.”

And once he stepped in, because apparently he wasn’t yet punished enough, he got the next shock. The room was green. Not due to paint on the walls, no, but because of plants. All kinds of plants that Michael didn’t know and didn’t care about.

“What the fuck,” he repeated, and again Ryan chuckled as he closed the door behind him.

“What? Everyone needs a hobby.”

“But plants?”

“Sure, why not? You weren’t on the roof yet?”

“No, why?”

“Ask Ray for it,” Ryan just said and pointed towards the couch.

Michael let himself gladly drop onto it because this was all a bit much, okay? And he hadn’t even gotten to the point yet.

Groaning, he looked up to Ryan who proceeded to just stand there and Michael decided to fuck it.

“So any reason why you decided to tell me something so important and then fucked off?”

“Dramatic effect,” Ryan said easily, and Michael huffed.

“Dramatic effect.”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck you, dude.”

That made Ryan grin and he at least sat down, which was a lot less intimidating.

“Listen, when I was the new guy here I had to listen to that overdramatic shit all the time. Let me at least have this.”

Michael snorted, but that at least brought him to something else he had meant to ask, “How old are you, Ryan?”

“Ol-“

“Please don’t just say old.”

That made Ryan actually laugh, and Michael had somehow imagined it to be a dark chuckle or something like that, but instead it sounded rather bright. Michael couldn’t help but grin.

“I stopped aging three years ago,” Ryan explained. “So I’m not that much older than you.”

“Stopped aging?” Michael asked and realized that he had never really thought about that part. “You mean when you got here?”

Ryan threw him a funny look but when he spoke it was nearly softly, “No Michael, when I died.”

His throat felt like it was squeezed shut as he stared at Ryan. Ryan had died before, granted, he should have figured that out on his own and still it sounded all weird. They were immortal, they couldn’t die.

Still he knew that Ryan wasn’t lying, and that made him think about the rest of the crew. Geoff and Jack. Fuck, Gavin and Ray looked around his age or even younger and he certainly wasn’t ready to die yet!

“We don’t just stop aging once we are together?” he asked slowly, and Ryan shook his head.

“No, only after your brain stops working or your heart stops beating. After your clinical death, I suppose. Somehow that’s the moment, the moment when you’re first pulled back.”

Michael licked his lips nervously, his thoughts racing. In theory that did mean he could decide on his own at which age he wanted to die which was fucked up enough, but that would also be the age he would live with. That was a decision he had to make because it decided his whole damn life. A freaking long life, and suddenly being immortal didn’t seem that much fun anymore, it sounded fucking terrifying, a gaping black hole in front of him.

And sure he had all the time in the world but what was he meant to do with that? He didn’t have a goal, he didn’t have any dream he wanted to accomplish, and time stretched in front of him endlessly.

Why him? That was the question.

Who had decided that he was the one to deserve immortality?

Gavin had said something about kindness but what was he suppose to do with that? There had to be a purpose somewhere.

“Michael,” Ryan interrupted his thoughts.

“The others,” he found himself asking. “Ray and Gavin. They are so young though. They  _ were _ so young. How did they..?”

“I don’t know,” Ryan admitted. “It’s a topic neither of them really likes to talk about. I can understand why. It was the moment you died, the moment your life was supposed to be over until it wasn’t. Some of us didn’t have the luxury of knowing we were immortal.”

There was something more to it, a hidden fear in the other’s voice, and Michael looked up.

“So you really thought you would die. That must have been terrifying.”

“Yeah.”

“How… how does it feel? To die and come back, I mean,” Michael asked carefully, unsure if he was intruding on something here. That this was yet another thing nobody here talked about, a rule he also had to learn, but if anything Ryan just seemed thoughtful.

“It depends on how you die,” he finally began. “I was fortunate enough to die quickly so that I barely had time to realize it. But I know that some of the others weren’t as lucky. You can be in an awful lot of pain.”

Michael was a bit happy that he was already sitting because he felt himself paling; he barely realized that Ryan was squeezing his shoulder.

“Coming back is like a fever dream though,” he continued. “For the most part you are unconscious and by the time you wake up you are mostly healed. Coming back isn’t the worst part.”

“Okay…” Michael mumbled, but if that was meant to reassure him it didn’t really work. Maybe Ryan could tell or just remembered being in the same situation as him.

He couldn’t quite imagine the other in his shoes, sitting here and trying to grasp all of this. He wondered who Ryan had talked with, and was pretty sure it had been Jack.

Yeah, Jack had probably been in charge of that.

“Why us?” he asked. “Who decided it would be us?”

“Still trying to figure that out,” Ryan admitted and sounded amused. That broke the tension at least a little, and Michael dared to smile.

“That’s one big mess, isn’t it?”

“Oh, it is. At least we got some time to figure it out.”

Snorting, Michael leaned back and looked around. The plants everywhere were still a bit strange, but somehow he could fit that and Ryan a bit better together.

“I like your plants,” he said, and maybe that was weird after their last topic, but seriously he had heard enough about death and stuff like that for today.

“That’s Gertrude,” Ryan told him and pointed to the plant Michael was staring at.

“They’ve got names.”

“Of course they’ve got names. Gertrude is a aloe and actually very useful.”

Michael threw him a look but then decided to fuck it. Not the weirdest thing happening here.

He got up from the couch but before he could do more than a step, Ryan’s hand found his wrist.

“You were here because of something else,” he reminded him, and true. Over all this new crap he had nearly forgotten his actual purpose for coming here.

“You shouldn’t forget what we are here,” Ryan told him. “We live together because that benefits all of us. That’s it. We try to get along and sure, I don’t doubt that some of us are rather close but that’s about it. Technically they owe you nothing and some of them will let you know.”

Michael turned towards him and frowned a little. “Who are you warning me from, Ryan?”

“Gavin,” he said promptly, and of course it had to be the guy he’d already fucked. “And Ray as well. Don’t get me wrong, Ray is a great guy but if those two are together it’s horrid. Try to stay out of it.”

Only that he had already screwed up because he had most certainly not stayed out of it. Nope, he had dove right in.

“Why those two?”

“They are cruel. Maybe that comes from living so long and still…” Ryan trailed off and thought about it before shaking his head. In the end he just repeated, “They are cruel.”

And it wasn’t like that was any news, at least with Gavin. Michael could clearly remember their talk about other people a few days ago, how their lives apparently didn’t matter as much.

Ray he didn’t know; he had also never seen that duo in action, but considering that the fucking Vagabond called them cruel he maybe didn’t want to.

Ryan let him go with a nod. “Just a warning. What you do is up to you but maybe… maybe you should try not to get involved in the crew business for a while because once you’re in, Michael, it’s very hard to get back out again. Most of all when you live together with your crew.”

“Okay.” That actually sounded like a good idea. By now he had done a good job staying out anything crew-related; maybe he should try keeping that up. It still didn’t sit right with him to just live here doing nothing and living off the money of others, but surely there were other things he could help with.

“Thank you, Ryan.” Because the other meant well, he appreciated it even though the conversation had turned out heavier than he had anticipated. “For talking and explaining and stuff.”

“You’re welcome,” Ryan just said but when Michael reached the door, he added, “if you have any other questions let me know.”

“Oh, I will!”

Michael left with a grin and hey, maybe Ray had been right and Ryan wasn’t even that scary. He actually seemed like a nice guy, someone not so much damn older than him.

Maybe he should get him some plants the next time.

 

* * *

 

 

Jack had literally just walked in when Gavin appeared at her side. He had obviously waited for her and had the newspaper tightly clutched in his hand. But he waited until they were up in the penthouse before slamming the paper onto the desk.

“I wanna rob the museum,” he declared before Jack had the time to even sit down.

“How about some coffee first?” she asked, and Gavin quickly hurried into the kitchen to get that going.

Without any complaints? So he was serious.

Sitting down, she began to read the article about the new exhibition. That normally wasn’t their type of target, even though Ryan had briefly thrown out the idea about stealing a mummy a year or so ago. Then she read about the massive amount of jewels and okay, that seemed a little more likely.

Gavin put her coffee next to her and then jumped up on the desk. Perched up there he looked like a bird, staring at her expectantly. She liked seeing him like that, hair flat and wearing comfy clothes.

It hadn’t been too long ago when that had been a bad sign, but today he seemed happy.

“One of the world’s biggest and brightest rubies,” she quoted, “said to kill anyone who dares to touch it.” She peeked over the page and found him grinning. “That’s what you’re interested in?”

“Yeah! I googled it and it looks very pretty!”

“What if you drop down dead once you touch it?”

“Then I’ll get up again and carry it out,” he trailed off thoughtfully. “Maybe that’s a good idea. I go in, swallow the ruby and die. I’m sure I can walk out of the morgue before they would try to operate that thing out of me.”

“No way you can swallow that thing.”

“You have no idea what I can swallow, woman!” Gavin screeched, and she rolled her eyes.

“Fine, whatever. But how do you think we can get it back out of you?”

“How everything else gets out of me as well.”

“Great plan. I don’t doubt you can take the several inches of that thing-“ 

“Thank you. I’m glad you recognize my talent.” 

“But it’s all sharp edges and stuff.”

Gavin paled a little at that, and chuckling, Jack sipped from her coffee. “So maybe think about another approach.”

“Guns blazing?”

“That’s more like it, sweetheart.”

With a grin, Gavin scooted closer, “And look at the rings they got, Jack! You can have them, I just want the ruby.”

“You’re such a romantic guy.”

“Thank you. I try.”

“Why didn’t you ask Geoff about it?”

“Because you are the true boss here,” Gavin told her quickly and she took another sip. Exactly what she had wanted to hear. “Also he always tells me my ideas are dumb.”

“Well, you wanted to swallow this ruby,” she reminded him, and Gavin pulled a face.

“I got it, okay? Just tell me what you think.”

“If I get the rings I am in,” she said promptly. “And if you want me to I can pitch it to Geoff.”

“You’re the best, Jack!” Gavin cried out and hugged her wildly. “That means a lot!”

She let him nuzzle against her shoulder for a while as she drank her coffee. Only after a couple minutes in silence, she asked, “What do you think of Michael?”

Gavin went rigid and took a while, rubbing his cheek against her arm. “He’s nice.”

A bit surprised she looked up. “Oh?”

“He is. He’s fun to be around.”

“He is.” She nudged him gently. “I’m glad you think so.”

Because she had been worried. Gavin wasn’t good with accepting other people into their crew, least of all into their main part. The smaller guys he could ignore and usually had no reason to deal with them. It had been hard enough trying to integrate Ryan, and those two still were hostile with each other.

She had feared the same with Michael, most of all because Ray had been so excited to integrate him into his crew and Gavin had reacted jealously for less.

And when he had also offered to recruit Michael, Jack had felt alarmed, more so after the disaster of recruiting Ryan. And no matter how often Gavin said it had been an accident, by the way Ryan glared at him, she wasn’t really buying it.

She had tried talking with Ryan about that beforehand but had come up with nothing.

But she could understand that, after all Ryan had joined a tight knit crew that had been together for decades. She wouldn’t start that by blasting in and blaming one of them.

She didn’t want Michael to make that same experience and that was why she went and got him herself.

And still…

“Did you sleep with him?”

She felt Gavin nod and tried hard not to sigh.

“Sorry,” he mumbled and she turned around to press a kiss against his hair.

“It’s fine, I’m not mad at you.”

“Okay.” He sounded like a scolded child though, and she laid an arm around him, squeezing him gently. “I really need that ruby, Jack.”

“We’ll get you that ruby. I promise.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jenny tries herself on shipping, take no. 34
> 
> I still can't do the thing


	3. Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, just some quick warnings for this chapter!  
> Warnings for an implied rape (you will see 3 stars at the beginning and end of the scene if you want to skip) and Transphobia (skip to the 3 stars)
> 
> Neither of them are really graphic but I want to make sure you're alright with that!

Chapter 3

Jack

 

_ Then _

“Are you okay?”

Jack felt a hand on her cheek, a second hand on her shoulder. She wanted to fight them off but couldn’t move a muscle.

What had happened?

“Fuck! Shit- wait, lemme-“

She was moved and the coldness faded a little. She hadn’t even noticed the coldness before, but now she did. There was some noise next to her ear; it sounded like water, but it grew more distant as she got turned around.

Now she laid on her back, and through her closed lids she could make out light. It burned and hurt, and she groaned.

“Oh, you’re alive. Thank Christ!”

The light was blocked and she dared to blink. Just for a second she could make out blue eyes that would soon be so familiar, but then the pain came back. She let her lids drop shut again.

“We have to call an ambulance! Ray, can y-“

“No.” A second voice, this one a little further away. “He won’t need one.”

“Ray, we can’t-“

“He will heal,” the second voice said, “just like we do.”

After that, Jack didn’t remember a lot.

It felt like a small eternity when she woke up again, this time in a bed and with a desk lamp next to her. It was a single point of light and everything else laid in darkness.

There was someone standing by the bed, but she couldn’t lift her head to see who it was exactly.

“Geoff found you,” they said, and she recognized it as the second voice again. “I shouldn’t even be surprised about this.”

She blanked out again, and the next time she already felt better. Opening her eyes, it was brighter now, early morning light coming in from the window and again someone was standing by her side.

This one she didn’t know.

“Oh,” they said, and stared at her out of curious green eyes. “You’re awake!”

She didn’t bother answering, her tongue dry and stuck to the roof of her mouth as she looked around. She was in a small bedroom, but it looked well lived in with clothes mindlessly thrown over the desk in the corner and little knickknacks decorating it.

“You’ve been out for three days,” the stranger told her and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Geoff said you looked as good as dead and of course your healing wasn’t as fast yet. You got… immensely lucky. We weren’t even looking for you and Geoff just… just kinda found you?”

He sounded nearly incredulous but Jack couldn’t share that sentiment. She had maybe understood half of what he had said, and maybe he realized that.

“Are you thirsty?” he asked instead and that made her perk up. He grinned at that and reached over to the bedside table to make a glass of water appear.

To her surprise she didn’t need any help because when she tried to sit up, her body followed without any pain. And there had been pain before, she remembered that dimly even though she still felt dazed, but the water helped as she took small sips.

“Must be disorienting. It’s always like that, but you’ll grow used to it.” He took the glass from her and finally she managed to clear her throat.

“Where am I?”

“You’re in our apartment. Don’t worry.”

To be honest that was a fucking big thing to worry about considering that she didn’t know this guy. He might look like a stick but right now she didn’t feel very strong herself. Also there were at least two other guys.

Maybe the panic showed on her face because the other quickly made sure, “It’s okay! You’re safe here! We just brought you here so you can heal. I’m Gavin by the way.”

“Jack,” she managed to say absentmindedly, because there were more important matters right now. “What happened?”

“We don’t know,” Gavin told him. “Geoff found you on his way home. I wasn’t with them but he said you were lying nearly in the river, he feared you’d drowned but you were still breathing.” He shrugged a little helplessly and chewed on his lip, obviously a little uncomfortable with the topic. “It looked like you were beaten and- yeah.”

Beaten and dumped, that was what he was actually going to say and finally Jack looked down. She wasn’t sure what she expected. Bruises probably, she remembered a sharp pain in her ankle but now she couldn’t feel it anymore. She wore a shirt that wasn’t hers and as she pulled the sleeve back she just found her normal skin.

Nothing that would show what had happened.

“You healed,” Gavin explained. His smile seemed unsure but kind, and right now that was more than she had expected. “But you’re still exhausted. I’ll see if I can find something to eat for you first.”

He stood from the bed but placed the glass in her reach as he left her alone with her thoughts. She wasn’t quite sure if she liked that.

On one hand she didn’t want to think about what happened, wanted to turn around and sleep a bit longer because she was exhausted but she also knew that she had to think. She had woken up in an unknown place with strangers all around, and that was alarming in itself even without their strange talk.

Yeah, that was more concerning in the moment.

She didn’t quite doubt that those people had found her and had gotten her out of her pinch but their ulterior motive didn’t have to be just as prestigious. As far as she knew her family thought she was dead and if these people here found out about that, or had already, then they could do whatever.

If nobody filed her missing than she was vulnerable, helpless even, and her family certainly wouldn’t give a damn. They had made that quite clear.

She pushed that thought away, at least as good as she could and looked around, searching for a way to flee if she had to. There was the window but before she could try and stand, the door opened again.

This time she recognized the man even though she had barely been conscious but she had seen those eyes. They didn’t look as alarmed this time, rather a little shy.

“Gavin said you’re awake,” the guy said. “I’m Geoff.”

“You’re the one who found me,” she said, and Geoff shrugged.

“I guess so. It was luck more than anything else.”

“Then I have to thank you,” she said matter of factly. “I bet it didn’t look pretty.”

He shrugged again, a little helpless and stepped into the room. Now she could see the bowl in his hand as he closed the door.

“Gavin was going to make you some food but I figured you’d want something edible.” He placed the bowl on the bedside table and then stepped back, giving her some distance. “It’s just some soup but you may want to start slow.”

“Thanks.”

Geoff leaned against the wall, trying to act nonchalantly but she didn’t move, just kept her eyes on him. She knew this wasn’t over and she really wanted it to be. Maybe she could face this talk and then get away. 

She didn’t know where to, but she would figure that out somehow.

“It was a rather… remote area,” Geoff finally said. “And even though some cars surely drive by they had to look down into the river bed to see you. I was sure you had drowned but you got lucky, your head wasn’t submerged.”

“Lucky,” she said, unamused, and he pulled a face as if he had bit on something sour.

“Sorry, that’s not…” He trailed off and she figured she wasn’t very fair. It hadn’t been him who had beat her up and left her to die.

“Guess they dumped me there hoping I wouldn’t be found or that it would look like I had drowned.”

“Who was it?” Geoff asked, and she glared at him. She wasn’t even sure why, it was a pretty relevant question after all, but he quickly lifted his arms and pulled back. “Just… just in case you want to go to the police or something.”

To the police? She hadn’t even considered that as an option, but still, she already knew the answer to that. Yes, her family had done that, had turned against her, but she couldn't do the same.

Just because they saw her as a failure, as someone wrong. They had loved her with warmth and compassion, until she hadn’t fit into their picture perfect life anymore.

That didn’t mean she could sell them out though, and even if she would find the rage and the courage to do so - it wasn’t guaranteed that the police would do shit.

From the stories she had heard, they weren’t much better if she would go to explain her case.

Geoff was still watching her and she forced herself to speak, “I don’t know about that yet.”

She expected more questions but he just nodded. That was good, she didn’t want to talk about this anymore because she felt numb right now. Later, she knew, the sadness would come, would crush her whole, but not right now.

She would fight that a little longer.

“If it was that bad how come I’m not in a hospital?” she asked even though she probably should be glad. They would have certainly called the police and that would make everything even more complicated.

Geoff sighed and then let his head fall back until it hit the wall. He stayed like that for a while but she let him think. In the silence she didn’t mind waiting.

In the end Geoff took a deep breath and stepped closer.

“What would you say if I told you you were immortal?”

“I’d laugh into your face even in my current condition,” she said immediately, and he grinned.

“Well, then I hope your ready for some laughter.”

 

Her plan about getting away didn’t work out. Not because anyone was keeping her from it, they didn’t lock her up or anything, but once she calmed down she only found an empty void in front of her.

The moment she sat down to think about her situation she realized there was nowhere for her to go.

Going back home was out of question and she didn’t have money on her to start anywhere new. Fuck, she only had the clothes on her body and thinking about it that weren’t hers in the first place.

And then Geoff had started with this stupid immortal bullshit but for now she had pushed it aside. There was more important things to think about than that phantasm.

She slept a lot because that was easier than to face that her family had not only denied her and thrown her out. No, they had tried to kill her.

The memory was thankfully blurry but she remembered the horrible silence. No yelling, not even an angry word, no matter how she begged for them to just understand, to just let her be.

It had all fallen on deaf ears, deaf ears of people who refused to give her even a chance. The very same people who had sung her lullabies and played in the snow with her.

That still seemed unreal, like a nightmare, and so she slept, hoping to wake in another world.

It didn’t happen and nobody out of her family came to wake her up, to ask why she was sleeping so long.

Geoff was there often, bringing her food and trying to get her to eat it. Sometimes he even succeeded in making her talk, but other times she simply ignored him.

Gavin also checked on her, but he was clumsy about it, like he was unsure what to do once he was in the same room with her. Often he would just start babbling about random things and that wasn’t half bad. It was nice just listening to the rise and the fall of his voice, the ridiculous stuff he would work himself up about. She wouldn’t admit it, but it was nearly funny when he was drunk out of his mind, slurring his sentences together.

He was drunk often.

The third guy was Ray, and she rarely saw him. He didn’t come to check on her and they would only meet up if she decided to leave for the bathroom and he was in her way.

It wasn’t like he was actively avoiding her or something like that, he just didn’t care enough to bother. That was fair.

It took her some time until she took in her surroundings.

The apartment they all lived in was tiny, even for three people, let alone for four.  She had never bothered asking what jobs the others had, but they couldn’t bring in much by the looks of everything. The furniture was out of style and worn down, and by the noises coming from the living room, the radio was more broken than working.

You’d think for a group that called themselves immortal they would make a fortune, but apparently not.

She knew that she was bothering them, eating their food and taking their space, but for the longest time she didn’t care. There had been bigger problems and even though they hadn’t passed in the slightest, she became more self aware.

She couldn’t stay here.

These people here had saved her and they didn’t deserve this.

How long it took her to come to that realization, she didn't know, but she got out of the bed and stepped out. There weren’t any things she could pack and she would also have to take the clothes she was wearing right now, but besides that it would be better to just disappear.

Finally in the living room, she heard soft breathing and found Geoff sleeping on the couch.

Up until now she hadn’t even asked herself whose room she was sleeping in, but the more she thought about it, the more sense it made. There wasn’t anymore space in this apartment for a guest room, she guessed there were two bed rooms top and as far as she knew Gavin and Ray were sharing one.

How long had she already stayed here? Since how long was Geoff sleeping on this couch while she took his room?

If possible, the guilt grew even further, and with a sigh she turned away.

It was early morning so she had a whole day to find a new place to stay. Maybe a shelter of some kind, but she didn’t have much hope. 

She already had her hand on the door when she noticed the shadow in the corner of her eyes.

“You don’t need to go,” Ray said, and he was the last person she had expected. He clearly hadn’t been comfortable with her here before, but now he stood there in his pyjamas. He had clearly just woke up, his hair a mess as he reached up to rub his eyes. Somehow he managed to look like a child in that moment.

“I’m just bothering you guys,” she said. “If I ever get some money I’ll make sure to pay you back.”

She was acutely aware that Ray kept on watching her but she couldn’t force herself to open the damn door.

“You can stay,” he finally said. “You belong here. This is your home now.”

She turned towards him, but he just shrugged.

“It’s always like that, we seem to be drawn to each other,” he tried to explain. “If you want to go I don’t think we would stop you, but not in your current condition. There is no place for you to run to instead of away, and if you would he would search for you.” Ray nodded towards Geoff, and she nearly smiled.

“He would go after you to make sure that’s what you really want. Also he’s so hyped to finally have someone to talk to. Apparently me and Gav don’t count. Maybe because we bang each other and he feels left out. Who knows?”

That made her snort, and for the first time she also saw him smile.

“So please stay? You also don’t have to bang Geoff, I promise.”

“Well thank God,” she said and let her hand fall back to her side.

Maybe for another week, just until she found a way.

She figured she could stay that long.

 

Of course she stayed for much longer because it seemed obvious that those guys needed help. They were a mess at the best of times but she tried to help wherever she could.

They didn’t pressure her, but when she felt ready to, she went out and searched for a job. It wasn’t much but with her money as well their situation got better. 

They managed to get into a bigger apartment, one in which each of them had a room she and Geoff didn’t have to fight over the bed each evening and sure, it wasn’t in the best part of town but Ray might have been right.

It was home.

She had grown closer to Ray as well over time, and as it turned out he didn’t want to avoid her, he was just kinda bad in socializing. Once they got over that he opened up fast, always hanging around, and it amused her greatly.

Gavin was another matter, and she watched with a morbid fascination how he took that immortal thing a little too far.

Geoff told her to let the kid be, but it was hard to watch him go out there, drinking and taking drugs all week. Just because it didn’t hurt him didn’t mean she had to like it and more than once she had walked in to Geoff screaming at him, even if it was usually for the money he was wasting.

Gavin didn’t care and Ray didn’t either and that settled something in her. 

Ray and Gavin had known each other for a while and if Ray thought things were working out it was hopefully fine. Except that she didn’t even believe herself on that.

She hadn’t been able to sleep that night and in retrospect that might have been fate. Otherwise she probably wouldn’t have heard Gavin come home and even if, it wasn’t any news that he came home in the early morning hours.

This time however she stood in the tiny kitchen to get herself a drink when he came in and wordlessly went past her and into his room. Nothing unusual with that, he had seemed pretty intoxicated and she really had no patience for that at nearly 4am.

It was only when she wanted to get back into her room herself that she noticed the blood on the floor. It wasn’t a lot, actually it was disappearing as she watched and maybe Gavin had just cut himself, had fallen down in his drunken state and skinned his knee. He couldn’t really die so she shouldn’t be bothered to begin with, yet still she knocked on his door.

“Gavin? Everything alright?”

***

No answer, so maybe he had already passed out, and Jack shouldn’t really be bothered with it but there was blood on the doorknob and she just couldn’t turn away from it.

When she opened the door she found only the lamp on the bedside table burning, giving her just a small island to see. On the bed laid Gavin, curled together with his back facing towards her, and he wasn’t asleep, she saw how he stiffened when she entered.

She didn’t bother asking again, just walked up to him until she could see the damage.

Gavin was bruised up quite colorfully, there was blood coming from his nose and his lip but it was already healing up again. His shirt was dirty with stuff Jack didn’t even want to know, held together by one last button and ripped apart at the sleeves, the fabric dark and crusted around the edges.

“Go away,” Gavin finally said but it was slurred, his cheeks flushed, but otherwise his face was sickly pale.

“Who did this?” she asked but kept her distance. She couldn’t be sure if Gavin wouldn’t lash out at her.

“Who cares?” he asked with a shrug. “I think I asked for it or something. I don’t even know, fuck.” He reached up and rubbed his eyes. “I’m so fucking high. I don’t even know anymore.”

“Let me take a look at you,” she offered but he just snorted.

“What for? It’ll heal and then it’ll be gone. It always will be.”

Which wasn’t wrong, but not what she was going for. 

“Come on, get out of those clothes.”

“Just go, Jack.”

“Undress,” she ordered and he huffed. It made blood fly from his nose.

She left the room but returned just as fast, her fluffy bathrobe in her hand. Gavin hadn’t moved an inch and with a sigh she tugged on his shirt.

“You’ll feel better when you’re out of those clothes.”

“I don’t think that will do shit.”

“Let’s give it a try,” she urged and at least Gavin raised his head. His pupils were tiny and it was enough to make her hesitate and sit down on the edge of the bed. “How much did you take this time?”

“Dunno, a lot,” he shrugged and let his head drop back. “Blacked out in the middle or something. Maybe overdose, who knows.”

He fell quiet and Jack also didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t a secret that Gavin was rather… self destructive, that he liked to take risks, but this right here was different. Before he had been proud of it, had wore bruises and bitemarks with pride for the short time before they vanished, but maybe that wasn’t everything. Maybe that was just what he had wanted them to see.

But it was hard for her to tell, she didn’t know him long enough for that and maybe she was the wrong person for this.

“Should I… do you want me to get Ray?” she asked carefully, but that was a mistake.

Gavin went rigid next to her and then he sat up. Up close he looked even worse but she saw the bruises fade slowly.

“No!” he snapped at her, but regardless of how angry he sounded, she saw the panic in his eyes. 

“You really think he doesn’t notice this?” she asked. “He’s not stupid, Gavin! You two know each other since so long - if I have figured this out than he-”

“He doesn’t care,” Gavin interrupted her fiercely. “He doesn’t bloody care, okay? And why would he? It’s not like I can get hurt badly. I just heal again anyway. Not only that, it’s my own fucking choice!”

“This right here,” she began and tugged on his messy shirt, “doesn’t look like it was your choice at all.”

“I said it would be fine! I made the deal so that Geoff wouldn’t blow up in my face again about wasting all of our money. I wanted a trip so I got one!”

“And when did you notice that this was not what you wanted? In the middle or right at the start?” she asked calmly, and all of Gavin’s anger crumbled away. He stared at her,, horrified and tried to turn around, to lay back down and hide away, but she still held onto his sleeve and didn’t let him.

“Did you tell them to stop?”

Gavin licked his lip nervously, the blood already gone and she was nearly sure he wouldn’t answer but then he slowly shook his head. 

To be honest that was what she had expected. He had probably been too high to even understand what was happening, too caught in the moment and once he realized it had been too late.

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” he mumbled slowly. “It’s over and that’s it. Next time will be better, sometimes you are just shit out of luck.”

“I wouldn’t call this shit out of luck, Gav!”

“Just let it go,” he said softly. “Please… just leave it.”

***

Sighing, Jack rubbed his arm and he at least let it happen. His bruises were of a faded yellow now, ugly against his skin, but over the next few minutes of silence she watched them disappear. That should have made it better but his posture didn’t change, eyes unfocused as he chewed on his freshly healed lip.

“You know, you don’t need to destroy yourself for him,” she said softly, and instantly he grew defensive.

“Jac-”

“You have so much more, Gavin. You’re immortal, you’re whole life is just full of opportunity an-”

He snorted loud enough to interrupt her and she let her hands fall into her lap.

“That’s cute,” he said viciously. “You’re too young, Jack. You don’t understand shit! What do you want me to do? Travel the world? We barely have enough money to have a roof over our heads or enough food! Also we’re bound to each other! I don’t even remember what it was like to not be bound! All of this,” he gesticulated between them, “is all I’ve ever known. There is nothing else.”

“There is more.”

“No.”

“Gavin, I can’t watch you destroy yourself over him!” 

She meant it. She didn’t care if Geoff thought they shouldn’t mess with them, she was sick of watching this unfold right in front of her eyes without being able to do shit!

But Gavin’s eyes were so cold as he glared at her that her resolve dwindled. 

“Don’t you dare,” he said slowly, dangerously. “Don’t get in between us. Don’t mess with things you can’t understand.”

“You’re not happy,” she said simply, but Gavin shook his head.

“You don’t get to tell me what I am or what I am not.”

That made he shut up because she had said those exact words before, had begged first before growing angry. It had brought her nothing but misery in the end and she couldn’t stop herself from shivering.

Gavin glanced at her but didn’t say a thing, so she tried again, “You shouldn’t have to change just because someone you love expects it from you.”

He turned his head but she dared to reach out and touch his shoulder. “They should love you for who you are, not for what they expect you to be.”

“It’s not that easy!”

“I know,” she whispered, and her voice shook. Her voice was too tight and she swallowed too heavily and this time Gavin’s eyes stayed on her. She could see the cogs in his head turning and she had never thought him stupid or dumb, quite the opposite actually and it didn’t take him long.

“Who hurt you back then, Jack?” he asked softly and she hadn’t heard that tone since waking up after they found her.

“My father,” she said. “My uncle was there as well but I know the others out of my family must have been in as well. Nobody ever searched for me.”

“Because you weren’t what they wanted? Because you told them?”

She nodded and Gavin fell silent. He mulled over that for a while before reaching out and this time he was touching her shoulder, nearly shyly. “That was very brave of you.”

She couldn't help but snort because she had never seen it as that. It had been necessary, it had been unbearable to hear her family call her their son one more time.

Maybe it had been brave, she wasn’t sure.

Gavin moved and she looked up, watched as he shrugged his ruined shirt off. He didn’t ask her to leave and so she waited as he undressed before wrapping her bathing gown around him. He pulled it close, nuzzling into the soft fabric with a sigh and she smiled.

“This feels nice,” Gavin mumbled as he looked up to her. He looked small curled up like that, but she knew he wasn’t. That he also had his scars, was searching for new ones each time he went out there, and it broke her heart.

“I can try to help,” she offered. “When you have another idea like that or just… just when you feel like it. You can come over.”

“It doesn’t matter, they can’t hurt me.”

“They can,” she said matter of factly and something crossed Gavin’s face. It were too many emotions at once, too much to work through before he already turned back around, worrying on his lip.

She got up, ready to wish him a good night when he caught her wrist.

“Jack?” Again that soft voice she barely knew from him. “Can I help?”

It was such a childish question but he meant it, she could see it in his eyes, and that more than anything made her answer, “I’m a woman, Gavin.”

He frowned and then his eyes darted down as if to check for breasts. It made her laugh awkwardly and he quickly let go, blushing.

“I don’t-”

“Not my body,” she said, and there was the nervousness again. He wouldn’t understand, nobody would and she couldn’t seem to make them. Not her family and no one else.

“Not my body,” she repeated as if that would make it easier. “But _ I _ am.”

“Oh,” Gavin said, but he was still confused, still trying to wrap his head around it, and she wanted to flee. This had been a mistake, this was wrong, and just when they were finally getting along.

Jack took a step back and Gavin’s eyes flitted towards her. 

“I don’t know… what should I do now?” he asked.

“Just…” she began but didn’t even know either. “Just say it’s alright. Just say-”

“Of course it is,” he said and that made her stop. He sat on his bed, watching her and actually seemed to understand. 

“I like to think that appearance doesn’t define you, that age doesn’t define me. People look and me and think I am young and stupid, a cheap whore they can use. But that isn’t… that is not who I am. There is more, I… I really think so.” He stood slowly and the bathrobe was way too big, hanging loosely from him. “So… So if that doesn’t define me than a body… a body shouldn’t either, right? I define me and you… you define yourself.”

He but on his bottom lip, frowning at himself. “Does that… make sense? Is that a-”

He squawked as she wrapped her arms around him, nearly crushing his slim form.

“Thank you,” she whispered and felt how he relaxed. There were stubborn tears in her eyes and he reached out to hold onto her. “Thank you, Gavin. That makes perfect sense.”

 

As it turned out, coming out wasn't as big of a deal as she had expected. Well, that was probably only fair after the disaster with her family, but sometimes she even managed to forget about it.

She was pretty sure Geoff had known it before she talked with him, or at least expected something along that line.

He was the most vehement in using her right pronouns. Ray and Gavin sometimes messed up but if they caught themselves they quickly corrected themselves. Even if they didn't, Jack figured she didn't mind as much.

They were trying, and for now that was all she could ask for.

Ray wasn't surprised either when she came up to him, but considering that Gavin knew, she bet he had told him before. And where Gavin was curious, asking a question a minute, Ray barely seemed to care.

She wasn't quite sure which she liked more.

All in all she was just happy they didn't make a big fuss of it.

That was until she put the jar down.

She hadn't really thought about it as she placed it on the kitchen counter. Her mom had done the same to save money, kind of like a piggy bank just not as childish.

And they really had to be more responsible with money.

But this one here was her private one. She would need quite a lot of money and she wasn't gonna take that from the others, so whatever she could spare she put inside the jar.

“What's that?” Ray asked and appeared at her side. He was holding a sandwich and chewed loudly.

“I wanna save some money,” she explained, and he perked up.

“For what? More food?”

“What- no! Not everything is about food, Ray.”

“Listen, lady,” he said and pointed the half eaten sandwich at her. “As someone who is alive for a long, long time I can assure you that food is one of the best things that was revolutionized in my time here. It's incredible!”

She rolled her eyes and nudged the jar so it stood in front of the window. Perfect.

“I will use the money to make me feel more comfortable,” she said and couldn't help but grin. She would! That would be her next big goal, no matter what others would say! Even if they would laugh and point, she was through with that.

She was immortal and she wasn't going to spend forever in a wrong body!

“Oh.” Ray pushed the remainder of his sandwich in his mouth and somehow managed to look like a thoughtful chipmunk as he chewed. “So it's a boob jar.”

Her jaw dropped and she turned towards him, but before she could even begin to think of a response, Gavin appeared on her other side.

“I heard boobs,” he proclaimed. He held a half finished shaved ice in his hand and his lips were stained green from it.

“Dude, you're an ass guy if I ever seen one,” Ray said with a frown and Gavin shrugged.

“I'm your ass guy.”

“That's true.”

They both nodded at each other in understanding and she reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “Please stop talking. Just leave that thing alone an-”

She hadn't even finished the sentence before Gavin pulled the jar towards him as if he had to check it out. There were already sticky green fingerprints on it, and she sighed but was interrupted by a loud clang.

“It's not a lot,” he said as he dug for another coin and threw it into the jar. “But you gotta start somewhere, right!”

There was a lump forming in her throat as he grinned up to her. It looked ridiculous with his green stained teeth and lips but it was a honest smile and he appeared happy about helping her. She wanted to tell him that he didn't have to, that this jar was just for her and he should save the little money he had but before she could bring a word out, Ray elbowed her aside.

He scribbled the words 'Boob Jar' on the glass and didn't even protest when Gavin took the pen to add two dots in the O's.

“The nipples,” he explained. “We can't forget about those.”

“I am sure they are included,” Ray wondered. “Or I dunno... they just use the original ones. There's nothing wrong with them, right?”

“I guess.”

Jack couldn't help herself but snort, and before the other two could turn towards her, she had already pulled them in for a hug.

Gavin eagerly returned the hug, humming contently while Ray tried to struggle free.

“You two are something,” she mumbled and quickly pressed a kiss to their hair. “You most certainly are.”

 

Geoff never said something about the jar, but Jack could tell that every time he got paid, her jar would get a bit fuller. She told them to stop, all three of them because that was her goal not theirs, but they didn’t listen.

So when things came up she didn’t hesitate using the money. The fridge breaking down? Their shared car needing new tires?

Those things were more important even if it felt like the jar was mocking her. Always filling until it was nearly enough before getting emptied again.

Until one day it was filled and there were three more jars also filled. Not only that, there was even more money scattered around, as if someone had thrown it in the air to dance in it.

Before she could say something, Geoff laid an arm around her shoulder and Gavin hugged her from behind. She was so speechless that she barely noticed.

“What did you do?” she finally asked and in the corner of her eyes she saw how Ray shrugged.

“We robbed a bank.”

  
  


_ Now _

Gavin was reclining in a deck chair when the shadow fell on him. He didn’t bother opening his eyes; he knew that it was Ray leaning over him because he could smell the earth and soil coming from him.

Out here on the roof the sun was beating down on them, perfect for the pool they had and the bar right next to it. Even a barbecue grill was here, though only Geoff was allowed to touch the thing which was perfectly fine with Gavin. He wanted to eat and not cook.

But all the way in the back, nestled at the edge, was a garden.

He also didn’t bother with that, but Ray had worked in there before together with Ryan as always. Gavin hadn’t bothered them and their soft conversation was a welcome background noise.

He couldn't understand their fascination with plants; they died even faster than humans! It was like watching a life in a time lapse - boring and foreseeable. Still, Ray was always so at peace when he worked there that sometimes Gavin just watched him.

Right now he felt a hand brush back his hair and he hummed, knowing fully well that Ray had carefully braided a flower behind his ear. He turned his head to make it easier for him, and only when the hand disappeared again did he open his eyes.

“There we go,” Ray mumbled above him, and Gavin had to blink against the harsh sun. Reaching up, he felt soft petals and couldn't help but smile.

“I wanna show you something,” Ray said and held his hand out for him. Gavin took it like always and let him pull him onto his feet. For a moment they stood close enough that Gavin could see earth on Ray’s cheek and debated on brushing it away or not, but it looked good on him. The sun and earth always looked good on him, made him more real, and when Gavin opened his mouth to say something Ray put a hand on his shoulder.

In the next second he was shoved and with a splash he was in the pool. He struggled to get back up, and spluttering, he could already hear laughter coming from above.

“Ray,” he whined with the first real breath he could take. Brushing his hair out of his face, he saw that it wasn’t only Ray but also Michael laughing his ass off, and he couldn’t help but pout.

“You guys are rubbish,” he called.

“Sorry Gav,” Ray wheezed. “Just wanted to show Michael around and the opportunity was too good to pass up.”

“That’s not a reason!” he protested. “At least help me out!”

“You think I’m stupid? You will just pull me in!”

“I absolutely will, you asshat!”

Chuckling, Ray carefully stepped closer but quickly sat down on the edge before Gavin could grab him. So instead he settled between Ray’s legs, and placing both of his hands on the edge, he pushed himself out of the water. Ray had expected that and they met in a well practiced kiss, just a little too forceful as their teeth clanked together. 

It made both of them smile and Gavin let his eyes flutter shut.

Now this close he could smell the earth even stronger and then there were Ray’s hands. One was finding his cheek, angling his head just the slightest bit and the other laid on the small of his back, finger dipping just beneath his shorts. They were very warm against his wet skin and he could feel the earth sticking to him now, fine like sand.

He sighed contently, leaning against Ray some more and it was nice, the way his lips moved against his. Well practiced over decades and longer and still Gavin couldn't get enough of it. 

Ray bit down on his bottom lip, forceful and sudden and Gavin reeled back, more surprised than in pain. 

“Hey,” he protested halfheartedly and when he opened his eyes, he found Michael standing behind them. There was a confused look on his face but before he could dwell on it, Ray pulled on his waistband to let it snap back.

“You lost your flower,” he told him with a quick peck on his nose and Gavin slipped back into the water. Sure enough, behind him floated a single rose and he frowned.

A yellow one, like always.

Ray stood again, his shirt now clinging to his chest, but he pulled it free. “You made me all wet.”

“That’s what she said,” Gavin replied and pulled the rose closer to him. One of its petals got loose but he didn’t care.

“They are pretty,” he said as he placed the flower on the edge of the pool before pulling himself up to sit down as well.

“Of course they are!” Ray said, and he sounded nearly offended. It made Gavin smile and when he tilted his head, he got another kiss on top of his hair. “I’ll see if I can get you a new one.”

“Get me a whole bouquet.” 

“Okay.” Ray eagerly headed back to his garden like a kid that was finally allowed to play outside. Gavin watched him go before turning around to Michael.

“What?” he asked because Michael was still watching him like a riddle he couldn’t figure out. 

“You kissed Ray,” he said bluntly, and Gavin snorted.

“So? Did I hurt your feelings? I thought we agreed that we weren’t exclusive.”

Michael quickly shook his head. “That’s not it. I don’t care what you do but…” 

He stopped himself, biting down on his lip and Gavin smiled. He shouldn’t forget how young Michael was, how new this whole life was.

He patted the place next to him and Michael quickly slipped out of his shoes to sit down as well. 

“It’s different,” he finally said. “The way you two… you know.”

“We’re together,” Gavin said simply, and Michael paled a little. “You could say we’ve been together for quite some time, actually.”

“You… you should have told me,” Michael said with a frown, but before he could protest further, Gavin waved him off.

“Ray knows I sleep with other people and he doesn’t mind,” he explained and turned around. The water of the pool was of an artificial blue as he kicked his legs; Michael did the same next to him, albeit slower. His skin was pale against his and Gavin could bet that would never change.

“Like I said we’ve been together for a while and as crude as it sounds, getting the same dick gets boring after a while.”

Michael spluttered and Gavin couldn't help but grin at him. “It’s true and I assure you; Ray has a great dick!”

“Too much information!”

“Sorry, I am not going to compare, I promise. But yeah, it’s not a big deal.”

“Does he know… about us?” Michael asked shyly and Gavin shrugged.

“Probably. He’s observant so he most likely figured it out already but it’s not like I run up to him and give him a list of whom I fucked.”

He threw Michael a glance and found him blushing. Ah, so sweet.

“Why? You wanted to know what I’d say?” he teased. “Or rather if Ray was eager to know some details?”

Michael’s blush grew darker but he couldn't catch his eyes. “Bullshit!”

Smirking, Gavin leaned closer only to be promptly pushed back by Michael. He didn’t let him though, he simply caught the other’s collar and pulled him in.

The kiss wasn’t sweet like the ones with Ray, he didn’t want sweet. He wanted fierce and angry and hot and Michael delivered after the first shock passed. A hand on his back and the other in his hair as he licked into the other’s mouth, tasting like ice cream and smelling like sunscreen.

But where Michael closed his eyes, Gavin kept his open until he could see the shadow looming over him. Only then did he pull back, nipping at Michael’s lips one last time.

“One thing though,” he mumbled. “Don’t let Ray see.”

Of course it was already too late. He could see how Michael’s eyes opened and then darted up, fixating on Ray behind him. He was quick to pull back, raising his hands as if to show he was no danger as he stuttered, “S-sorry!”

Gavin couldn’t help but chuckle,but he was also excited to see what would happen next.

Ray had been so excited about Michael joining them but he had also killed more than one person he had caught Gavin with. 

That had always been a fun game.

But Ray surprised him as he crouched behind him and pulled harshly on his shoulder.

“Little trickster,” he scolded as he reached for Gavin’s chin. His fingers dug in as he turned him towards him. “I know what you’re playing.”

If the grip would let him, Gavin would smirk up at him because there was something dark in Ray’s eyes that he had come to love over the years. A darkness he had seen kill and torture but that was usually good to him.

Ray kissed him, hard. The sweetness from before gone as he forced him to open up and pushed him back until Gavin’s back hit the hot ground. He reached up, lacing his arms around Ray’s neck as he let Ray make sure he didn’t taste Michael anymore.

It was harsh, the way he did it. His teeth trying to catch his lips and when they finally did, he bit down hard enough to make Gavin whine. Only then did he pull back to watch him with a cold expression.

Gavin just grinned up to him, delighted by the situation before he turned to Michael. Oh, and Michael was blushing so prettily and Gavin was pretty sure it wasn’t from embarrassment.

“Don’t listen to him,” Ray turned to Michael. “He’s awful.”

Gavin couldn't help but frown. That wasn’t the reaction he wanted! Ray should be furious, should tell Michael to back off but nothing. Instead Ray reached over him to offer Michael a fucking flower.

Unsure Michael stared at him before taking the flower. “Um… thanks.”

“It’s an Amaranth,” Ray explained gladly before turning back to Gavin. Gavin promptly pouted up to him but the other ignored it with ease.

“Where’s my bouquet?” he asked and Ray just shrugged.

“You don’t deserve one. We don’t play with those who are part of the crew,” he chided him and Gavin rolled his eyes.

“Calm down. I was just messing around.”

“You know damn well what you were doing.” He grinned up to Michael, boyish and innocent as if they were both part of a plan. Gavin wanted to scratch the expression straight from his face.

“Michael is part of the family now, so I won’t get mad at him.”

“We’re… okay?” Michael asked unsure.

“Of course!” Ray assured him and slapped Gavin’s thigh. “You can have him if you want to!”

It was meant as a joke but it hurt like a knife. Gavin carefully schooled his face as he sat up. 

Michael was laughing and he held the flower really carefully as if he was scared to crush the thin stem. 

Amaranth. It symbolized immortality. He had listened to Ray ranting about flowers enough times to know so much at least and it wasn’t like he hadn’t done his own research. 

His eyes traveled to the wet rose laying at the edge of the pool. It looked sad like that, something so pretty destroyed so quickly, and maybe that was fitting in itself.

He picked the flower up and couldn’t help but press a kiss to Ray’s cheek.

“You suck,” he mumbled, and Ray smirked at him as if he knew that already.

Just like that he had nearly forgiven him.

“I had such a calm time until you two came around. I’m gonna get something to eat,” Gavin protested and got up. He wanted to get away, at least for now, and neither of the other two stopped him.

No, they were talking among each other, chuckling and planning to swim for a bit. Gavin would make sure to join them later but for now he moved towards the stairs.

To his left he could see the garden, the pretty flowers growing within and the different colored rose bushes.

He stopped by them, gently touching the bright red one as if that would change a thing.

“A pretty flower you got there,” Ryan said and Gavin turned towards him. He hadn’t noticed him before because he was kneeling in the earth, plucking some weed with a small knife. There were two indents next to him where Ray had knelt before coming over to the pool.

Ryan threw a knowing look to his yellow rose and Gavin hated him for it.

“It’s actually too good for a whore.”

Gavin scoffed and walked closer, making sure to step right through the soil. “Really Ryan? That pent up because you’re not getting any? You know I can help with that.”

“Thanks for the offer but I’d rather avoid getting a STD.”

“They just heal like anything else.”

“You would know.”

Gavin shrugged and kicked the bucket next to Ryan over. There wasn’t enough weed inside to actually spill but it was at least something.

“The offer still stands,” he said and stopped right next to the other. “I mean you’re already on your knees and you seem like a good cocksucker. We could be done in a couple minutes and it might knock you down a bit.”

“You’re disgusting,” Ryan told him matter of factly but Gavin couldn't help but notice how the grip on his knife tightened.

He reached down to touch Ryan’s shoulder even though he was instantly slapped away. He took no offence to that.

“You’ll come around,” he said as he moved on. “People always do.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the chapters are just getting longer (just wait until chapter 5, oh dear)


	4. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you wanna play?"

Chapter 4

Red

 

Jack found Michael at the penthouse, mindlessly flipping through the TV channels. He looked like he was searching for something without actually knowing what that was, and for a while she stood there and watched him.

Michael appeared nervous, his fingers tapping on the remote and his foot moving around as if to find purchase.

He hadn’t even noticed her yet, or at least she was pretty sure of that.

“Michael,” she called, and sure enough, he jumped a little. Turning around, he watched her over the back of the couch.

“I thought you were in the meeting,” he said, and yeah, she was on the way there but they weren’t going to start without her.

Geoff had agreed to hit the museum, if only because he wanted to poke an actual mummy. Not that he would, he would shriek and inch away once he got close, but she wanted to see if Ryan would.

The meeting was just a short thing to inform them of Geoff’s plan for the heist but it wouldn’t take long. A museum wasn’t really high security like a bank or the police station and even if they were still inside when the cops arrived, it wasn’t like they could do shit.

“You can join if you want to,” she offered Michael, who pulled a face.

“I don’t think it’s my place to be there.”

“Because you’re not part of the heist?” she asked and of course that was the reason. She could see it in the way he frowned and turned back to the TV.

She rounded the couch to sit down next to him. “That doesn't mean you can’t come along. Those meetings are usually funny and even if not, it’s probably better than just sitting around here.”

“Geoff will expect me to join in, right?” Michael asked and Jack was quick to shake her head.

“He will not. If you don’t want to join, that’s fine.”

Michael threw her a doubtful look and she reached out to lay a hand on his shoulder. “Just because your life is tied to ours doesn’t mean it isn’t yours in the first place. What you do is still up to you.”

He bit his lip and she didn’t hesitate to punch his shoulder. “I’m serious! Also don’t get mad but we don’t really need you in this. It’s a small job and we have more than enough people to pull it off.”

“I’m still intruding though. Like you said, I have no reason to be there,” he sighed and Jack just shrugged.

“Unless you bring snacks,” she said easily, and now he turned towards her.

“What?”

“If you bring snacks you have every right to be there. Actually, you will be the most important person in the meeting.”

He stared at her, his mouth comically halfway open, and she couldn’t help but chuckle. So she took his arm and pulled him to his feet.

“Get a bowl from the kitchen, will you? I’ll see what sweets we have.”

“Bu-”

“Go on, we’re already late!”

She actually had to hold him by the shoulders to guide him down the hallway and towards the meeting room. Not that he was struggling or something, but just because she was pretty sure he would just freeze and stop walking if she’d let go. Also, he was shaking slightly under her touch and she made sure to rub soft circles into his skin.

When they stopped in front of the door, he was desperately holding on to the bowl and was looking up to her with deer eyes.

“Are you-” he began, but by then she already pushed the door open.

“Michael brought snacks,” she declared and felt him tense up. She didn’t let go and gently guided him further into the room.

Fine, maybe at the first glance it looked intimidating. The large round table with Geoff standing at its head, impressive in his designer suit and the others all turning around towards them. But the moment you looked closer it was clear that Ray was sliding down his chair to play on his phone and Gavin next to him was actually checking out a small bottle of nail polish.

Ryan actually perked up at the sounds of snacks and Jack pushed Michael to sit between Ray and Ryan.

“Pass me a Snickers, will you?” Geoff said immediately, and Michael fumbled to fish one out of the bowl and throw it to him. He still seemed a little starstruck about Geoff, even though Jack couldn’t understand why. As she sat down next to Gavin she could see Geoff bite of a bite of the candy bar and instantly had chocolate on his white shirt.

All while mumbling, “not me when I’m hungry.”

Gavin threw her a sympathetic look before reaching for her hand. She let him have it and couldn’t help herself but check on Michael, but he was well taken care of. The bowl sat in front of him and Ray was quietly asking him what he should choose while Ryan inhaled his second Mars Bar already.

Turning to Gavin, she watched him unscrew the bottle of polish.

“Gold?”

“Of course gold,” he mumbled. “As if you’d deserve anything less. If I could, I’d smear diamonds all over your nails.”

That made her chuckle and he grinned at the sound.

“Very sweet of you, Gav. Are you only nice because I helped you get what you wanted?”

“That’s mostly the reason why I am nice to people, let’s be honest.” He winked at her and she held still while he began painting her nails. 

“Quit the chit chat,” Geoff scolded with a full mouth and turned towards the whiteboard behind him. There were some pictures of the museum and a very crude drawing of a quite simplified layout.

“So the jewels we’re after are in this section,” he promptly began and put a big X around the middle of the main area. “That’s what we want, but hell, if you guys find something shiny along the way feel free to take it. What do I care. Just nothing dead or stuff like that. That’s weird.” 

He threw a pointed look to Ryan who just smirked. Michael next to him quietly scooted away a little.

“There will be more security than usual because of the new exhibition and stuff but nothing we can’t handle,” Geoff went on. “Take them out if you need to or feel like it, whatever. I just don’t want them bothering me or putting a bullet hole in another one of my good suits.”

Ray raised his hand like a good student would. “Just stop wearing your dumb suits to heists.”

“That is not an option,” Geoff told him promptly. “Anyway, police response shouldn’t be that quick but even if we’ll deal with it.” He pointed to Ryan, “You and I, we hold the back. Make sure our two lovebirds get the loot.”

Ray and Gavin high fived before turning back to their tasks of either painting nails or stuffing their face.

“What about me?” Jack asked and let Gavin take her other hand. “I guess I’m the driver.”

“You do what you do best, babe,” Geoff confirmed and turned back to the whiteboard to draw a simple rectangle beside the blueprints of the museum.

“We have an apartment right around the corner so that will be the base of operations for now as well as our safehouse. So we will get in the car and Jack drives us away from there until we lose the cops. Then we’ll return right away, loop back around and hide from their stupid eyes. That way we can watch the chaos from the front row.”

He took a step back to look at the whiteboard for a moment longer before shrugging. “Not the most elegant way to deal with this, but who cares. It’s a small thing so let’s just have a bit of fun. Oh and Michael-”

Michael jumped a mile and stared up at Geoff with his big eyes. He had certainly not expected to be addressed at all and Geoff didn’t even bother hiding his laugh.

“Just one task for you, don’t piss your pants,” he assured him quickly. “I don’t know what condition the safehouse is in, but when we stay there I want that bar to be filled when we get there.”

“Um… yeah, I can take care of that,” Michael mumbled, and Geoff nodded, pleased. 

“Good, then I guess we can get right into preparations.”

 

“This is a safehouse?” Michael blurted out as Geoff unlocked the door and waved him inside.

“Sure it is. Why do you ask?”

But Michael didn’t seem ready to answer, he was looking around with his mouth half opened and Geoff couldn't help but chuckle.

“It’s not even half as luxurious as the penthouse.” Which was true. They weren’t high up at all and the view went right into the next skyscraper. Sure the interior was sleek and modern but they weren’t animals, alright?

“How many safehouses do you guys have?” Michael finally mumbled as he stepped further in to let his finger travel over a dresser.

“I don’t know. Quite a bunch in Los Santos and some around the city. You’d have to ask Jack or Ryan for the exact number, but most of the others have some secret ones out there.” He shrugged because it wasn’t a big deal. As long as he knew where the closest one was he was fine with it.

“That’s insane,” Michael said, and Geoff couldn't help but shrug.

“Fair enough.” He kicked his shoes off and Michael stared at him as if he was surprised he wore socks.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Michael quickly backpedaled, and Geoff snorted.

“Check on the fridge and the cabinets, will you? I’m going to look at something real quick.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Geoff left him to walk down the hallway. There wasn’t much in the apartment and most rooms contained bedrooms so that they could all fit if they had to because they were way past the days of squeezing into a tiny house. That most certainly hadn’t been his favorite time of his life but he remembered the days fondly with only the three of them, sitting around the warm fire because everywhere else it was freezing, telling stories as it grew dark.

Food had been rare, but somehow they had managed.

Having an apartment like this had been nothing but a wild dream.

He stopped in front of one of the doors to open it and nodded, pleased. 

Ryan had already taken care of it and built a small office here with a bunch of screens. When Geoff started the computer they soon synced with the camera footage and he could watch the inner halls of the museum.

Right now it wasn’t very busy, but it was Tuesday and he figured on the weekend it would look way different.

He watched for a while as he debated about his choice now. Jack would probably be against it but Geoff knew that Michael was an adult. Sure, he was way younger than them, but that didn’t mean they had to take away his choice.

“Michael,” he called him and heard him drop whatever he was carrying to rush to him.

“You need me?” Michael asked eagerly, and Geoff couldn't help himself but ruffle his hair.

“Look at this,” he said as he nodded into the office, and Michael peered inside. He gave him a moment before the other realized, but then Michael stepped into the room.

“That’s the museum.”

“It is.”

“You hacked the system.”

“We did.” Geoff came up behind him and pointed to the different screens. “All of the security cams showing the most important places. It’s mostly to make sure we don’t oversee some new development like a huge amount of guards or police because of the new exhibition.”

“That’s cool,” Michael mumbled and Geoff couldn't help but nod.

“It’s for you.”

“For me?”

“You want to stay here while we do the heist, right? If you want to you can watch.”

Michael turned towards him, his eyes all big and Geoff couldn't help but chuckle. “Only if you want to. Not gonna lie, you might see some things you won’t like and nobody will judge if you decide to get a drink instead. I’m just saying that it’s an option.”

“I-” Michael began, but then fell silent. 

“Up to you,” Geoff repeated and turned away. “And now let’s make sure we don’t starve.”

 

The doors to the museum were wide open as they walked down the sidewalk towards it, but there was no crowd. It made Ray wonder if there would be any people inside in the first place.

After all it was a nice day and he kinda didn't believe that a lot of the people in Los Santos would bother with learning things. They didn't seem like the types to think, but who knew, maybe he'd get surprised.

A hand slid into his back pocket and he wrapped his own arm around Gavin's waist to pull him into his side. As he turned around to press a kiss against his cheek, he smelled his hair gel and couldn't help but chuckle.

They would fool no one going in there. Gavin had his hair styled up and his sunglasses on top of his nose. A golden necklace disappearing beneath his shirt that wasn't quite buttoned up and when he grinned at him, it screamed Golden Boy.

Even if that wasn't enough, of course Geoff had his suit on as he walked in front of them, checking on his phone. And fuck, freaking Ryan had his mask on and everyone who took a second glance beneath the hood would recognize him.

Not like this was a stealth mission to begin with but the more he thought about it, the ridiculously it became. He wondered what Michael would think once he saw them over the cams.

"That's such a nice idea for a date," Gavin said and Ray chuckled.

"Was that a hint or something?"

"It was. You should take me out on more dates."

"We'll see about that." He let his hand slip beneath Gavin's shirt to rub circles into his soft skin and the other hummed in delight. When they stopped in front of the museum, Gavin leaned heavily into his side and Ryan rolled their eyes at them once they saw.

"Okay," Geoff interrupted them and put his phone away. "Remember the plan-"

"You even dare to call it a plan," Ray said happily. "Have you no shame, Geoffrey."

"Shut up, sweet cheeks. Just hurry up with stealing the stuff so that we can all get back soon enough. Apparently Michael likes Always Sunny and I brought the complete box set into the safehouse."

"That's sweet of you," Gavin said in a mocking voice, and Geoff just gave him the finger.

"Whatever. Let's get this over with."

It took less than a minute to get recognized once they stepped through the door. Ray could see it in the eyes of the girl behind the counter as Geoff approached. She paled as he stood before her, opening her mouth as if to scream or greet him like a normal customer, but nothing ever came out. Instead Geoff dumped a bunch of cash in front of her and then pointed to the rest of them.

"Tickets for three and one for a bitch."

"Fuck you, Geoffrey!" Gavin called out as he took his glasses off to hang them into his collar. Ryan also pulled his hood down and it grew very, very quiet in the entrance area.

Ray watched the dawn of realization hit one of the guards, but before the guy could react they were already moving on. It stayed quiet until they moved up the stairs when the first shot came.

Gavin next to him stumbled and Ray quickly steadied him. 

"How are you always the first to get shot?" he asked as Gavin straightened up again.

There was blood coming from a bullet hole right beneath his knee but it was already retreating, leaving just a gray patch in the fabric.

"I don't know," Gavin told him and shook out his leg. With a clank the bullet fell down the steps they had just walked up. "I'm like a magnet for death."

"Hey assholes!" Geoff called down towards the guards. "We didn't even do shit! I paid for the tickets, there is no reason to be hostile!"

The fact that he shot the guard in the same moment and kind of ruined his speech didn't seem to dawn to him, and Ryan sighed beneath his mask.

"They might have reason now."

"Yeah. Whatever."

They moved on as all hell broke loose around them. The few guests ran for the entrances, careful to not get to close, but they let them pass. The less people were in here the easier this whole process would be.

There were large open areas in the ground to look down onto the ground floor and when Ray peered over the balustrade he saw more guards gathering, frantically speaking into their walkie talkies.

"They are alerting the cops," he informed the others, but Geoff just shrugged.

"Big deal. For now look around; it's actually a nice place here! We should visit next sunday or so!"

"I highly doubt that," Ryan threw in but he was the one stopping at some of the display cases to check them out.

"Look!" Gavin called out and raced towards a hieroglyph covered wall. There was a barrier around it but he quickly stepped over it. "It's a giant rock!"

"Don't touch it."

He already was, poking and rubbing at it and Ray was moving to pull him back when Geoff called him.

"Look at this," he said and waved him over to a long display case. "That might be of interest to you."

Only when he stepped closer he could see the weapons lying on purple silk. Different kinds of swords and daggers, and he let his hands travel over the glass over a long broad sword. It was made out of steel, missing the blue hue.

"They’re pretty," he mumbled, but Geoff already grasped his arm and pulled him along. There, nestled in between the other weapons were three highly decorated sheaths, but he could tell that they were rapiers from the slender form alone. He pressed his hand against the glass and ignored Geoff's knowing smirk.

Gavin appeared by his side and touched his hand briefly.

"Ray?" he asked but for now he couldn't take his eyes off the swords. "Do you wanna play?"

He nodded, his mouth dry as anticipation curled in his stomach. It's been a while but yes, yes, he wanted to play. He wondered if he'd gotten rusty over time, but somehow doubted it.

Geoff was talking, maybe to him, but he didn't listen. Gavin answered for him, Gavin took control now just like he needed him to because his fingers were prickling and he wanted it, he wanted it so badly.

The glass broke. It was undoubtedly security glass but it still broke when he willed it to. There was no alarm going off, at least not one he could hear, and he was glad for that.

The sheaths had all different colors but he chose the red one with the black hilt. His old one hadn't been that decorated and he found it unnecessary, but for now he didn't mind.

All the thoughts about being rusty fell from him once he curled his hand around the hilt and his fingers found their place immediately. It felt right, the weight, the rough texture of the hilt. Whoever had owned this sword before certainly hadn't used it much; maybe it had only been for decoration, and he quickly pulled it out to make sure it was an actual sword.

But he didn't quite doubted it, not with the weight of it and sure enough the blade reflected the light, still perfect as if the rapier was brand new. So it hadn't been used, otherwise he would be able to tell.

"What a shame," he mumbled to himself as he carefully placed the sheath back down. "You were clearly made to fight and never got the opportunity." 

Nobody would bother with balancing a rapier this well if it was just for decoration, and it laid nicely in his hand. Not as good as his own, but after all that had been crafted especially for him back then.

It was still a good weapon.

"Ray," Gavin called, and he managed to lift his gaze from the rapier. Gavin still stood next to him, something hungry in his gaze, and Ray quickly let the weapon sink as the other stepped closer.

Gavin grasped his jacket and pulled him in, crushing their lips together in a dirty kiss that was mostly teeth and tongue. Ray brought his free hand up to fist a handful of the golden hair and pull him in harder. It was as if the anticipation coming from Gavin was also spilling into him, curling warm and heavy in the pit of his stomach like smoke.

"Brings back memories," Gavin whispered against his mouth when he pulled back the tiniest bit. "You always looked good with a weapon." His hand wandered down to wrap around Ray's holding the rapier.

"And I always hated seeing you with one," he mumbled, and felt Gavin smirk against him.

"I never needed one, did I? You always protected me," he said and squeezed his hand. "Will you protect me this time, Ray?"

He leaned back a little to watch Gavin's face, to take in the golden hair, the green eyes and the smirk he knew so well. Letting his hand wander from his hair down to cup his face, he found himself smiling.

Gavin leaned into his touch without hesitation and Ray rubbed his cheek with his thumb.

"Of course," he assured him and pulled him closer to kiss his forehead. "I always will."

"I know."

Ray took a step back and looked around, a little surprised to be alone with Gavin.

"Where did the others go?"

"We changed tactics, love," Gavin told him and sounded mocking. "You didn't listen, I guess. Too occupied with your new toy, but Geoff and Ryan will get the jewels while we hold the police back." He winked at him as he turned around and started heading back towards the entrance. "You wanted to play, right?"

His hips swayed and Ray took a moment to appreciate the tight fit of his jeans before hurrying after him. He was careful to move the rapier out of the way as he wrapped his arms around Gavin's waist. The moment Gavin turned to look at him, he pressed their lips together once more but this time it was sweet and languid. Sometimes he liked these kisses more, the way Gavin wrapped his arms around him and melted into him without any other intention than just to be close.

And Gavin was always so soft in those moments, nearly pliant as he sighed quietly. No pulling and tearing and no fear, and when Ray pulled back for a moment he could nearly pretend this was right. That this was somehow right where he was meant to be, but then Gavin smiled and that was different. His eyes so full of love that Ray just wanted to pull back and scream at him.

Instead he leaned their foreheads together and let them breathe each others’ air in.

"You think you can still do it?" Gavin asked quietly and Ray just chuckled.

"Of course I can."

"I'm just saying, it's been quite some time."

"Some things you don't forget," he assured him and let go. Gavin slipped his hand into his free one and pulled him along towards the entrance. It was quiet now and their steps echoed. Most people had fled the scene by now and Ray couldn't even hear the guards anymore. But there were distant sirens, so the police were on their way and the quietness wouldn't last long.

"Michael is still watching," Gavin reminded him, and Ray quickly looked up to search for the cameras. He had totally forgotten about that and right now he didn't know what to make out of it.

Michael was still so new to this life, hadn't seen the hardships yet, and Ray wasn't sure if the other was ready for it. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be the one to show him, because if he had the choice he would keep him away from it.

That wasn't possible, not in this long life, because that would be dangerous, would be foolish to begin with.

No, Michael had to learn if he wanted to detach himself from this world and rise above it.

But maybe it was still too early.

He realized he was staring into the cameras and briefly wondered if Michael was looking back. He couldn't decide, his mind too occupied with the weapon in his hand and he turned around to ask Gavin. Only that he barely opened his mouth before Gavin shot the camera.

If he wanted to be he was an excellent shot and now he let his gun sink slowly.

"You want to protect him," he said slowly. "I don't know why but I could see it in your eyes the day you found him."

"I'm paying an old debt," Ray told him, and Gavin turned towards him.

"Is it the same with me? Are you also just repaying a debt?"

Ray let go of the other's hand to cup his face but this time Gavin made no move to lean into it. He was watching him, something tight in his face, and so Ray said, "It's different."

It at least made Gavin smile and he turned his head to kiss his palm before pulling his hand back.

"Then we should play, Ray," he continued and now the sirens were louder, nearly deafening. "But there are rules. There always are, right?"

He nodded and closed his eyes, only concentrating on Gavin's voice.

"You will only listen to me. If I tell you to stop, you will. If I tell you to kill, you will," Gavin told him and Ray could feel the warmth of his hand when he laid it on top of his chest. "I will stay up here and if anyone comes up these stairs they are mine."

That made him open his eyes and Gavin grinned at him. "What? Just watching isn't in my nature! You can't have all the fun for yourself, love!" He winked at him. "Also you like a challenge, don't you?"

Ray snorted, but they both fell quiet when they could hear car doors slamming, and they both moved the few feet to the balustrade to look down into the entrance hall. Nobody yet but it wouldn't take that much longer.

"Are you ready to play?" Gavin asked him, and Ray nodded eagerly. His body was shaking in anticipation but not his hand. No, his hand was steady as it always had been when carrying a weapon.

He easily jumped up on the railing, balancing on the narrow wood as he waited and soon enough he could see shadows in the entrance. He waited longer until the cops stormed into the entrance hall, looking around in search for them.

"Gavin?" he asked, acutely aware that the other was watching him. But the game hadn't started yet and he wouldn't go against the rules.

When he turned around Gavin began to smile, something amused in it. He had waited for something and Ray realized it had been his eyes. He was teetering on something dangerous here and as always it made him nervous to give up the control.

Still, he didn't hesitate when Gavin nodded.

It was a step into nothing, but he gripped the rapier tightly with two hands.

The impact ripped through his arms and legs as he crashed into one of the officers and sank the rapier deep into their chest. They barely could do more than gasp before he ripped the sword out again and charged into the next one.

The blade was a little blunt, no surprise due to how old the rapier was, and so he had to use slightly more strength to cut their throat. The blood sprayed warm against his hands and face as the officer hit the ground and only then did he hear someone shout a warning.

Straightening up, he looked around and found all eyes on him. Normally he would shy away, but not right now. He didn't feel nervous in the slightest.

Finally someone shot and hit him in the chest. The impact made him stumble but he didn't even feel the pain.

Instead he changed his stance, one feet behind the other as he lifted the rapier. It was still in his muscles, each of the movements and he followed them with ease.

The bullet hit the ground between his feet as he healed and then he charged. Another shot hit his shoulder but it was far from enough to get him from stop.

He sank the blade into the next chest. They were wearing an armored vest and he grunted a little as he threw his weight into it. The cop managed to bring up his gun but missed him by a couple inches as Ray turned around, ripping the rapier back out.

In the corner of his eyes he saw one of them heading up the stairs and he remembered Gavin's little challenge. It would be hard to reach that guy; he didn't doubt that he was fast enough, but he'd have to rush through the other cops and by then this guy would reach the second floor, and he certainly wasn't ready to lose.

Pulling his gun out, he shot the cop in the head and watched him crumple to the ground.

Maybe it was in his head but he was pretty sure he could hear Gavin laugh. No chance to check it out because the other cops were all taking aim as he turned towards them, gun and sword in his hands.

 

When everything was over he was on his knees, gasping for air. His legs shook and prickled but in a good way, his arms felt heavy as he rested them on the hilt.

The air was heavy with blood and gunpowder and his own heartbeat. For some long moments that was the only noise until there were soft steps.

Ray looked up, the rapier in front of him in case it was needed, but then he recognized Gavin.

Gavin who was walking down the stairs, stepping over the body of cop he had shot.

His steps were sure as he walked through the mess, leaving a bloody trail behind.

Ray bowed his head when he came closer.

Leaning his head against the hilt, he waited until the steps halted in front of him before looking up again.

Gavin crouched down in front of him but didn't yet touch.

"You're back?" he asked instead and Ray let his eyes drift shut. The familiar voice calmed him and seeped every tension from him. His hands began to shake and when Gavin reached for the rapier, he let him have it.

Then his hand was on his face, brushing blood away in sweet little motions. In moments like that Gavin could be so gentle that it hurt and Ray wanted to apologize for everything that had happened and would happen. But he was lacking the strength and the courage to do so, so he just let go. When Gavin pulled at him, he sank to the floor and placed his head in Gavin's lap. That felt nice, felt familiar.

There was a hand in his hair, stroking in slow movements, and then Gavin began to hum. The lullaby made his heart ache, but for now he was safe and warm.

He allowed the melody to drown him.

 

* * *

 

At first Michael had debated not to watch. He wanted to stay out of that whole crew business, right?

But who was he even kidding anymore. He passed by the room like three times as he pretended to do other stuff and in the end he sat down in front of the screens. There was a strange pull in his stomach and it took him a while to realize that he was worried about the others, scared even. That more than anything made him sit here, not the thrill of watching a crime, and no matter how stupid that was, he couldn't shake it off.

The crew knew what they were doing and even if they got hurt they would just heal again.

Still it was on his mind, and he gnawed restlessly on his nails.

The moment when Gavin got shot while moving up the stairs, he jumped. He was ready to walk out and watch TV or something like that but the others just went on as if it was nothing more than a scratch.

Michael was nearly ready to laugh at how ridiculous that was, but now he was hooked and couldn't avert his eyes by how easily they just walked through the museum, nearly as if they were sightseeing while the cops were alerted.

But then things changed and he grew restless again. They were going against the plan because Ryan and Geoff were moving further into the museum while Gavin and Ray looped back around, which didn't make any sense.

Nervously, Michael watched the outside cams as more and more cops arrived before looking back up.

Ryan and Geoff had arrived the exhibition and had started smashing the display cases and loading jewels into their pockets. They didn't look stressed or nervous so everything was probably alright and still Michael couldn't shake off his own doubts.

It grew worse when he noticed Ray. Ray with a fucking sword, staring exactly into the camera, staring at him, and Michael couldn't avert his eyes. It was nearly mesmerizing, as if that had happened before, like Ray wanted to tell him something but Michael didn't know what.

And right as Ray finally turned his head the camera cut out.

Michael was so taken aback that he flinched violently.

"What?" he mumbled and reached for the screen only to pull back. He didn't want to break anything and looked around as if any button was flashing red or something. But nothing seemed broken and all the other screens were still working.

He could see Geoff and Ryan and the police force getting ready at the entrance. It looked like an awful lot but of course they would know that it was the Fake AH Crew and they would come prepared.

Fuck, now he was actually getting worried because maybe something had gone wrong. Why had the camera just cut out like that? Were both Gavin and Ray in danger?

Surely they would have a way to communicate with the other two, or even Jack who was still sitting in the getaway car in some alley. If they really needed help they would be able to reach out.

Right?

Biting down on his lip, he made it another two minutes before he jumped to his feet.

This was stupid and he knew it. This was even worse than stupid, it was dangerous and he wasn't yet ready to die but he couldn't just sit around.

They had been good to him, both Gavin and Ray, and yeah, he could see why Ryan would have warned him of them but right now he didn't care. They were family, right? Ray and Jack had called them that, and he had to check on them.

He was out of the door and was jogging down the street before he knew it, but it was hard getting through. A crowd had formed, watching the museum, and even through the murmurs Michael was sure he could hear gunshots.

He elbowed his way through the people before remembering the alleyway they had talked about. Somewhere behind the museum was Jack's car, and he changed his direction.

No way he would get in through the entrance, not with so many people watching, but maybe he had a chance there.

Sure enough, the crowd thinned out because here was nothing to see, no people dying so he figured that wasn’t quite interesting enough. At least it made running easier as he ducked into an alleyway behind some fast food place.

Fuck, he wished he had actually listened to where exactly that entrance was, but back then it hadn’t been relevant, right? No, he was never suppose to step foot into this museum, what he was doing here was downright stupid.

Still, his feet wouldn’t stop moving, carrying him away from the crowd. Further and further into the shadows here until all the voices were just murmurs besides the gunshot. They rang loud from his left and he headed towards there. It was his only point of orientation, and they really couldn’t get into trouble just because he ran into the wrong house; that was the last they needed right now.

So instead he followed the gunshots and soon enough the huge form of the museum towered over the smaller businesses around.

His heart was pounding by the time he reached that place. Not only because of all the running but also because of his nerves.

It had been a couple moments since he had heard any shots and he wasn’t sure if that was a good sign. Either the cops had been dealt with or… or they had dealt with the crew.

Granted, that wasn’t too bad, and it wouldn’t be the first time that happened, but he really didn’t want to run in there, seeing their dead bodies and then probably getting arrested or… or shot as well.

The thought made his stomach churn and his throat all dry and still he didn’t stop running. He finally reached a door and slipped inside. The door closed heavily, the noise echoing a little, but besides that it was quiet.

He leaned against the wall as he gasped for breath for a moment and wiped the sweat from his forehead. Fuck, he couldn’t remember the last time he had run that much and that willingly.

They really owed him big time for that.

Pushing himself off, he moved on but now at a slower pace down the plain hallway. He was listening for any other steps, even for a sudden gunshot that would make everything go dark.

Shit, shit, shit - he really should have thought about this some more but now it was too late. Now it was fucking too late because he had run straight into the mouth of the beast, he was greeting death with fucking open arms even though he had said he would stay with his ass at home.

Fuck, what was he even doing here?

He reached another door and now he was in the actual part of the museum, a small sign telling him he had just come from an emergency exit.

For a moment he stood there and looked around, trying to orientate himself but it took a while of wandering around until he found a statue he recognized from the cameras.

Later he would realize that he had a chance right here. He could head towards Geoff and Ryan and warn them that something had gone wrong. They were deeper in the museum, had probably heard the commotion and were prepared. Not only that, they had guns where Michael had nothing, they had experience where Michael had never dreamed of getting into a situation like this.

And still he didn’t even hesitate to head towards the entrance. He didn’t even know what he was meant to do if he found Gavin and Ray in a pinch - throw a shoe at a cop?

He was just pulled into their direction.

It didn’t take long until he could smell something metallic in the air, something that laid heavy on this tongue, and he realized it was blood.

His stomach clenched but he moved on.

He had seen dead bodies before. His grandpa who had died in his sleep when he was twelve, some random neighbour later when he lived alone, but he had never seen a corpse like this.

He had never seen someone who had been  _killed_ and then with such violence.

There was blood all over the floor, slippery even though it was sticky on his shoes. There were at least a dozen bodies scattered around, cut open for the most part and just some with bullet wounds.

Not that it really mattered, Michael felt sick to his stomach just seeing them, he really didn’t need to know how they died.

In the eerie silence someone was singing and it seemed like straight out of a horror movie.

Why did he still go on?

He didn’t know, and only when he came closer did he see the other two.

They were sitting in the middle of all the dead, Ray with his head in Gavin’s lap and Gavin who was singing, no, just humming a song that Michael didn’t recognize. It was haunting in this large hall, echoing slightly, but that didn’t stop him.

Gavin hummed with closed eyes while his hand brushed through Ray’s hair.

Under other circumstances it might have been a peaceful scene, but not now. Not with all this death around.

Then Gavin’s head snapped up and he stared at Michael. He froze on the spot, wondering if he had made any noise but he couldn't remember.

“What are you doing here?” Gavin whispered, and something like panic was written across his face. Ray also stirred, and that only seemed to make it worse and Gavin was quick to shush him down.

“The cameras cut out,” Michael explained, but that wasn't a reason, right? That didn’t explain why he had run through the streets like a madmen.

Gavin even frowned at him but his voice was level and soft as he spoke. 

“That was very, very stupid of you, Michael Jones,” he said. “You have no idea in how much danger you are right now.”

Danger? But none of the cops were alive anymore, none of them moved or breathed, and it was only them in here. Did Gavin expect a second wave? Another attack?

He stood there indecisively, right on the edge of all the dead and defenseless.

What was he doing here? That was actually a very good question but he couldn’t answer it.

Gavin was still staring at him and Michael swallowed heavily.

“Are you hurt?” he blurted out, and Gavin’s expression slipped into bewilderment.

“I can heal,” he snapped and Michael wanted to kick his own ass. Right, the immortal thing. Still, it seemed like a reasonable thing to ask considering how he had found them.

The smell of blood was nearly overwhelming, and if he couldn’t push it aside he would most likely throw up.

“Ray?” he asked next and ignored Gavin’s haunted glance. “Are you okay?”

That was a valid question, right? After all there was blood all over the other and even though Michael was sure it wasn’t his own, the other was still cowering there.

But now he turned his head into Michael’s reaction before slowly sitting up. Gavin didn’t let go of him, just allowed his hand to slip from his hair down to his shoulder and then his arm. His eyes were only on Ray in that moment, a look of concentration on his face that Michael didn’t recognize him.

“It’s Michael,” Gavin said very softly and Michael frowned. As if Ray didn’t recognize him! He took a step closer but Gavin shook his head.

“Stay where you are, Michael,” he said in the same calm voice as before, his eyes still on Ray only. “He’s still dangerous.”

“What?” he asked but stayed where he was. After all, he stood in blood for the first time in his life.

Ray fully turned towards him and something inside Michael froze.

He was glad that he hadn’t taken another step, he blamed himself for any step that had taken him closer to those two in the first place.

At first he wasn’t quite sure what had scared him because it wasn’t the blood on Ray’s face or the curious expression, somehow like a snake watching a rabbit.

It was his eyes, and it might have been a play of light, but Ray’s eyes looked black. Not dark or anything, plain black.

It made his breath stick in his throat, but then Gavin already reached out and placed his hand on Ray’s cheek.

“It’s Michael,” he repeated as he turned Ray towards him. “He’s one of us, right? That’s what you said, Ray. We’re safe now. There’s no danger.”

His voice stayed leveled through each word and it even managed to settle something in Michael. He shook his head and wasn’t quite sure if he hadn’t just been seeing things. That was a possible, after all he was stressed by this situation.

Still, he couldn’t bring his feet to take a single step further.

When a hand fell on his shoulder he nearly jumped out of his skin but he didn’t dare to make a noise. He didn’t want Ray to turn back around.

“Quiet,” Jack said and pulled him backwards. “It’s just me. Come with me.”

He glanced back to Gavin, but he just threw them a smile before turning back to Ray, and Michael followed willingly. 

They didn’t go far, just so that they had still a line of sight to the other two, but Michael didn’t quite dare to check on them so he kept his eyes on Jack.

“You got some legs on you, kid,” she told him. “But you also won’t listen. I called for you to stop, fuck, you nearly went right past the getaway car and I kept wondering which idiot that was until I realized it was my own idiot.”

She sighed and Michael opened his mouth to defend himself but there was really nothing he could say.

“You were immensely lucky that Gavin had the situation already under control,” she went on and now her tone sounded chiding. That made him wake up a little and he shook his head.

“What the fuck is going on?” he asked. “Why is everyone acting like this? The cops are all dead!”

By God they were. He realized his own words and couldn’t help the shiver working through his body. Jack was quick to rub his arm.

“Sometimes during missions… Ray gets a bit overwhelmed,” she said and what the fuck was that suppose to mean?

“Like he’s scared or what?”

“No, Michael. Where he attacks anyone who comes close to him.”

He hesitated and turned back around. He half feared that Ray would stare at him out of his black eyes but he and Gavin had their foreheads rested against each other. When he listened closely he could hear that same haunting melody again.

“What-” he began but then didn’t know how to continue. 

At least Jack was decent enough to have pity on him and before he knew it he was pulled into a tight hug. He leaned into it because he had never seen someone killed before, he had never smelled so much blood and he’d never been so scared before.

It caught up to him now, working through his body, and he realized he was trembling from head to toe. He couldn't stop it, couldn’t even pretend to fight against it, and so he just let it happen.

“When Ray’s like this only Gavin is allowed to be close to him,” Jack continued and Michael closed his eyes, glad she didn’t comment on his state. “He’s the only one able to control him and so we listen to him. If he tells you to go away or to not come closer, you have to listen.”

“Did Ray ever kill one of us?” he mumbled and Jack’s arms tightened.

“Gavin is very careful about it,” she just said, and he didn’t know what to do with that. “We should have told you sooner but you shouldn’t even be here. I’m sorry.”

Michael opened his mouth to apologize but then let it go. He savored the warmth for a while, how Jack rubbed his back and let the fear wrack through his body.

It didn’t take long until Jack turned though, and Michael also heard steps closing in. He looked up, nearly fearing that it was Ray and Gavin, but it came from the opposite side.

Jack reached for her gun but didn’t draw it, and a few seconds later she relaxed again.

Soon after Michael could also see Geoff and Ryan turn the corner and he sighed.

“What are you two doing here?” Geoff called. “Will nothing ever go according to plan in this crew?”

“You were the one who got sidetracked and swapped the roles,” Ryan reminded him. His voice was a little muffled behind his mask and even though the Vagabond should strike fear into his heart, Michael smiled up to him.

He could see the concern for him in Ryan’s eyes and that was nice, how he reached out and let his hand brush against his arm. Maybe he did look like shit, pale and shaky, but he couldn’t quite care.

“Ray,” Jack just said, and Geoff nodded. He seemed a little guilty and Michael couldn’t help but wonder if he had seen this coming somehow.

“I left Gavin with him.”

“He’s taking care of him right now.”

“Good.” Geoff threw a glance at his watch before huffing. “We should get out before reinforcements come.”

“If Ray feels ready.”

“I’m going to check on them,” Geoff mumbled before brushing past them. He didn’t hesitate but Michael could tell that he was moving more carefully, a hand on his gun, and he couldn’t help but shake again.

To his surprise they moved fast after that. Geoff returned with a nod and then Jack took his arm and pulled him along. Ryan had their back as they returned to the emergency exit.

When Michael threw a glance over his shoulder he saw the other three following in some distance, with Gavin and Ray having their arms tightly wrapped around each other.

Once they reached the car, Jack motioned him to sit in the passenger seat, and due to the glint in her eye he quickly pulled on the seat belt.

“Here,” Ryan behind him said as he sat down and scooted over to make room for Geoff next. “Hold this.”

He threw a bag into Michael’s lap and while the others piled into the car, Michael peeked inside.

What he saw nearly made his heart stop, because it was the jewels. Glimmering in the sunlight, rings and necklaces and bracelets. They were beautiful, clearly worth a fortune, and he fished one ring out to slip it on his finger. 

“Holy shit,” he mumbled and some of the others started to laugh. He couldn’t even tell who it was, he was so fascinated.

The ring was a bit too big but the sapphire caught the light so easily, it was mesmerizing.

Of course Jack seemed to wait for exactly that moment to let the engine roar and then they were flying out of the alleyway. Michael forgot the ring in favor of holding tight to the next possible thing.

 

* * *

 

 

“Don’t break it.” Geoff wanted the jewels, and Michael immediately pulled his hand back. He hadn’t even touched anything besides the ring and the words were directed to Ryan, but no need to risk anything.

“I’m just checking them out,” Ryan told him as he pulled the next bracelet closer.

“What, you think they are all fake?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time that happened.”

They had just dumped their whole haul on the kitchen table and Michael couldn’t help but stare with wide eyes at all that gold.

They had just stolen that, had walked in there and simply taken that.

Wasn’t that insane?

Jack next to him tried on different rings and watched them thoughtfully.

“I think I’m going to keep some of them,” she murmured. “But I can’t decide which ones. What do you say?”

She showed two rings to Michael but he couldn’t care less. His gaze went past them and down the hallway where Gavin and Ray had disappeared the moment they had stepped foot in the safe house.

“Shouldn’t we check on them?” he asked carefully, and Jack smiled indulgently at him.

“Ray is fine, Michael. Gavin knows how to take care of him the best.”

“Probably blows him right about now and thinks that will fix everything,” Ryan threw in but then stopped himself when the necklace in his hand broke in the middle. “Shit.”

“That thing survived for a thousand years!” Geoff screeched and ripped the gold from his hands. “Thousand years and then you came around!”

“It’s just a couple hundred yea-”

“Will you do the same with my poor heart? With my patience!” Geoff went on. “It survived Ray and Gavin but you might just do me in!”

Ryan rolled his eyes and held his hand out. “Just give me the thing and some pliers. I can fix it.”

“Pliers!” Geoff screeched and Jack chuckled.

She turned back towards him and laid a hand on his arms. The new rings felt cold where they touched his skin. “Ray is fine, believe me.”

And still he found himself in front of the door and leaned in close to listen. He really didn’t want to walk in on them in case they were actually banging or something like that. Thanks to Ryan for that mental image that he couldn't get out of his head.

But then he heard steps and he reeled back just in time for the door to open.

“Oh.” Gavin blinked up to him, obviously surprised. “Were you… what were you doing?”

“Just wanted to check on you guys,” Michael assured him and still Gavin threw him a funny look. He thankfully let the topic go.

“Good timing anyway. You got some spare clothes?”

“What?”

“Ray didn’t pack any because he is a child and an idiot.” There came a muffled protest from inside but Gavin ignored it. “He can’t wear the ones he has because you know… bloody and stuff. And for some reason he refuses to wear my clothes even though he would look quite good in those.”

This time the ‘fuck you’ was quite prominent and Michael couldn’t help but laugh.

“Sure, lemme get him something.”

 

When the door opened again, Ray figured it would be Gavin returning. After all the others knew to leave him alone until… well, Gavin probably gave them a sign or something.

That was fine with him; he liked the calm after the storm when he and Gavin would just sit together. Sometimes they would talk but that was rare. They had talked so much in their time together that it wasn’t necessary anymore.

However, when someone knocked, he frowned and turned his head.

Michael stood in the doorway and Ray froze. He really wasn’t sure if he wanted to see the other but here he was, holding up a pile of clothes.

“I brought you some stuff,” Michael said. “I hope it fits.”

Of course it would. Michael was taller and not build like a stick but it was nice from him to say that.

“Where’s Gav?” Ray asked instead and pulled the blanket closer. They had showered and then laid down on the couch together. He hadn’t really bothered with getting dressed again, most of all because his clothes were a mess.

“Um… I think he got distracted by the gold,” Michael admitted with a shrug. His eyes couldn't quite stay on him, they flitted around nervously, and it wasn’t because he was barely dressed. Michael couldn’t see that, wasn’t even thinking about that possibility. 

No, it was something worse.

“Are you scared of me, Michael?”

The other flinched and Ray sighed inwardly. He had feared that would happen; it hadn’t been the right time for Michael to be in that situation.

And he remembered Michael being in the museum. The memory might be blurry like a fever dream but Gavin had assured him that it was true.

“No,” Michael finally said and Ray couldn't help but smile sadly.

“It’s fine, you know.” He sat up and pulled the blanket tighter. “I didn’t want you to see that.”

“I didn’t see what happened,” Michael told him and closed the door behind him. Interesting, he was giving up his way out. “The cameras shut down.”

Right, Gavin had shot them. He would have to thank him for that later.

“Still, you probably saw enough.”

“Well…”

“I killed them,” Ray said easily. “And I enjoyed it.”

Michael paled but he didn’t turn around and leave. Quite the opposite, he came closer of all things, and Ray watched him attentively as he put down the clothes on the table. Maybe he would leave now, but no, he just stood there, chewing on his lips.

“I don’t mind,” he mumbled, and Ray was quick to shake his head.

“You do.”

“But I shouldn’t.”

“Why?”

Michael looked down to him and again Ray was reminded of how young he was.

“Because I am part of this, right?” Michael asked. “This is… this is where I belong, where I am supposed to be.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to like everything we do,” Ray reminded him. “You’re not part of the crew.”

“I will be at some point.”

“You want to?”

“I think I showed that today, did I?” He seemed confused about himself, frowning at his own words. “I just ran in there, not thinking it through at all.” He sat down on the couch but some distance away.

“What were you doing in the museum, Michael?” Ray asked.

“I thought you and Gavin were hurt or in danger. That was so stupid, I know,” he said, and something about those words made Ray’s heart pick up. 

“You came for us? To protect us?”

Michael shrugged but it was in his eyes as he looked up. Maybe he was confused about himself but somewhere deep inside he knew the answer to that question oh so well.

“It’s stupid, isn’t it?” he mumbled. “You two are a lot more capable than I will ever be, much more dangerous. I mean… I saw that, didn’t I? And still… still I couldn't just sit there and wait. I had to do something!”

“Not stupid,” Ray assured him. He pulled the blanket tightly around himself as he stood. Michael watched him but didn’t shy away when he came closer. He didn’t move, not even when Ray bent down to press a kiss against his hair.

“We just always fall back into our roles. I don’t think we could fight that even if we wanted to.”

He took the clothes from the table and headed towards the bathroom when Michael spoke, “What do you mean by that?”

He didn’t turn around, didn’t want to see what was on Michael’s face as he said, “You are Michael. You are the sword - meant to protect.”

 

He got dressed in Michael’s clothes and found them well worn but very soft because of that. They smelled like him and looked a bit silly in the way they hung off of him, but Ray didn’t mind. Quite the opposite, it felt very comfortable and slowly the exhaustion crept up on him.

When he stepped out he didn’t expect Michael to still be there but he was just right where he left him. Gavin should have returned long ago but he was easy to distract with gold.

“That looks weird on you,” Michael told him and Ray just shrugged.

He _felt_ weird in this, a simple shirt and sweatpants weren’t his thing normally, but it was better than nothing.

More out of curiosity he stood next to Michael, but the other still didn’t appear nervous or scooted away and so he sat down next to him.

All Michael did was turn to him, a bit unsure maybe but not scared.

“I killed today,” Ray told him.

“I know.”

And still Michael was sitting next to him, close enough that they nearly touched, and Ray just couldn’t figure him out. Fitting into their roles was one thing but was it really that strong? The strings weren't tied around them as they should be.

But Michael just reached out to take his hand and it was such an intimate gesture that Ray didn’t know what to do. He watched as Michael turned it around, observing it for something and it took Ray a while before he could ask, “Are you searching for blood on my hand? I washed them.”

“No… I just thought they would look different.”

“Because I killed?” Ray asked, amused, but didn’t pull back. “I killed before, you should know that. I killed long before you even existed.”

Michael hummed but didn’t stop turning his hand. “What does it feel like? To kill.”

“I like it,” Ray told him honestly, and that shifted Michael’s attention back to him.

“You like it?”

“I enjoy it even,” he said and maybe that would shock the other but he couldn't deny it. He never had. “I do it to protect what’s important to me and I know that a lot of people don’t agree with me but that doesn’t change it. I will kill whoever stands in my way if I have to.”

“To protect Gavin?”

“You as well.”

“Why me? Because I am weak?”

“Because you are Michael.”

Michael’s brows pulled together in confusion. “You always… you always say that but I don’t understand what that means. And what you said before, that I was meant to protect… then why do you protect me? That doesn’t make any sense!”

“I am just repaying a debt,” Ray assured him and pulled his hand back now or at least tried to. Michael reached out to snatch his wrist and lean closer.

“Did we meet before?” he asked. “Something about you makes me think I remember you but it’s not quite right. As if there is a slight difference that keeps me from remembering.”

Ray stared at him and felt his heartbeat pick up. In this moment their resemblance was nearly unbearable, the way Michael stared at him with determination, how he had hurried into that museum to make sure they were alright even though it was so much more dangerous for him.

“We never met before,” Ray told him. “Not in the way that you think.”

“But what does that mean?” Michael pleaded, begging to understand but Ray wouldn’t allow that.

“You and I, we never met before the day you came into the crew, we never had a conversation. But the crew was watching you so maybe you caught a glimpse of m-”

Michael shook his head. “No, that’s not it. I remember your voice, Ray.”

“It’s not mine,” he whispered, and now Michael was bearing down on him. “The voice you are thinking about isn’t mine.”

Michael opened his mouth but let it fall shut again. He seemed thoroughly confused and Ray pitied him. He wouldn't dare to explain though, not at all.

Instead he leaned his head against his shoulder and felt Michael’s breath ruffle his hair as he exhaled.

“I know you,” Michael whispered.

“No. You don’t.”

Michael turned towards him and when Ray looked up they were too close. Way too close and he had missed him so, had waited for so damn long that it made his heart ache. 

“But you know me,” Michael mumbled, and Ray didn’t want to answer that question. Why bother in the first place when it wouldn’t change a thing?

All he did was close the distance in a kiss, and it was as if Michael had been waiting for him to do that. His arms wrapped securely around him and his smell was everywhere. So similar and still slightly different.

He brought his own hands up, one twisting in Michael’s shirt and the other on his cheek to change the angle oh so slightly.

When he realized what he was doing, he reeled back. Michael's eyes fluttered open but by then Ray was already on his feet, staggering away.

He pressed a hand against his mouth and all the comfort from before was gone because this was wrong! This wasn't what was supposed to happen, this wasn't part of the damn script! He was screwing up again, he was always screwing up and he would probably never stop.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

“Ray?” Michael asked softly and reached his hand out but Ray quickly made sure he was out of reach.

“What am I doing?” he mumbled into his palm and he had asked himself that question countless times before. He shouldn't have started this in the first place, he should have just turned away to avoid this mess but he hadn't. He hadn't and now he was just more tightly bound into this freaking web!

“What's wrong?” Michael asked, and Ray could barely look at him.

“I shouldn't be doing this,” he said quickly and Michael frowned a little.

“Because of Gavin? But he said you two...” he trailed off and something horrified crossed over his face. Ray felt sorry causing that emotion. “I didn't want to cross any lines and if I did-”

“It's not that, Michael,” he assured him, but he wasn't even sure if that was true. They didn't have fucking rules for this! “It's fine! Gavin does it and it's fine, I don't care! But I never do. I never...”

He stopped himself, horrified but Michael's face softened.

“Why me then?” he asked and this time Ray couldn't escape him. Sweet Michael, with his kind eyes that he had recognized instantly. The eyes of sunshine he had always loved.

He couldn't say that though, he could never tell The Truth without risking a disaster and he was so fucked.

Michael let his arm sink but pointed to the opposite edge of the couch. “Do you... you look a bit pale. Why don't you sit down, Ray?”

That nearly made him laugh but fuck it, why not. He inched closer and sat down, not far away but close enough that he could feel Michael's warmth. It was better like that.

“I can go,” Michael offered but he quickly reached over to grasp his wrist.

“Please don't,” he murmured and felt the other relax. “I'm sorry for... for flipping out like that. I just don't like when... when things don't go according to plan. Which is funny considering... well, kinda my whole life. I don't even know when the last time was when something went according to fucking plan because I lost him. I lost him or I got lost, I don't know. I don't think it matters because I am stuck now anyway. I'm so fucking stuck and since so very long I've been scared of moving in any direction at all or make a decision. Because I made one before here and it only fucked me over even more, and now...”

He stopped himself, pushed his hand against his mouth again to stop that flood of words that had been building up right behind his eyes.

And poor Michael. Poor Michael who stared at him all confused, not understanding a thing.

“I've lost my way so long ago,” he tried to explain but it was a desperate hope. “Only that I didn't. I know exactly where to go but I just can't go on, I can't go there because if I move, if I take this step...”

“You're scared,” Michael asked tentatively, and it sounded so simple when he said it like that and deep inside Ray knew he was right.

He tried himself on a smile and Michael returned it shyly.

“It's not fair,” Ray continued softly. “You're still so young, Michael. There is so much more for you to see and to learn and to experience. I am so old myself and still there is so much left but I can never reach it if I don't take a step at some point.”

But if he did- If he did.

“Can I... help you somehow?” Michael asked, and Ray loved him for that. He let his fingers tangle with his.

“Sleep here?” he asked. “I know I will dream when I go to bed but you can stop them. I know that.”

“That's all?” Michael huffed. “I can do that.”

 

It was awkward at first. Ray laid on his back and stared at the ceiling and he was pretty sure that Michael was doing the same, he didn’t quite dare to check. They didn’t lie close enough to touch, but not far enough apart that he wouldn’t feel the warmth of the other; that was impossible in this bed that was just a little too small.

Nervously Ray fidgeted with the edge of the sheets and couldn’t help but wonder what Michael thought of him. Most likely he thought he was a maniac to be honest, going around killing and enjoying himself through that. Going around and suddenly kissing people, and he wasn’t even sure how that had happened.

Also he had invited Michael into his bed because that wasn’t weird at all. Michael probably just waited for him to roll over and… and make out or something. The thought made him blush and he took a deep breath until he turned onto his side. He had to know what Michael thought because otherwise that would keep him up all night.

Michael was still lying on his back, his head propped up on one of his arm as he threw a look towards him.

“This is awkward, isn’t it?” Ray asked and Michael snorted.

“A little bit.”

“If you want to, you can go.”

“You asked me to stay.”

Ray nodded. Michael had been chewing on his lip again, it was all red and shiny and he blushed as he noticed.

He had kissed him but he couldn't even remember what that had been like, it had happened too fast. Different than kissing Gavin for sure.

“Sorry for just… kissing you like that,” he forced out, and Michael chuckled.

“It’s okay. Maybe Gavin rubbed off on you.”

Maybe. Only that it hadn’t happened before. No, he had never even been interested in anyone else but now he wasn’t too sure anymore.

“You and he fucked,” Ray said thoughtfully. “He told me.”

And before this he hadn’t really mind. He knew it had been to get under his skin, as a punishment for being so excited about Michael. It wasn’t like he was stupid, he knew the same had happened with Ryan, only that killing him clearly hadn’t worked, so now Gavin tried to make Michael his.

It was childish and stupid, but Ray should have seen it coming.

“Not one for kiss and don’t tell, is he?”

“No, he just waltzed in and announced it.”

“Lovely,” Michael mumbled dryly. He let his free arm drop behind Ray and he could feel his fingers brush against his shoulders. 

“Did he also rate me or something? Does he keep a little diary about those things?”

“Like what? Ten out of ten, would bang again?”

“Maybe?”

Ray snorted and scooted close enough to place his head on Michael’s shoulder. He could feel how the other froze at the contact and how his own face burned brightly but then the arm came closer and wrapped tightly around him.

He let his eyes drift shut as he nuzzled closer and everything was warm and smelled like Michael. 

“This is nice,” he mumbled and felt Michael nod. 

“Will this help you sleep?”

“Just you being here would help,” he assured the other. “But this will be even better.”

“Good.”

They fell silent and after a while they grew more comfortable, shifting around a little until they fitted together. Ray was ready to drift off when he heard the door open again.

Ah, of course.

He sighed into Michael’s skin as he heard Gavin call his name and even Michael tensed beneath him.

By the time Ray opened his eyes, Gavin already stood in front of the bed. His eyes were huge and childlike as he tried to understand what he was seeing. In one of his hands he held a bag of chips but it was slowly slipping from his fingers.

“Don’t flip out,” Ray told him because he really didn’t want to be bothered with that now. It had been a long day and his muscles ached and he was exhausted. He really didn’t need Gavin bitching around on top of that.

Gavin’s eyes shifted to him and he tried to say something when he lost hold of the chips. It actually seemed to scare him because he jumped at the noise.

“Just get in here as well,” Michael said and Ray felt how he lifted his hand to wave Gavin closer. “Might as well.”

“I-” Gavin began, and then something upset crashed over him. His face contorted as he stared at Ray as if he’d betrayed him. He moved a step back but hesitated then, and Ray could read him like an open book.

The fear that if he would leave them alone, things would derail even further and Ray rolled his eyes. Reaching behind him, he patted the sheets.

“Just get in and don’t stand there like a creep. I’m tired.”

Gavin moved slowly, carefully. Like he didn’t want to disturb him while also debating to attack. That was a possibility, Ray knew that. Gavin had killed for less, only that this time Ray wouldn't let him.

“Come on, Gav,” Michael called softly, and it was as if he couldn’t see how hurt he was. At least it worked and Ray felt the mattress dip behind him.

In the next moment Gavin pressed against his back, easily and familiar. His arms wrapped around his middle but they were tearing, trying their hardest to hold on to Ray as if he didn’t want him to slip away.

Ray didn’t say a thing about that even if it felt like Gavin was trying to climb into him, he just hummed when Michael’s hand returned and his fingers danced over his shoulder.

Closing his eyes, he sighed and tried to slip into sleep. It took longer than he had hoped and Michael was already snoring by the time he opened his eyes again. That was only fair, the poor boy had caught the first glimpse of hell today and he needed all the rest he could get.

Gavin was also still awake, he could hear his small gasp, could feel him panicking as he buried his face into his spine.

“Calm down,” he whispered, but it just made him tighten his hold.

“Ray…” he whimpered and he rolled his eyes.

“Gav-”

“Please don’t leave me alone.”

The words tugged at his heartstrings and he fell silent. Nuzzling into Michael’s shoulder, he reached for Gavin’s clawing hands. Gavin snatched his own and held tight like he would keep him from drowning.

“I would never. You know that.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Jazz hands*
> 
> Next weeks chapter is so huge I am so sorry already


	5. Geoff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I am searching for Death."

Chapter 5

Geoff

 

_ Then _

It was barely more than a shadow above him. A silhouette against the little light he had wherever he was.

Geoff blinked as if that would clear his vision but it still made no sense to him. He didn't know where he was or what he was doing here, least of all how he got here or what had happened before that.

It was strange, because he should know, he should be sure of what was happening around him at all times but all he knew right now was that he was lying down and it was dark.

After a while, he heard other noises besides his own ragged breathing. They were groans of pain, soft whimpering, but they were far away and he recognized neither voice.

That was probably good, right?

He blinked again and the shadow above didn't disappear.

God, was his first thought, but if he had enough strength he would have scoffed at himself.

Death, now that seemed more likely.

Yeah, Death was standing at his bed, and while Geoff stared up at them, he woke up a little more. He smelled blood and the sharp smell of disinfectant. A hospital of some kind?

Why was no one with him then, no nurse or doctor to look after him? After all, Death was looming over him, and the more he thought about that, the more it seemed logical that nobody would be with him then.

Why bother with someone who was dying anyway?

Not that he felt pain right now, just a deeply rooted exhaustion, a tiredness above all else.

Death moved slightly and Geoff blinked again.

Death had a very young, face but maybe that made sense. Yeah, it probably did.

Why would Death age? Why would Death be nothing but a skeleton?

No, Death was a young man standing by his bed, and his eyes were dark and cold. There was no mercy, or maybe just a little bit. Barely enough for a spark.

But it was there, and Geoff should probably be happy about that.

He tried to open his mouth even though he did not know what he should say. Maybe he should make his amends or something, but thinking about that, Death might not be the right guy for that.

So for whatever reason he just reached out and grasped Death by the wrist.

Death didn't shake him off, he just kinda stared at him a little shocked as he stood there before looking around. Maybe to make sure nobody was watching them. Maybe to see if he could take someone else.

"This isn't for you," Death said, and his voice was tight as if he was holding back. "At least not yet. I saw those of you who deserve to be saved and there were some I didn't save. I just owe some people."

Geoff didn't understand a word but Death just stared him down.

"You are not worthy yet," he said and now he shook him off and Geoff's hand fell down with no strength whatsoever left. "So now it's up to you to see if you are worthy or not. You better not make me regret this."

Geoff blacked out but Death didn't take him.

 

When he woke up he was still in the hospital and the doctor talked about a miracle. He wondered if that was true.

Now he felt clearer, could think and remember more. He had fought in the war, had fought alongside other men and there had been horrible things.

Horrible, horrible things he had seen, that he wanted to forget but knew he wouldn't. Not for a long, long time.

Something had gotten him.

The doctor was talking about an explosive, even a landmine, but they weren't quite sure. He didn't seem to be a little away from the blast because only his right side had been burned and charred.

The pain must have driven him insane and they had barely any hope for him in the first place.

That was, until the visit from Death.

Of course Geoff didn't tell them about that. It took no genius to figure out that it was stupid, that it had probably been a fever dream.

That didn't stop him from moving his right arm and not feeling any pain. That didn't stop him from standing up and walking as if he never been hurt.

The people still called it a wonder when he finally got out of the hospital, and Geoff reluctantly agreed.

Something about that wasn't right, something like that wasn't supposed to happen, and it somehow had.

He began to ask around as if he could find Death like that. But maybe it hadn't been Death in the first place maybe it had been... he wasn't sure what. A healer?

Something like magic didn't exist but fact was that he had been dying and then he had been healthy again. And he felt young again, like he hadn't aged at all.

The wounds were all gone. Were just a memory, or really, just something that the doctors had assured him was real.

But why would they lie?

It took weeks until he found a hint of someone fitting his description, but there really wasn't anything else he had to do. His family was long gone and he had no intention of going back into war.

A recluse, they said. Someone out of the bounds of the villages, living in a little hut. Some other people said someone was out there with them, a second person that they didn't see a lot.

Death and Life, maybe.

What a funny thought.

Only that they didn't look like Life, not at least how Geoff would imagine Life to look like.

Maybe like a beautiful young girl. Jumping and dancing around in flowing dresses.

No, this one was sitting in dirt. Thin and with dirty clothes.

They didn’t notice him as he walked closer and he stopped at the edge of the property.

Life was pulling weeds out of a little patch of garden. They did so with great care and an absentmindedly expression on their face, as if they were deep in thoughts. Geoff nearly felt bad for disturbing them, but as he stepped closer he saw their shoulders tense.

They were also a boy, he could see it as they looked up.

The hair of a dirty blond and with traces of earth on his face. His eyes were green and instantly found him, something haunted in them. He struggled to his feet and stared Geoff down, a hand hovering over his side as if he had a hidden weapon somewhere.

Geoff raised his empty hands to show he wasn't carrying any weapons but it did nothing to stop this guy from watching him as if he expected him to attack him in the next second.

"Good morning," Geoff called and the boy took a deep breath.

"Good morning, Sir," he finally said, and his voice was thin and shaky. Was he so scared by him?

"Did you get lost, Sir? The next village isn't too far off and I can show you the direction."

"No need, I just came from there."

The boy stiffened again and threw a look over his shoulder towards the cabin. Was he going to call for Death? But he remained quiet and brushed his hands on his already dirty clothes. He stepped around the patch of garden to come closer but it was obvious that each step was a fight.

Geoff could see over the distance how his knees shook.

"There is nothing here for you to take, Sir," the boy continued. "We are simple people barely getting around."

"I don't want to steal from you," Geoff quickly assured him, and the boy flinched.

"I didn't want to imply anything, Sir. I am sorry if I was rude. Sometimes I speak before I think an-"

"I came to see someone," Geoff interrupted him. By the way the other shook he was pretty sure he would continue babbling if he didn't stop him.

"See someone?"

"I-" he trailed off but then shook his head. He didn't have a name but maybe that would be enough. "I am searching for Death."

At first the boy stared at him, confused, even a bit scared, but maybe that was normal for him. He didn’t seem to know a lot besides fear. Then his expression changed and there was the sharpness he had noticed before.

Something cunning beneath the shyness, and Geoff knew instinctively that he could shape that, that its could be a mighty weapon if used right.

"Death, sir?" the boy asked, but his voice was light now, the trembling nearly gone. He was trying to play him but wasn't really good at it. "I fear I don't understand."

"I think you do," Geoff told him and pointed towards his uniform. "I am Geoffrey Ramsey. I fought in the Mexican-American War."

"A hero," the boy said but somehow made it sound dismissive. "What a honor to have you on my land, sir."

"I was meant to die," Geoff said next and the eyes of the other flitted across him, searching for something that Geoff wasn't sure what it was. "Actually, I laid on my death bed when I recovered. They said it was a miracle."

"It seems God smiled upon you, Mr. Ramsey."

"I don't think you believe in God," he said easily, and the boy's eyes narrowed. "And it wasn't God who stood at my bed and healed my wounds."

"That's blasphemy, sir," the boy said without any heat behind it. "But I am happy that you are feeling well again. Seems like you were granted a second chance. You should treasure it."

They fell silent and for a moment Geoff just watched him. Dirty, yes, and too thin for his height, but not a scratch on him. Being out here on the edge of the woods, working here to survive, it seemed impossible to not find a mark, but not even his hands looked scuffed or hurt.

The boy quickly balled them into fists as he found him staring and so Geoff rather looked past him towards the hut.

Too big for one alone, and even though it was shabby, it looked well lived in.

"Has to get freezing in the winter," he said slowly, and now something angry came over the boy. He moved to the side to stand in his way and block his view.

"I am sorry if it's not to your liking," he said sharply. "I am sure your own house is prestigious and that you worked hard for it, Sir."

"Is he inside?"

"Who?"

"Death."

The boy didn't answer but stood his ground. The anger was still there but now something else as well, a dangerous determination and Geoff made sure to have some distance between them.

Not that he couldn't take him down, he was barely more than a walking stick but he stared at him like a rabid dog and would surely fight like one.

There was something worth protecting in there and this boy would.

"I was paid for my service in the army," Geoff continued and carefully reached for the bag on his belt. "Seeing that this would have never been mine, would I have not been saved, I wanted to give it to him."

He pulled at the knot until it unraveled and watched the boy's eyes grow big at the wads of cash inside.

"I don't think it's my right to have this," he continued. "After all it wasn't on my account that I survived. It seems only fair."

The boy looked over his shoulder again but even though his mouth opened, he said nothing. He hadn't expected that and he saw the greed now, the idea of how they wouldn't go hungry that winter, how they could make sure the wind wouldn't cut through the old wood.

It had to be tempting, of course it was.

Geoff had also known, poverty but certainly not to this degree. His eyes flitted to the little patch of garden and wasn't quite sure what plants grew there. Maybe potatoes, but it was far from enough.

No, that wouldn't get them through winter.

"I can take it," the boy said slowly, and Geoff just scoffed.

"Don't think you were the one who brought me back. So sorry, but I am not just giving this to some stranger."

"How can you be sure it wasn't me? You said you were dying, Sir."

"I could see him," he assured him, but knotted the bag together again. No use to have this boy steal from him even though he was sure he was at the right place here.

"I fear I’ll have to look further for Death."

The boy shifted and his eyes darted from his face down to the bag. He wanted this, knew that they would need it to survive, but he made no move. Still, Geoff could tell that his cogs were turning and Geoff worried slightly if he had made a mistake here. What was the point if he was killed now?

All this money were surely reason enough.

Shit, maybe he should have think that through...

The door of the hut opened then, and he froze.

Stepping out it was Death, just how he had stood on his bedside, and a shiver worked down Geoff's back. Maybe a part of him had still believed it a dream, a feverish one perhaps as the wounds burned through his body. Not that it was any explanation for his sudden healing, but an actual human capable of that wasn't any more reasonable.

But there he was, dressed in a black uniform with a blood red cape. It had something medieval about it, and with the first gust of wind, the cape flew up and revealed a sheath on his hip.

A warrior.

A knight, perhaps.

Geoff reached behind him, his fingers brushing against his gun but he knew he wouldn't use it. If this guy had really saved his life it was his call what to do with it.

Also, who said he could even kill him in the first place?

Death reached the other boy and laid a hand at the small of his back. The boy didn't even turn around, his eyes still on Geoff, and now he seemed ready to kill. He wanted to protect Death but that went both ways because Death pulled him aside and stood in front of him.

He didn't draw his sword, just kept his hand on the hilt of it. Ready to draw if needed but for now he just appeared... uncertain of all things.

Geoff frowned but when the other talked there was nothing about that in his voice, "What do you want, Ramsey?"

Should he be surprised that he knew his name? Probably not, maybe he had just listened in to their conversation before.

Licking his lips, Geoff let go of his gun and stepped a little closer. The bag of cash was still in his hand but he didn't just hand it over. Instead he stopped in front of both of them and then kneeled in the soft grass.

He heard a gasp from above coming from Death, and somehow he hadn't seen that coming. Knew, that he had done something right.

"You saved my life," he said as he bowed his head. "I am in your debt."

It grew quiet then, and somehow he hadn't expected that. Had he just made Death speechless? Congratulations Ramsey, that's a new one.

The wind picked up, and he heard it rustle through the leaves in the forest and the grass around. Sometimes he could see the red cloak wave in the corner of his eye.

"Ray?" the boy asked carefully, and Geoff dared to glance up.

Death stared down on him, shock clear on his face, and the boy was hanging on his arm, pale and worried.

"Ray," he repeated, and what a funny name for Death that was. Kinda ridiculous but he wasn't one to judge.

"You brought someone else back?" the boy asked. He was tugging on Ray's arm as if that would wake him from his frozen state, but his words were more interesting.

Someone else? So that had happened before.

His eyes darted to the hands of the boy and he remembered not seeing a single scratch. Him too?

"I didn't..." Ray mumbled and reached up to brush against the boy's fingers. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

 

Geoff wasn't sure how he got in the situation, but he stayed. Sure, not part of the plan, but at first he stayed to help renovate parts of the hut and then he came to bring food because there was barely any.

The boy - Gavin, he knew now - looked ready to drop down from hunger any second. He was a funny little guy, like a small animal. Always watching and friendly but he could flee just as quickly. He was obviously thankful, and whenever Geoff brought something new and shiny he would turn it around and around in his hand like it was the greatest treasure he had ever seen.

The first time he brought a piece of chocolate he was sure the boy would start to cry, but he just let it melt on his tongue in silence, staring out of the small window.

Geoff hadn't found it in him to bother him.

Ray was worse.

He didn't want to be around him; fine, Geoff could live with that even though he didn't quite understand it. But Ray also didn't want him alone with Gavin, and so he just lurked around and glared at him.

Thinking about it, it was kinda ridiculous.

"What was his plan in the first place?" he asked Gavin one evening as they sat in front of the fireplace. Ray was also there, standing in the shadow like the overdramatic guy he was, but talking to him was futile. "Did he think I would just sit up in the hospital, shrug, and then go on with my life after he saved me?"

Chuckling, Gavin looked up. He was sewing a hole in Ray's shirt, something he did often. Ray was working for different clients, doing their dirty work, and Geoff had seen his clothes ripped and bloody more than once. It was the only income those two had and Geoff was already thinking about asking Ray for contacts if he wanted to help out further.

He could shoot - why not use that to make their situation a little better?

But for now Gavin just threw an amused look towards Geoff. "He probably didn't think at all. He’s quite the idiot when he wants to be."

Geoff could hear Ray shuffle and a quiet scoff coming from him. It made him laugh and Gavin grinned at him. It had potential to be bright but it was too shy for that and he turned back around to see better in the little light he had.

He was giddy today but after the first distrust against him had passed, Geoff had just experienced him like that whenever he came around. As he watched him continue working, he wondered if he had been lonely.

The villager he had asked had known Ray, but only a handful had seen Gavin. Geoff figured he mostly stayed in the hut, doing whatever. He couldn't imagine him out in the village or even in a city. He seemed too fidgety there, too scared by everything.

Maybe he was just happy for the company.

Geoff would make sure to bring him something new soon, something that he could put down somewhere and admire. He was adorable when he did that.

But before that he turned around to Ray, searching for him in the shadows of the room. It would be futile to talk with him and he knew he would probably be ignored anyway, but he felt stupid sitting here and being stared at, like Ray was babysitting them.

"Seriously though," he said and saw how Ray shift uncomfortably. "Why me? What made you think 'I'll save that old fart'? Just out of interest."

Maybe he expected Ray to turn away and walk out or just to scoff at him and be silent, but neither happened. He stepped a little closer, out of the shadows, and even Gavin seemed surprised by that.

He put the needle down and turned towards Ray himself.

"I didn't decide," Ray said carefully and Geoff frowned.

"What? But you-"

"I can just see it," he interrupted him and reached up as if to touch his eye. "I could see it in you and so I went to check it out."

Geoff stared at him and Gavin did the same. What a bunch of bullcrap, was his first thought and he also nearly blurted it out. That wasn't what had happened, Ray had been there, right beside him.

It had been Ray, he was so sure of it. He hadn't just come in to check on him or something like that.

He glanced towards Gavin and found the boy watching Ray with a thoughtful expression.

"You see it in us?" he asked carefully, and Geoff wanted to sigh.

After all those years that was news to Gavin? Had he never asked this before, never wondered why he was where he was?

What a ridiculous boy.

"Yeah," Ray said slowly. "I don't get to decide. I can just... see it, I guess."

A lie.

Not only did Geoff not believe a single syllable of that, but he could also see it in the way Gavin reacted. How he fell quiet and thought about it, his eyes not leaving Ray's. And they were communicating, if through eye contact alone, but they had known each other for so long that Geoff was ready to believe they were capable of that.

This was a lie, and Ray was ready to pull through with it and one glance to Gavin showed him that he was on board on that.

"That's interesting," Gavin said, and then he smiled. "Do you see even more people like that?"

"No, not yet."

"People like what?" Geoff threw in. "People you can heal?"

Ray glared at him and it made him shiver.

"Immortals," he finally said, as if that wasn't clear. "People who can't die."

 

Ray was restless. He sat opposite of him and Geoff could see his leg tap along beneath the table.

Not that it was a surprise, Geoff had a bad feeling in his own gut whenever he looked out of the window. Outside the snow was falling at a steady pace, had been for most of the day but now it grew dark and Gavin wasn’t back yet.

He had gone out a couple hours ago to take a walk through the city but they all knew he was looking for some cash. It was getting worse again, it always did in the winter and their food was already starting to dwindle, so it wasn’t a surprise that Gavin had headed out to help.

But usually he was back by nightfall and Geoff wasn’t sure how much longer Ray would take until he would burst out the door to search for him. Fuck, Geoff would be right behind him but he would give him a couple more minutes.

“Eat your food. Don’t let it go to waste,” he told Ray, who instantly glared at him. But at least he turned back to his soup and began to eat.

Not for long because just a few moments later there was a noise at the door and Ray was already there, ripping it open.

“Where were you?” he snapped and Gavin just smiled up to him. His clothes were drenched and there was snow in his hair that Ray quickly wiped away.

“Sorry,” Gavin mumbled. “It took me a little longer to get back. The snowfall got really heavy all of a sudden.”

Which was bullshit. Geoff had also stood now and Gavin looked up to him, trying himself on another smile. It failed spectacularly, a shivering mess that he quickly let fall again because even a blank expression was better than that.

“Come inside and get warm,” he simply said, and Gavin nodded. While Ray locked the door, Geoff took his arm and pulled him towards the table.

“I’m not hungry,” Gavin lied and struggled against his grip. “I kinda just want to… to go to bed now. I’m really tired.”

Geoff looked down at him but Gavin couldn’t keep his gaze and turned away.

“You have to eat something.”

“I’ll reheat it tomorrow.”

“Gav-” He stopped himself because Ray took his hand and wrenched Gavin free. There was something quiet but dangerous about him right now as he pulled Gavin closer against him and Gavin all but melted into him.

They stood like that for a while a then Gavin began to shake. It started from his shoulders and then worked down his his knees. He looked pitiful like that, snow still melting on his clothes and water dripping from his hair.

“Eat,” Ray said, but Gavin just shook his head.

“I’m tired.” He squeezed Ray one more time before turning away. He passed Geoff without a glance and disappeared into his bedroom.

The door fell closed softly and left them both standing there a little helpless.

“You don’t want to go after him?” Geoff asked and felt Ray glared at him but when he turned it was halfheartedly.

“You know what he does, how he gets the money he brings,” he continued but lowered his voice. That was enough for Ray to hear and he didn’t want to bother Gavin with what he already knows. “He sells his body because he thinks that’s the only thing he can do. Don’t you want to talk to him?”

“He doesn’t want me to know,” Ray mumbled and Geoff wanted to step closer and shake him.

“But you do know! Do you really think he will be the one who talks to you about it?”

Ray’s eyes darted away but he made no move, just stood there with slumped shoulder and Geoff could see that he was defeated, that he felt helpless but that was not the right time for that. He had known Gavin way longer than Geoff did, Gavin looked up to him as if he personally pulled the stars from the sky, and now he wanted to just turn away and pretend not to see a thing?

“Fuck you,” Geoff snarled and reached for them empty bowl on the table he had put out for Gavin. “Seriously. You always act so high and mighty but in the moment someone needs you that’s it.”

He scooped the remaining soup into the bowl and then turned towards Ray. It was still possible that the other would kick his ass now, he half expected it, but Ray still stood there as if he couldn’t move a muscle.

He looked young like that, and Geoff nearly hesitated and wanted to apologize but he wasn’t young, fuck, he was older than Geoff, and if he couldn’t take care of those closest to him then Geoff would.

“Coward,” he said and Ray didn’t even look up or talk back. He accepted it, and right now that was the only right answer.

He turned away and knocked on Gavin’s door. There was no answer, but he hadn’t expected one as he entered.

“I got you your soup,” he said and had a hard time finding Gavin in the first place. It was dark in here, only the little light coming from inside, but then he noticed him lying on the bed. “You have to be cold. This will help.”

He put it down on the bedside table and then lit the oil in the lamp to see better.

Gavin had curled himself up and even though he had wrapped both blankets around him, he still shivered.

“Oh, buddy,” Geoff mumbled and shrugged his cloak off to pull it around him. 

Gavin just sniffed and buried himself deeper to try and hide, but Geoff pulled on the blankets until he found his face again. Reaching out, he wiped drops which he wasn’t sure were melted snow or actual tears from his cheeks.

“Did they hurt you?” he asked softly, and Gavin’s eyes widened a little, like he wanted to act confused. But maybe he was too tired of it because he gave up the moment Geoff didn't play along.

“They are usually quite nice to me,” Gavin mumbled. 

“Okay.”

“But still… I still feel…” He shrugged helplessly and Geoff began to rub his arms through the layers.

“Gavin, if you don’t want to do this anymore then we can find another solution-”

“I don’t want to sit around living from the money you guys make,” he snapped. “I made over a hundred dollars today, Geoff!  We can eat for three days from that alone!”

He licked his lips. “I just wished… wished I wouldn’t feel so disgusting.”

“Disgusting? Gav, you are not the one who’s disgusting,” Geoff quickly assured him. 

Gavin scoffed in his cocoon but Geoff shook his head. “I am serious, bud. Why are you the disgusting one? You make money from the need of others, that’s not different than what I or Ray do.”

“You two don’t-”

“Don’t get naked for it? Sure, but we kill, Gavin. We kill or we hurt or we steal. What is worse?”

Gavin fell quiet and Geoff crouched down in front of the bed to be on eye level with him. “Gavin, what you do isn’t any worse than what we do. I don’t want you to think like that.”

Gavin sniffed again and wiped his face with the edge of the blanket.

“They talk, Geoff,” he whispered.

“Who talks?”

“My… uh-”

“Your… clients?”

Gavin nodded and cleared his throat. “I don’t know why but often after they… they finish they talk and it’s about a lot of stuff that I don’t want to know about.”

“What stuff?”

“Current affairs,” Gavin mumbled. “Who’s got it going with whom, who’s rich and who just acts like it. Secrets.”

Geoff hummed thoughtfully and Gavin continued, “I think there’s some valuable stuff in there even though it’s mostly rumors.”

“And you think about using it?”

Gavin shrugged but he sat up now. Geoff pulled the blankets around him before sitting down next to him.

“You might be on to something there, buddy.”

“I just don’t know what to do with it!” Gavin spat, but gladly took the bowl of soup when Geoff handed it to him. It made him smile softly, “It’s so warm.”

“Eat up then.” He watched as Gavin nodded and let his own mind wander. If Gavin’s information really was valuable it should be no problem to make that to money, they just had to make sure that the three of them were safe when they went that way.

He would have to know what Gavin knew, would maybe get in touch with a few people and still…

“Geoff,” Gavin interrupted his thoughts. “Please don’t tell Ray. I don’t want him to… He wouldn’t want me anymore then. Not that he… he does, so-”

“You two will work it out soon enough,” Geoff assured him. It was nearly endearing how those two danced around each other if he didn’t know how long they were doing that already. He threw his arm around Gavin’s shoulder and jostled him a little. “But I won’t say a word.”

“Promise?”

“Promise!”

Finally, Gavin grinned and managed to light up the room even with only the small lamp present.

“I’m glad you’re here now, Geoff,” he said, and Geoff also smiled. 

“I’m also glad to be here, Gav.” He pressed a kiss against the still wet hair, but he didn’t mind the dampness. “You’ll see, it will all work out. If we just work hard enough everything will end up just right.”

 

“Your stance is all wrong,” Geoff called, and Ray froze. The boy stood in front of their shitty hut, facing the forest. It had started to rain softly a couple minutes before and Ray didn’t seem to notice, but it wasn’t good for the gun. Geoff should take it away from him, but he couldn't be sure if he wouldn’t get a bullet in his chest then. Maybe Ray couldn’t hit the tree a couple yards away, but he surely would hit him when he stood in front of him.

For now the other just glared at him before turning back around. He lifted the gun but it was futile like this.

Ray’s grip was loose around the gun, like he was disgusted by it. His feet weren’t next to each other but his left was behind the other as if he expected to run or dodge something.

There wasn’t anything to dodge or run away from, just a tree standing on the edge of the forest as if it was the safest place on the earth.

Judging by Ray’s aiming skills it was.

“Who taught you to shoot like that?” Geoff tried again, but Ray continued to ignore him. 

He was aiming carefully and still he jumped once the shot rang, his feet easily dancing away from the loud noise. It was a reflex, Geoff realized, and Ray seemed furious at himself for it.

He dared to step closer, using the moment Ray was distracted in checking if he had hit the tree this time to take his wrist.

“You ha-”

Ray jerked free and stumbled away from him. Geoff quickly held his hands up in defense as Ray glared at him.

“Don’t touch me!” he spat but let the gun sink. Geoff hadn’t even noticed that he had lifted it, halfway towards aiming straight at him.

“I’m sorry, okay?” he said and tried to sound soothing. He didn’t doubt that the other would shoot him if he made a mistake; after all, it was no secret that Ray wasn’t exactly fond of him, and still…

“I just wanted to show you how it’s done.”

“I don’t help from someone like you!”

“Someone who made a living with a gun? I think that would be a pretty good place to start learning if you ask me,” he reminded him, and counted it as a success that Ray blushed.

At least, the boy didn’t shout back, but he also didn’t catch his eye. He was biting his lip as he thought hard about something, and Geoff wasn't quite sure if he should interrupt him. 

So they stood in the rain that grew colder, making their clothes cling onto their bodies and let their breath appear in clouds.

“It’s your stance,” Geoff finally offered. “If you change your stance it’s easier to aim. I can show you.”

Ray turned halfway around as if he wanted to run away again like he did every time Geoff tried to talk to him and he tried to think fast to finally get through to him, “You’re no stranger to combat.”

Ray hesitated and Geoff quickly went on because that was at least something.

“Your stance… you used something close ranged before, right? A weapon with which you had to move fast to be successful in battle. A sword?”

“A rapier,” Ray said quietly enough that Geoff could barely hear it over the rain, but right, he had seen it before. 

“I see. That explains your approach but you have to change that up now.” He nodded towards the lucky tree that was Ray’s target for today. Not a single scratch on it, but the ones around looked a bit messed up.

“A gun isn’t a close ranged weapon, you should always make sure that your opponent is far away. Just like your tree friend here. That way there is no need for you to make sure you can run away fast. By the time they notice you it should already be too late.”

He held his hand out and again Ray took a step back, trying hard to keep his distance. Geoff tried not to feel hurt by it. “Give me the gun. Let’s work on holding it right.”

Ray gave him the weapon reluctantly and then quickly pulled his hand back, but he watched attentively as Geoff turned the gun around.

“You’re holding it like it will burn you but it won’t. If you don’t have a solid grip on it the recoil will fuck up your aim and if you miss you may not have the time to aim carefully again. So hold it tightly.”

“I don’t like guns,” Ray muttered and somehow managed to sound like a pouty child. Geoff tried his hardest not to snort.

“They won’t hurt you if you hold it right,” he reminded him and then showed him his grip. “Grasp it like this, but even so it won’t be enough. You have to steady it with your second hand.” He showed him and this time Ray actually stepped closer to watch.

He was attentive, his eyes following each of his movement, but he flinched once Geoff offered the gun back. “Now you.”

Ray mimicked his movements slowly and with great care. He even allowed Geoff to step closer to check on it and when he nodded, Ray’s eyes lit up. Only for a second before he turned back to the tree.

“Does that help you aim?” Geoff asked and Ray nodded.

“Good. Next your feet. Your stance is horrible!”

This time Ray actually pouted up to him and Geoff grinned. He kind of wanted to reach out and ruffle his hair but thought better of it.

As it turned out this was a harder fight to win. This stance was so ingrained in Ray’s body that it seemed impossible to get him out of it. Every time Geoff reminded him to put his feet next to each other and Ray shifted his attention back to aiming, his feet would shift back as well.

In the end Geoff got himself a stick to gently tap his heel with each time it happened.

He could tell that Ray was frustrated with himself over that, a high flush on his face as he fought against his own body.

“It’s a solid stance for sword fighting,” he exlained as it happened for the upteenth time.

“I don’t doubt it but we’re not in a sword fight.”

“I know that!” Ray snapped and aimed at the tree. 

This time Geoff kept the stick right at the other’s heel so that he could feel it and even though Ray tried to shift, he stopped himself soon enough. That was at least something.

“It’s different than with a sword,” Geoff said slowly. “It’s quick and deadly. If you aim with a gun you should be ready to kill.”

Ray snorted, but Geoff pushed on, “I am serious. You will most likely kill the other an-”

“I am ready to kill, Geoff,” Ray said matter of factly, and in that moment Geoff believed him. There was something dark in the other's gaze, in the way his cold hands tightened around the gun so that it would stop shaking. There was rain dripping from his dark hair but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Have you killed before?” He wasn’t sure why he asked that; he knew the answer and he wished he hadn’t asked in the first place.

Ray turned his head very slowly, dark curls hanging in his face as he stared at him. He didn’t seem mad, just a strangely calm.

“Yes,” he said. “I’ve killed before.”

Geoff couldn't help but swallow. “But not with a gun.”

“No. But no one who faced me and my rapier lived to tell the tale.”

“I see,” he just said, and Ray all but smirked. He let the gun sink and shook the hair out of his face to look up. For the first time he seemed to notice the clouds and the rain and then he checked back on the gun.

“Rain isn’t good for it, right?”

Geoff nodded and Ray seemed thoughtful. “Then I will continue later. I don’t want it to break.”

“Alright.” Geoff stepped back as the other turned around and headed back to their hut, but he couldn’t help himself and called, “I can help you tomorrow again if you want to!”

Ray just marched faster, but he could see that the tip of his ears were bright red, and he couldn’t help but laugh.

Later, when the rain grew even heavier, he stood in the front door and watched Ray. He had expected him to go inside and get warm by the fire, maybe continue if the rain let off.

Instead the other had just stored the gun and went back out, his rapier in his hand.

Geoff wasn’t sure if he just wanted to prove something or not but he couldn’t help but watch.

“What did you do?” Gavin asked behind him, and he shuffled a bit aside so that he could also see.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s been awhile since I saw Ray train with his sword. He said it’s a dead talent,” Gavin told him and leaned against the other side of the frame. He was layered up against the cold, still too thin for his height. Somehow Geoff always expected him to look bruised up and dirty when he looked at him, but that was stupid. It was just his demeanor, how soft and unsure his voice and each of his movement was. His role as the easy little victim. “It’s sad because he is so good at it. Before it was enough to get us some money, but that changed when people started to use guns.”

So that was why he didn’t like guns; they made life harder for them.

“You must have riled him up,” Gavin continued and flashed him a smile. It had the potential to be bright but it vanished too quickly to develop. “He only trains when he’s stressed or angry but when he came in before he rather seemed flustered.”

“I might have,” Geoff admitted, but Gavin grinned amusedly.

“It’s funny. I’m happy you two even interact. Ray has never been good with other people.”

“I noticed.” Not that Gavin was any better. He seemed so painfully shy and naive that Geoff wanted to take him under his wing. Shy and naive wasn’t going to cut it in this world, not if they lived as dangerously as they did.

“Geoff? Can you also teach me how to fire a gun?” Gavin asked next and he finally turned away from Ray to look at the other thoughtfully.

Gavin caught his eye even if he seemed nervous about it, it was one of the first times that even happened. “I want to help. We need money, we need some security and what I do now… the little money just doesn’t cut it.”

The little money he made on the street. Geoff would gladly help him find something else but this might be the wrong alternative.

“You will come to a situation where you will have to kill,” he said but if he expected that to stop Gavin, he just seemed more determined.

“It’s only fair. He killed for me before,” Gavin said fiercely and his eyes flitted to Ray. There was a devotion in them that made Geoff’s heart ache.

“I can teach you,” he found himself saying, and again Gavin smiled.

“Thank you.”

He nodded and turned around, watching Ray a few feet ahead.

He had no idea or experience with sword fighting but even he could tell that he was talented. It was fascinating, the way Ray held himself. Somehow he appeared taller with his rapier.

He held the hilt loosely so that he could easily change the direction of it, countering unseen blows with ease. 

It looked like he was dancing to his own rhythm, the way his legs moved him. Now he could see why he kept the feet behind each other, how easily he jumped out of reach, how quickly he was able to charge again. And he was fast, even on the slippery grass he moved with such an ease, making rain drops fly from his arms and shoulder.

That was another thing, the rain had made the ground muddy, water sloshing nearly around their ankles, but Ray didn’t seem to notice.

His boots moved over it like he was walking on it, his feet not splashing it around like it should be. The tip of his boot parted it quickly enough to barely disturb it when he changed his stance.

It had to be trained for decades, a silent and deadly way to kill, because even like this Geoff couldn’t even hear his steps. It seemed impossible with the underground but here they stood, their own breaths and the soft falling of the rain the only noise.

Not Ray.

“What a thing of beauty,” Geoff mumbled and next to him Gavin nodded.

“He’s a bit slower than before,” Gavin said. “Must be the cold, and he’s not wearing the right clothes. You should have seen him in his prime.”

Geoff could only imagine that as he reached out to ruffle Gavin’s hair. “Stop bragging! I get it, you made a great catch!”

Gavin squawked and blushed, but Geoff noted that he didn’t talk back. With a grin he pushed the other out into the rain, “Get him inside so he doesn’t get sick!”

Chuckling Gavin ran ahead, the water splashing with each of his step. Against Ray’s elegance he looked childlike, and he was loud enough to rip him from his intense concentration.

Ray turned around and Geoff knew he would yell at everyone else who dared to interrupt him, but when he recognized Gavin, he just let his rapier sink.

There was fondness all over his face as he instantly reached out to rub Gavin’s arm against the cold. Still, it made Geoff’s smile fall because fondness was nice and everything, but Gavin’s eyes were full of love. He looked at the other as if Ray hung the moon and he beamed at him like he could stay like this forever.

Over the rain Geoff couldn't clearly understand them;  it sounded like Ray was chiding him for stepping out at this weather, like he was one to talk, but Gavin just continued to smile.

The hand not holding the rapier reached up to brush soaked strands out of Gavin’s forehead before cradling his face and pulling him in. They met in a short but sweet kiss as the rain fell heavily and still Geoff could hear Gavin giggle when they pulled back. They breathed out two sets of fog that mingled in the downpour and Ray smiled fondly as Gavin butted his head against his.

“Get a room!” Geoff called and Gavin instantly turned bright red. He threw a look towards Geoff before quickly hiding in the crook of Ray’s neck. 

Ray himself turned halfway towards him, something cold in his gaze but Geoff easily held it. The kiss had looked sweet and innocent enough but there was something that bothered Geoff about the way Ray still held on tightly to his sword, the way he appeared slightly absentminded.

It grew better once a protective arm wrapped around Gavin’s shoulder, pulling him closer in the cold as the other hide against his chest. Ray turned away to press a kiss to Gavin’s soaked hair and then said something that made him laugh brightly.

Geoff relaxed a little and shook his head. He was being stupid.

“Get in, you two!”

 

Once Jack came around their dynamic shifted again. Geoff was secretly glad for it; to have another one besides them meant more company,  _other_ company. And it wasn't like he disliked Ray or Gavin, but they were their own little duo. They had known each other for too long for him to squeeze in between, and even though Ray came around and accepted him more freely now, Geoff knew it wasn't the same.

Jack on the other hand was different, was someone burned even worse than him, and helping her was also helping him.

Not that he hadn't done the same with Gavin, they had sat down for hours to talk, to get the boy out of his shell, but it had all happened under the eyes of Ray.

And Geoff wasn't stupid, he knew one word from Ray would make all his work for nothing. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Ray had Gavin under his thumb, and Geoff had yet to find a way to change that. Gavin was his own person and he knew that Ray had taken care of him until now, but something about both of them was off, wasn't right, and he didn't like watching it.

Jack could see it as well.

She didn't tell him about it, but he could see it in the way she was watching the both of them. There weren't many things that she didn't notice quickly and he envied her for that.

Even though he had joined them years before her, it was as if she caught up to him in no time.

It took a while, but she got close to Gavin so quickly that she made it look fucking easy. That was probably good; Gavin sometimes stared at her with all the devotion he showed Ray.

Maybe it took him too long to realize that, but for the most part they had other problems. Money, as always. They had a roof over their head and food on their plates at least, but only barely.

That might have sparked the idea in the first place.

He was sitting on the couch reading a book and Ray was beside him, cleaning his gun. He didn't get a lot of work anymore, not with how the world was changing and Geoff knew they would soon change again, would have to fit in and search for something new.

He hated it.

Gavin appeared at his side in the silent way he could. He looked better now, which wasn't hard to do considering they healed just about everything and still he had managed to look run down.

It had been the drugs and the massive amount of alcohol, and every time Geoff thought about it, he felt anger in his stomach.

At both Gavin and Ray, maybe Ray even more, because again he just turned a blind eye to that as if it wasn't his concern.

Geoff was pretty sure if he'd grow some balls and tell Gavin to stop, he would. Fuck, if he'd just show Gavin that he actually cared things would be better, but getting that through Ray's big skull was like talking straight through a wall.

He wasn't quite sure what their problem was but he was on the edge of just giving up.

At least until Jack had swept in and had somehow wormed herself through Gavin's defenses. Had a stern talk with him, and he had listened.

It had been magical.

Not so much how Gavin took the pillows from the couch and threw them to the ground and then threw the cushions as well.

Geoff watched him and saw in the corner of the eyes how Ray also lifted his head. Still, neither of them said a thing as Gavin got to his knee to check under the couch. It was only until he resurfaced and Geoff saw that the boy was angry. Angry wasn't an emotion he saw often on his face.

"What are you doing?" he asked but Gavin just grasped his arm and pulled, trying to get him to get up. Geoff did so and watched in fascination as Gavin also took apart his side of the couch.

There were some nasty things in the cracks of it; granted none of them had bothered cleaning that, but maybe it was about time.

"She took the money again," Gavin finally grunted. "It's her money and she took it again to buy a new washing machine and now the dumb jar is nearly empty again."

He got up and shoved Ray out of his place as well.

What he got wasn't a lot, a few coins and dusty fingers, but he stormed into the kitchen and Geoff could hear the telltale clink of them hitting the jar.

He followed the boy slowly and found him going through the drawers of the kitchen as if he hoped to find several thousand dollars just laying around.

But he couldn't help but sympathize, the jar looked sad and empty as it stood by the window, and he leaned against the door frame.

It was a shame, it really was.

He knew that this meant a lot to Jack, that much was obvious, and he really wanted her to fulfill her dreams.

Just because they had all the time in the world didn’t mean they had to waste it.

He hated wasting time and this was not the right way.

He dug into his own pockets but came up with nothing, and it would take another week until he got paid and most of that would go out for groceries anyway.

God, he was so sick of it.

He could see that it was the same with Gavin. Gavin who had struggled with it for so much longer, who sometimes told him horror stories about the time before Geoff came around.

And now he made some money, not through selling his body but through a regular job he finally obtained. That was kind of hard considering he had no education, at least not a new one, not one jobs were asking for, and barely any experience. And even if he had experience who would believe him? He looked too young for that.

But he didn't spend his little money on drugs and drinks anymore, at least not as much as before. No, Geoff had watched him fill Jack's jar whenever he could.

"We should rob a bank," he found himself saying, and Gavin nodded. He didn't even turn towards him or stare or laugh.

He nodded instantly as if they had talked about that for quite some time, as if they had made plans already.

They hadn't, but apparently it hadn't only been around in Geoff's head for a while.

"I am so sick of this," Gavin mumbled. "So fucking sick of always worrying, of not getting what I want."

Now he turned around and maybe for the first time ever Geoff saw his age, saw how old he was and what he must have gone through to get to this point right here.

"I am sick of being hungry and I am sick of being on the wrong end of things. I am sick of not being able to get the people I love a present or just... just go out and... and spend time with them."

"Yeah," Geoff mumbled, and Gavin huffed heavily. His hand grasped the edge of the counter tightly.

"This isn't... this can't be what we're here for. This can't be the purpose of all of this. What are we immortal for if we... if we are so miserable?"

They weren't miserable, Geoff wouldn't call it that, and he was pretty sure Gavin also didn't mean it like that. After all they were alive and healthy and had each other.

It was the standing still, the working for something forever to get a bit further.

To get a new bed or a new couch or fuck, a new apartment, because this one was getting too small. It was the not getting ahead and even if they did it was just small things.

That was what made them miserable and he wondered how long Gavin had been bottling that up. He had caught glimpses of that in Ray, knew that Ray wasn't happy with all of this, but Gavin had been harder to read.

"Let's rob a bank," he repeated, and again Gavin just nodded.

He turned around, threw a look towards the jar and a smirk crawled over his face.It was a dangerous little thing, a sharp thing but it suited him.

"Yeah," he said slowly. "Let's bloody rob a bank."

 

"It was your idea, right?"

Geoff had just stepped into his room after a much needed shower - who had thought that robbing a bank would result in sweating so much? That shit was scary, okay? Even if he had kept repeating to himself that he was immortal, that they could just hurt him, not kill him. It was an adrenaline rush of course. It had been an adrenaline rush for all of them judging by the way Gavin had laughed and the gleam in Ray's eyes.

But then seeing Jack walk in and see all that money? Damn, had it been worth it, because by now Geoff hadn't seen her cry like a bitch but here the were now and he wished they could take a photograph of it.

Well, maybe next time.

Now Jack sat on his bed and she was judging him, alright. He had kinda expected it before, but she had been just too happy, and that was good knowledge to have.

"It was a group effort," he told her as he closed the door behind him.

"But it was your idea. "

"Not sure, missy. Gavin was kinda all for it as well."

"He wouldn't be brave enough to pull this off. Not without you and Ray at his back," she said easily, and Geoff shrugged.

Fair enough.

"Fine, it was me who brought it up, but the other two leapt at the idea. It was like Christmas for them."

"And you never stopped and considered how dangerous it would be?" she asked next, and Geoff sighed. He knew this would be coming and went ahead to sit down beside her.

"We're immo-"

"Immortal, I am aware, Geoffrey." Uh-oh, full name. So she was pissed or or was at least trying to be, because she was still too happy for it.

"What if you had gotten caught?"

"Well-"

"That's still a possibility, you know? You guys would go to jail and who knows, maybe get locked up for years."

"What are a few years anyway?"

"A long, long time!" she interrupted him fiercely, and he was ready to tell her that she was young, that she didn't know a thing about time yet, but there was a fire in her eyes that made him shut up.

"None of my boys will go into jail, you got that?"

"Your boys?"

"Damn right!" She punched his shoulder, and he knew that they were alright, that she might have to do this, but they didn't do anything that was irreparable. "What if you got life in prison?"

"Not for simply robbing a bank!"

"Doesn't matter! It's a possibility!"

"Listen, I had a plan for that, okay?"

"Does the plan include dying and then walking out of the morgue?"

"Well... yeah!"

She rolled her eyes again and slumped against the wall. "You're an idiot."

That made him grin and he scooted closer until she could lean into his side.

"I'm your idiot at least?"

"No, just an idiot."

"So cruel."

She huffed but shook her head. "Seriously, Geoff. I don't want you guys to take this immortal thing to far. What if it only works a certain number of times? What if we just can come back for so long? Gavin is always joking about how often he’s died and what if... what if one day he doesn't stand up again?"

That was a horrible, horrible thought and Geoff couldn't help but shiver. Not that he thought it was true, no matter what Ray told them about this immortal thing, he was still confident that it was actually Ray who did this, who healed them or whatever.

But they didn't talk about this, right? No, they were quite about that little detail because Gavin was on Ray's side on this, like he always would be, and Geoff wasn't going to bite the hand that... well, kept him alive.

"That won't happen," he said softly, but he could feel her shake against him.

"It won't! I promise, Jack!"

"You can't promise that."

"Yeah, I can," He said and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I swear. We'll be happy now. We'll be fucking happy and you will be happy and that's all that matters."

"You would have done it for me," she mumbled, but leaned into his embrace. "You three... would have gone into prison for me, could have gotten hurt or worse-"

"Well, Gavin did walk into the door and break his nose on the way out..."

She snorted and nudged his side.

"That's not helping."

"Just telling you how it was! I nearly pissed myself on that moment!"

That made her laugh, and it was a nice sound. Still, when he turned to her he saw tears in her eyes.

"I am serious though. What would I have done with all three of you gone? Nobody would have been there anymore, I'd be all alone for something so unimportant."

"It's not unimportant to you," he reminded her, but she just shook her head.

"It is because you three are my family," She turned towards him, and they were close now, closer than they had seen before and she leaned her head against his. "You three are my family and I don't want to lose you as well because of this. Because of who I am."

There was a lump in his throat now and for a moment he could just hold her. She hadn't said that before, not like that. Neither of them had, but it seemed obvious that it was true. In this world they lived in, in this situation they found themselves in. They only had each other.

Swallowing, he also leaned his head against hers.

"But you're also our family, Jack," he mumbled and pressed a kiss against her hair. "You're just as much our family as we are yours, and we would do anything to make you happy."

 

“Look at this view,” Geoff mumbled and raised his glass. The bourbon inside let the remaining lights of the city through, coloring it in amber tones. “You better remember it because it won’t stay like this for long.”

Ray looked up to him. The other two had already retired for today but he hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of the city, huddling on the edge of the roof. Gavin had wrapped his jacket around him to protect him from the cold, but Ray had barely noticed.

“What makes you say that?” he asked.

Geoff placed the bottle and his glass down before sitting down next to Ray.

“Los Santos is still growing,” he said. “Soon there will be more skyscrapers, even taller than this one. This is just the beginning.”

“Taller? I am not sure that’s possible,” Ray mumbled and leaned a bit forward to take a look down. He had done that once or twice already this evening and still he shivered at the height.

“I’m telling you it will happen, Ray. And it’s good that we’re already up here. We have to start ruling this city soon if we don’t want to get left behind.” He finished his glass and poured in some more.

Ray had turned towards him and was watching him with those aged eyes.

“It’s in your blood,” he finally said, and Geoff raised a brow at him.

“What is?”

“Ruling.”

“What makes you say that?”

He shrugged. “I just know.”

Geoff huffed in disbelief, but Ray had turned back around. He pulled the jacket tighter around him but it wasn’t that cold yet, maybe that was the drink though.

Nursing his glass, Geoff watched the liquid slosh around before offering it to Ray. Just as quickly, Ray shook his head, and Geoff hummed thoughtfully.

“Why don’t you drink alcohol, Ray?”

“I don’t like the taste of it.”

“I don’t think that’s the reason at all. I think you do it to make sure you stay in control.”

He turned around and started to laugh at the glare Ray shot him. It had become so familiar, but it had lost its danger long ago. Whatever he had done, it had made him rise in Ray’s favor and he didn’t think twice about reaching out to ruffle his black hair.

“We’re safe for tonight, Ray,” he assured him. “The other two are in bed and probably snoring up a storm. You and me are just enjoying ourselves up here.” He placed the glass next to the boy and Ray’s eyes darted towards it. “Whatever you think you’re protecting us from, if it’s death or danger - it won’t happen tonight. We’re safe here.”

“Safe…” Ray mumbled, and actually touched the glass with one finger as if to test if it was real. “We can never be sure of that.”

“You can be today. Because we’re kings tonight!” He called the last part out over the city and raised the bottle towards it. In the corner of his eyes he saw Ray smiled and then his glass joined in.

“That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” he chuckled, but Geoff shook his head.

“Not at all! You will see, we will rule this whole damn world if we want to!”

“You’re getting even more dramatic now!”

“Who cares!” He took a big swig straight from the bottle and watched as Ray followed a bit reluctantly. But the boy downed the glass and they both slammed them down at the same time.

Chuckling, Geoff turned towards Ray and found such a grimace on his face that he couldn’t help but laugh loudly.

“It’s disgusting!” Ray protested, embarrassed as his cheeks flushed healthily.

“Oh my God, are you crying?”

“I am not!” Ray said while quickly rubbing his eyes. “It tastes like fucking poison!”

“You’re a baby!”

“I am so much older than you!”

Laughing, Geoff filled his glass again and even though Ray groaned, he took it. Couldn't be that bad then.

“One, two, three!”

Ray downed the bourbon again and a full body shiver went through him. Geoff nearly spat his drink at the sight but the boy just shook himself before lifting his glass again.

“Another, old man!”

“You’re older,” Geoff reminded him gladly as he filled his glass. “Take it slow with this one.”

“I’ll drink you under the desk!”

“Highly doubt that, sweetheart.”

Ray all but snorted, but slowed down now. They both nursed their drinks as they watched the few remaining lights of Los Santos dim even further down. The city was at their feet, and in the distance wasn’t the sound of cars or obnoxious music, but soft cicadas. 

It wouldn’t take long for that to change, but in that moment it was calming and soft.

He noticed how Ray pulled Gavin’s jacket tighter around him, and now that he thought about it, it had grown rather cold. They should also head inside, it had to be long past midnight, but instead Geoff just shifted closer to share their warmth.

A few decades ago Ray would have yelled at him to back off, but not right now. Right now he continued to sit there, staring down at the empty streets beneath and looking impossibly far away.

Geoff was still debating if he should reach out and pull him in when Ray whispered, “Kings.”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s what you said. That we were kings.”

“We are!”

Ray smiled his lonely little smile before raising his glass to the city again. “I was a king once.”

There was something about the way he said it that made Geoff hesitate, made him believe those words without any doubt. And he had seen it before, right? In rare moments when Ray could hold himself so tall that it was intimidating, in eyes too dark from knowing so much.

“Yeah?” he asked and tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, knowing otherwise he would scare the boy off again. “How did that work out for you?”

Ray fell into a thoughtful silence while watching his drink. Only when he finished it in one swig he scowled, “It sucked.”

“What? Too much gold and jewels or too many mouths asking to suck your cock?”

Ray snorted and put the empty glass down. “Rather too many people after my head.”

“Ah, that is a problem indeed.”

Ray nodded but then shrugged. “Didn’t mind the gold that much.”

Geoff laughed and slapped him on the shoulder. It made Ray grin as he cocked his head thoughtfully.

“Gotta be honest though, never really thought about the dick sucking. You think there would have been people up for it?”

“My sweet Ray,” Geoff sighed and laid an arm around his shoulders. “You were a king and had all kinds of riches. I am sure you would have just snapped your finger and there would have been a line waiting. How did you not take this opportunity?”

“I dunno,” Ray said amused. “I was young and naive when I took the crown, I guess?”

“Oh my God. The virgin king!” Geoff groaned and was instantly shoved.

“Shut up!”

“Oh God, I nailed it! I nailed it and you didn’t!”

“It was another time, Geoffrey!” Ray tried to convince him, but his face was glowing red.

“No fuckery in the royal chambers!”

“Geoff!”

“No private meetings in the throne room!”

“Oh my God, shut your mouth!”

“You didn’t live, Ray!”

Groaning, Ray hid his face in his free hand but it only took a few moments until he started to laugh. It was deep and nice, coming from his belly and made him shake.

“Why are we talking about that?” he asked amused. “What kind of topic is that even? I tell you something like that and you… you go straight to blowjobs.”

Geoff squeezed his shoulder. “Just making sure we do it right this time!”

“What? Do you want me to go out there and get my dick sucked? You know fully well I’m with Gavin!”

“Yeah but I know about his gag reflex.”

Ray snorted loudly and quickly covered his mouth in shock. He looked both guilty and amused and Geoff laughed loudly at his expression.

“Well that was a confirmation if I ever seen one!”

“Shut up!”

Geoff pulled him in and Ray let him, even if he pouted.

“But I’m kidding of course. You and Gavin fit quite well.”

“I guess…” Ray mumbled and Geoff could feel the melancholy settle in. Before it could fester, he grasped Ray’s hand and pulled him to his feet.

“Wha-”

Geoff stepped on the small ledge they had just sat at and now there was nothing between him and the street down below than a couple inches and a long way down. Ray grasped his hand tightly as if to stop him from jumping but Geoff hadn’t even thought about it. He tugged at the other until Ray followed slowly and also stepped up on the ledge.

“Oh God,” Ray muttered as they stared down. There wasn’t much to see, only a single shop down there had lights still on and showed the street impossibly far away. Geoff could hear Ray’s breath catch in his throat and his own heart also beat faster. 

It was excitement for the most part but also fear. The fear or taking a step, of suddenly slipping and losing Ray’s hand.

Of falling endlessly.

Ray gasped next and then pressed into his side, holding tightly and made Geoff chuckle. “Didn’t take you to be afraid of heights!”

“We’re so far up!” Ray exclaimed and then squealed when Geoff stretched one leg out.

“Stop that, oh God!” Ray slapped his side and buried his face on his shoulder, but then he started to laugh. Geoff also chuckled and wrapped his arm around him.

“This is our city now,” he said and bent down to press a kiss against Ray’s hair. “This is our kingdom.”

 

_ Now _

“We need to talk,” Gavin said, and Ray hesitated.

They had just come back into the penthouse, and Gavin hadn’t even bothered bringing his bag into his room before he had followed Ray into his.

Now he was leaning against the closed door with the hands in the pockets of his jacket. He could feel the ruby inside, was wrapping his hand around its edges.

Ray would love it, he knew that. He had always loved red things and this ruby looked like crystallized blood. But Ray also expected it, of course he did. After all, he had seen the jewels before and Gavin didn't have any hope that this would be a surprise.

Still, this whole heist was made just for him, for this one gift.

“It's never good when people start a conversation like that,” Ray told him as he pulled Michael's shirt over his head. That was good, Gavin had hated seeing him in those clothes.

“Why do you always want to talk?”

“Because we stopped doing that at some point.”

“After such a long time you still want to talk shit through? That's cute,” Ray huffed, and Gavin couldn't help but sigh.

“Please don’t be like that, Ray.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m a child. You can talk to the others like that but please not with me.”

“Fine.” Ray left for his bedroom and Gavin waited patiently until he stood back in front of him, dressed in his own hoodie again. “You wanna talk? If you think that will help, sure, we can do that. I’m just saying that we both know each other’s words and how this turns out, why bother?”

“Ray.”

“This is about Michael,” he said, and Gavin didn’t bother pretending otherwise. “You’re pissed after what happened after the heist but I don’t think you have any right to be.”

He stood in front of him, nearly challenging, and he was right, Gavin could tell his every move right now, could foresee his words, so he just cut ahead.

“You kissed him,” he said, and if there was any doubt left it disappeared by the way Ray’s eyes widened. 

That hurt and he let go of the ruby in favor of wrapping his arms around himself. “I can see it, you know. In the way you acted, how there was guilt all over your face even though you tried so hard to pretend nothing had happened. Michael as well, nearly like I caught you red handed.”

He pushed himself off the door and moved past Ray, further into the room. “If I’d come in a little later would I have caught you fucking him? What a bloody pretty picture that would be.”

“No,” Ray simply said, and Gavin nodded to himself.

“I thought so. You weren’t out for a shag, no, you wanted someone to bloody cuddle. How cute of you, Ray.”

He turned back towards him and Ray was glaring at him. He didn’t like being figured out but Gavin didn’t want to beat around the bush right now.

“You have no right to-”

“I have no right to be pissed off because I do the same thing,” Gavin interrupted him and Ray huffed annoyed. “I go out there and shag whoever Geoff tells me to or whoever I want to. Why not? That’s our agreement and what a hypocrite I would be if I’d blame you for the same thing.”

“You would be,” Ray said quietly, and Gavin could only nod.

He reached the couch and sat down there, getting the ruby out of his pocket. It caught the light and threw it back out in a deep red. Ray’s eyes darted to it but then returned to him.

“I love you, Ray,” Gavin told him softly. “You know that because I told you that a thousand times before and I meant it with each fibre of my heart. If you’d chose to go out there and have some fun I wouldn’t stop you. Fuck, who would care? It’s just sex, it’s just fucking around! I do it as well and you don’t mind!”

“Then what do you want from me?”

“You never do it,” Gavin mumbled. He turned the ruby in his hand and watched his own reflection in it. Depending on how he tilted it, he could also see Ray traveling over the edges. “You never do it, you were never interested in anyone else. I feared that something would happen with Ryan because you were so eager to include him in the crew and he’s a good looking bloke, I get it.”

“So you shot him because you got jealous,” Ray said, and Gavin looked up.

That was an open secret between them, so he didn’t bother denying it. “He’s immortal so who cares? I just showed him his place.”

“Who said you get to decide his place?”

He ignored that and gripped the ruby tighter. “But then Michael came along and you were just so happy about it, so excited. Fuck, you talked about nothing else for months! Like a damn puppy, it would have been adorable if it wasn't so damn disgusting!”

“You wanted to kill Michael when you were going to recruit him,” Ray told him. “You wanted to show him his place as well.”

Gavin just shrugged. “And you wanted to tag along to stop me.”

“So you thought it would be fine if you got him first and it wasn’t like you were losing any time. First time he was drunk and you were all over him.”

“I guess so.”

“You’re horrible.”

“As if you were any better.”

Ray snorted and turned away from him. Gavin watched him and smiled sadly. What a child.

“Will you tell me now?” he asked. “Why Michael? What’s it about him?”

“You asked that a thousand times already.”

“And you never bother answering, so I won’t stop asking.”

“That’s not how that works and you know it, Gavin. If I don’t want to answer you, I won’t.”

“Your silence is always very loud though,” Gavin told him. He let the ruby fall into his lap to watch Ray strive back and forth. “Do you love him, Ray?”

Ray stopped in his tracks immediately and turned towards him. It made Gavin’s heart hurt.

“Is he the one… the one you’ve been looking for so very long?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Ray snapped at him and wrapped his arms around himself. “Michael is not him.”

“He’s special to you though,” Gavin reminded him. “You try to befriend him, you didn’t threaten or hurt him when you found out about me and him.”

“He’s part of the crew-”

“You let him come close while you were in your bloodrush,” Gavin interrupted him. “And lastly you kissed him. You kissed him, Ray.”

Ray stared at him, but his face was a mask. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, even for him, and Gavin was intrigued by it. He had cut deeper than he had intended and it hurt.

He didn’t want to be right about it.

“Do you love him, Ray?” he asked again with a heavy heart.

“He’s Michael,” Ray simply whispered, and Gavin deflated. 

“You always just say that. That’s not a damn answer, Ray.”

“Then what the fuck do you want from me?” Ray cried out and threw his arms up. He was back to pacing around but now there was something defensive about it.

“You go out there and fuck whoever you feel like but in the moment I dare to do the same you flip your shit!”

“You can fuck whoever you want, Ray!”

“Then why are we having this fucked up conversation?!”

“Because when I do it it doesn’t mean a damn thing!” Gavin yelled. He was also on his feet now and gripped the ruby tightly. The edges cut into his palm. “God damn it, Ray! Talking to you is sometimes like talking to fog! You never answer, no! You just want to be so damn mysterious and protect us from the knowledge or something like that, but that’s a damn excuse! That’s a fucking excuse and you know it! You get like that whenever there comes a damn question you don’t like and bloody hell, you don’t like a lot of questions! So you just stand there and dodge the question and feel so high and mighty!”

“Shut up.”

“No,” Gavin told him bluntly and took a step towards him. “I am sick of it! You can do it with everyone else but not with me! I’ve known you for too god damn long for this bullshit to work on me! Fuck, don’t I deserve a little better than this, Ray?”

Ray came closer, all threatening like he loved to do, but Gavin simply pushed him back. “You act like I’m an idiot. Like I wasn’t with you all this time and haven’t figured a thing or two out in those years. Fuck, as if I am the only one here! We’re not stupid.”

“Dangerous,” Ray hissed, and Gavin watched as Ray’s eyes turned dark, but he didn’t dare back down.

“Never towards me,” he said and knew it was right. He could see it in the darkness. “You would never raise hand against me.”

Something like a bitter smile stretched across Ray’s face, there to scare him, “Who is all high and mighty now, Golden Boy?”

Gavin didn’t rise to that bait and stood his ground. 

“Do you love him, Ray?” he asked again and watched as Ray huffed. He tried to turn away but Gavin snatched his arm and held him in place.

“Why can’t you answer this simple question? You never had a problem with denying that you loved someone before.”

“Don’t start that again.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at that, one sharp, cold laugh that made Ray flinch.

“If I don’t start it nobody will, Ray.”

“Good.”

Shaking his head, Gavin pulled his arm closer until he could push the sleeve up. Ray’s free hand immediately wrapped around his wrist as if Gavin didn’t know about the mark around it.

“You were wearing Michael’s clothes yesterday, you were wearing a shirt and everyone could fucking see it,” he snarled and watched Ray pale. Oh, if that wasn’t funny. “And you didn’t even notice, right? You hide it from everyone, but not yesterday. You didn’t even think about it until right now even though you are usually so damn careful.”

Ray freed himself from his grip but before he could say something Gavin pressed the ruby into his hands.

“There. It’s for you.”

He brushed past him, ready to just leave when Ray called out for him, “I can’t believe you are so hypocritical! You probably go out there and fuck someone now but if I-”

“It’s not about that!” Gavin cried out. He had reached the door but turned back around to him. Ray was staring at him but he just didn’t understand. “I just want to know where we stand, Ray! I just want to know what is going on! Is that too fucking much to ask?”

Apparently it was because Ray’s eyes flitted away. Gavin stayed for a moment longer as if he hoped Ray would change his mind, would actually talk about things, but of course that didn’t happen.

Opening the door, he stormed out because he was just sick of it. He was just so fucking sick of it.

 

"So how much is all of that worth?" Michael asked as he carefully examined the bracelet in his hand.

They were sitting in Ryan's room around the table and Ryan tried to fix some of the stuff he had broken. Maybe he should have been more careful about it after all.

"Considering that everything should be originals, quite a lot," Ryan said as he carefully tried to fix a joint of a necklace. "So this is all gold and gems. The material alone is worth a couple hundred thousands."

"That's incredible," Michael mumbled. He put the bracelet down in favor of picking up a ring. He seemed to like them but maybe only because they weren't as breakable.

"You made more in the thirty minutes you were in the museum than I made in a lifetime."

"And that's why we steal," Ryan told him and was kinda proud when Michael grinned at him.

"But like I said that's just the material. Some collectors would pay more if we can make sure they are the original pieces."

"Fucking christ... Can we do that?"

"Yeah, we have a guy downtown who checks on jewelry. He can give us a certificate if we want it."

"That's cool." Michael slipped the ring on and watched the light catch in it. He did that a lot, but Ryan wasn't one to judge, he hadn't been any different when he had touched gold for the first time.

"Some of those pieces are haunted," he said, and Michael raised his eyebrows.

"You believe in that stuff?"

"Well, magic apparently exists considering us," he said easily and put his pliers down to check on his work. Not perfect but good enough. "But no, it's a bunch of bullshit."

"Dude, it would suck if I'd just drop dead because of some nice jewelry."

"There are worse ways to die."

"True."

They fell quiet, but now Ryan found the time to watch the other. Michael didn't seem to notice, still too occupied with the riches in front of him, and it had to be an impressing thing to look at.

Ryan had never really struggled to survive, at least not in terms of money, but he knew that some of the others had. It was apparent in their greed and he knew that sooner rather than later the greed would also hold a place in Michael's heart.

That was fair enough, Ryan agreed with Geoff that if they were to roam on this earth for so long they fucking deserved to do it in style.

But for now the innocent was adorable, and he figured he should watch it as long as he could.

Still, there was something else. Something that had bothered him once he had found Michael in the museum, right where he didn't belong, and in the way he had walked out of Ray's room the next day. Certainly thoughtful but not hurt or messed up.

"You didn't listen to me," he said slowly and with a frown Michael looked up to him.

"Excuse me?"

"I told you to stay away from Ray and Gavin," Ryan explained and saw how Michael pulled a face.

"I know."

"You saw what those two do if they are together. They are cruel."

Michael nodded and fidgeted around with the ring in his hand. He stayed like that for a while and Ryan let him. He wasn't here to chastise the boy, he was a grown up and it had been a warning and nothing more. What Michael decided to do with it was up to him.

"I am not sure if I had a choice," he finally mumbled. "I mean... besides completely ignoring them."

Ryan nodded to himself and got back to work. "Gavin targeted you."

"I- yeah, he might have."

There was something confused in Michael's face, as if he couldn't understand how he got into the mess in the first place, and Ryan sighed to himself.

"Took me a while to figure it out as well," he said, and Michael looked up. "When I first came around Gavin hated me. I mean, he still does but back then I was still confused over it."

The boy huffed but was clearly listening now, "So what was the reason?"

"Easy. He firstly doesn't like new people he has to interact with but he also hates everyone who comes close to Ray. He's a bit... obsessed with that."

"Well shit," Michael mumbled and Ryan snorted. "I think I screwed up then."

"Please don't tell me you fucked Ray."

"God, no!" But there was something the way he denied it that made Ryan hesitate. And he hadn't really meant it after all in the time he had known Ray he didn't seem like the type. Gavin on the other hand...

"Um... it's just..." Michael mumbled but then fell silent. He was staring at the ring now, concentrating so hard that Ryan feared it would break somehow.

"It's just that Ray might have made a move on... well, me?"

"Oh," Ryan mumbled, and then when the words fully made sense to him, he sat up straight. "Oh fuck."

"Yeah..."

"Don't let Gavin hear about that."

"Well, he might know that already."

"How are you still here and not... I don't know, dead meat."

Michael just kinda shrugged and Ryan figured that was fair enough. Still he found it kind of unfair, considering that he got shot on sight and he certainly hadn't had any contact with Ray before.

"You're fucked, I hope you know that."

"Yeah..." Michael mumbled and then leaned back with a sigh. He looked around, watching the plants, and Ryan followed his eyes. He stopped on the little potted plant Michael had got him this morning and he wondered if the boy wanted advice of some kind.

There were certainly better options than him, mostly because Jack Pattillo lived under this very roof, but Jack was out today.

She hadn't gotten her fix with the heist on the museum with just sitting in the getaway car and would search for something else. Nobody bothered with stopping her on days like that and Ryan had only joined her once.

But seriously, taking down some abusive asshole was certainly a fond memory he shared with her.

So yeah, maybe he was the best option here, considering that he wasn't sure how Geoff would react to that, and Ray and Gavin weren't really an option.

"So," he began a little unsurely, and Michael turned back towards him. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"Don't know," Michael admitted. "I figured... you know, talking about it. That's what adults do."

"It's Gavin and Ray though. Don't think they are adults."

"They are like fucking old though."

"Honestly that doesn't mean shit."

Michael frowned but didn't talk back. Mostly because it was fucking true.

"It shouldn't be a problem though because they are like open or something. That's what Gavin said."

Ryan shrugged. "But that's not really the question, is it? You gotta know what you want."

Groaning, Michael laid down on his back and cried, "How am I supposed to know what I want! People don't know shit like that!"

Chuckling, Ryan wanted to get him something to drink when his phone rang.

It was a message, surprisingly enough from Gavin, and he unlocked his phone with a sigh. Just a simple address, but he recognized it well enough to paint a picture.

"Sorry Michael," he said as he got up from the floor. "Business is calling."

 

Walking into the club, he tried not to look too out of place. Granted, his mask and leather jacket made him look out of place nearly everywhere, which was kinda the point, but people shouldn't notice how awkward he felt.

The music was blasting loudly and even though it was barely 9pm the room was packed with people. Didn't they only come out around midnight? It wasn't really his scene, he wouldn't know. He wouldn't even know this place if some members of them didn't frequent it and he somehow ended up being the designated driver.

Fuck, Geoff had spent quite a bit of money to allow them still entrance after some rather unfortunate events that didn't just include some broken tables.

That was the reason why he knew his way around in the first place and tried not to look like a creep as he passed through the Employees Only entrance and then down some stairs.

Two broad men stood there but immediately stepped aside when they recognized him and pointed towards the room with the number three.

He took a deep breath before knocking, but of course there would be no answer. He stepped inside, trying to brace himself for whatever he might see but was surprised with the fact that it wasn't all too bad.

He really hadn't looked forward to walk in on Gavin fucking some random people, but by the looks of it he was just chilling in the bed, besides the fact that there was still a syringe sticking in his arms and Ryan groaned.

"You think that's a solution," he said as he closed the door. "Get high and then hope things will get better? No wonder you're an idiot."

He got no answer and it took him a moment to realize that Gavin's eyes were closed. Stepping closer, he pressed his fingers against his neck and felt for a pulse.

At first there was nothing and with an annoyed huff, he figured he'd have to wait.

Pulling the needle out, he put it on the bedside table and then looked around.

To be honest he was surprised that an establishment like this didn't look... well, dingy as hell, but that was probably a movie cliche. This could as well be a nice hotel room for all he knew.

He sat down on the bed, far enough from Gavin away to not touch him when he heard the telltale breath. It was loud, nearly a gasp and he watched as Gavin arched his spine.

So he was back.

"You hear me?" Ryan asked and nudged him roughly. He really didn't want to be here and be part of this pity party, but Geoff would be pissed if he just let Gavin lay here like that.

Gavin's eyes fluttered opened but they were still heavy and didn't quite focus. He looked around, frowning until he turned back to Ryan.

"Didn't think you'd come," Gavin said, and his voice was shot to all hell.

"Is that why you contacted me of all people?" Ryan asked, annoyed, and Gavin fell silent.

He let him, knew he was confused and had to wrap his head around some things before he was fully back. Death sometimes did that to you, made you believe you were in another month, even year.

Ryan wasn't sure if it would get worse the older you got, but it was a possibility.

Gavin sat up carefully and then rubbed his face. It took a moment longer until he shook his head.

"Fuck," he mumbled and poked at the needle on the bedside table. "Once you overdose it's like you didn't take shit. You get back and your body washes it all out in minutes."

"Fascinating," Ryan said pointedly and got up. "Can we go now?"

"Give a man a minute. I just said it takes a while. Didn't know you would just rush to me when I called."

"I wanted to get this over with so that you wouldn't ruin my whole evening. I always did the things I despised first."

"If you wanna do me you still gotta give me five minutes at least. I was just dead, Ryan."

"Disgusting," he said and Gavin just shrugged as if that didn't mean shit for him. Well, it was probably true. He hadn't cared about what Ryan thought about him before and he was pretty sure that wouldn't change for the time being.

But he did give him a moment until Gavin finally got up, still a little shaky on his legs, but he didn't ask for help and Ryan wouldn't give it.

They left the room in silence, and Ryan had to wait once more while Gavin talked with the owner of the bar. To pay him or whatever, he didn't care, and the loud music would give him a headache soon enough.

When they finally sat down in the car, he sighed gladly even when Gavin scowled.

"You took my car," he protested.

"I didn't know in which condition you'd be when I got here and if you decided to puke everywhere I didn't want it on my seats," he explained and Gavin actually nodded.

"Fair enough." He searched on the side of his seat until it folded back and then laid down with a groan.

"God, I am so dizzy."

"Might be the drugs or dying. A mix of both," Ryan offered, and Gavin just shrugged.

He stayed quiet while Ryan started the car and began to drive them home; he was nearly sure Gavin had fallen asleep, but after a while he heard him sigh. He scooted around as if he couldn't find a comfortable position, but Ryan ignored him for now.

"You're not going to ask why I called you?" he finally asked. "Because it should be clear that I don't like you even a bit."

"You're hurting my feelings," Ryan deadpanned, and Gavin huffed.

"What? The bullet in your eye not clue enough?"

He threw him a short look before turning back towards the road. Gavin was still watching him, but he let him fidget around a bit until he answered, "It's obvious though. You are mad at Ray and Michael or hurt or whatever. I don't care and I don't want to hear a sob story about it because let's be real, Ray deserves better than you and if he made a move on Michael I will congratulate him for finally opening his eyes."

Gavin had grown very still besides him at that and Ryan nearly felt guilty for what he said. It was cruel, sure, but this guy had shot him on sight and had never even pretended to be sorry for it. Actually, it was because Ray had looked forward to meet him, and if that alone accounted for shooting him, then Ryan would make sure to keep a close eye on Michael.

He liked the boy and he really didn't want him to go through the same thing as he did.

"So people already know," Gavin said slowly. He was still sprawled out on the seat, and as the paleness of death finally faded Ryan couldn't pretend that he didn't look good. Didn't mean he would get caught up in that pretty mess.

"I guess," Ryan just said. He wasn't going to say that Michael told him, but Gavin also didn't ask.

"I could have still called Geoff or Jack," Gavin offered carefully and at least let that topic drop.

"They wouldn't want to see your sorry ass," Ryan told him bluntly. "Jack would worry over you and Geoff would as well after he kicked your ass first."

"True," Gavin admitted and turned away from him. "I didn't think you'd get here so quickly. I wanted to get fucking wasted."

"Sorry for ruining your good time."

Gavin shrugged and fell silent. Ryan threw him a glance, but the other just watched out the window as the city flew by. It was nearly peaceful like this and in a few minutes he would throw Gavin out of this car and go his own merry way.

Or just leave the boy in the car, considering it was his and if he wanted to still get wasted he wouldn't stop him. He certainly wouldn't get him again though.

"The sky has changed," Gavin said slowly, and Ryan frowned.

"What?"

"Over time. The night sky has changed. There are a lot less stars now."

"It's because of the pollution."

"True. I watched this city appear from a few huts, Ryan. I was here as it happened but that's not it." He sat up now and turned towards him, a heavy aura around him. "I watched the skies, Ryan. I watched stars disappear."

He threw him a look and something about Gavin made him actually believe it. He didn't know how old Gavin was exactly, had never cared enough to ask but now he wondered. Still, he didn't ask because he really didn't want a conversation with him.

Maybe because the way he watched him made him forget his words.

"And Ray was there with me as we watched the stars die," he continued. "He was there before me even, and I believe he watched worlds die. Fuck, I watched armies rise and fall in what felt like heartbeats."

He was smiling now, not his usual smirk but a knowing smile. It made Ryan shiver.

"You don't get to tell me what Ray deserves or does not," he said nearly kindly. "You don't even begin to understand."

"But you do?" Ryan asked quickly in hope that he'd escape those eyes, but Gavin didn't even blink. "Who are you to decide what he deserves or not?"

"I do not," Gavin assured him. "But he chose me long ago and I know him better than you'd ever imagine."

"He’s chosen Michael now," Ryan said, and something dangerous crossed Gavin's face, like a shadow - fleeting and dark. He finally turned away and tilted his head until he could watch the sky above. Ryan also threw a look up but couldn't see any stars, not with the brightly lit buildings around.

"He hasn't yet," Gavin said slowly. "Ray still hasn't decided, Ray still doesn't know what he wants."

He hesitated and his fingers played with the edge of his shirt, twisting it nervously. It wasn't like him and if Ryan wouldn't have to check on the street, he would stare.

"Not between us at least. Not between what he wants to do or has to do. He will one day though."

Ryan wasn't sure what that meant but he didn't ask anymore, didn't want to continue this conversation, because he didn't want to understand. Maybe Gavin didn't want to either by how thoughtful he was watching above before he finally fell back into the seat.

They continued to drive in silence and soon enough they reached the base, The moment Ryan parked, Gavin sat up and opened the door.

"No thank you?" Ryan asked, more to rile him up then expecting an answer, but Gavin actually hesitated.

And now that he sat there, unmoving and somehow small, he looked very vulnerable.

Sure, he could try all he wanted to play it up with his fancy clothes and an easy smile, drowning everything else with alcohol and drugs, but it took no genius to figure out that he was hurt by this.

"Talking helps," Ryan found himself saying, the same advice he had given Michael, but he had never thought about giving it to Gavin. "If you just went to Ray an-"

Gavin laughed. One laugh, sharp and cold as he got out of his seat.

"I tried. Didn't help." He threw the door close but Ryan continued to stay. For a moment he actually thought Gavin was waiting for him, he stood in front of the car and watched him, but Ryan wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean.

Finally Gavin said something, quiet enough that he couldn't hear it, but he saw his lips move. it could have been a thank you, but he wouldn't bet on it.

 

Back in his room, Gavin didn't know what to do with himself. He hadn't planned to be back this early and he hadn't planned to be this sober once he got here. He could just go up to Geoff and get his fair share of alcohol of course, and it wasn't like he hadn't some in his room as well, but he could already tell how they would look at him.

That stupid pity that both Geoff and Jack had mastered over the years.

Michael would look guilty, and maybe he should be, even though Gavin was more angry at Ray.

But oh, Ray wouldn't care.

No, he had something new to play with, and it hurt more than he had imagined.

He wasn't stupid, he had always figured Ray would one day go out there and look for new people. They had been together for a long, long time, and even Gavin had days when he got tired of the other.

But none of his little flirts was meant to replace Ray, that had never been on his mind. The possibility alone was laughable because they just knew each other for so fucking long.

But maybe Ray didn't think the same, maybe Ryan was right and Ray deserved better.

It wasn't like Gavin hadn't thought the same before, the doubt always present because he was a mask, a jester if nothing more.

What was there to him?

A pretty face and a good liar, sure, useful for Geoff if he wanted to get some information but certainly not boyfriend material.

He shouldn't be surprised and he figured he wasn't. He had long since expected something like that but that didn't mean he hadn't feared this day.

He threw himself onto his couch to stare at the ceiling and for a while he let the pain just wash through him, helpless against the intensity of it.

He couldn't remember life without Ray, even though the beginnings were still fresh in his head. But anything before that was muddled and simply too long ago.

His own pity party was interrupted by a knock on the door, and he turned his head. He really didn't want any visitors but apparently that wasn't his call to make as the door opened and Ray stepped inside.

"Some people wait until they're allowed entry to come inside," Gavin told him and then turned his back to him in childish protest.

"I'm not some people," Ray told him, and Gavin could hear the soft steps as he walked towards him and couldn't help but tense. Of course Ray could tell but he didn't comment on it.

"You wanted to talk," Ray said and Gavin rolled his eyes.

"I wanted to talk earlier but you didn't bother with it."

"I had to think."

Gavin could feel him sit down behind him and quickly buried his head in the blanket. "I didn't think I asked such a hard question that you had to think about it," he mumbled.

"You did."

Fuck, fuck, fuck. It shouldn't be hard! Ray kew Michael for roughly five minutes! When Gavin had walked up to him and asked if he loved him it should have been an easy no. There was nothing to think about at all!

He bit on his lip as Ray laid a hand onto his shoulder.

"Please turn around?"

He didn't, he just lifted his head enough to look in Ray's direction.

"You found your answer?" he asked and prepared for the low blow that followed.

"I don't love Michael but I like him very much," Ray said, and Gavin huffed.

"Wow, it took me a couple decades to get you to admit that."

He let his head fall back down and wanted to die, right here and now so that he didn't have to continue this conversation, so that maybe he could go back in time and fucking shoot Michael in the head or something.

The funny part was that he wasn't even that mad at Michael, he just wanted to be somewhere quiet to lick his wounds because it hurt. It hurt like hell.

"Gavin," Ray said and nearly sounded like he was chiding him for being that childish. "He's Michael."

"Stop saying that," Gavin snapped at him and now he sat up to face Ray. "That means nothing to me. That means fuck all because I don't know what you mean! You say the same about Ryan and expect me to be happy about that!"

"If you would just try-"

"I don't want to try! I don't want shit to change because things were good before! Things were good!" That was a lie. Geoff and Jack were good and he loved them very much, and of course the money meant they weren't hungry anymore, weren't always cold, but that just meant that things were better, still not good.

Things hadn't been good in a long, long time and Ray knew it as well.

He didn't dare to look into his eyes, and he also let his hand fall as if he was scared to touch him.

"He's Michael," he just repeated and Gavin wanted to hurt him in that moment.

"You're such a coward! You're such a fucked up coward! That's not a reason, that's not a-"

"It's reason enough," Ray interrupted him. "He's Michael!"

"That doe-"

"But that's not the same as with you," he added quickly. "It's not the same because you're Gavin, okay? You're Gavin."

"So what?" Gavin cried out. "That doesn't mean a thing!"

"You're Gavin and so I am-" Ray stopped himself but Gavin also didn't want to hear it. In that moment he was nearly sure he could hate him, no matter how much he loved him.

"I am me," he pleaded and now he was the one to reach out and grasp Ray's arm. "I am me, Ray."

Now Ray looked up and their eyes met. There was something sad in his but what was worse was the disappointment that was so prominent.

And Gavin felt guilty of all things. He knew he shouldn't be, he knew he wasn't here to play a role for Ray, but that didn't stop him from feeling awful.

He had always tried to at least make Ray happy if he couldn't protect him or care for him and he had soon noticed that Ray expected him to play a certain role.

He was sick and tired of being someone else so that Ray could play play pretend.

"I am me," he repeated, more fiercely now. "And Michael is also himself. I won't let you..." He trailed off but Ray had picked up on it.

"You won't let me what?" he snarled, something dangerous in his voice, but Gavin was way past being afraid of him.

"I won't let you do the same to him as you did to me," he said. "I want you to... to wake up and open your eyes and see who we really are. We're not your damn pawns!"

He wasn't all too sure about that last part; he knew about Ray's powers and how strong he truly was. And Ray also stared at him as if he knew the same, as if Gavin was stupid, but he wouldn't back down from it. After all Ray was never one to talk about it and he wouldn't start now; Gavin had tried to pry and tease him more than enough to get something out of him, but without any luck.

When Ray didn't answer, he also let him go and got up.

"So what do you want, Ray?" he asked and wrapped his arms around himself.

That was what this was always about, right?

What Ray wanted.

"I like Michael," he repeated as if those words didn't burn like liquid fire in his veins. "And I want to give it a try."

"A try?"

"You also like him, right? You slept with him before."

Throwing his head back, Gavin laughed because one had nothing to do with the other, but maybe in Ray's stupid little brain it did.

"You want to... add him or what?"

"If you're alright with that," Ray said as if that was the easiest thing in the world.

He knew it wasn't that easy, he knew he didn't really have a choice on that.

Ray always got what he wanted and Gavin wasn't one to fight it anymore. If he'd said no it wouldn't change a thing.

Ray would still go for it, just not with him by his side, and he wouldn't be able to stop him in the slightest. He didn't have the power to tell Ray what to do, he didn't want to because Ray had also given him his freedom.

If Ray wanted to see other people he would; Gavin did so as well even if his flings surely meant less, and he should take it as a good sign that Ray even asked him in the first place, had considered him at all.

He stared at him and Ray could barely keep eye contact, something very uncertain in his movements, and Gavin could feel how it made his heart grow bigger.

He had always adored him and he already knew that it would never change.

"If that is what you want," Gavin said softly, and it still hurt when Ray nodded.

He took his hand and Gavin let him, just closed his eyes when Ray leaned ahead and pressed a kiss against his cheek.

"Thank you," he whispered, but they were close enough that he could hear it.

Instead of answering he turned their hands around until he could pull on Ray's sleeve and reveal his mark. It was a strange thing, like a fine scar around his wrist that looked distinctly like vines, only that they didn't keep scars.

But no matter how often Ray died or regenerated, this mark stayed, and Gavin didn't know why. It wasn't the only one, there was a second one on Ray's chest, a slash straight through his heart that also wouldn't leave.

Gavin had stopped asking, but he thumbed at it now. Immediately Ray tried to pull back but he held on tight and felt the strange texture of it.

"I'm just scared," he admitted quietly and pressed a kiss right on top of Ray's pulse point. "Scared that you will leave me."

"Don't worry about it," Ray assured him like he always did, but Gavin had never believed it. There was something in the way he couldn't quite look him in the eyes and the guilt in his voice. There was something else,  _someone_ else, and one day Ray would disappear as quickly as he had appeared.

"I love you," he said, and now Ray's eyes finally flitted back to him. He had no problem looking at him during that, a strange mix of accusation and misery on his face.

And next Gavin was pulled into an embrace and he went easily. They fitted together seamlessly, always had and he closed his eyes and savored Ray's warmth. The warmth of the body that was so familiar to him, that he could retrace in his sleep.

"I love you," Gavin whispered against his neck in hope he would answer this time, but Ray just squeezed him tighter and nuzzled against his hair.

Just like always.

"We should meet with Michael soon," Ray said instead, and Gavin let his eyes flutter open. He didn't want to talk about Michael, not now, not ever, but he couldn't find it in him to open his mouth. "See how it works out and where it takes us. We can just do a nice evening or something."

Gavin turned his head until he could bury his face in Ray's shoulder. He brought his arms up and wrapped them around the slender form until he could grasp the familiar hoodie tightly. He didn't want to let Ray slip right through his hands.

"Okay," he found himself saying, because he would do anything for him if it just meant to be close. "Yeah... we can do that."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so long, I'm so sorry???  
> The next isn't much better...


	6. Gavin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t confuse this life for freedom. There is no freedom, we just move through different sized cages all our life.”

Chapter 6

Gavin

 

_ Then _

Gavin didn't remember his life before he met Ray. There was only these few minutes after he woke up on a field, covered in nothing but a rough old coat and ashes.

It was still early morning and the sun stood high above, pretty with the soft green grass he was laying on. It should have been a peaceful sight, but he couldn't smell anything but smoke. It billowed thick and black somewhere to his right, taking more and more of the blue sky above. It had settled in his throat and he coughed violently. Turning to his side, he tried to stifle it against his hand, desperate to not be heard or found. He may have just woken up but he knew he should stay hidden for now.

His whole body was shaking in a strange exhaustion, aching from some invisible pain that seemed to linger. He quickly checked himself over, fearing for a throbbing wound, but there was nothing. His skin was intact, not even a scratch, and he slowly sat up.

There was no chirping of birds even though it was a clear day; instead there were distant screams. It made him shiver, and he pulled the cloak tighter around himself.

For a while he debated if he should stay here. The grass was still high  and if he kept low he could hide in here, but he didn't recognize this black cloak, didn't know how he got here, so someone had probably brought him here.

Gavin didn't know why, but his heart was starting to beat faster. Whoever had done this, he didn't want them to return.

He quickly got to his feet and found his knees shaking, but he stood. Wrapping the cloak tighter around himself, he couldn't find it in him to take a single step.

With wide eyes he stared down at the destruction, at the village that had been his home all his life and that was now engulfed in bright flames. They were huge, licking at the skies, and went from the church from one side of the village to the graveyard on the other, devouring everything in their wake.

The smoke threw long shadows over the wide fields, dark and heavy as it rolled into the air. It looked like a beast, destroying everything in its wake, and there were still the screams.

He could hear them faintly, high and terrified screams of people he didn't recognize, not over this distance.

What had happened?

He couldn't remember  but the horror settled heavy in his stomach. His foot moved slowly, as if he wanted to go down there and help, try to save someone at least, but he wouldn't be able to. He could tell even from this far away because the houses were burning bright, the crops as well, and it was like a wall of fire separating the living and the dead.

He breathed heavily, tasted the smoke on his tongue and in his lungs as he stood there alone. A soft wind tugged at the single cloak he had, nearly gently as if the devil wasn't reigning right in front of him, and he couldn't take a single step.

What was he doing out here? Why wasn't he in the village just how he was supposed to be?

He knew it was his home even if he didn't remember much in that moment. He knew the people didn't like him there, thought him funny and weird for his questions and his science, but it was still home.

But his home was burning bright, and he just stood there in the soft grass, watching everything disappear into nothing but ashes.

He didn't know how long he did so, how long it took him to make out a single figure coming from the flames. It had to be a while because the screams had died down and only the raging sounds of the fire remained. Collapsing buildings that brought forth more of the ashes and Gavin was sure he would never get rid of that image.

But now a single person came from the flames and maybe he should hurry towards them to help. They surely had to be hurt, had to be scared but he didn't move. They didn't seem scared, not at all and instead Gavin felt a cruel fear grasp at his heart.

He should be the one who felt afraid. He should be the one screaming for mercy even though he didn't quite know why.

The figure was wearing fine clothes, nearly like the uniforms the knights around wore, only that he didn't know any who wore just black. And they usually came on huge horses, armed with big swords and spears, wearing shiny armor.

Not this one. They were carrying a weapon, but it was just a slender sword in their hands, and he couldn't make out any armor except for a bright red coat billowing behind them. There was silver trim on it, fine stitchery of tendrils that spoke of riches that Gavin had never dreamed of before.

Now that they got closer he could see that it was a young man, barely older than him if at all. Dark hair, but that might have been from all the smoke. His face seemed nearly boyish even though it was smudged with ashes and blood just like his sword.

Gavin didn't know a lot about weapons, not at all so maybe it wasn't a surprise that he had never seen a sword like that. Slender but obviously sharp, the metal had a strange hue of blue beneath all the red.

The stranger stopped in front of him and Gavin couldn't decide if he wanted to run or just drop to his knees to get it over with.

This was death, he knew it instinctively, and a horrible fear came over him.

It didn't stop when the stranger kneeled in front of him instead, this bloodied knight as he himself stood on this field, bare besides the cloak he was clutching tightly.

He stared down at the dark hair that bowed for him and didn't know what to do or say.

His legs decided for him as they gave out and he sat down hard himself. They were close now, closer than he probably dared to be, but he couldn't move.

His breath was stuck in his lungs and he was shaking from the tips of his fingers to his toes, unable to stop it.

"Are you alright?" the stranger asked, and Gavin felt ready to throw up as the other lifted his head. His eyes were black as the deepest night without any stars or moon to break the darkness.

Gavin managed nothing more than a rasping sound as an answer, scared out of his mind, and the stranger just tilted his head.

"You don't have to be afraid," he assured him softly and reached out to wipe ashes from Gavin’s cheeks. He couldn't even flinch. "I would never hurt you."

"You killed them all," Gavin blurted out, surprised over himself. His heart was pounding in his throat and he was sure this man could hear it, could taste it somehow, and still he had managed to get those words out.

"Every single one," he whimpered, and he couldn't even be sure of that after all he had just woken up here. It could have been bandits, it could have been a lot of things, but he knew that wasn't the case. He knew that this knight was drenched in red because he chose to be, because he had spilled it himself, but before that he had carried Gavin out of there for reasons beyond his imagination.

"Yes," the stranger told him without any hint of remorse.

"Why?" Gavin pleaded and felt tears sting in his eyes. He didn't know if they came from fear, grief or the smoke all around.

"They hurt you," the stranger said easily. He thumbed tears from his face in a strangely intimate movement that made Gavin shake. Still, he didn't flinch away, didn't tell him to stop. He sat in this field with Death, with the destruction and misery just in front of him, and the thought of running was fleeing his mind.

"And I won't let anyone hurt you."

 

He followed the stranger, who introduced himself as Ray. What choice did he have after all? He had lost everything in one single moment and he didn't even own the clothes on his body.

Ray was his only chance of survival, but that didn't help his nerves. Not at all, because Gavin expected him to snap any day; after all this knight had annihilated the whole village in a day without a bit of remorse.

The memories of that day were a whirlwind and Gavin didn't bother trying to remember them. He left them deep down where they could fester and curl as long as they wanted, because he had no time to deal with them.

On that day Ray just took his hand and lead him away from everything he had known and Gavin had followed. Cold, shivering and in shock. The fear was burned so deeply inside of him that he could taste it bitter in the back of his throat.

Why had that happened? Why hadn't he died with all the others?

The person who could answer this question was right beside him, but he didn't dare ask.

His life changed from there on as Ray dragged him along, at first nearly in silence beside his repeating promises.

That nothing would happen to Gavin anymore, that he would take care of him.

Words that should assure him, make him calm down and take a breath. Instead it terrified him to his core as they wandered through the country, stealing what they needed for now.

If they found a abandoned shed or a barn they slept there for the night, if not, the forest would do. If Ray slept at all; Gavin wasn't too sure about that. He was still awake when Gavin's tired mind decided to sleep for the night and he was also right beside him when he woke in fits during the night.

Sometimes he hoped that Ray would just be gone, disappearing as fast as he had appeared. Just like the nightmares in the night.

But he didn't.

"Who are you?" Gavin dared to ask one night. He had woken in cold sweat and the air was chilling. The old cloak was around him, along with a blanket but he still felt it. They had slept on the edge of a forest where the ground was hard, but he hadn't bothered with getting rid of the stone digging into his back; he was too exhausted for it.

Ray sat beside him like always, leaning against a tree but now he turned towards him. It was one of the few times Gavin had actually started a conversation so he must be surprised but his smile was soft.

"I told you my name."

"That's not everything, right? That can't be."

Ray fell silent and Gavin sat up.

"You're a knight. That shows in your weapons and your clothes," he continued. "But I don't recognize your uniform. Which master do you obey?"

That made Ray smile and he threw him a knowing glance as if Gavin should know the answer to this himself. He didn't though, and he was tired of this games.

"What?" he snapped, and maybe he was angry. He was too confused by everything that had happened to know for sure. "Do you expect me to know them? I never left my village until now and what I know is just all talk!"

"No, I don't expect you to," Ray told him quietly. "They aren't from... around here."

"So what are you doing here then? If your master is so far away, what do they have against my village? My village is small and we did our own thing. What reason woul-"

"They hurt you," Ray just said, and Gavin stared at him. When he didn't answer Ray shook his head softly, "You don't remember. Maybe it's better like that."

"It's my fault then?" Gavin whispered. "All of those people..."

"They deserved it-"

"How can you say that!" Gavin cried out. "How can you be so cruel! I didn't want that to happen, I would never have! All this pain of people who were my family, Ray! My family!"

"You don't need them anymore," he said matter of factly and turned away. "You are meant for more than to die in a village like that."

"I am nothing! I have no talents, I can't fight or cook or sew! I am not good with the animals - what would my purpose be besides dying young and stupid!"

"You will see," Ray said again, just as flat and certain as before. "but don't fear. I will be beside you."

As if that would assure him in the slightest! As if that didn't make him shake beneath his covers because of more than the cold.

"What if I don't want that?" Gavin asked in his desperation, and he wanted to bite his own tongue. He didn't want to anger the other, feared his wrath, but it didn't come.

Ray just smiled and looked up into the sky. "Don't worry about that."

Gavin felt ready to cry in that moment. He hadn't yet, not really, but now everything was just too much. He was trapped, was in a place he didn't want to be in, and maybe it was true and he was better off dead. At least then he wouldn’t have to live in constant fear of this... this devil! This devil that was playing with him how he pleased, who had picked him among so many others for his own joy, and who knew what horrors he still had up his sleeve?

So Gavin quickly laid back down to hide his expression. Curling into his too thin covers, he clawed at the old cloak that surely belonged to someone that was now long dead and tried to control himself.

Weakness wouldn't help him and he couldn't fight; no, he had never been able to.

 

Winter came a few weeks later, cold and harsh.

Maybe his death wish would come true then because their situation worsened. There wasn't any food and no cover and at night Gavin sometimes felt how the strands of his hair froze over.

It was only the beginning, it hadn't even snowed yet, and already he felt his strength draining.

Around that time Ray told him not to worry and began to talk about immortality. Just another strange fantasy, but Gavin didn't talk back. Even if he would, Ray seemed so sure of himself that none of his words would even begin to reach him.

So he just nodded and shivered as they walked to a destination he didn't know about as he hoped for his only escape.

But of course Ray remained right.

He would learn that Ray was always right, no matter how wrong it sounded. Maybe he could bend reality on his will, but that was also something that Gavin didn't want to know.

Freezing was like slipping into sleep. When the weakness came over him and he would lay down he knew it would happen. He could see it in the way that his fingers were purple from cold, how his breath wouldn't be enough to warm them anymore. His heart would beat so slowly that he slipped while he counted the beats.

Still, he would be awake again later. Ray sitting above him as he held his hand in a futile attempt to keep him warm. Gavin was still cold, but for now he was alive.

Starving was worse, and it was what he truly feared.

Not that he could ever escape what he feared; another lesson he would soon learn.

With the winter hitting them at full force, the snow reached well over his knees and there was no food.

No food, and in the beginning it nearly felt like freezing again. The weakness, the dizziness, but then the cramps started. They were deep in his stomach, twisting and turning, and he couldn't fight against them. He wanted to, wanted to scratch them out and scratch at Ray who sat beside him, holding his head.

And of course he was there when Gavin slipped away, was also there when he came back, as if that would help against the throbbing hole in his stomach. It just gave him more time, a couple days until it would be the same all over again.

It was horrifying, a cruel form of torture, and he couldn't do a thing against it. He was too weak to even lift his hand, let alone fight this monster off.

"Are you Death?" Gavin managed to ask one day after he resurfaced. It hurt to talk, but it also hurt to breathe and Ray kneeled beside him.

Today Death had brought him a piece of bread, barely more than a handful, but Gavin ate it slowly to not upset his stomach any further.

In the end he barely remembered asking in the first place and even if he would, he doubted Ray would answer in the first place.

"People have called me that before," he said carefully and for the first time he seemed uncertain himself. Gavin looked up to him and there was a worry in his eyes, a desperation in the way he clutched his hand so tightly. "I don't think I am."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because I met Death before. I met them, and I fear them to my core."

Gavin stared up to him but then he let his eyes slip shut. Those words made no sense, not in his exhausted mind and not in his soul. They just confused him further, and he was so tired of it.

"But I am not death, no," Ray continued quietly enough that Gavin nearly missed it. "I am here to make the pain stop. I am here to find him."

Gavin didn't know who that was, but he knew that Ray didn't stop any pain. No.

He just prolonged it.

 

One day he came back from a deep sleep or death, it had become hard to tell the difference at some point, and they were in a hut. It was clearly abandoned, some planks in the walls missing, making everything damp and frozen, but it was a roof over their head.

It was a shelter, and for once Ray didn't sit beside him. He was working on a fire and soon Gavin felt warm again. It had been so long since he had that he started to cry, but that was fine, that was alright.

The warmth danced across his skin, up his fingers and onto his cheeks.

It was wonderful and cruel, but Ray held him tight. He didn't fight it, he had long stopped fighting anything that happened, and he just knew that Ray was warm and here and he had food. Wonderful food, and Gavin couldn't really remember seeing the other eat so he took it without any remorse.

It settled heavy in his stomach, but he didn't mind. He didn't mind as he hung in Ray's arms and the other rocked him like a little child, because for once he didn't feel death.

No, there was also warmth, there was also life in this world, and it felt heavy but wonderful.

"It'll be alright now," Ray hushed him and wiped his tears from his face. "I promise. I make sure of it and then... then I'll make sure that you'll live a better life. Things will be better than, they will be."

He said it with such vehemence that Gavin nearly believed him. In the end he didn't, of course not, but Ray hummed quietly.

It could have been a lullaby, maybe it was, but Gavin didn't ask.

He let his eyes slip shut and felt the warm crawl over his skin.

Later, he wondered if that was the moment he began to fall in love.

 

Things didn't get better, not for a long time. He didn't said that to Ray because he still feared him. Deep inside he knew that would never change, and there was a darkness, a wrath in the other's eyes that he didn't want to face.

An evilness that somehow he could calm, if by touch or a soft word.

Why he had this power, why fate had chosen him for this, he didn't know, but he began to feel the pressure of it.

The weight of his responsibility, because he had seen what Ray had done to that village and he knew it could happen again. Could happen over and over again, and maybe he was the only one to stop him.

He just had to play his part, the part Ray showed him so easily, and sometimes he could nearly pretend it was right like this.

They stayed in the hut and Gavin tried to make it a little more livable. If this was his destiny, if he was meant to stay by Ray's side for eternity, then he at least wanted to make himself comfortable.

They were small changes, he barely noticed them in the grand scheme of things, but sometimes he was nearly sure that things were alright.

Ray was always there, Ray was only hism and he brought him food and kept him warm without any payment but his own company.

Gavin could do that, there was no one else for him anyway, and so he waited for Ray to come back home. Waited with a hug because outside it was cold, and Ray shivered even beneath his heavy red cloak. And it felt good, standing in the doorway and feeling his heartbeat against his own.

If there was no one else to love, then why not love Ray?

It was Geoff who made him realize that things had changed.

Geoff who appeared at their doorstep, wielding one of those guns that Gavin had only heard stories of. Geoff who knew about Ray, which was more of a surprise.

Ray had saved someone else, someone besides him, and a jealousy that Gavin didn’t recognize devoured his insides.

Had Ray grown bored of him? After everything they had been through?

The only thing stopping him from lashing out was his lack of courage. He was meant to play his role and so he did. He stayed quiet because that was Ray's decision and Gavin was in no position to fight against it.

It was only later when he realized that Ray actually didn't seem to like Geoff that he calmed down. He took a step back to watch them interact, but whenever Geoff was around, Ray seemed ready to flee. There was something so distrusting in his face that it made Gavin wonder why he brought Geoff back in the first place, but of course he didn't get an answer.

He had grown used to that.

But maybe that should have showed him that they couldn't trust Geoff, that he was dangerous or something, but Ray never truly warned him, he didn't tell him to stay away or be ready for an attack of any kind.

All he did was watch them in silence, and Gavin began to realize that he was watching over him, making sure he was okay.

Gavin didn't have to watch his back because Ray had it.

That made him relax, and he began to take his own steps with Geoff without any concern. Maybe he was lonely, because he instantly came to like Geoff. Geoff was funny and Geoff was bold and sincere; everything that Gavin was not.

It took him a while to realize but Geoff was the first person besides Ray he had had a real conversation with in a long, long time. He mostly stayed home, waiting for Ray, because the outside world was scary and dangerous.

Geoff wasn't scary, not at all, and Gavin enjoyed his company. It felt warm and free and sometimes they sat up late at night to talk under the watchful eyes of Ray.

Things were getting better.

Geoff helped them along, and Gavin could sit for hours watching him clean his gun or tell stories of the outside world, and sooner rather than later he figured Geoff had taken him underneath his wing.

It was exciting, it was something different altogether, because he didn't know anything like this. But there was Geoff and he helped him along, talked to him and gave him some courage and over time Gavin dared to leave the house, to join the others in the city.

Of course it didn't last long because nothing good ever did, and the coins Ray brought weren't enough anymore. Sure, Geoff helped, but they were three, and Gavin was tired of depending on them, of being a weight that they had to pull.

He had no talents to speak of, and so he sold the only thing he had.

At first it was horrible. He hated what he did, feared that things would go bad, that those people would hurt him.

They didn't, they were usually nice, but that didn't help.

He felt dirty, felt wrong, and he tried his best to make sure the other two didn't notice. He was pretty sure he didn't do a good job of that.

But they had food and they weren't too hungry and was what a little discomfort for that?

Of course Geoff found it out, Geoff was too smart for his own good, but he didn't judge.

Instead he helped him, and over time Gavin learned what else he could do. The information he gathered was sometimes valuable, and Geoff had a sharp tongue and a quick wit; it was easy for him to make those rumors into coins.

That was fine with him.

He rather was a spy than a whore and he quickly got better at it. Words were his weapon meant to get the information he wanted, and then Geoff went to sell it to the right person. It brought them closer together and he knew that Ray didn't like it, but if he was able to help than he would. Also he didn't quite dare to look Ray in the eyes anymore, the shame still too present.

Gavin was still in love with him, now more than before, and it was a warmth that had settled in his heart for so long that he didn't remember a time without it. Over time it had just become something he had grown used to, something he didn't necessarily hope for anymore, but that was another topic.

Ray was a good looking guy, no doubt there, and he was talented in what he did. He was well out of his league no matter how long they had already stayed together.

What would he want with someone who sold their body?

So Gavin let the love warm him as he and Geoff played their game.

It was a technique they would soon perfect until the day Gavin messed up.

 

He wondered if it was his fault. If he hadn't been careful enough and this woman had figured out that he wasn't as quiet as he always said he was. Missus Hearsey was the wife of the mayor of a nearby city, a big fish, and she hadn't called him for the first time.

Gavin didn't like her much, she was a cruel woman who treated him like he was the dirt beneath her shoes, but if she were to talk it could bring them a fortune.

By now she hadn't, she threw Gavin out once she was done, but he had the hope he would  get somewhere. Even if he didn't, it was scandalous enough that she called for someone to warm her bed whenever her husband was out for a day.

Gavin was pretty sure he wasn't even the only one, but by now Geoff had connections higher up.

For now they just held back in case they got something more.

Her private room was pristine and warm from the fire. It was ridiculously big, nearly as wide as their entire hut, but Gavin had grown used to things like that. He barely batted an eye on the jewelry around him, the nice dresses and cloaks as he got dressed.

Missus Hearsey had left the room, obviously to test if he would steal something, but he wasn't that careless. Still, the huge mirror intrigued him whenever he saw it, and he watched himself as he did the buttons of his shirt. Still too thin, his clothes well worn with time, but he was getting better. At least he liked to pretend he was.

When he was presentable again, he sat down on the bed to wait if she would throw him out like always or if she wanted another round. He really hoped not, he was hungry and it was getting late.

The way back to the hut was long and dark, cutting right through the woods around, and even if he knew that nothing could kill him, it still scared him.

Pulling at his sleeve, he revealed the scratches she had left on his arm, but they were already fading. That was also something; he feared she would ask about this because he didn't know how to explain that to anyone.

The door was opened and one of the maids came inside. It was the small woman, the one that was so shy that she never dared to look him in the eyes.

Gavin knew that Missus Hearsey had cut her tongue out for talking too loudly, and so he at least smiled at her. It was all he could do to help her and one time she had actually smiled back.

Not today though, and she just waved him to follow her.

At least he would get out in time and could hurry home.

Only that she didn't show him the usual way, rather to the back of the house, but he figured he would get out through the back entrance. After all he had always found it a bit bold to just walk in the front door, but that wasn't his judgement to make.

It wasn't the back entrance, of course it wasn't and he should have seen this coming long ago.

He had barely stepped into the room when a fist connected with his face. It was strong enough to throw him to the ground and he groaned as the right side of his face went numb.

"Wha-" he began but could already make out the mayor above him. Mister Hearsay was yelling but Gavin didn't listen, his heart was beating so violently that all he did was curl up on the ground in fear of another attack.

It didn't help because a broad hand grasped his arm and ripped him to his feet like he was nothing more than a doll.

By the fire he could see Missus Hearsey smiling her own cold smile as he was dragged away and his mind was spinning.

What was going on? The mayor should be gone, out somewhere and not back before tomorrow, and even then, surely that wouldn't be something to fucking smile about!

"Wait!" Gavin managed to cry out, but he might as well be as mute as the maid because nobody even pretended to listen. Instead he was dragged across the room to an old wooden door. He fought against the grip, but it was too strong, it always was, and as the mayor opened the door there was a staircase leading into darkness.

Gavin just got a glance at it before he was pushed down into the nothingness, tumbling down the stairs until he came to an abrupt halt on dirt or something close to it. He wasn't able to see, because the door above him fell shut and he was left in darkness.

His breath went quick and heavy and for a moment that was the only noise he heard. For a moment there was only his breathe and the dirt beneath him, everything else was gone. Then he heard words coming from above, not directed at him and it was too muffled for him to understand.

At least he could make out light coming in between the cracks of the door as Gavin slowly sat up. His knees hurt and his palms were skinned but he shook it off. It would heal soon enough, and bracing himself against the stairs, he got on his feet.

What had happened?

So her husband had returned and he wasn’t very amused to find another men in her bed, that much was true. But Missus Hearsey had looked like she enjoyed it, and that didn’t make any sense to him.

He didn’t fucking care to be honest because he remembered the maid with her cut out tongue and shivered.

He shouldn't have because he could heal, he wasn’t going to die here, but he would still feel the pain and he didn’t like pain. Didn’t like it one bit.

For a moment he wanted to walk up the stairs and yell, demand to be let out but the courage left him before he could finish his thought. Instead he looked around, hoping for another way out, but even when his eyes got used to the darkness, he saw nothing.

Feeling around, he found the four walls around him made out of stone with no openings whatsoever. He was in a little room, maybe a cellar, with no way out besides the door above.

Licking his lips nervously, he stayed in one of the dark corners in the one single desperate hope that he could run out the moment someone opened that door, but he knew that wouldn’t work. It was futile anyway because some time later the light disappeared and left him in complete blackness.

“Fuck,” Gavin whispered to himself and still startled himself with the noise.

What now?

Surely it was already night by now and Geoff and Ray would start to worry. They knew he had gone out today, but he hadn’t told them where to. Maybe Geoff would figure it out, probably, but how long would that take?

Also it wouldn’t be the first time he had stayed a night with his clients even though he tried to avoid that. Geoff knew that and he knew this was an important client for them.

So worst case scenario they would start searching for him tomorrow.

A lot of things could happen until then.

Only that the screaming started just an hour later when Gavin had sat down in the dark and waited. It scared him, but maybe not for the reason it should have.

He did it again, he thought as he scrambled to his feet and searched for the stairs.

He did it again and for the same reason as before and Gavin didn't want him to. He found the door but there was no knob on his end so he just threw himself against the old wood.

“Ray!” he cried out. It was too quiet to be heard over all the noise outside but he knew it still reached and the next time he threw himself against the door, it swung open easily enough. It made him stumble but he stayed on his feet.

The same room as before, only lit by the leftover embers, and he turned to his right where the screams had come from but they were already dying down.

Ray was quick and silent if he wanted to, had maybe slayed most in their sleep, but when Gavin began to run he didn’t get far.

The maid from before laid on the ground, her throat slashed, and he stopped right there to stare down at her.

That wasn’t fair, it hadn’t been her fault, but Ray didn’t care about it. He never did, and Gavin sank to the floor and pressed his hands against his ears to block the remaining screams out.

His fault; it always was because Ray killed for him. Always had and always would and he didn’t want him to, not really, not yet.

It would come, he knew that deep inside. In that part of his mind that realized how twisted they were, how twisted he was becoming, and he would try to drown that part out, but not now.

Now he sat in the mayor’s home, on this expensive carpet that was soaked in blood and pretended not to hear a thing.

Still he looked up once Ray entered the room and he had even changed his clothes, had his old uniform on and the rapier in his hand. Not the gun, no, of course not.

Gavin shouldn’t stretch his arms out to him, but he did and he knew he was doomed, had been since the start.

Ray let the rapier fall in the hurry to get to him, to fall on his knees in front of him, and then he kissed him. It was quick and bare any heat, tasting like iron, and Gavin quickly pulled back in disgust, but by then Ray had already pulled him in an embrace.

It was warm like always as he nestled against Ray’s chest, as he was held so tightly, and this meant safety, he was safe and when Ray was around nobody would be able to touch him.

Maybe that was why he was powerful, maybe that was his purpose, and when he felt Ray’s breath against his ear he grasped as tightly as always.

Their next kiss was more forceful because Gavin knew he loved him, he adored him and had so since a very long time. If it had to smell and taste like blood, then so be it as long as he could stay right here; as long as Ray was his he didn’t mind, and when Ray cupped his face with both of his hands, he was sure that everything had been worth it.

Why Ray looked so confused, so shellshocked when he pulled back, Gavin didn’t know, but he grasped the red coat with all his might to keep him from retreating further.

Then the softness returned, evident in the black eyes.

“Hey,” Ray murmured. “I am here now. You’re alright.”

He thumbed tears from Gavin’s cheek, probably thinking they were because he was scared. That wasn’t the cause of his tears, he was always scared of Ray and was used to it. Right now he was happy, so damn happy that he couldn’t stop crying.

It was alright, Ray was right about that because he pulled him in and cradled him like a child. He was humming his song and Gavin closed his eyes to listen.

It was so familiar by now that he could easily follow, but he didn’t want to.

“Was this your lullaby?” he asked at one point, and figured he should have asked that long ago.

Ray stiffened as he held him, and then laid his chin on top of Gavin’s head.

“You don’t know it?”

“Only from you,” Gavin told him, and Ray fell silent.

They sat there for a long, long time like this and Gavin nearly expected it to dawn by the time Ray pulled him closer.

“I am so sorry,” he whispered, and now he sounded tearful. Gavin didn't raise his head to check it out. “I am so sorry for everything I am doing.”

They were words he would hold onto for a long time.

 

For a while he was happy, and looking back it was the happiest he had ever been. He had Ray which was all he had ever wanted, and Ray wouldn't leave. No, Ray stayed with him wherever they went, and he was soft and lovely.

It was different than with his clients, there was nothing fake about it, not at first. But that was how Gavin had expected it, how he had hoped it would be, and if possible his love only grew each day he woke up besides Ray.

Because sometimes he could watch him sleep and that was still a rare sight. 

When Ray was asleep there was something vulnerable about him that was endearing as well as scary. He dreamed, horrible nightmares he would wake up from suddenly, waking Gavin in the process.

Ray talked during them, and Gavin was pretty sure that was one of the reason why he never slept with anyone around, because Ray was reserved, kept his secrets and his powers close to his heart, and Gavin had learned to live with that. He also kept his mouth shut about the things Ray would babble about deep in the night, acting like it wasn't Gavin who was with him, but someone else.

Gavin didn't know who that was but he feared the answer so he didn't ask like always. He ignored it, ignored how Ray would startle awake from one second to another, calling for someone.

Gavin didn't know who this Michael was or this Ryan, so he pretended not to hear.

Usually it was his own name anyway, and that meant he could help, could calm Ray down and he felt useful like that.

Geoff noticed the change almost immediately but that was also fine. He reacted with teasing like he usually did but whenever Gavin threw him a glance, he seemed proud.

"It was about time, buddy," he told him one evening when they were out in the woods, and Gavin beamed at him.

Life was turning better with Ray by his side and Geoff by his side, with him learning how to use a gun and to sweet talk whoever in case they needed something.

For the first time he felt useful, felt like he had finally found his place in life.

 

He was just returning to the hut with Geoff by his side. They both had been to a nearby village and Gavin felt giddy. He had bought a single red rose, the prettiest out of the whole bunch, and before he would have never dared to use his money for something so unimportant, but here he was.

"Didn't take Ray for one to like flowers," Geoff told him, and Gavin grinned up to him.

"You'd be surprised! He also knows the whole language of flowers and stuff!"

Geoff hummed, but then slapped him on the shoulder, "Yeah, but it doesn't take a genius to know what a red rose means, right?"

Gavin blushed, but there was nothing he could say in his defense. He knew as well, and that more than anything had made him hesitate so long before actually buying it.

It wasn't doubt, he knew fully well how he and Ray felt about each other, but they hadn't necessarily said it out loud.

That would hopefully change soon, and he was already looking forward to it, to how it would turn into a domestic task each day. He already loved their routine as it was, the quick kiss in the morning, the hushed conversations before Ray would head out.

It made something warm swell in Gavin's chest just thinking about it, and he smiled to himself.

"You're sure he isn't around yet?" he asked Geoff, and the other nodded.

"Yeah, he should be out for another hour. You think you got everything?"

"I think so? What else do I need?"

"I dunno, just worried about you getting pregnant."

Gavin scoffed and pushed the other away, "You are ridiculous, Geoffrey."

"Probably." He bent down to drop a quick kiss on top of Gavin's hair, and Gavin couldn't help but hum, pleased. "But ridiculous Geoff will go now and search for an inn to stay for the night."

"What? But why?"

"Don't want to hear you banging," he said matter of factly, and Gavin squawked loudly.

"Geoff!"

"Just saying!"

He laughed and Gavin couldn’t help but join in as well.

They said their goodbyes, at least for today and then Gavin sat down at the kitchen table. He wasn’t as nervous as he probably should be as he turned the rose in his hands. He was mindful of the thorns as he did so.

The girl who had sold the flower to him had offered to pull them off, but he didn’t want that. No, a rose was all the more beautiful with thorns.

He knew that Ray saw it the same way.

Geoff was wrong about Ray needing another hour. It probably didn’t take longer than 15 minutes until the door opened again, but that was for the best anyway. Waiting here made him antsy and when he heard the telltale noises of Ray, he quickly got to his feet.

He watched as Ray hung his jacket up, it was a light one, perfect for spring, but sometimes Gavin missed the old uniform.

It had disappeared one day, even though he was sure Ray hadn't gotten rid of it.

“I’m ho-” Ray began before he turned around and saw him. He smiled, took a step forward to give him his kiss like always, but before he could Gavin held the rose up.

It was just like he had imagined. Ray eyes grew wide in wonder and he leaned forward to take a closer look.

It was endearing and Gavin couldn’t help but chuckle, “You like it?”

“It’s such a pretty one!”

“She reminded me a little of your brooch,” Gavin admitted, and something soft crossed Ray’s face. He didn’t take the flower, at least not at first. It took some encouragement before he reached for the stem and Gavin watched as he thumbed at one of the thorns.

“Did you go to the market to get this one?”

“I love you,” Gavin blurted out and then blushed. Okay, maybe not the smoothest confession and he should have answered the question first even if it had been obvious.

Ray seemed amused as well if only for the briefest moment before he froze as he understood the words. He stared at him and something nervous fluttered in Gavin’s stomach, but he realized it was anticipation.

A grin grew on his face, but when he reached out to Ray, the other still hesitated. It took a moment longer until Ray moved and carefully held the rose back out to him.

How silly, Gavin thought but accepted the flower. Just because Ray didn’t have a present didn’t mean that he had to-

“I don’t love you.”

Now Gavin hesitated and slowly let his smile fall.

“What do you mean?” he asked softly, but then Ray shouldered past him and moved into the kitchen.

He didn’t answer, like he often didn’t, and began to prepare some food. Gavin just stood in the doorway and watched him, a little shellshocked because… because that couldn’t be.

After all this time… and Ray was _ his _ _,_ was always beside him - he had killed for him and Gavin was ready to do the same for him.

Ray had chosen him out of everyone in his village, out of everyone in the _ world! _

“Ray?” he tried again and inched closer. Surely there was a reason, something he had overlooked, right? “Did I… did I say it too soon? Should I have waited?”

For a while Ray continued to ignore him, moving through the kitchen in well practiced movements before he hesitated with a sigh.

Finally he looked up to Gavin and there was something very determined in his eyes.

“Please sit down,” he said and pointed to one of the chairs.

That sounded serious, that sounded bad and still Gavin slowly moved to the chair and sat.

“Ray-”

“I don’t love you,” Ray repeated and Gavin felt the first pang of hurt. “And I never will. I am sorry.”

Gavin stared at him and still tried to smile. “That’s not very funny, Ra-”

“It’s not a joke. I am dead serious.” And he was, he could see it in his face, but he didn’t understand. He wished Ray would at least sit down as well so that he wouldn’t tower over him like that.

“Sorry,” Ray repeated. “I should have told you before. I should have… I should have explained things before.”

The shock settled slowly. Gavin felt it grow cold in his chest, and the warmth between his ribs was dying. That couldn’t be true.

“But you…” he began but then wasn’t sure how to continued. You kissed me, would probably be a good start. You kissed me, you saved me, you laid with me.”

Had that all been for nothing?

“I shouldn’t have,” Ray simply said, and now the pain came.

It squeezed his heart, squeezed like it wanted to kill him, and Gavin had trouble breathing.

Maybe Ray noticed, he surely did. Ray noticed a lot, but he usually didn’t care. This time though he finally sat down as well and reached over the table to take Gavin’s hand.

He hadn’t noticed it, but he had held the rose too tightly, and when Ray gently pried his hands apart the thorns ripped at his skin.

He didn’t bleed a lot, but his whole palm was warm, his face was warm, his whole body was. Besides the ice in his chest.

Ray gently laid the rose aside and then took his hands again.

“This power isn’t meant to exist in this world,” he said, and they both watched as his wounds healed. “It’s not from here, and I shouldn’t have brought it here, but it’s too late for that now. I made a huge mistake because I stayed and I just continue to make it worse.”

“Who are you?” Gavin asked and not for the first time.

“I have a lot of names,” Ray admitted again, but didn’t stop there. “The Knight of Roses, Red King, Sichora; those are just a few.”

“What…” Gavin began, but then just shook his head. “I don’t understand… What has that to do with us?”

“I don’t love you and I never will,” Ray said again and squeezed his hands before letting go. Gavin was quick enough to catch them.

“I am Aldebaran. I am The Follower. My heart belongs to someone else.”

"Someone else?" Gavin asked and was surprised how choked up he was. "But who? There has only been-" Us. Always just them and nobody else.

"My King," Ray explained. "I lost him but I am searching for him. I know I will find him, I just have to be patient."

Gavin couldn't help but stare, but then he let his gaze fall to their hands, how he still clung to him.

"That can't be," he mumbled more to himself than to Ray. "You will... you will go away once you find him."

He had known that before, had always feared it deep inside, but he had pushed it away. Time and time again because Ray didn't belong here. Ray didn't belong in this world, wasn't at home here, but Ray was  _his_ home.

He couldn't lose that as well.

"Eventually," Ray said and then tucked at his hands. He brought them up to his lips and kissed them briefly. Gavin wondered if he should punch him right now when he had the chance, but he didn't. His insides were frozen, the shock rendering him useless.

He felt betrayed deep inside, like he had been living a lie, and wasn't that true in some way?

It felt like it.

"You played me," he whispered. "You just used me. Is that all I am for you? A... a body to lay with until you can move on?"

Ray at least pulled a face at that and squeezed his hands tighter. Gavin fought against the grip but couldn't escape it.

"I like you very much, Gavin," Ray confessed. There was no guilt in his voice, no empathy. For him those were all clear facts as if they didn't tear at Gavin like a knife. "You remind me of... of someone I know and so I will take care of you."

"Take care of me..." Gavin echoed in disbelief.

"I will make sure that you have a good life, a better one!" Ray promised, and this time Gavin managed to free his hands.

"And then you'll go," he spat and got up. "You get to decide when I’ve gotten what I deserve and then you will just disappear - is that right? That's your big plan?"

Ray had the decency to stay silent at that. He just sat on his chair and looked at his hands for a while.

It was long enough that Gavin's brief anger faded into what it really was. He was hurt. He was aching to the core and Ray dared to just sit there an-

"I never meant to hurt you," Ray said, and Gavin huffed in disbelief.

"You did nothing but hurt me! Took everything from me that I treasured!" he snapped at him. "What am I to you, Ray? What gave you the right?"

"You are Gavin," he said, a sentence that Gavin would soon come to hate. Not in that moment, in that moment it was nearly comforting before he would begin to understand the real purpose of those words. It nearly made him smile but then Ray stood up so quickly that he jumped.

"But I do not accept you being ungrateful." And now Ray dared to be mad at him! Gavin stared, dumbfounded, and opened his mouth but didn't know what to say to that.

"I gave you this life!"

"I didn't ask for it!" he cried out. "I asked for none of this!"

"Did you ask for death?" Ray snapped at him and rounded the table. Gavin fought the urge to retreat further, to hide away, but by then Ray was already right before him and hissed, "Without me you would be nothing but ashes."

He left him then. Left him in the kitchen, with the rose discarded on the table as he went to his room and locked the door.

Gavin continued to stand there and in his head was nothing but white noise.

It was probably better like this, at least for now. He didn't want to think about how clearly insignificant he was, how dependant.

Because Ray pulled his strings and he didn't feel angry anymore, no. He felt guilty, as if he didn't know how he dared to be like that, how he dared to talk back to Ray.

Deep down he was still hurt, and the hurt would stay and fester until it turned into something ugly. Something ugly he couldn't get rid off.

It took hours until Ray opened his door again, and in that time, Gavin just sat there. There was no Geoff to cheer him up, Geoff wouldn't come back until tomorrow probably trying to tease him but Geoff was smart, he would notice that things were off.

That Gavin clearly hadn't been good enough.

So he sat there in the silence until Ray slowly entered the room. The rose had been torn apart, the petals all over the desk and the floor, and then Ray's arms wrapped around his shoulders.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Believe me, I am. I am not mad at you, I am mad at myself. I shouldn't... this isn't fair to you, I know that but I couldn't help myself."

"I love you," Gavin confessed quietly, and felt the first telltale of tears sting in his eyes. "Why do I still love you?"

Ray squeezed him tighter and buried his face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry," he repeated and this time he at least sounded honest. "Let's just... I didn't mean it like that. Let's just pretend this didn't happen."

Yeah, he could do that.

He had grown pretty good at that.

 

He hated it.

The pity on Geoff’s face the next day, the shame of not being enough and that he never would be.

Most of all he hated how he still held onto it all, of the small hope that surely he could change Ray’s mind.

He still loved him, always would, because he was all he had and he wouldn’t let him go after whoever he was looking for. And if Ray would stay until he deemed Gavin’s life safe and happy, then self destruction was the next best plan, right?

At least in his mind it was and who really cared. Certainly not Ray who never asked when he didn’t come back for the night and Gavin was sure he could feel him whenever he drank too much or took the wrong stuff.

Ray had also felt when he had been in trouble with Miss Hearsey and had come for him.

He never came for him during those nights though, never even bothered to ask how he was or told him to stop.

Geoff did that but Gavin quickly learned to ignore him.

He didn’t need his pity.

But at home, in their little hut and later in their apartment it was all the same. Ray was lovely and Gavin had already forgiven him, back to playing his part, and Geoff was watching from the sideline warily, not buying it for a second.

God, he hated it!

He hated both of them, he hated himself, he hated this life!

Not that it changed a thing, there was no escape for him and so all he could was take it.

Then Jack came around.

He barely paid her attention because he had his own problems. Sure, Ray wasn’t as hostile towards her as he’d been with Geoff but that was about it. Gavin was rubbed too raw to worry about that as well.

The change though came along with her and it took him too long to notice it, the difference between everyone else he had met and Jack.

Jack was kind.

Jack had been burned time and time again, had been beaten and left by her family, and there was no reason for her to be kind. She should be angry, revengeful and he had seen her like that but only against people who truly deserved it.

No, deep down she was still kind and Gavin watched it from afar, a little scared by it.

Surely it had to be a trick, a genius play because she nearly had him fooled, but he wouldn’t let her.

None of them were kind, not in this world. Geoff was protective but strict, something that Gavin had always envied, but he wasn’t necessarily kind and Ray surely wasn’t.

But Jack was, by God, she truly was.

He figured that was why he latched on to her, and it scared him. She seemed so vulnerable because of that and he wanted her to let it go, to be protective of herself and push everything else away, and at the same time he feared for that to happen.

But somehow Jack managed to stay like she was, no matter how much suffering she saw and Gavin loved her for that.

It wasn’t the same love he felt for Ray; it didn’t feel heavy and dark and crushing. It was light and warm, and he never feared of turning a corner and jumping at the sight of her, never feared taking a bullet for her even if she always chided him for it.

He loved her because she was the only one who dared to stand up to Ray and call him out on his shit, and Ray just sat there and listened, even bettered himself, and sometimes Gavin found himself actually talking with him again.

Sometimes it felt like back before, when things had been alright.

Yes, he loved Jack dearly.

“Why don’t we go away?” she asked him one day. “Just the two of us.”

They were in her room and Gavin was buried in her blankets. They did that sometimes, because it was quiet and dark here and that was the best to do once everything got a bit too much. It didn’t happen that often anymore, but Gavin still remembered the times Jack would lock herself up for a day.

After a while she allowed him to join here and even though he didn’t know shit about comforting others it helped to be together.

Like right now and he lifted his head a little to watch as she looked up to the ceiling.

“Go away?” he asked confused. That was such a farfetched idea that he couldn’t even wrap his head around it.

“I mean like a vacation. Don’t look at me like that, you act like we’d be gone forever!”

She laughed as Gavin pouted up to her but then he let himself sink into the pillows.

“A vacation?”

“Yeah. You and me on the beach. Some hot guys who bring us drinks, massages - whatever we want!”

“We have a beach here,” Gavin reminded her, but she just shoved him.

“Not a beach like here! I want one that isn’t overcrowded and with really fine sand. The water would be as blue as the sky and you wouldn’t be able to tell where which ends and the other begins.”

Gavin hummed contently. “That’s a nice thought.”

“That’s why I’m bringing it up.”

“I’d buy you the cutest bikini,” he promised, and it surely made her laugh.

“Your idea of cute would be if that thing was made out of solid gold!”

“But it would suit you,” he assured her and watched fondly how she shook her head.

“I don’t even want to know what you would wear!”

He grinned at that before scooting closer until their arms were touching.

“I like the sound of that.”

“We can do that. We can get up right now and check out where we-”

“What about the other two?” Gavin interrupted her.

“What about them? They can survive two or three weeks without us and even if they don’t they’ll just come back.” Jack turned towards him now, and she must have noticed his troubled expression. “Gavin, you can do things without Ray, you know that.”

“I never…” He stopped himself, but Jack had already picked up on it.

“How long have you and Ray known each other, Gav?”

“A long time.”

“How old are you?”

Normally he would avoid that topic, would tell them that he was old or that he didn’t know for sure, but this time he stayed quiet for the longest time. He didn’t want to lie to Jack, but he was embarrassed. Embarrassed by how long he had walked on this earth and how little of that time he had actually  _ lived _ .

“It’s okay,” she assured him. “It doesn’t matter, not really.”

It did matter. It mattered a great deal but it was nice for her to say.

“We have to stay together or the healing won’t be strong,” he said slowly. It was a lie, a pretty little thread Ray had woven around them to keep them together, but Jack didn’t know that. For her, they were immortal, and Ray was just another one of them.

“We are going on a vacation, not into war,” she chuckled, but he didn’t feel like laughing anymore. It was such a nice thought, a dream he had never dared to dream, but they had money now. He and Jack could be gone by tomorrow and get some drinks on an exotic beach. There was nothing really stopping them.

Still, he knew he wouldn’t do this.

He didn’t know what he would do without Ray, they had never been separated, and the thought alone made an intense fear curl in his stomach.

Ray who would have found someone else while he was gone, Ray who wouldn’t even be here anymore - who had vanished just like that.

It made him squirm and even Jack’s hand in his hair couldn’t calm him.

“Okay,” she murmured softly. “We can take the others with us. Why not? But you and me do a beach day together. How does that sound?”

It sounded amazing, but they never did.

He was too scared, too anxious about any change and how that would shift them and he figured Jack could tell because she never brought it up again.

It was still a nice thought he sometimes entertained himself with.

 

Of course he couldn't avoid change, he just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.

He hadn’t been there when Ray found Michael, Ray had been out with Jack, but when they both arrived at the base, it was clear that something had happened.

Gavin could hear their angry yelling the moment they stepped in and even Geoff lifted his head from where he was chilling on the couch.

It didn’t take long until Jack stormed in, aggravated because Ray had found someone else and had tried to take him. At first Gavin wasn’t sure what the big problem about that was, at least until Jack told them it was a boy that was maybe nine years old.

It seemed obvious that this crew wasn’t the best place for a child and they couldn’t really kidnap this Michael, but maybe Ray saw that differently.

He hadn’t even shown up in the living room and Gavin also didn’t check up on him because an angry Ray was scary.

It was easier to curl into Jack’s side and listen to Geoff as he assured her she had done everything right.

It was late at night before Ray appeared again. The other two were already in bed but Gavin was still watching TV when arms wrapped around his shoulders from behind.

“Thank you,” Ray mumbled into his neck, and Gavin smiled. He wasn’t quite sure what he was thanking him for, but sometimes Ray grew soft like this.

He loved him very much in those moments and he was quick to turn his head and press a kiss against his cheek.

The dark hair brushed against his forehead and he frowned because it was wet. Leaning a bit back he found Ray soaked and reached up to rub his arms.

“Oh, Love,” he muttered. “Were you outside all this time? It’s pouring!”

It was a mistake. He didn’t know why, but something in Ray’s face hardened and he let him go as if he’d been burned.

“Ray?” he asked softly, but the other was already turning away and out of the room before Gavin could react further.

He sat there for a while dumbfounded. Behind him some movie played, the characters talking over his thoughts but he didn't react. He stared at the door as if he expected Ray to reappear but that didn't happen.

Finally he got up and made his way to Ray's room. When he tried to open the door it was locked, and he stopped, confused.

Ray was private, yes, and only Gavin was really allowed in his room, but he never locked it. They all knew that they had to knock, that was just common courtesy and something about that made Gavin shiver. With a bad feeling he took a deep breath and knocked.

It was the right thing to do, wasn't it?

Ray wasn't okay after what happened today, but he had calmed down, wasn't angry anymore. They should talk about it, and surely Ray would agree that they couldn't just take a child!

This Michael would be ready in a couple of years, and then it would be another story.

Yeah, Ray had probably just been overwhelmed in that moment and that's why he'd overreacted.

"Ray?" he asked carefully. "It's me."

There came no answer even though he had to hear him and so Gavin knocked again.

"Love, I just want to make sure you’re alright."

"Go away," came it muffled now, and that was at least something.

"Let's talk about what happened today and we-"

"I told you to fuck off!" Ray yelled at him and Gavin jumped. Before he could react the door was pulled open and a very angry Ray stood in front of him. He took a hasty step back as if that would save him from the other’s sudden wrath and quickly lifted his hands.

"Ra-"

"Stop bothering me!" Ray snapped at him. "For one fucking day! Is that too fucking much to ask?"

Gavin stared at him in shock and he wanted to tell him that Ray had just come to him after all and he had just been worried. That was what you did with people you loved right? You checked up on them and he hadn't wanted to bother Ray.

None of that left his mouth and in this moment he was the same young boy, watching as Death walked towards him, the burning village at his back.

Then Ray threw the door shut in front of him and Gavin just stood there with a pounding heart.

Just for a minute or two because there it was, he figured he had finally found his breaking point, because the next he knew he was kicking the door with a hollering cry. He kicked with all his strength and a sharp pain shot up his leg. He didn't care; he steadied himself and did it again.

"Fuck you!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Fuck you, Ray! You can't treat me like that! You don't have the right to do so!"

Ray didn't even answer, didn't even tell him to cut it out, and maybe that was worse. It just made him more furious and he continued to pound at the door. He wasn't even sure what he wanted to do, Ray maybe hadn't even locked the door again but that wasn't the point.

The point was he was punching his knuckles bloody and his knee hurt, but it felt good. It felt so damn good and he would have done it until he or the door won if Geoff hadn't appeared.

And somehow Geoff managed to pull him back, to calm him down and sit him down in his room.

Late that night he laid awake and watched his bloody knuckles. They didn't heal, they were his punishment, and he balled his fists to enjoy the pain. It was good pain, fresh pain. A pain that lingered and that was a completely new experience.

Ray apologized the next day, but Gavin ignored him. He just sat there and watched as his wounds healed, but for the first time ever Gavin was too angry.

It felt too good to hear how Geoff put Ray down and when Jack took his hand, he followed willingly.

She took him on an impromptu road trip, out of the city and down those endless roads. It was only three days, the longest he and Ray had ever been separated, but Gavin pushed that away. Ray's name didn't come up once as they drove and stopped wherever they wanted.

Just three days in his long, long life, but he treasured them.

It was the first taste of freedom he had ever had.

 

When they came back Ray got better. He apologized over and over again, bought him pretty things and made him breakfast. He did everything to get on his good side, and of course he forgave him.

He always did.

He had nearly forgotten about the Michael incident that had caused this in the first place but it came back soon enough. Just a few years later and then Ray obsessed over it.

It was on his mind every day and then this Ryan guy came on top of that.

Gavin already hated both of them.

 

_ Now _

Michael wasn’t quite sure what was going on.

Ray and Gavin had asked him to tag along and he had quickly agreed, figuring they would talk about some stuff, but apparently Ryan was right and talking wasn’t quite their forte.

He didn’t complain though, because it was a fun evening anyway. They went to the arcade and he and Gavin quickly joined forces to beat Ray’s dominance; it didn’t quite work though. They stuffed their faces afterwards with cheap junk food before heading home into their own gaming room. Michael liked it better there anyway because it wasn’t so crowded and loud, no drunken teenagers rummaging around, and it had all the games they could possibly want.

They ended up on the roof, not in the pool this time but close to it. Michael had pulled one of the deck chairs to the edge so that he could keep his feet in the warm water. 

It was the safer solution here because he watched in amusement as both Gavin and Ray fought over the hammock and ended up as a heap on the floor.

But they laughed and he joined right in.

Only when the sun set did they fall quiet and Michael had to admit that it was breathtaking. Being so high up, he could watch the descent, how the shadows of the skyscrapers grew so much longer, but never reached up here.

No up here the sun stayed the longest, warm on their skin and getting caught in their hair.

Gavin looked good at sundown and Michael noticed that Ray was also watching him. 

It had something beautiful to it because Gavin didn’t notice. He was sitting in the hammock, both legs down to swing him and Ray softly. He was watching the sun as well and had no clue that he looked like he was made out of spun gold. When he finally turned away and found both of them staring, he reeled back.

“What?” he asked, sounding uncertain. He had been like that all evening; it was unusual, at least Michael was pretty sure it was, but he watched as Ray sat up and wrapped his arms around him.

He pulled him down even if Gavin fought him halfheartedly and then quickly nestled on top of him.

“What?” he asked again, but this time with a laugh. That was better, and Michael found himself smiling.

“You just looked very pretty right now,” Ray told him and pressed a kiss on top of his golden hair. 

Gavin tried to hide away but Michael could see his blush, at least until Ray chased after him and began to tickle him. The loud laughter spilled all over the evening silence, but it wasn’t bothersome.

Michael just closed his eyes and let it wash over him.

Now the sun was gone and it had grown colder. His feet weren’t in the water anymore but besides that he hadn’t moved much.

Ray had told him old stories about life before, about their first time hitting a bank, the first time a heist failed, the first time they had been double crossed by someone they thought they could trust.

The close calls and the celebrations afterwards.

There seemed to be an endless pool of stories there, impossible to hear all in one go, but they tried.

Michael listened and laughed and felt his heart clench at some parts.

It was strange. On one hand he felt closer to them after knowing most of those thing but he also realized that there was a history, decades he didn’t know about.

There was a whole world he hadn’t even touched and probably would never be able to because as much time as they did have, it would never be enough to make up for the time the other’s already had together.

He was pondering over that and noticed too late that Ray had stopped talking.

By now it was dark, and when he turned around it was only the light coming from the pool that allowed him see the other two.

That was another thing, he realized as he saw both of them on the hammock. Their movements, their easy bickering and even the slightest touches seemed so burned into their muscles that they probably didn’t even have to think about them anymore.

They were shaped for each other, fit together perfectly, and Michael was pretty sure he was intruding on something here.

They had finally settled in the hammock. Ray was on his back with one leg down on the ground to swing them softly, the other one tangled with Gavin’s. His head was propped up on his arm while his other hand was playing with the strands of golden hair.

Gavin had fallen asleep at one point, curled up into Ray like that was all he had ever known how to do. He had been quiet most of the evening and Michael had noticed that he hadn’t dolled himself up as much as he could.

He wasn’t yet sure if that was a good sign or not.

“What are you worrying about?” Ray asked quietly, and Michael looked back up to him.

“I’m not sure if I fit in,” he admitted, even though he wasn’t certain himself if he meant the crew or the two of them.

It didn’t seem to matter because Ray just shook his head.

“Don’t worry. You do fit in just well. You are right where you belong.”

“You say that so easily.”

“Because I know it’s true.”

Leaning back into his chair, Michael watched him, but Ray had his eyes closed. He didn’t appear worried at all and that calmed Michael a bit down, at least enough for an unsure smile.

“Ray?”

“Mh?”

“What is going on?” he asked. “What was that today?”

Now Ray’s eyes opened and he turned towards him. For a while he just watched him and it made Michael squirm nervously. In the little light they had his eyes appeared pitch black, and right, that was also a thing that they maybe should talk about.

He didn’t dare though, just watched as Ray carefully sat up. He rolled Gavin from him, gently enough to jostle him as little as possible as he slipped out of the hammock and it actually seemed to work because Gavin just continued to sleep.

Ray made sure that he wouldn’t be sent crashing into the ground before he turned back to Michael.

And Michael hadn’t budged; in that moment he was reminded how old Ray was in the way he moved, the way he sat down on the edge of his deck chair and brushed his hand against his shoulder so easily.

It had something elegant to it, a smooth movement that Michael didn’t dare to disturb even if it made his mouth all dry.

So he also didn’t fight it when the hand found his face and a thumb brushed over his freckles. Ray actually seemed to count them, leaning in to see better in the dim light, and Michael let him.

This time he expected the kiss, wasn’t as surprised by it and still it sent his head spinning. After all this was Ray, this was  _ Ray,  _ and maybe Michael had hoped for this, had figured that would be the outcome of today, but he still hadn’t believed it, not really.

Ray wasn’t unsure anymore, all traces of that gone, and the kiss also wasn’t as heated as Gavin’s had been.

This one here was languid and sure. Ray held him still with his hand on his cheek as if Michael had the choice to escape somewhere. His other hand was pressed somewhere against the deck chair to keep him up, but Michael was having none of that.

He brought his own hands up, grasping at Ray’s arms and pulling him down until their chests pressed together. He wanted to feel Ray’s heartbeat, wanted to make sure he was real and alive and warm.

He was all of those things and so much more. There was an universe trapped inside him that wanted to get out but couldn’t.

He felt like the world was pressed against him, like everything and nothing at the same time, and Michael made a little helpless noise.

Ray pulled a little back at that and for a second Michael wanted to apologize. At least right after his head stopped spinning and he had enough self control to let go of Ray.

“It’s okay,” Ray shushed him instead and his other hand came up to brush against his neck. That made him flinch because that was a sore spot for him, and Ray chuckled.

He leaned back down but just for a short peck, a nearly childish kiss, but it eased something in Michael.

When Ray broke apart he let him willingly.

“Today, Michael, has been an offer,” Ray said quietly. Not that he had to talk loudly, they were still close enough to share their warmth. “An offer from both of us.”

“Okay,” he blurted out and wanted to kick his ass in the very moment that word left his mouth.

At least it made Ray grin, all teeth, and he finally leaned back.

“I’m going to bed now,” he said and his hand wandered back down. Brushing against his shoulder and then over his chest.

It was an invitation, at least Michael was pretty sure it was, but he just shook his head slightly. That was a bit too much, right now Ray was too intense or he himself too raw. Maybe both.

He was pretty sure he would burn up if he’d followed him now.

Thankfully, Ray just nodded and got up.

He stepped towards the hammock and Michael kinda expected him to wake Gavin and take him with him but instead he just brushed the hair out of his face.

“He’s out like a light,” Ray mumbled. “Leave him here. He will easily sleep through the night then.”

“It’s getting cold.”

“It’ll be fine,” Ray assured him before turning back towards him to press a kiss against his forehead.

“Good night.”

“Good night,” Michael replied slowly and watched him go. He continued to sit there for a while but of all the things that had happened today and that he should think about, he couldn’t take his eyes from Gavin.

It took him way too long until he realized that Gavin was looking back at him, and even then he wasn’t too surprised. He was rather confused how Gavin had fooled Ray and not him.

“You’re going to bed now as well?” Gavin asked, and his voice sounded colorless.

“I guess so but I’m not gonna leave you here.”

“It’s okay. The hammock is kinda comfy and it wouldn’t be the first time I crashed here.”

That might be true but Michael was quite sure the other just said that to assure himself. He debated if he should get a blanket for him or something, but then he decided, fuck it.

Getting to his feet, he walked up to the hammock and picked Gavin up bridal style.

Even though the other had watched him attentively he was still surprised because he cried out and wrapped his arms around Michael’s shoulder as if he would let him fall.

“Fuck, dude,” Michael said and got a better hold on him. “You are light!”

“Please don’t throw me into the pool!” Gavin pleaded, and Michael snorted.

“I’m not gonna throw you into the pool in the middle of the night!”

Gavin’s grip didn’t falter though, instead he just held on tighter as if he didn’t believe him in the slightest, and Michael hesitated.

They stood like that for a while and even though Gavin didn’t weigh a lot, Michael struggled a bit to hold him up. That didn’t mean he would let him go though, and after a while he dared to ask, “Hey… are you okay? You’ve been quiet tonight.”

Finally Gavin peeked out.

“You really won’t throw me into the pool?”

“I told you!”

“Okay… can you let me down then?”

He held on tight, at least until Gavin had some ground beneath his feet again, but even then he didn’t let go of his wrist.

“You didn’t answer my question,” he reminded him. “If you’re not… comfortable or don’t want me like th-”

Gavin surged forward to crash their lips together. It was nothing like Ray’s kiss; this one was hurried and nearly painful. His arms shot up to grasp Gavin’s shoulders, but Gavin was already parting, leaving him with a short nip to his lip.

“Does that answer your question?” he asked, his eyes sparkling mischievous but it did the exact opposite of calming Michael down.

He pushed Gavin a bit further away and softly shook his head.

“Actually it does not.”

Gavin blinked surprised and then he seemed to shut down. The spark in his eyes was gone and his lips a tight line. He didn’t reach for him anymore, made no move to come closer and just stood there.

It was a bit scary but Michael didn’t dare interrupt him, he was pretty sure that Gavin was thinking hard.

“You’re kind, Michael, I told you that before,” he finally said. “In you is the same kindness I adore in Jack, and when I said that it was a rare gift I was honest. I’ve seen gold and diamonds and blood, but kindness? Oh, kindness is always out of reach.”

He shrugged and Michael didn’t like the smile that creeped onto his face.

“Maybe that’s just me though. Maybe I truly am cursed, but who knows.”

“Gav-”   
“But to answer your question: me and Ray talked about this and I agreed. I am unsure about this, but I think all of us are. The more I think about that, I am sure there are worse choices for us than you.”

“That… that doesn’t sound reassuring at all!”

Gavin snorted and stepped a little closer, Michael let him.

“Ray likes you very much and I love him. I would do anything for him and as long…” He trailed off, and Michael let his hands travel from his shoulders down to Gavin’s arms.

“I am Gavin so I play my role,” Gavin said slowly, and he sounded so defeated that it tugged at Michael’s heart. “We are all here because of that ,and as long as we play it right things won’t change. As long as we play we will all stay together and that’s what I want.”

“I am not doing this because of some role,” Michael said, and Gavin’s eyes darted to him. “I am doing this because I like both of you. I don’t love you, gotta tell you right away because let’s be real, we don’t know each other well enough for that yet, but yeah, I admit I like you. I like you and I like Ray.”

There was a blush crawling up his neck, but something about Gavin’s expression made him push on, “Mostly because you guys are so ridiculous and so reckless and fucking stupid! But that’s… you guys are  _ free! _ And I’ve never been before, not like this and so I-”

Gavin put a hand up to stop him, “Don’t confuse this life for freedom. There is no freedom, we just move through different sized cages all our life.”

“It’s more freedom than I had before, it’s enough for me!” he insisted. “And when it’s not enough anymore then fuck this cage! It won’t hold me back, and from what I’ve seen from this crew we will break free eventually! We won’t just stand still and I just-”

Gavin stepped forward but made no move to kiss him. Michael was a bit glad for that because he was worked up now and kinda out of breath. He didn’t stop him as Gavin leaned his head against his chest and wrapped his arms around his middle in a loose hug. He just pulled him closer and whispered, “I just want to live for once!”

“Live?” Gavin asked against his shoulder. “We can do that. We are pretty good at that.”

Michael nodded determined. 

Gavin felt very slim and breakable in his arms and so he held on tighter. It was probably stupid considering how old the other was, how much more experienced he was, but some times he looked so lost that Michael just wanted to grasp his arm so that he wouldn’t float away.

“You really looked pretty when the sun was going down,” he whispered, and Gavin huffed out a laugh.

“Thanks but I like sunrises more. Sometimes I feel like they are rarer than sundowns.”

Michael hummed in agreement before looking around. It was the deep of night, hours before dawn but when he let go of Gavin and sat down in the hammock that didn’t matter.

“Let’s watch a sunrise then,” he offered and held out his hand.

“Bu-”

“Why not? We have eternity in front of us,” he insisted. “And before I get together with you guys I want to make sure you look just as pretty in the morning as you look always.”

Gavin stared at him, but then something very gentle crossed his face. When he took his hand, Michael pulled him closer, and maybe they struggled a little to lay down together but at least they didn’t fall off.

It wasn’t an easy fit as he had seen between Ray and Gavin, and there was golden hair tickling his neck, a sharp elbow digging into his stomach as Gavin curled on top of him, and as he stretched out his leg to swing them a little, he could already tell that he’d get a cramp sooner rather than later.

But Gavin was warm and his thumb rubbed soft circles into his skin, and they just had to wait for dawn.

What were those few hours in the grand scheme of things?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter won't be as long, I promise!


	7. Ray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m just scared, you know?” His expression crumbled a little as something horribly vulnerable came over him, and once again Ray was reminded how young this Michael was. So young and still so fierce and warm.
> 
> It made his heart ache.

Chapter 7

Ray

 

_ Then _

 

Ray Narvaez Jr was ten years old when he saw snow for the first time.

Of course he knew what snow was, he had seen it on TV and in movies, but it didn't snow in Los Santos, not even in the deepest of winter. Most certainly not in the midst of summer.

That exact day started very not snow like.

He walked to the bus stop to get pick up to school like every morning and then sat on his chair at school. He sat nearly in the back row of the classroom, but not quite. That row was reserved for the cool kids, and Ray was pretty sure he wasn't one of them. He got to hang around with them though, not as part of the core group, but still he was allowed to tag along.

Behind him sat Michael Jones, and Michael was pretty darn cool.

Not only did he not make fun of Ray or throw stuff at him because, well, he was sitting right in front of him, so who wouldn't, but Michael also swore, like a lot.

Ray's mom would be so angry if she knew Ray was around someone like that and so Ray didn't tell her.

Michael also liked to play video games, just like Ray, and in the few times they actually talked it was usually about that.

Unfortunately Ray was rather shy, and maybe Michael found that weird. That was fine though, Michael was usually the one who waited for him to tag along, and as long as Ray could be a part of that, he was okay with the situation.

On that particular day he didn't think about snow, but about the small trip after class. Michael and the other boys were planning to walk down towards the mall, and Ray wasn't quite sure why they were going, but he had five dollars and he was ready to spend it on something. He would check what Michael would get and probably get the same if possible.

His mom didn't know about his plan, but that was fine; she would be home late and wouldn't notice.

At the mall he stayed close to Michael to not get lost. It was a bit intimidating because the mall was so big and there were a lot of people, but Michael made sure he was still behind him whenever he turned around.

That was nice. Ray knew he wasn't the youngest out of their bunch but he was still small for his age and was easily pushed around. At some point Michael must have realized that because he was always checking up on him.

When Michael chose an action figure, Ray was right behind him. He didn't take the exact same one, but a similar one with another color. After all, he didn't want to be too obvious. 

On the cash register they had to wait until it was their turn and while Ray checked out the stupid plastic toys in front of him, his eyes fell on a bunch of keyrings.

There was a black rabbit and it was sitting on its butt, its whole face pulled into a mischievous grin. It was wearing a red cloak which was held together by a mighty fine bow.

It was kind of weird, but maybe that was the reason Ray took it. It was only a dollar and the little figurine felt a bit squishy. He bought it as well, but quickly slipped it into his pocket in case Michael found it stupid.

Their group waited outside the mall for their bus and Ray nearly shook apart with pride when Michael sat down beside him. They complimented each other's action figures, and then Michael told him how he was saving up money for a new video game that Ray had already heard about but his mom said he was still too young for. Of course that wasn't something he could tell Michael, so he just agreed that the game looked badass and Michael even offered for Ray to visit him and check it out once he bought it.

Maybe they could become better friends after all.

Ray had always been a bit afraid that he was bothering the other, and Michael was friends with a lot of kids, but surely he didn't invite that many over, right?

He didn't know but he would think about that later because the bus finally arrived and again he sat next to Michael. Michael who continued to talk about games, a topic Ray at least wasn't shy about and he eagerly joined in .

It sucked when Michael stood up too soon, telling him he had to get off the bus now, but they would see each other at school the next day. Maybe Ray would even dare to start a conversation with him on his own.

After they said their goodbyes, Ray leaned back in his seat and couldn't get that stupid grin off of his face. Well, he also didn't try all too hard because he was just so excited! When he visited Michael he could check out all of his games and bring his own! Surely Michael would be impressed!

Grinning to himself, he dug his little rabbit out of his pocket along with his keys. The ring gave him some trouble, but in the end he managed to attach it and the bunny smirked evilly at him.

When it was finally his own time to leave the bus, he jumped onto the sidewalk and then turned around to wave to the few guys who still had to ride further. They were also pretty cool, but just not as cool as Michael.

With a spring in his step he got on his way home and even though it wasn't far at all, he never reached it.

If he heard something or it was just a gut feeling, he didn't know. The bus had drove off and the street was empty besides himself and still a horrible chill settled around him. It crawled down his back and made him shiver.

When he turned around someone stood behind him.

They were older than him, taller than him, and still... still it was  _ him _ _._ That didn't make much sense but it was true.

Ray recognized himself and frowned. When he let his keys sink, the little charm clinked softly.

His older self didn't say a thing, just kind of stood there, and he was a bit pale. Maybe he was sick? Ray wondered if he should ask him about that or why they looked alike, but then his older self finally moved.

The other reached behind himself and pulled out a gun. A real actual gun, and Ray stared at it and the first pang of fear hit him.

There was no time to act on it though. He was just a child and probably just stood there and stared, he wasn't quite sure anymore.

The bullet hit him in the chest and he stumbled backwards until he fell. He landed on his back and maybe the stranger said something, if to him or not, he couldn't tell because he couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe and there was a horrible pressure as if something was sitting on top of him. Maybe it was the pain because the pain felt heavy and cold, spreading through his whole body as he stared up towards the sky.

He tried to make a noise, tried to ask  _ why,  _ but his breath was stuck somewhere and even if he would be able to get a word out, he wasn't sure if he would hear it. There was a ringing in his ears and he tried to turn his head to check if the stranger was still there, but he couldn't move.

Was he going to die?

That couldn't be, right? He was still a child and children didn't die!

He blinked heavily and then heard something. It was soft, like the singing of a bird, but it brought whiteness with it. It painted everything white, and he realized it was snow.

There was someone standing next to him, not the stranger, but someone similar to that, and then he saw snow.

For the first time in his short life he saw snow.

And it was falling upwards.

 

 

 

_ Now _

 

“Hey,” Michael said quietly, and Ray opened his eyes again. He wasn’t tired but he had dozed for a bit. It was hard not to, being how comfortable everything was.

He couldn’t deny that he had come to love Michael’s room in the few weeks they had been together now; the soft blankets, the strange tidiness in all his things. How they didn’t even need any blankets because Michael seemed to glow from within as he laid against Ray’s back, one arm lazily slung around his waist.

Blinking, Ray turned his head until he could see curls over his shoulder. He gave a soft grunt to signal that he was awake and Michael spoke against his skin, “I want to have my first time with you.”

“What?” he mumbled confused and reached up to rub his face. He hadn’t been that deeply asleep, had he? “Sorry dude but I am pretty sure we missed that opportunity. I already rocked your world like nobody else could.”

Michael snorted and pulled him closer.

“Also I heard about you and Gavin. So, I am very sorry but that’s something we can’t quite take back.”

“Not what I was talking about.” Chuckling, Michael leaned up to press a kiss to his throat. “But funny where your mind jumps to.”

“What can I say? I’m still a horny teenager.”

“Dude, I can’t even tell how fucking old you are, so don’t give me that crap.”

This time it was Ray who laughed before turning around to face him. It was nice like this, with the soft blankets beneath, but he already missed Michael’s body against his, even if there was barely any distance between them.

“What were you talking about then?” He reached up to run a hand through Michael’s bed hair.

“Dying.”

“Way to kill the mood, Michael.”

Michael grinned his stupid little grin before rolling on top of him. He was always so warm and Ray closed his eyes to let it seep into his body.

“I’m serious though,” Michael told him as he leaned down to kiss his jaw. It was barely more than a soft little peck, but it was the sweetness that made Ray smile.

“You don’t want to die alone?” he asked. “I think that’s normal, it’s alright to be afraid.”

“No, I want you to be the one to do it.”

Ray’s eyes fluttered open at that. Michael’s hair was still a mess and he reached up to tug a strand behind his ear. “You want me to kill you.”

Michael nodded, freeing the strand again. “I don’t want to get captured by another crew for torture and I don’t want to die in a horrible car accident. You all say the first time is the worst, and most of you don’t even talk about it.”

“Geoff does.”

“Well, it’s Geoff.”

Ray agreed silently before letting his hand touch Michael’s face. Michael also reached up to cup it and kissed his wrist. “I know that’s a lot to ask from you.”

“It is.”

“I just want it to be in my control and you’re right, I don’t want to do it alone. I know I could just… jump from somewhere or go in the next alley and shoot myself bu-”

Ray quickly shushed him and couldn’t help but shiver at the mental images Michael was giving him here.

“I don’t want you to do that either.”

“I’m just scared, you know?” His expression crumbled a little as something horribly vulnerable came over him, and once again Ray was reminded how young this Michael was. So young and still so fierce and warm.

It made his heart ache.

“Why me?”

“Are you kidding me? Who else could I possibly ask?” He leaned down to catch his lips in a quick kiss. “Geoff and Jack? They would be outraged, would cry and beg me not to do it. You know how they are.”

That was true.

“Ryan wouldn’t do it either. He’s kinda protective over me? I dunno, it’s like he’s taking me under his wing or something like that. And Gavin? Gavin would somehow mess it up for sure.”

Ray’s lips twitched but he stayed quiet, knew Michael wasn’t quite done yet.

“But not only because you are my last option,” he told him. “It’s because you are you. You are Ray.”

He leaned down again and this time Ray wrapped his arms around him, kept him close as they kissed. It was warm and comfortable, a funny contrast to the topic they just had. But it was Michael, and with Michael things had always been easy. Had always felt like home.

“Let me think about it?” Ray offered when they parted, and Michael nodded.

“Of course. That’s all I’m asking from you.” He butted his head beneath Ray’s jaw, and Ray let him, let his head fall back into the pillow while Michael kissed up the column of his throat.

They were teasing little things and they tickled, but not enough to make him squirm. Instead he hummed as he closed his eyes, considering dozing off again.

He had to work through this first. Not now, not when he was this content, not with Michael right on top of him. But it was a decision he had to make, to carefully think about. In some weird way it was an honor, the fact that Michael ask him that. The fact that Michael considered him, trusted him enough.

There was a smirk against his throat and a hand sneaking underneath his shirt. Still, he didn’t react, not even when Michael moved down to push his shirt up completely. It was wrinkled from him sleeping in it anyway.

He let Michael mouth at his stomach, just lazily let his a hand drop down to card through his hair. He squirmed a little when teeth found his skin but let it happen, knowing this would end in one of two ways and he was fine with either of them.

Michael nipped him one last time before sitting up. “Does that help you decide?”

“You stopping makes me really want to blow your head right off,” Ray replied thoughtfully and Michael wiggled his eyebrows at him.

“I could make you blow something else.”

Groaning, Ray rolled his eyes. He tried to turn onto his side, to go right back to sleep, but Michael’s hand grasped his shoulder and pinned him down.

It did things to him, the way that Michael held him down so easily. Ray had the speed on him, the agility - that hadn’t changed. But Michael was already stronger, towering over him, and it struck a sudden desire in him.

He let his hands wander up Michael’s arm, appreciating the pull of the muscle each time he dared to move a little.

Michael was doing it subconsciously, his eyes not on Ray’s face. A thumb swiped over the mark right over his heart and he frowned.

He didn’t like them seeing, didn’t like Michael taking notice of it, touching it. It reminded him of too many things that didn’t belong here, and before Michael could ask once again, Ray rolled him over.

He pinned him down beneath him, straddling him, and maybe only because Michael had been distracted, had been surprised. Michael still had the strength over him, but he didn’t struggle, always rolled over so easily, and Ray loved that about it.

Grasping his face, Ray kissed him in a hard press of lips.

 

Gavin was in the kitchen, preparing himself some tea while checking on his phone. Geoff had sent him some new information about the next possible heist and some of their contacts might be worth checking out.

He was kind of in the mood to ruin some people’s life but that had to be well prepared. But that was fine, nothing that a cup of tea and some research couldn't fix.

He was still waiting for the water to boil when warm arms wrapped around him, and that was nice. The kitchen was full of light and he leaned back into Michael with a hum.

“Watcha doing?” Michael asked and hooked his chin over Gavin’s shoulder.

“Work,” Gavin explained. “Gotta check some things out for Geoff. You want some tea?”

“Nah, I’m more the coffee kind of guy.”

“Your loss.”

Gavin reached for a mug but then hesitated. It was probably a little belated, but he hadn't noticed at first. Michael smelled like Ray, and when Gavin threw a short glance over his shoulder, he could tell that the other was wearing one of Ray's undershirts.

That didn't have to mean a lot of things, but Gavin wasn't stupid, he could tell when someone had just banged or not.

Twisting free from Michael's grip, he got his mug and then turned towards the other. Sure enough, Michael's hair was ruffled and he was still a bit flushed.

Gavin watched him as he mumbled something about getting some water and then stepped aside so that Michael could reach the fridge.

He didn't feel the cold air hitting his side, just stared into his empty mug and tried to push everything else down.

It wasn't like it was any news.

He freaking knew that those two had hit it off right away and really, he wasn't one to talk himself but it hurt. It fucking hurt because Ray hadn't even waited. He and Michael had started banging approximately two weeks into this whole mess and that was fine, that was part of the agreement, right?

Sure, yeah. Whatever.

There was no reason for Gavin to be jealous because he could have the same, right?

Only that he didn't, and he knew that Michael was picking up on that. After all, he had not waited long to hit it up with Michael in the first place, and now that it was kind of expected from him, he didn't.

He wasn't even sure why.

He could play it up if he wanted, could pull Michael with him right now, but he felt no need to.

It was clear that he had lost this fight. Ray had gotten what he wanted, and at least he wasn't being a dick about it.

Ray checked up on him, tried to spend time with him, but Gavin wasn't stupid. He was the old toy, not as interesting anymore and only good for a quick shag and some fond memories.

All in all it wasn't as bad though, Gavin reasoned.

Michael was nice. That night on the roof, they laid in the hammock until they had finally fallen asleep while the sun crawled up the sky. It was a memory Gavin already held dearly and Michael was very careful around him, clearly unsure about himself, and that was kind of endearing.

Gavin was pretty sure he could fall in love with him if their circumstances were different, but maybe not.

Who could really tell?

"Hey," Michael interrupted him and now Gavin also noticed the whistling of the kettle.

So he went on preparing his tea and tried his best to sound nonchalant, "Is Ray asleep?"

"Yeah. Does he always... sleep that much?"

"He has his phases," Gavin told him before he snorted. "He's cute when he's all cuddly."

Michael threw him an unsure smile, but then nodded in agreement.

It burned like fire and Gavin left the kitchen before he could make a mistake.

That was something private, always had been. Ray only was vulnerable around him, barely let anyone hug him, but hey, who cared?

It was Michael after all, and apparently that was the answer to that.

He had made it halfway through the hallway before he hurled the mug against the next wall. It did nothing for him, but it was worth a try. Breaking something could do wonders for him if he was in the right mood but not now.

Right now he just stood there without any tea and kind of hoped that Michael hadn't heard that. Would be awkward to explain that and he really didn’t want that right now.

"You're gonna clean that up."

Gavin turned around and found Geoff peeking out of one of the doors.

"Will not," he told him and then held up his phone. "About those contacts you sent me; which one do you need me to fuck up first?"

"Think that's a good coping mechanism? Some people talk about this stuff, you know?"

"Talking never helped me once so screw that," he shrugged and then shouldered past Geoff into the office. "So give me a name or I’ll go out and choose myself."

He fucking didn't care who it was.

"You’ve got issues," Geoff told him, but closed the door and pointed at one of the chairs.

"Fuck off, Geoffrey."

When Geoff didn't react, he let himself fall into the chair with a sigh and waited until Geoff sat down opposite of him.

"If your soap opera screws with any of my heists I'm going to kill all three of you."

"Scary," Gavin muttered lamely.

Geoff just hummed and turned back to his computer. Gavin left him to it and rather thought some more. Thought about this fucked up situation, and he kind of wanted to take something new and smash it into the next wall, but that hadn't helped.

Granted though, the mug hadn't been new or beautiful. It was always more fun then.

He was still pondering about that when Geoff turned his screen towards him.

"I actually wanted to give this one to Ryan," he said. "But I could send both of you to it."

Gavin scoffed, "What, like a team building exercise?"

"Wouldn't hurt both of you."

"I don't think I am in the right mood for that," Gavin said sharply, and Geoff threw him a long look. Seriously though, did he look like he wanted to bother with Ryan of all people right now? That would just end badly and they all knew it, and maybe because of that Geoff held his gaze.

"How considerate of you," he said, and maybe it was, Gavin wasn't sure anymore.

"What do you want from her," he asked instead and nodded to the photo on the screen. Looked like a normal housewife, but those were the worst anyway.

"Just want her gone. She's part of a big drug cartel and I want to get some pressure on them."

"I can do whatever then?"

"As you wish."

"Perfect." He grinned and didn't bother hiding how dark it was. He fucking didn't care anymore and he knew what Geoff would say before he did it.

"Jack will be your backup."

Because Jack was calm and could stop him in case he went overboard, but that was fine. He loved Jack, loved her very much, and he might just be able to make it clear how fucking much he needed this.

That was a possibility.

Standing up, he pointed towards the screen. "Send me everything you got and I'll take care of her."

Geoff nodded but then reached ahead to grasp his wrist and keep him right there.

"I can talk with Ray if you want me to."

"It's none of your business," Gavin instantly snapped at him and fuck, he knew how defensive he was about this, but that was his and Ray's problem, it always had been and they had kind of dealt with it for long enough.

This was probably just a phase.

Ray had always fallen back to him and Gavin had done the same. Why should it be different this time?

Because it was Michael. It was Michael and long, long ago before Geoff had even joined them Ray had woken up at night and had called his name.

Gavin hadn't forgotten about that.

He freed himself from Geoff's grip and turned away.

"Send me what you got," he repeated as he pulled the door open. "I'll take care of her."

 

Gavin had told him that it wasn't his business and Geoff really had nothing to do with it. In theory both he and Ray were fucking old enough to deal with something like that, they were freaking old enough to talk like normal people did.

And Geoff didn't doubt that they had but he wasn't stupid; he had listened to them talking before and it usually went one of two ways.

Either they would fight, short and violently or it would take a little longer. It would take a little longer and in the end Ray would demand and Gavin would obey.

It was always like that, and they were so locked in their ways that they couldn't break out and Geoff knew that both of them knew it. Fuck, he knew that Ray wasn't even trying to be a dick, and Geoff held him very dear.

It had taken him long enough to worm his way into Ray's shell and he wouldn't let go of that now. There was another story here, something way bigger, and Ray knew about it. Gavin as well to some extent, but the source was Ray and maybe what he did was right in some way, had a purpose they couldn't see, and so Geoff had let him do as he pleased for now. He really couldn't risk pissing Ray off and then dropping dead once he disappeared.

But this right here wasn't normal. This was a new way, and it took no genius to see how much it hurt Gavin, and Gavin got both cruel and self destructive if he got hurt.

"What are you doing, Ray?" he asked when he sat down next to the boy. Ray was back in his beanbag, leaning back and enjoying the sun falling through the large windows, but he was tense, Geoff could tell.

It took a while until he actually turned to Geoff, but they had time.

All the others were out, he had made sure of that.

"What do you mean?" Ray asked but couldn't quite look him in the eyes.

"You know exactly what I mean."

Ray huffed and turned back to watch over the city. Geoff joined him in that, waiting for a while longer before Ray muttered, "I don't know anymore."

"You're hurting Gavin."

"I always did. I tried not to but I just end up doing it," Ray said and slipped deeper into the beanbag. "I like him very much, you know I do, Geoff but... if I'd do as he pleased neither of you would be here."

"Because he wanted you for himself."

Ray nodded and then snorted dismissively. "It's fucking funny, isn't it? That I don't have the patience for something like that because I should. I should have learned from G- from someone who had all the patience in the world with me, but I didn't. I fucking can't do that and I'm sorry. I really am."

Geoff threw him a glance and at least Ray looked troubled. Sometimes it was hard to tell what was a lie and what wasn't with him.

"You talked with him about Michael?"

"He agreed to add him."

"You knew he would though."

Ray's eyes darted down and he nodded carefully. "Gavin would do everything for me."

"He would."

Reaching up, Ray rubbed his forehead as if he felt the beginning of a headache. They really didn't get those, only the horrible stress ones.

All their regeneration and healing couldn't stop them from emotional trouble, and Geoff had always feared that that would be the part that would make or break them.

"I would do everything for him as well," Ray finally mumbled but Geoff shook his head right away.

"That's not true, Ray." Because he wasn't stupid, it took no genius to see that those two weren't balanced at all. "You'd do anything to keep him safe from any trouble, but you never dared to fight against what he does to himself. In those moments you're a coward."

Ray let his hand fall back into his lap but he didn't talk back. Instead he played with the strings of his hoodie.

"I don't know how," he admitted but that was a weak excuse.

"That doesn't count. You had all the time in the world to learn."

"I shouldn't have told him about Michael," Ray went on. "I don't think I would have, but Gavin just had to talk. He always wants to talk and it never fixes a thing. If he wouldn't have asked me what I wanted to do, all of this wouldn't have happened and-"

"Don't you dare blame him," Geoff interrupted him right there, and Ray deflated.

"I know... fuck, I know." Throwing his head back, he looked up to the ceiling and frowned. "But I don't know what to do now. I try to spend as much time with Gavin as before, even more, but sometimes I want to spent time with other people as well. He's fine when it's you, but it's like he has a monopoly on Jack, and if I hang out with Ryan he’s so pissed. It wouldn't even be as bad if he would be mad at me, but he gets pissed at Ryan instead and I really hoped with Michael it would be different. There were days when I really thought it was."

"Well, at least he didn't shoot Michael on sight," Geoff reminded him, and Ray snorted.

"Yeah, that's at least something. He kinda had it planned though."

"Figured that much."

Sighing, Ray turned towards him. "What should I do, Geoff?"

Geoff fell silent for a while, humming thoughtfully. The fact that Ray asked in the first place was actually kind of flattering, but that wasn't important.

Gavin and Ray had been there first, he knew that, and when creating this crew it had been a no brainer to include them right away. After all it had been both of them who had stood beside him the first time he had gone out there to rob a bank.

But now it was clear that they were also the breaking point, and not only that of the crew. It was long time coming, and over all those years he had watched Ray and Gavin have good as well as bad times.

And even back then he hadn't trusted those good times. Not at all, because there had always been something off about them, something not fitting together.

They were both destroying each other, and maybe it was finally happening, maybe after all these years it was coming to an end.

Ray had never loved Gavin, Gavin had told him that when he had been drunk and vulnerable, and Geoff had told him to end it right then and there. There was no use to wait for Ray to come around, not if he hadn't after all these years, and it was hurting Gavin.

It also hurt Ray who was just standing still, trying not to break Gavin down further, giving him the freedom he thought Gavin deserved.

It wasn't working, and now Ray had taken a step out of that routine and it came crashing down.

That wasn't everything, far from it.

After all, Ray didn't come from here, fuck, Geoff still wasn't sure who or what Ray was. If he was even a human like them, because he shouldn't be able to heal them and keep them alive.

But that was something he had never figured out and maybe never would, so all he could do was shake his head.

"I can't tell you. I'm sorry."

Ray's shoulders fell, but he nodded.

"Didn't you... have a plan or something when you started this?" Geoff asked but could already guessed that answer. If this Ray was such an idiot as right now, he could tell that he wasn't any better a couple centuries ago.

"No," Ray admitted softly. "I never... this wasn't supposed to happen."

"Then what was supposed to happen?"

This time it was on Ray to fall silent, but maybe they were getting somewhere because at least he didn't dodge the question.

When he finally sighed, he said, "I was just meant to pass through here. I wasn't meant to stop here at all, I was just on my way but then I... I did. I didn't mean to and then every decision I made just made everything worse!"

He turned his head and there was something dark in his eyes. Geoff knew about this darkness, recognized it, but didn't comment on it.

"I changed how things were supposed to go, Geoff," Ray continued quietly. "All of you... you were meant to meet differently or maybe not at all. I am not the right person to ask about that, I usually don't care. But I screwed up. I screwed up and now it's all over the place."

"You.. you changed what was supposed to happen?" Geoff asked carefully, and Ray nodded.

"I did. I didn't want to but I screwed up right away." He bit down on his lip and turned back towards the window.

"I saved Gavin who was meant to die and changed the whole world."

Geoff nodded slowly as he thought about it.

“You are talking about the butterfly effect,” he finally said.

“I think- yeah. Yeah, that’s what I mean.”

“Then what about us others? We were meant to die as well?” Because Geoff knew that he himself wouldn’t have made it without Ray, no chance. Jack probably either, but Michael and Ryan…

“I don’t know,” Ray pleaded, and Geoff felt nearly bad for asking. But it was a topic they should have addressed a lot sooner.

“I think… maybe Ryan and Michael are the right ones. They were born close together, three of us just a few years apart, and that would fit, that makes sense but you…” Ray trailed off. “You and Jack and Gavin… that doesn’t work. You were all too far apart so maybe if I hadn’t… hadn’t saved you-”

“We would have been reborn?” he asked, and Ray just shrugged.

“I think that’s how it works.”

“And then all of us would be together again. That’s what you wanted in the first place, right?”

Again Ray shrugged but after a moment longer, he nodded as well.

“Yeah… yeah, it’s good when we’re together. It usually is. As far as I have seen we always find each other somehow, but sometimes it’s bad. When it’s bad it’s horrid and I saw times…. I experienced times when we tore each other to pieces.”

He stopped and shook himself. It was violent, the shivering, starting from his shoulders down to his legs. It made the beanbag move and Geoff figured whatever Ray was thinking about hit a little bit too close to home. He didn’t dare to ask about that, knew that Ray would clamp up immediately, and it was rare that he opened up like that; it just showed how hurt he was by all of this as well.

Well, he had every right to be but Geoff wouldn’t tell him so. Both he and Gavin were at fault but blaming either wouldn’t do a thing. They would just get more pissed and hurt but Geoff wouldn’t let this opportunity pass to finally get some more hints about what the fuck was going on here.

“What are we talking about, Ray?” he asked carefully. “Rebirth? Is that it? Did you know us before?”

Ray went rigid and stopped shaking altogether. For a moment Geoff was sure he would get up and leave, Geoff was sure he had crossed another line and his chance was gone, but then Ray tilted his head to the side.

“Rebirth,” Ray mumbled. “That’s not… not exactly wrong, I guess. Rebirth surely is a factor but Geoff… Geoff, that’s not everything.”

He turned towards him and what he said next made Geoff shiver.

“There are other worlds than these.”

He swallowed and took a moment to work through that before he asked carefully, “You are talking about… what? A multiverse?”

When Ray nodded, Geoff leaned back and let out a long breath.

“Shit Ray, when I thought you weren’t from around here I didn’t mean it like that!”

Ray laughed shyly, but Geoff could tell that it was forced, and sure enough the boy jumped to his feet in the next second.

“Fuck,” he muttered and quickly paced around. “Fuck, I wasn’t meant to- please forget what I said! Please forget what I-”

Geoff caught his wrist to stop him before he could run away again.

“You know I won’t fucking forget that so calm down for a moment, okay?” That fell on deaf ears because Ray just looked around with haunted eyes as if the sky was going to rip open in the next moment. And who knew, maybe it would. Maybe they had overstepped some boundaries but Geoff wouldn’t freaking get swallowed up by the end of the world without some questions answered.

“So what happened? You got stuck in this world? You are moving through these worlds?”

“I- no, I just… I am just looking for someone.”

“And you lost them?”

Ray shook his head, “I can still see their trail. I know that I am not too far away but I- I shouldn’t have stopped! I shouldn’t have stayed here in the first place and now… now I can’t leave!”

“Why not?” Geoff insisted, but Ray just stared down at him. And the longer the silence stretched, the more Geoff understood and he swallowed heavily as he finally got it.

“Because if you go we all would die,” he said, and Ray’s face contorted.

“I couldn’t heal you anymore,” he whispered. “I couldn't keep you from aging. Once I’m gone you all… you all would just be humans.”

“We are humans, Ray.”

But Ray just shook his head vehemently, not wanting to listen, and Geoff tugged at his hands until the other calmed down a little.

“Ray, if you’d go we wouldn’t drop down dead right away, right?”

“What? No!”

“So even if you’d go we would still be alive.”

“But you wouldn’t be immortal, Geoff!”

“That’s not the question here, Ray.” He pulled the boy down until they were on eye level again. “The question is if you want to go and search for whoever you lost in between those worlds or if you want to stay here.”

Ray frozen and stared at him as if he was insane, but Geoff was pretty sure he wasn’t.

“I can’t make that decision…” Ray mumbled slowly, and it was clear that he was scared. The trembling returned, Geoff could feel it from where he still held onto the other’s wrist.

“Ray, you worry that if you go we’ll die, but that’s not the case. I get it, you don’t have a lot of faith in us with that constantly dying ,but let’s face it: we would be so much more careful knowing that we weren’t immortal anymore. When you go we will continue to live. Just not as dangerously.”

“I can’t, Geoff. I- It wouldn’t be fair! Michael and Ryan are still-”

“So young?” Geoff interrupted him. “That would never change, Ray. They would always be the youngest.”

Ray turned away and bit on his lip. He looked vulnerable like that, and Geoff wanted to pull him close but held himself together. His head was spinning with all of this new information, with having confirmed what he had been thinking about for so long, but he had no time work things through. It could take a decade or even longer to have Ray this open again and he couldn’t dare to pass this opportunity up.

He didn’t want another decade of his family suffering, no matter if it was one or more of them, and what was happening right now, what they were doing to each other - it wasn’t healthy. 

Ray might be able to heal wounds, but not all of them.

“Fuck, if you decide to go I would probably take all of them and buy an island. Somewhere far off where it’s warm and beautiful. We got money, Ray. We’ve got so much fucking money and I’m not trying to get you to leave, I don’t want you to think that.” He took the shaking hand in both of his, squeezing tightly.

“I just want you to know that you have a choice. We all love you here, Ray, but this is your life. You allowed us to live this… this strange dream for so long, but we can’t continue this if it makes you miserable.”

Now Ray turned back towards him, uncertain and young, and Geoff had so many more questions, wanted to ask what the world he came from was like, if all had people had powers like that and how his own version was doing. There was too much knowledge in Ray’s face, and that was another thing - had he also died and stopped aging? If so, how young had he been? Had he really been a king how he’d said that night on the roof?

Who was he running from or towards?

But that wasn’t what was important, and he swallowed down his curiosity because he could tell how long Ray had worried over this, had mulled this over in his head because he’d screwed up and couldn’t find a way out of this mess he created.

“So there is really just one choice you gotta make, one answer you have to find,” he said with all the earnesty he felt, and Ray’s face softened.

“Are you happy here, Ray? Or would you be more happy to go on and find who you’ve been looking for?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week is already the final, omg... it's a long chapter again, who's surprised?  
> (you can already read it on my Patreon btw, hehe)


	8. Aldebaran

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I panicked,” Ray admitted slowly. “I didn't want to… to hurt him.”
> 
> “You never do, Love.”

Chapter 8

Aldebaran

 

_Then_

He had never meant to stop, not longer than to take a breath before moving on. He did that in most worlds; after all, he had to catch up somehow and there were only very few worlds that he occupied longer than absolutely necessary.

Only when there was a good reason, only when he saw an opportunity, and sometimes it wasn't to help. He wasn't a guardian angel or whatever was expected from him.

He was just looking for someone and he would catch up soon enough so that they could head home again. He missed the others.

What caught his attention here were the sparks. He followed them like breadcrumbs from one world into another, and sometimes they felt hot and burning on his skin, while other times they were cold as ice.

Ray didn't know what that meant, but this time they trailed right off again.

Gavin hadn't waited here, had moved along, so Ray wasn't going to make any ground here.

Scoffing, he was going to call for Sichora, but then the sparks grew more and more and he hesitated.

For the first time he turned around and took in his surroundings.

Usually he didn't do that. He had seen grotesque things, worlds about to end or just at the beginning. He had seen worlds so strangely similar to theirs and worlds so far into the future that even he was intimidated by it.

It was better not to check, to just go on and forget the things he saw, because sometimes he wasn't sure what was worse.

This world here was familiar though, not that far away from what he'd called home.

He stood on a round, open space and he could see little wooden huts all around. A small village, like the one he'd grown up in, but there was no castle in the distance, just woods and wide fields. It was still better than those futuristic buildings he had seen before, because he could hear the familiar chattering of a market place.

Only that it wasn't that, right?

The sparks flew up again, growing more as he watched and he could smell fire, hear the cracking of dry wood.

It was a stake that was built high in the marketplace, and the fire was already working its way up the wood. Ray had never liked this form of punishment.

Foes should hang if he wanted them dead because by then there would be no use to hurt them any longer. They either weren't worth it or he and Ryan had made them spill everything that he needed to know.

Also he didn't like fire, not as a punishment. He had come to love it after all, fell into its warmth without any fear because it couldn't burn him.

It was devastating, sure, but only in the wrong hands.

Like right now.

He stood at the edge of the square and watched the crowd shout and rile each other up, no different than a flock of wild animals, and when the screams started he gladly lifted his gaze.

It was Gavin, _a_ Gavin, and he took a step forward before he could stop himself. Even though he knew this Gavin wasn't his, he couldn't help it.

There were rules and he was well aware of them. Not to interact with the others, to be as quiet and quick as a shadow because he was being watched. He knew that, could feel those piercing eyes burning between his shoulders, and he had caught glimpses of Pollux before but had never dared to interact.

The day would come surely but not now.

No, he could still turn away and go on, following his sparks, but he couldn't turn.

His legs were frozen as he stared up at the flames clawing at clothes and smoke rising with the screams. It wasn't the only noise, no, those stupid people were laughing, were celebrating, and deep down inside Ray knew there would be a whole banquet later.

Another witch burned, or whatever the name was in this world.

What a stupid thing to do.

Witches weren't what they should be worried about, he had met some and they had all been wise and kind. Demons on the other hand...

It was the flames.

In the end he was sure of that. It was the flames and this god awful timing, but here he was and couldn't turn his gaze away. He had always been weak in the face of him, no matter the world, and he had bent to his will before.

Time and time again, because his voice was always the same, always boring into his heart and now it did so as well.

"Sichora," Ray whispered and shrugged his cloak over his shoulder to pull out his rapier.

He punished them all, everyone he could get before reaching the stake, and then he left like a shadow. Long enough to bring the body away, to lay Gavin in the field that surely had been full of flowers in the spring but wasn't anymore.

When he returned those stupid animals were still crying over their fallen, hadn't yet realized that this had been their chance. He wouldn't give them a second one, never did, and he wouldn't start now.

This time he took their everything.

Every hut and every life and everything he could get his hands on. He wasn't even that angry, there was a low excitement drumming in his belly and it had been too long. Too fucking long and he could just go on and on and on.

There was no one stopping him, not Michael's voice of reason and not Ryan's command he had to obey.

Not Gavin who he would follow wherever. For whom he would kill and let live, it was his decision and Ray was only there to obey.

In his head was only Sichora, but that was the same as himself, had long become so, and so they laughed with two voices, watched with two set of eyes and moved as one.

When he returned to the field of past flowers, the other Gavin was back on his feet. He looked pitiful standing there, shivering from head to toe, and it tore at Ray's heart.

He didn't even think about it before lowering his rapier and kneeling down, the gesture a second nature to him by now, but it left the other with a horrified breath stuck in his throat.

And this Gavin was scared of him, flinching away at every of his movements, but his eyes were big and green and hurt and so Ray couldn't stop himself

It was a mistake, he was well aware of that but only a little one, right?

He wasn't the only one moving around and saving people, and he had done it before. He usually didn't, but maybe that was one of the times he did.

Maybe it was a good sign, maybe it showed that there was still a little him left in Sichora, if not the other way around.

He would stay, if only for a short time. He couldn't let the distance grow he had worked so hard to overcome but now he had saved this Gavin and with that there was a certain responsibility. So for now he stayed, only until Gavin was alright, until he had a roof over his head and a full stomach.

That wasn't too much to ask, wasn't it?

He didn't realized how far down the rabbit hole he was until much later, until the night Gavin took his hand, scared out of his mind by shadows and nightmares and whispered, "Please don't leave me alone!"

It was a mistake and he made it worse with each day. Time was a fragile thing because it didn't run smoothly between the worlds. It was bent and crooked and unpredictable, he held on to that because he couldn't let the distance grow too far.

His second mistake was Geoff. Geoff, he had learned, was always a wildcard, unpredictable. They all played their own little roles, fell back into them, and only in some versions they strayed from their paths.

Michael was the protector.

Jack was the voice of reason.

But Geoff? Ray could never tell.

It hadn't been that long ago, a few worlds ago, when one Geoff had wormed himself into his heart even though they had never spoken. No, usually Ray stayed in the shadows and moved on but in that world he had watched.

It was too surreal to him, the fact that this Geoff saw his Ray as someone loved, as his son even though Ray could tell they weren't related by blood.

It was a horrifying, twisted world and he saw lingering scars on all of them. But there was light and there was love and that Geoff had loved the other Ray so brightly that he couldn't help but stop and watch.

How could he not? Was the Geoff in his world not the one person he despised the most?

And sure enough this love here dimmed down and died as well along with Geoff. It was bittersweet and beautiful, and maybe because of that Ray had stepped in.

He had saved the boy, had saved this other Ray because they were so familiar. As he laid on the ground, bleeding and happy with the other two around him, Ray had stepped forward.

It had changed things, it always did, but Pollux didn't come.

Ray still felt his eyes on him, but he had moved on.

It had been a quick decision, never planned, just like this one.

So when he had found this world's Geoff he had pondered long what he should do. This world's Geoff would most certainly die, Ray had caught glimpses of his wounds as he moved through the hospital like a memory. He had never saved a Geoff before, never dared because of oh how horrifyingly that could end. But those other Geoffs he'd seen, oh, they had all been loved and had loved in return.

He hadn't saved them either, and maybe it was guilt. It was guilt and the wish to change the pattern, to make himself believe that the man he had served for so long had been worthy of his loyalty.

In the end Ray wasn't sure but he allowed Sichora to heal.

He didn't expect to have Geoff on the step of their little hut a few weeks later, fully aware of what had happened.

It was terrifying and it was exciting and he didn't even realize what he had done until it was too late.

Maybe saving one life was alright, maybe dragging Gavin along, keeping him alive was allowed, but Geoff as well?

He was breaking every rule and still he didn't back down. It would take him too long to realize how he had trapped himself, how he tried his hardest not to get attached.

Watching Gavin and Geoff getting along was horrifying in its own right and Ray wanted to scream and tear them apart. On the other hand, he had missed that, their careless banter, their ridiculous bets and topics.

It was entertaining just to listen and he did so, acting like he was overseeing them, but that was laughable.

And maybe he had also missed Geoff. He had always admired this man before everything had happened, and because of that the betrayal had hurt so badly. He had missed his voice, had missed how he would take him aside to talk and how good it felt to have the man's attention.

Of course he fought against it, disgusted by his own weakness, but Geoff wore him down.

He did and Ray hated and loved it at the same time.

He had sworn to never trust him again, no matter which version, but here he stood at attention and he learned how to shoot, learned so much more.

It was like starting again, like living again, but with all that horrible knowledge in his head. He feared that knowledge, always had because in his time he had seen too much. But it didn’t stop him from crashing all he had learned down.

Maybe he had been on the run for too long, had searched so many worlds, and settling felt good. He should know better, but he didn’t. In the end he never did, and he wondered if it was because this Gavin and _his_ Gavin were so similar, or if he’d just been lonely for so long that they appeared that way.

When Gavin didn’t come home that one night he started to worry and could tell that Geoff did as well, but it wasn’t until he could feel Gavin’s fear that he moved. Normally he wasn’t able to, he had no power to read other’s minds even though he sometimes wished he did. But his strings were tightly wrapped around them all, most of all around Gavin, that sometimes he could tell. It was to protect him for sure, but Sichora had always been fine tuned to Gavin and that had never changed throughout different worlds, and so the pull was impossible to ignore.

He headed out then, his trusted rapier on his hip and anger in his eyes.

Of course there was fear. Deep down nestled in his heart he always feared, always worried because he knew that what he did was wrong. That he had crossed the line and Pollux would stop his little game before it had even begun.

And he also feared for Gavin, because healing from every wound didn’t take off the edge of the pain and there were awful things that could be done that healing wouldn’t fix.

Maybe he could avoid those things happening, at least to this version.

So he ran until he reached the house and then snuck in to take everything once again. It wasn’t that much fun anymore, not as if had been the first time around, because he didn’t know where Gavin was. He wasn’t safe, that was for sure because there were still waves of fear coming from him, but Ray hadn’t found him. There could be unspeakable things happening to him.

When he did run into him, the relief slammed into him with a lot more force than he had expected. Because Gavin was alright, scared but alright, and it was nothing they couldn’t fix.

Maybe this time Ray could make it right, maybe this time Ray could protect him, because Michael wasn’t around, Michael wasn’t here to take down every threat before it could reach them, and so it was Ray’s job.

He had a second chance, a second go at it and maybe they could get out whole this time.

He still shouldn't have kissed Gavin, he knew that much. It had happened because Gavin was scared and clung to him and he felt so familiar in his arms.

So he kissed him and tried to calm him down, and it worked.

That didn’t make it right, and he should ponder over that, should face that and make a decision, but he never sat down and did. Most of all because the next shock came right away.

Gavin didn’t know the lullaby.

That fact alone froze him to the core because it was a blatant difference, something he couldn’t ignore, and he knew so well what that meant.

This Gavin wasn’t right. This Gavin wasn’t _his,_ it wasn’t even the Gavin bound to the others in this world.

No, this Gavin was meant to die at the stake on that day and then… then he would have been reborn and would have found the others. They always did; they didn’t always stick together, but they always found each other.

Not this time around, and Ray didn’t know what that meant.

He had changed what had been meant to happen, he knew that. He had changed how things were supposed to happen, and now he didn’t know how to fix it.

He couldn’t just let Gavin die in hope that another would be born; he couldn't just let someone die just because they didn’t know the song.

And wasn’t Geoff the same then?

After all Geoff had joined them a couple of years ago, but there was no sign of the others yet.

Sure, they were a couple years apart, but not that far, right?

So Ray did nothing, just sat back and watched and kept them safe.

Geoff found Jack, and he shouldn’t been surprised over that.

Geoff found Jack and Gavin latched onto her and Ray took a sigh of relief. That was better than having Gavin and Geoff all the time, that felt more natural, and no matter how long Geoff had shown him he was trustworthy, some things couldn’t be repaired again.

Geoff found Jack and Ray waited with bated breath for the last two.

The robberies were a new factor, something he had never done before, but he relished in the adrenaline of it all. It was fun, it gave him a reason to act out and once or twice he stopped in the middle of it and turned around.

He was never alone, the others always close by.

Of course there was Gavin, loud and obnoxious. Someone starved of freedom that finally had a taste of it and would walk over everyone who dared to stand in his way.

Most of all there was Geoff and Jack working together flawlessly, there was both of them working together with him, and in situations like this he trusted them.

He had moved through so many worlds and had seen so many things that he hadn’t dared to believe he would experience something new, but here he was.

Here he was, and it felt good.

The first time one of their heists went wrong it was his fault. He had grown careless like he had so often before, drunken by how Gavin had kissed him silly before moving on just a minute ago.

He could still taste him on his lips, addicted to it even though he shouldn’t be, but he couldn’t help it. He had always grown weak around him.

They were in a large hideout of some Super Important Person as Geoff had called them, meaning they were rich and corrupt, and if they couldn't cure the latter, they would at least take their money.

Also Geoff's words.

They had snuck into a large, round office and while Geoff and Gavin watched the stairs up to them, Ray worked on the huge safe they had found. Seriously, that thing was as tall as him! Not that he knew how to open a safe, but he tried his best, and if that didn't work he still had Sichora's strings. They could cut through nearly everything.

Somewhere behind him Jack was pacing around, checking on different things while humming to herself.

Ray waited until she couldn't see him anymore before opening the safe because for real now, he was growing hungry.

"It looks so normal," she said after a while of checking on the shelves all around. "I always expect the scum of this earth to have like..."

"What? Skulls lying around?" Ray asked and turned the dial that way and this.

"I guess? Just some sign that they are evil, you know?"

"Too bad it doesn't work that way," Ray mumbled and jerked on the door as if he expected that thing to swing open. Seriously, who had the patience for this?

Jack hummed again and finally moved from his direct field of view to check on the large wooden desk in front of the windows. Now he could just cut this thing open and earn the praise from Geo-

He didn't look up at the noise, figuring Jack was opening some cabinet or whatever, but he reacted to the hurried steps.

Before Ray could turn, he recognized Jack sprinting towards him and then her hand was in his hair, pushing him down and halfway behind the safe.

He tried to protest but then the shots rang up from somewhere out of his view and he quickly snapped to attention. It was too late, he had been too slow, but Jack had pushed him into cover. She wasn't as lucky, there wasn't enough space for her as well, and even though he was pretty sure she meant to dive behind the table, she never made it before the bullets riddled her.

It had to be an automatic weapon because it just wouldn't stop and it ripped her apart in front of his eyes.

Ray just stared in shock and only slowly reached for his own gun.

The onslaught of bullets finally stopped but before he could get back on his feet, Jack stood. He didn't know how, she was bleeding heavily, and still she took a step forward and lifted her arm. She lifted her arm as if she wasn't riddled by fucking holes, as if she would be able to even hold her rifle, but there she was, standing above him and firing a single time.

After the loud noises from above it was nearly anticlimactic but Ray could clearly hear the thud as a body hit the ground somewhere.

Letting her gun sink, she turned towards him as if to ask if he was okay but she couldn't speak, not with the bullet lodged in her jaw. Then she faltered and finally, finally hit the ground with no movement to catch herself.

Ray stared at her form on the floor, saw the blood gathering all around, and now he also got on his feet. He was shaking, he realized, and that was new. Even his hands shook and he checked around the corner of the safe and saw the man lying there.

Behind them was a shelf that had opened like a door to some hallway behind and Ray cursed. Fuck, they should have checked on that, because stupid tricks like that had become so damn popular this year because of some stupid movie. Geoff wanted one as well, beneath the staircase, and Jack had told him to fuck off.

Now they had fallen for it themselves and he wanted to kick his own ass for it.

That would wait for now because he turned back towards Jack and something upset slammed into him.

"Jack!" he cried out and then thought better of it.

"Sichora!" he called instead and felt the strings gather at the back of his neck. Sure, he had one string wrapped around Jack at all times, but that wouldn't do with wounds like that, wouldn't be fucking fast enough and he couldn't- couldn't-

The door was thrown open and Gavin and Geoff hurried inside, freezing once they saw the scene, but Ray didn't even turn towards them.

"Ray," Geoff bellowed, and it was a command.

"I am on it," he snapped back as Gavin fell on the ground next to Jack, his hands hovering above her without actually touching.

"Please heal her," Gavin whimpered and looked up to him.

He didn't heal, that was the story he had told, right? They were immortal, he had brought the word up in the first place but he didn't even talk back.

His hands were still shaking because that had been a close call and he felt sick with adrenaline. Neither of them had been hurt so bad besides maybe Gavin after the stake but he had been in one piece at least!

"I got her," he cried out, and Gavin's face brightened. "I got her, I promise! Just give me a minute and the bleeding should stop."

They barely had more than a minute because of course the commotion hadn't gone unnoticed, but it was enough.

Geoff took a hold of Jack and carried her out while Gavin and Ray gave them cover, and Ray's hands still shook on the way home.

They just wouldn't stop.

He still wasn’t sure why when he sat on a chair at home, eyes closed as he concentrated on healing. He had seen worse, way worse in his time.

Maybe he had just been startled.

Yeah, that had to be it.

They were in the living room now and Geoff had laid Jack on the couch. Gavin hadn’t truly left her side yet, but Ray couldn’t really come closer. He stayed in the same room but as far away as possible.

Only Geoff checked up on him once in a while, asking if he needed to drink or eat something, but Ray ignored him.

He didn’t mean to be rude but he feared for the questions coming up, because he had lost his calm back there, he had screwed up like so often before. He should have pretended not to have anything to do with the healing but he hadn’t, not in the heat of the moment.

But what was maybe worse was that neither Geoff or Gavin had hesitated calling him out and fuck, he knew he had never fooled them.

He had to be more careful.

It was late that night when Jack moved again. She was out of danger, Ray had made sure she was completely healed, but it still left a strain on her body.

Gavin was asleep next to her, curled up tightly to fit on the couch to stay close, and he managed to look like a cat in that moment.

More than once Ray wanted to stand up and ran a hand through his hair, but he only did it now.

Jack blinked up to him, still exhausted, but that would ease up pretty soon.

“How do you feel?” Ray asked quietly. He didn’t want to alert Geoff in the kitchen.

Jack swallowed dry and didn’t answer at first. She was looking around to orient herself before her eyes drifted back to him.

“Like I should be riddled with holes,” she said and her voice was shot to all hell but still managed to sound amused.

Ray couldn't help but snort before turning around and taking the glass from the table. He helped Jack sit up before kneeling down next to the couch.

She didn’t even seem to notice, she was watching Gavin with a smile and then also reached down to run a hand through his wild hair.

“He’s a good boy,” she told him and Ray couldn't find it in him to nod. He knew that, he knew Gavin deserved better, but he really didn’t want to have that conversation right now.

He felt a bit exhausted himself and instead lifted the glass.

“Here.”

“Thanks.” She didn’t move to drink, instead hesitated thoughtfully before turning towards him.

“You healed me.”

Ray froze on the spot, because she shouldn’t know, shouldn’t have a clue and still… had the others said something?

Before the panic could really settle, Jack smiled softly.

“Thank you.”

“I-” Ray trailed off, not knowing what to say, but Jack didn’t let him think.

“I don’t know how you do it,” she continued. “And I don’t want to. You keep it a secret and that probably for a good reason. Who knows? Maybe there are rules you have to follow or people you hide from, I don’t know.”

She took his hand and he let her.

“It’s a burden for sure, the power you have and when to use it,” she said “So I am just very grateful that you decided to help us out of all those people.”

“I… I had my reasons,” Ray offered carefully.

“I bet you did.”

“Please don’t…”

“Neither of us will tell anyone else,” Jack assured him. “Please trust us that much. But Ray…” She squeezed his hand. “If you ever need to talk about that, you can.”

That was a nice thought and so easy to say. He knew he wouldn't talk, didn’t want to risk it. Sometimes the night appeared too dark and with too many stars watching him.

“I appreciate it.”

 

On the day they found Michael, Jack had taken him out shopping. And not even for groceries like he had figured, no, actual clothes and shit like that. For him! He didn't need clothes as long as the ones he had were still alright!

Still, he had fallen for the promise of food and now he was dragging his feet behind her as they headed through the mall. They were nearly done, at least he hoped so. He was carrying a bag full of stupid looking clothes he didn't like but he didn't have a say in that.

Gavin would laugh his ass off when he saw him in those. On the other hand Gavin also had strange taste so maybe he'd actually like it.

They were on the second floor and Ray sat down with a sigh as Jack went to get them ice cream. Really, that was the least she could do after this blatant lie!

As he waited he let his eyes travel over the crowd around and he shook himself. He didn't like too many people around, he never had, and he felt the need to hide away. Nobody was really looking at him and still he felt watched.

"Here," Jack said, and Ray quickly took his cone. He hummed pleased at the strawberry taste even if it was artificial and let Jack sit down opposite of him. She was rummaging through the bag he had carried and he left her to it, turning back around to survey the area.

It was an old habit, one from the life before that he couldn't shake off, but he always expected an ambush. It had saved his life more than once but on days like this it left him nervous.

He noticed Michael in the corner of his eye and turned around.

The boy was on the floor below, waiting for someone, and Ray recognized him immediately. He looked... looked so very familiar.

He was maybe eight years old, but besides the modern clothing he could as well been his Michael. The Michael who had trained with him late into the night with their wooden swords, encouraging him to give it his best and show he was worthy to train as a knight.

The Michael who had taken him under his wing from day one and had stayed with him to the very end.

Ray hadn't noticed that he stood or that Jack was talking to him. He didn't notice that he let his ice cream fall and then headed for the stairs.

It didn't matter because he had found him. He had finally found him and it was Michael!

_It was Michael!_

"Ray!" Jack caught up to him and seized his wrist. She shouldn't be strong enough to hold him back, he knew he could escape, and if he needed to he would he would jump down to the boy and take him.

He had waited so long!

"What's wrong? What's going on?"

"Let me go," he snapped and tore at her grip. "I found Michael!"

"Michael?"

The name sounded so foreign coming from her and it hurt Ray's soul. It shouldn't be!

He turned around to look back down and now there was a group of children heading towards Michael. They were chatting loudly, laughing occasionally and Ray ripped himself free to run for the staircase.

He couldn't lose him!

"Stop!" Jack called behind him but he didn't care, didn't listen. His eyes were on Michael and Michael only and he nearly blew through the crowd of people by the stairs, but they slowed him down enough that Jack could catch up and grasp him again.

"Stop that!"

"Jack, you don't understa-"

"He's a child, Ray!"

"That doesn't matter!" He shook his head wildly. "I waited for so long, Jack! For so fucking long to see him again!"

"So what then? What's your plan then?"

His plan? Wasn't that obvious?

"We have to take him home," Ray cried out in confusion. They were nearly complete; only Ryan was missing now.

"Ray, you can't!"

"What? Why?"

"Because he's a child!" And Jack was all in his face now, bearing down on him as if he was crazy, and he realized she had tried to lower her voice but the anger hadn't helped and now everyone was staring.

The people had all turned towards them and stared in shock, some even whispered and Ray was torn between hiding away or fighting them. He could, he knew. He could cut them all down and take Michael himself, he didn't need any help but Jack would hold him back.

He wasn't sure if he could turn against her, didn't know if he could fix it if he did.

He turned back around but the group of children hadn't noticed the tumult yet. Instead they were turning to leave and Ray could make out Michael's curls in between them.

There was a second boy among them, always close to Michael, and Ray felt his heart stop.

It was some distance and he could only see the boy from behind, but he recognized himself, of course he did, and now panic filled his chest.

He had wondered when this world's Ray would show up, but he had pushed that away like he had done with a lot of things. He had changed so many things by saving Gavin that he couldn't know when he himself would be born and if they'd even find each other.

After all, he could be born in a city far away, in another country, but here he was.

Here he was right next to Michael, and they had already found each other.

They were around the same age, and until now neither of them had been born close enough together to actually meet. Maybe a very old Geoff and a young Jack if they got lucky, but when he had found Geoff he was already on his deathbed, no chance of survival.

They wouldn't have met, but this Michael and Ray had.

Was it finally time? Were these the years all of them would have met?

If Gavin, Geoff and Jack had died back then would they have been born as well now?

Under normal circumstances maybe Gavin would be among those kids as well, Geoff and Jack would be older but still going to school as well.

What about Ryan? Was he out there right now?

"Ray?" Jack asked again but now more softly. He couldn't turn around but also didn't move even though Michael and himself was walking outside now, out of his sight.

Only then did he look up and concern was written all over Jack's face.

What did she see in his eyes? He didn't recognize the expression she was wearing, and when she asked what was wrong, he couldn't answer.

He couldn't tell her that she wasn't supposed to be her because that wasn't her fault.

No, it was his. He was the one who didn't belong here. Not in this time and not in this world at all.

If he wouldn't have saved Gavin! If he would have just moved on in the first place!

Did he have to now?

But what then?

He would take the healing with him and that would leave Geoff, Gavin and Jack vulnerable, would leave them _humans_ _._ That wasn't fair!

And it was already shifted anyway, the lives they had.

Would they and Michael even meet? Would they find Ryan?

But if he stayed... if he stayed and they would finally find Michael then this Ray would surely be around as well, and how was he supposed to explain that?

Even if he could or just managed to dodge the question, it was a paradox.

Two of the same people shouldn't exist in the same world, not at the same time, and that was one of the reasons why Ray usually went on without so much as a glance.

He had met himself in other worlds but had made sure they never saw him, didn't notice him.

Besides that one time where he had saved himself.

But how could he do that here?

He wasn't ready to move on just yet!

Jack’s grip tightened and he hadn’t even noticed that he’d taken a step until then. She wouldn't let him anyway and he felt himself grew angry about it. He wasn’t even sure why, deep down he knew she was right, but it was too buried beneath.

The thought of letting Michael just walk like that felt toxic and wrong, but worse was the feeling of being misplaced, of not belonging here.

This world was now home of the rightful Ray and not of him anymore, but he couldn’t let that happen. No, if he’d leave now they wouldn’t meet, and that was supposed to happen, right?

It did in each world, they were bound together and he had screwed that up, he had by saving Gavin and changing everything.

He had to at least make sure they found each other.

Even if it would be the last thing he did here.

 

Jack was fuming and didn’t let go on the way home. She held tight onto him, probably to make sure he wouldn’t run after Michael, and only when they were speeding away in her car did she relax.

It didn’t matter anyway because Ray had wrapped a string around Michael, but she didn’t need to know that. It wouldn’t keep Michael from aging, but would heal the most basic wounds.

Would tell him exactly where the boy was at all times.

He didn’t follow Jack upstairs because he didn’t want to hear Geoff yell at him. He would just say what Ray knew deep inside, but he wouldn't understand that Ray had to make sure that Michael was safe.

He also wouldn’t understand why there were two Rays, and that was the actual problem right now.

 

Finding the boy should have been harder, he wished it was.

He watched him get out of the bus and wave to his friends before turning away. Michael wasn’t with him which was a blessing, and nobody else was there, which was even better.

Ray wasn’t yet sure what he wanted to do but his hands shook again.

This time he didn’t will them to stop as he stepped onto the street. The sun was hot above, beating down on both of them and everything around felt dusty and stuffy. The humidity hung low, ready to choke them with heat.

He had never quite gotten used to that because it never got that hot in his old kingdom, but the boy didn’t seem too bothered by it.

He was happy and that was nice.

Ray didn’t move, didn’t take a single step because he was still pondering what he was going to do, and still the boy stopped in his tracks.

What would have happened if the boy hadn’t turned around in that moment? If he’d just hurried home like he was supposed to?

Sometimes Ray pretended that he would have also headed home that day, but he could never be sure.

The boy frowned at him, recognizing him of course, and Ray felt frozen in time.

What did he see?

Ray didn’t know and never found out because he could finally move. It was a child, it was himself, but the boy was also a threat.

He could bring everything that Ray worked for crashing on top of his head and he was half inclined to let him. It was this Ray’s world, not his after all.

He still wasn’t sure what he would do even when he had the gun in his hand and was aiming. Even after all this years he disliked the thought of guns and ranged weapons. With a sword or his rapier he was close to whoever’s lives he would take, could see into their eyes and touch them. He was able to read their everything before deciding on taking it.

With a gun he felt far away, uninvolved somehow. More like a videogame than real life.

When he shot this time though, it felt real.

He jumped in shock at the bang because he hadn’t noticed his fingers curling, but they had and the boy crumpled to the floor.

Silence followed as heavy as the heat and Ray stood there, staring down at the boy just a few feet ahead. The boy that was himself and was now bleeding all over, like a broken vessel.

“I’m sorry,” Ray gasped out and took a step forward. He didn’t know why because he froze immediately.

It reminded him of a couple worlds ago, of that dingy warehouse and how he had watched another Ray bleed out on the dusty floor. That Ray had been older and calmer like he was greeting the bullet in his side, and he hadn’t been afraid, no. He had clung to Michael and Gavin in joy and something about that had resonated in him.

He had stepped forward and intervened for the first time, had healed him because Gavin had begged him to, because Michael had tried so hard.

He shouldn’t have, sure, but he couldn’t change it anymore.

Right now, he could do the same. He could heal this little boy and pretend nothing ever happened; he could make it alright again.

If he could just move.

The distortion came just a few seconds later, the paradox catching up to them, and it was like a burning pain in his head.

He wasn’t as fine tuned to the changes as the others, but it was enough to make him sink to his knees with a cry of pain. It resonated and he knew that somewhere, a thousand worlds apart, Gavin did the same.

It burned in the mark on his wrist and the mark over his heart, but then it grew cold.

The coldness was nearly unbearable and he knew it was a hot, sunny day, but in that moment everything was drenched in darkness and up above every star turned to look at him.

They all stared at him, and a horrible fear came over him.

He got to his feet and ran as fast and as far away as he could.

 

When he reached the base he hid on the roof. Being high up always calmed him down, even if it was as high as this, but he'd grown used to it by now.

Sometimes when he closed his eyes up here, he saw someone dancing on the edge humming their song, but that was just a distant dream.

Nobody bothered him up here, nobody probably even knew he was here, and that was good.

He wanted to be alone, sitting on the edge and trying to keep his emotion at bay. Burying his face in his knees, he could concentrate on the pulse in his chest.

His mark right over his heart felt warm and he felt the concern flowing through it.

The bond was stretched thin by the distance and the time apart, but he could tell that it was Ryan. Ryan playing big brother again, trying to calm him down. It was nice, but clearly overshadowed by the anger coming from Michael.

Not at him, but the fact that he couldn't reach them and didn't know what was happening.

Michael had wanted to stay together after all this time, had tried to stop him from leaving, but Ray hadn't listened.

Now it made him smile and he tried to reach back and let their warmth calm him.

They were still out there, still alright, still home.

They would wait for their return. and that settled something in him. He missed them, maybe more than he missed anybody else, even Gavin. Seeing Michael again today had opened wounds he had long hoped healed, and it was worse than with Gavin. Once in a while he would catch a glimpse of Gavin even if he would never stay for long. Even then he had this Gavin right here, and sure it wasn't the same, but at least close enough.

Michael and Ryan though... they felt endlessly far away, and right now he missed them with a stupid intensity.

He was so wrapped up in them that he didn't notice how the time passed, but he felt the exhaustion. The bond was strong, he knew that, but the distance made it hard to keep a connection. Soon enough he felt both of them fading and was forced to let them go whether he wanted to or not.

It hurt, and when they were gone he felt endlessly alone.

How long he sat on the edge of the roof, he couldn't tell, but now it was pouring and the beautiful day from before gone. Night had fallen around and he blinked drops from his face as he lifted his head. His breath turned into a soft haze and he shivered, his clothes clinging to his body like a second skin. He should have gone inside, but didn't find the strength to do so; he didn't even turn around when he heard the steps behind him, and just closed his eyes.

He didn't want to talk right now, didn't want any company, but he couldn't even send them away because his lips felt like they were sewn shut.

Arms wrapped around his middle and he let them. Gavin felt very warm against his spine and his hair tickled against his chin as the other buried his face in his neck. Neither of them spoke and Ray was glad for that. He didn't want Gavin, he wanted his home and his family, but for now this was as close as he could get.

Closing his eyes, he leaned his head against the already soaked hair and let the rain fall down onto them.

God, he had screwed up.

"We should head inside, Love," Gavin whispered. "It's getting cold."

Ray nodded but made no move to do so. The arms untangled from around him and he listened to Gavin's steps as he walked over the flooded roof. He was pretty sure he would sit here until morning came, but Gavin had taken the warmth with him and soon enough he began to shake from the cold.

When he forced himself to stand, he watched over the city beneath and wondered what was happening on the other side of it, how long it had taken people to find the boy. It was too late anyway and he hated the thought of it, so he turned away and headed inside as well.

He left a trail of drops on his way down and when he found Gavin waiting in front of the TV, he stopped in the doorframe to watch him.

Gavin deserved better, Ray was fully aware of that, but if he pushed him away it would break him. He couldn't abandon him, not after all this time, but he was never going to love him.

But this strange limbo? Oh, it just hurt all of them.

Sighing softly, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his shoulders.

"Thank you," he whispered and meant it. God, if he could just turn back time-

Gavin pressed a kiss against his cheek, but then frowned.

"Oh, Love," Gavin muttered. "Were you outside all this time? It's pouring!"

Ray stared at him, confused, but then quickly let go, stepping back. Gavin wasn't wet, not even his hair. Even if he'd changed his clothes his hair should be plastered to his face but it wasn't. Had Ray sat up there alone for so long that Gavin had dried it?

Even if so, Gavin should know why he was soaked to the bone!

"Ray?" Gavin asked softly, but he didn't listen. He had already turned around and was hurrying out of the living room. His heart was pounding in his chest, loud and excited, and his room seemed endlessly far away.

When he finally reached the door, he pulled it open and flipped on the light.

Gavin stood by his couch, his 3DS in his hand, and he seemed too intrigued with the thing to realize that he was holding it upside down. It didn't matter because Ray's entrance startled him enough to let it fall, and cursing, Gavin quickly bent down to pick it back up.

Ray couldn't help but stare.

The heavy green cloak was even more ripped apart than the last time he'd seen it and carelessly thrown over the armchair. It was dripping with rain as well as the woolen scarf on top of it. Gavin's hair stood in every which way from where he had tried to dry it but part of it was still plastered to his neck.

"Ah, did I break it?" Gavin muttered as he stood again, holding the 3DS tightly to not let it fall again.

Ray didn't even pay attention to that. He reached back to lock the door before surging forward.

Gavin laughed as Ray hugged him wildly, lifting him straight from his feet to spin him around. He staggered, nearly sending them both crashing to the floor before letting Gavin down and burying his face against his chest.

His heart was beating, God, it was!

“You’re here,” Ray whispered in disbelief and grasped the green vest tightly. “It’s _you !”_

“I am,” Gavin agreed and his laughter faded. The easiness went out, the amusement in his voice sobering, and soon enough he was clinging to Ray.

They stood there in silence, holding on to each other, and Ray could feel him breathe, could smell the rain and the smoke and the stardust on him. Gavin smelled like summer evenings on the roof, always had, and if Ray didn’t feel his body he could nearly expect to see him balancing on the edge of the roof, humming his lullaby.

But they weren’t back there, they stood in his room, swaying tightly to the song in their heads, and Ray took a deep breath.

He could nearly pretend to smell the flowers and feel the heat of a warm summer day coming from the castle walls like back when they had danced like this. Down in the garden where nobody else would see while soft music played from the great halls, drifting from open balconies down towards them.

The wedding had been a big festivity and they were both a bit drunk from the long, happy day.

Back then Ray had already known that Gavin would leave, would head out into all of these worlds, but he had promised to stay back and wait.

They should have both known that he wasn’t patient enough for that.

“God, I missed you,” Gavin whispered and Ray nodded into his shoulder.

He had as well and there was so much to talk about, so many things that had happened since they’d last seen each other!

Time didn’t flow the same way between the worlds but it had been such a long time. Such a long time that he had spent with this fake family he had built and Gavin spent alone.

“I miss-”

A knock disturbed him and both of them looked up, interrupted in their little moment.

“Ray? It’s me.”

That was Gavin, the wrong one, the one he didn’t want and he quickly buried his face back into the other’s neck. He didn’t want to go, he didn’t want to face this fake world he had made.

No, he was right where he wanted to be and he wouldn’t let anyone tear him away!

A second knock disturbing them.

“Love, I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

The Gavin holding him chuckled at that, quietly enough that nobody but him could hear, but he didn’t understand what was funny about all of this. Quite the opposite, he felt himself growing angry.

“Go away,” he growled in hope it would make the other go.

He was rubbed raw from the day, confused and hurt and lost and right now he just wanted to stay here where he was safe. The only place he had ever known where he didn’t need to be in control because someone else was.

“Let’s talk about what happened today and we-”

He moved before Gavin could finish the sentence and ripped open the door.

“I told you to fuck off!”

He didn't care how concerned Gavin had seemed, how quickly it fell away now and that the boy shuffled away from him.

“Ra-”

“Stop bothering me!” he snapped at Gavin. “For one fucking day! Is that too fucking much to ask?” Just for now, just for a while.

He had to work through some things and he couldn't waste a damn second, not one.

He threw the door shut, not wanting to see or hear anything, and he didn’t care, he didn’t fucking care!

Looking up, he found his Gavin still standing by the couch where he had left him. There was something very calculated in his eyes and when he raised his hand, Ray quickly fell to his knees in front of him.

“That was cruel of you,” Gavin said softly, but it burned like fire.

Ray took the hand and pressed it against his forehead.

“Forgive me, my King.”

“Sichora?”

And Gavin always did that, making sure both of his sides were part of this and Ray loved him even more for that. He felt his eyes darkened and stepped back, allowing Sichora to kiss Gavin’s fingers.

“Lightbringer,” they said, and when they looked up, they found Gavin smiling, pleased.

Outside the other man hollered a cry and something slammed against the door. It made both of them flinch as Gavin’s voice rose from the hallway.

“Fuck you! Fuck you, Ray! You can’t treat me like that! You don’t have the right to do so!”

Sichora pulled back, never one for a conflict and Ray also lowered his gaze.

“He has every right to be angry,” his Gavin chided him quietly as they listened to his counterpart cursing up a storm.

“I know,” Ray admitted, and shame came over him. A horrible shame of everything that he had done because his judge was standing right in front of him. But they were gentle and understanding, ruling him with an iron fist and soft touches.

“You are hurting him.”

“I never wanted to. I only wanted you.”

Gavin hummed and his hand wrapped around his, holding tight, but Ray would never hear what he said next.

Geoff’s voice carried over from somewhere outside and Gavin flinched, pulling away. His head had snapped up, staring at the door and Ray quickly got to his feet to shield him.

In that moment he would have taken Geoff apart limb by limb if he dared to open that door; in that moment he would have taken everyone apart.

But no one opened the door, no one dared to face him, and after a while the voices faded. Still angry at him, but that was fine, he had learned to live with anger if it just meant he was good for the right people.

Behind him Gavin let his breath out and then he leaned ahead to press a kiss beneath Ray’s ear.

It was chaste, but familiar but when Ray turned around to face him, Gavin had already turned away to inspect his room further.

Ray allowed him, too transfixed as he simply watched him. He still couldn't believe that Gavin was here, in _this_ world, right next to him. He didn’t fit in with his old clothes, but Ray figured he didn’t either.

It took a while before he snapped out of it and touched his elbow.

“Come on, we’re still soaked from the rain.”

 

Ray sat on his bed but he looked up when Gavin entered, still rubbing his wet hair.

“Oh my God,” Gavin cried out before dropping down next to him. “A shower is amazing, Ray! I can make the water as hot as I want to, isn’t that incredible?”

“Only after I explained to you how,” Ray reminded him, and the other shoved him.

“Shut up. You’ve lived in this world longer than me!”

Chuckling, he watched Gavin lie down next to him and found something very pleasing in the fact that Gavin wore his clothes. That never happened in their old world; their clothes were tailored especially for them and certainly more fancy than what they were wearing now.

Gavin looked strange in the oversized hoodie, somehow way smaller and softer than in his heavy cloak.

He wiggled in it before curling around it with a pleased hum, “It’s so soft.”

Reaching down to play with his hair, Ray nodded, but Gavin didn’t even look at him. His eyes were darting around, trying to take everything in at once.

“This world is incredible,” he mumbled finally. “I saw worlds like this before and some way more in the future but…”

“But you were never there,” Ray finished for him. “You never interacted with them, you just watched.”

He had done the same, and if he hadn’t grown with this world he would surely experience a culture shock as well.

Gavin peaked up to him, something mischievous in his eyes and Ray felt a pull of excitement.

“Show me everything!”

He did so gladly, showing Gavin around his little apartment because they didn’t dare to leave it and run into someone else. But there was enough stuff around anyway and soon enough they ended up with video games.

Cuddled up in bed again, Ray explained him the controls of his 3DS and sure enough Gavin ran around as Mario. His leg jerked each time he jumped, and whenever he got hit, he would kick in frustration.

Ray stopped paying attention to the game soon enough and just laid down, watching Gavin. How he bit his lips, how his brows lowered in concentration.

It was all so familiar, forged over all those years spent in the castle together with Michael, and he could see the familiarity between both Gavins, but it wasn’t the same. No, something was different, or maybe it was just what he wanted to believe.

He didn’t dwell on it, like he didn't dwell on anything, just watched the other play his game because that was so much easier.

He must have fallen asleep and didn’t even have a moment to panic because it was Gavin who shook him awake. It was late, in the early hours of the morning but the other watched him with big eyes.

“It’s flashing red now,” he explained and held the 3DS up.

Ray blinked against the sudden light and then snorted. “The battery is drained.”

“Did I break it?”

“No, Love.”

He got up and staggered around until he found the charger. Gavin watched intently how he plugged the console in before handing it back.

“There you go.”

“You fixed it?”

“Sure.” He crawled back beneath the sheets and Gavin flashed him a smile.

“Thank you!”

“You’re welcome,” Ray assured him and leaned down to kiss him, but Gavin was faster and lifted his hand to stop him.

“In every world I would gladly,” he said, and Ray leaned back to watch him. His eyes seemed blue in the light of the screen. “But not in this one, Love. It wouldn’t be right.”

“You’re right.”

He didn’t want to think about the other Gavin, but he had been so angry and hurt. Ray shouldn’t have screamed at him because he had done nothing wrong. No, he had just been worried.

Sighing, he laid his head on Gavin’s stomach and watched him play. Soon enough Gavin’s hand came down to card through his hair and he closed his eyes.

“I love you,” he said, and Gavin looked down to him. He could hear Mario die in the game but Gavin was still smiling.

“I love you too.”

He fell asleep without worry, knowing that unlike so many times before Gavin wouldn’t disappear once he looked away. No, Gavin had come here for a reason, and that surely hadn’t been to play video games

But for now he could rest and give up all of his control.

 

He woke again, this time to humming, and when he opened his eyes early morning light flooded the room. Gavin stood at the window, one hand pressed against the glass as he watched the city beneath.

His cheeks were red in excitement at the thought of exploring all of it, but Ray knew he wouldn’t stay that long.

Turning onto his side he watched him, listening as Gavin began to sing,

_“You taught me the courage of stars before you left._

_How light carries on endlessly, even after death.”_

It was the lullaby and Ray couldn’t help but shiver. He didn’t ask him to stop though, just held his gaze as Gavin turned towards him.

_“With shortness of breath you explain the infinite._

_How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.”_

He fell silent and in that moment only the sun was between them, was all there was left. The light felt warm on Ray’s skin and he hadn’t realized that he was crying, but he didn’t hide it.

Gavin just smiled and sat down at the edge of the bed to wipe his tears away.

“The last time you didn’t know the words,” Ray whispered, and Gavin nodded.

“Pollux taught me.”

Oh. Ray had never truly met Pollux, had only caught glimpses and rumors about him that made him fear the other. But Gavin sat down with him sometimes, he knew that.

They sat down and talked and watched worlds die.

It wasn’t really a friendship; Ray doubted that Gavin was fond of Pollux in any way, but they both carried the same wounds.

It was a bond that Ray didn’t dare to disrupt.

“Ray?” Gavin asked softly to get his attention, and something had shifted, he could tell. All these nice hours before were nothing against the eternity in front, and behind him they were only there to calm him down, and now that he was calm they were back to Gavin’s actual reason for visiting.

“What have you done, Ray?”

What a loaded question. He had done a lot of things, he didn’t know how to explain. Some recent and some long behind him.

Gavin had seen some of them, but not the worst ones. Back when he had been lost and gone Gavin hadn’t been around.

But it took no genius to figure out what Gavin meant and Ray closed his eyes. By now he hadn’t really thought about it too hard, but he saw the boy, saw himself lying on the dusty street with blood gushing from his chest.

“I don’t know,” Ray admitted and figured that was his reason for a lot of things. He figured deep down inside he knew the reason and his reason was always the same. That he didn’t like change, that he feared it more than anything besides the Nether

But he had never been good with words.

“You know we are only allowed to change small things,” Gavin went on. He wasn’t chiding him or screaming like he probably deserved; his voice was very calm.

“To save someone, to show them another way. If you’d have just saved this Gavin things would have been alright, but you… you went and found the others.”

Ray nodded slowly. He knew it had been a mistake, had been against the rules, but things had grown out of control so damn quickly!

“Were you that lonely?” Gavin asked carefully, and Ray let his eyes slip open.

Yeah, maybe he had been. Running from world to world, seeing all those horrible things happen, seeing all those realities where things had turned out better than he knew. It was exhausting to the bone.

He couldn't explain that, didn’t find the words, but Gavin understood him anyway.

“And with finding this world’s Ray all of this would have been gone. You would have to leave.”

“I panicked,” Ray admitted slowly. “I didn't want to… to hurt him.”

“You never do, Love.”

But he always did. That’s why he was feared in his world, why he was cast out by all but a few. The few he had bound his life with.

“I dealt with everything but Ray… Pollux is so angry.”

He curled himself deeper into the soft blanket and he didn’t know what Gavin meant with dealing with it but Pollux was more of his concern. He didn’t know the other, couldn’t tell how powerful he was only that it was a lot.

“He won’t allow you to make another mistake.”

“What if I do?”

Gavin left that question unanswered, but maybe that was answer enough. It at least made Ray shiver, and Gavin pulled him closer until his head could rest in his lap.

“All of this, Ray… what is this?”

“I just want us all to be together,” he confessed and grasped the seam of Gavin’s hoodie tightly. “I will find them all and then they will stay together forever. I also bound them like we four are bound.”

“Even Geoff and Jack?”

Maybe especially Geoff and Jack, he wasn’t quite sure. He just turned around to watch Gavin try to work through that.

“Do you… do you want to stay here forever?” Gavin asked, and there was an old fear. Ray could hear it clearly.

_Don’t leave me alone!_

“This isn’t my home,” Ray assured him, and Gavin’s posture eased. He looked down to him, smiling kindly and Ray wanted to wrap his arms around him.

Right now he couldn’t as he thought back to the castle, to the roof that was still his favorite place in all the worlds. He thought back to Ryan’s calm demeanor that had taught him a lot and Michael’s fierceness that he would always admire.

“I want to go home,” he found himself saying. “I miss them.”

Gavin nodded carefully and reached up to touch his chest, the place right over his heart where he carried the same mark as Ray.

“Did you feel them yesterday? How worried they were about you?”

He had, and it had been wonderful and warm and reassuring. Even over this distance they were still one.

“Your pain was so sharp and sudden and you felt so lost. God, Ray, I thought my heart would break!” Reaching down, Gavin brushed the hair out of Ray’s face.

“Both of them are waiting for us and if you miss them… you can go back any time.”

“Not without you.”

“I’m not done yet. I can still go on.”

Under other circumstances Ray would protest, would tell him that nothing would be worth all this pain and suffering and the endless worlds. But this right here was.

“Not that much longer though,” Gavin admitted carefully, and Ray looked up in surprise. “Not that much longer, I promise. I am… I am very tired.”

“Me too,” Ray whispered, and took Gavin’s hand in his. His thumb rubbed the skin right above his pulse point where the mark was nothing more than a scar and a horrible memory.

“I will go on,” Gavin said. “But I won’t mind if you stay here and rest. You well earned it, and it looks like a good world.”

“Michael and Ryan are still out there,” Ray responded as if that was an explanation, but Gavin actually nodded.

“Just wait for them here then. Spend some time together.”

“Okay.”

Gavin threw a glance down before grinning. “It would be nice to know where you are all the time.”

“It would always be a place you could return to,” Ray offered, but Gavin shook his head.

“You know it’s dangerous to stay too long. This world is already corrupted as it is.”

Because of him now, he was well aware.

“You will leave soon,” Ray mumbled, and Gavin didn’t bother to answer. It wasn’t really needed.

“But never to somewhere where you can’t follow. Never again,” he finally said, and it made Ray smile.

“That’s good.”

They stayed like this for a while longer, all their words used up and then Gavin started to sing again, maybe to get him to sleep, and maybe it worked because the next time Ray opened his eyes he was alone.

He was alone and there were sparks floating around his head like stars.

 

He stayed in his room the day afterwards, ignoring Geoff's attempts to talk to him. He needed the time for now, curled in his bed that smelled a little like Gavin. It was nice and he took those hours to entertain the thought of coming home again.

Soon, Gavin had said.

When he stepped out only Geoff was around. Ray didn't ask where Gavin and Jack were; he was kind of glad that they were gone because he had a lot to work through in his own head.

Geoff pried gently, but Ray didn't let him get far with it, avoiding the question whenever he could, and right, Geoff had also been in front of his door that night.

Surely this Gavin had talked to him, told him how awful Ray had been, and it was only fair.

God, Gavin had been so angry.

So Ray pulled himself together and was patient when Gavin returned. He tried his best to apologize, he really was sorry after all, and back then Gavin had just been at the wrong place at the wrong time. It hadn't been his fault and Ray had overreacted.

He also apologized to Jack for worrying her in the mall and he assured her that she was right.

He was going to stay away from Michael, after all there was a string bound around the boy now, and for now that had to be enough.

Still, he sometimes caught glimpses of him in the city, watched him grow in fascination. It was like going back in time only that this time he wasn't growing up along with him.

Ryan appeared out of nowhere.

Ray hadn't been on the lookout for him, not how he'd been with Michael. Ryan could look after himself and for now Ray's attention had shifted to Michael.

But he recognized him, even beneath the mask he wore. The voice to familiar in his mind, the voice Gavin had ordered him to listen to when he wasn't around. The voice of yet another king he had followed.

Ryan was older when Ray found him and when he did, he turned to Jack to ask permission to recruit him.

He didn't even think about that decision, just knew that Jack was watching him closely after the mall-incident, and he didn't like it when she was mad at him. Geoff was next of course, and when he had their okay, he took Gavin's hands and danced around, laughing brightly.

Soon they would be together again, all of them! In a few short years when Michael was older he would also be with them and then they would be whole!

And surely Gavin would love the other two, there was no way he wouldn't! Maybe it would take some work, maybe he would be shy around them first, Ray remembered that that had been an issue before, but in the end it would work out.

After all Michael was his sword and Ryan his mirror.

 

Gavin did not love them. He hated them with his everything because Ray loved them too much. It hurt and stung and if Gavin would just look past that he would realize what he was missing-

But maybe Gavin wasn't able to anymore.

 

 

_Now_

Michael was walking ahead of him when Ray stopped in his tracks, making his steps stop echoing. They had been out eating at a fancy restaurant together and now the sun was slowly setting, barely visible in the parking garage.

He had asked Gavin to come along but he had refused, telling him that he was still working on Geoff's next heist. Ray wasn't sure if that was true, but it had left a nagging hole in his stomach.

In the setting sun Michael's hair looked very red and it reminded him of nights on the roof, waiting for him to appear because Michael was always a little late.

This wasn't the same Michael as back then, deep down he knew that, but sometimes it was hard to distinguish. And he had a second chance in this life, right? In this life Michael could be his, wouldn't be taken away by anyone.

_Kill her._

_Don't you want to be King?_

He didn't, not anymore, but there was still something appealing to that offer.

It didn't matter in this world, and reaching up, he rubbed his forehead. He had caught glimpses of her in those worlds. Of her and someone else, another man with strangely colored hair each time.

For now, Ray didn't know what to make of that and he didn't dare to approach.

Instead he sighed and let his hand fall until he could pull out his gun. By now the weapon felt as familiar as his rapier, but right now it was heavy as he lifted it and trained it at Michael's head.

Michael had asked him for this, to take his life for the first time, and it would be a honor. It also would be payback in some strange way. After all the first time he himself had died was because of-

Michael chose this moment to turn around, realizing he wasn't following him anymore, and froze.

Ray froze as well, and the nagging hole in his stomach grew heavier. Right now Michael looked like the boy, like the small child just walking home.

Ray hadn't want to kill him, he really didn't, but his hands were long bound by fate.

Just like the boy, Michael didn't even say a thing, just swallowed and then balled his hands into fists.

He was ready to take the hit and whatever fear was in his eyes, he hid as he closed them.

He trusted Ray, that was obvious, and Ray knew he didn’t deserve that. His plan had been to shoot him from behind, do it quick enough that Michael wouldn't even realize he was dead before he came back.

Ray would pull him back to the living in a heartbeat to make sure the experience wouldn't scar.

The choice had been taken from him now and he watched Michael standing in front of him, trying to hide his shiver.

Ray could nearly hear it in the silence of the parking garage after both of their steps had stopped. Only somewhere to his left was someone else walking, a woman on heels by the sound of it, hurrying away.

Had she seen them?

No, Ray was pretty sure she was too far away for that.

Just someone on their way home.

Oh, but the shot would alert her for sure. Even if his gun was silenced, it would echo loudly in this open space but that didn't matter.

What mattered was Michael taking a deep breath, and he was still waiting, not moving an inch. Ray shouldn't have him suffer like this, but he couldn't move his finger to pull the trigger.

The evening had been good, the food delicious. Michael had gone pale as he saw the prices and then spluttered in disgust as he saw the size of the portion. It was ridiculous, Ray agreed and once they were in the car he would offer to drive to Wendy's or whatever.

But the atmosphere had been nice, the soft music and the hushed whispers around. Michael had looked good all dressed up and just like right now his hair had seemed more red than it actually was.

Ray loved him, but not how he should. No, he wanted Michael for the sake of having him because this time he could be his. He had been ready to share with Gavin but that hadn't worked and it wouldn't work.

Sure, at one point Gavin would give in and play along more freely, but that wasn't what Ray wanted. They were all together now and things should be good, they should all be happy now, but they weren't.

They were forced together by him, and as much as Ray had bound them, he had also let them drift apart.

Michael jumped when the gun dropped to the floor, clattering loudly in the silence.

Ray also sank down because his knees were weak now and his hands began to shake. He didn't like it when they shook, it made him look weak.

"I'm going home," he said and stared at the gun in front of him. He had always hated them.

"Ray?" Michael asked quietly, but Ray didn't bother looking up.

"I'm going home," he repeated and felt a sudden rush as he understood his own words. He would go home where he belonged. He would go back to the roof and wait for Michael and Ryan.

Ryan who would scold him for just running after Gavin back then and Michael who would probably simply punch him in the face. That was fair though.

"I can... I can drive if you need me to," Michael offered, and it had something so innocent to it that Ray couldn't help but look up. Michael was slowly inching closer, certainly unsure and not wanting to get too close to the gun on the floor. Ray wasn't even sure if the other had ever held one before, and that was endearing in itself.

Maybe it could stay like that.

"You can't drive me there," Ray explained, but couldn't help but smile. It was maybe the first real smile he had ever showed Michael, the first real one in a long, long time, and it felt weightless.

Michael smiled back uncertainly and stopped in front of him him to reach out his hand.

Ray stared at the palm and felt something upset slam into him.

He had seen it before in a hundred other worlds. Michael offering him his hand and pulling him along when he was scared, keeping him close to not lose him or just to touch to comfort him.

Another constant like the lullaby, and it was sad; Ray liked to pretend that Michael wasn't as tightly bound by all of this, wasn't stretched thin between the worlds, but that was just a happy lie. He was more involved than Ray would ever be because Michael had seen The Truth, had been there with Gavin, and in the end Michael had broken the cycle.

Michael was damned to offer his hand to Ray whenever he fell and then would pull him to his feet and brush the dirt off. Michael was damned to fight and protect and love so colorfully that it hurt.

So Ray took the hand and when Michael pulled him up, he instantly let himself fall into his arms in a tight embrace.

He had taken so much from him, had changed Michael's life without asking first, and had taken this world's Ray, leaving Michael in a limbo of who he remembered and who not.

It wasn't fair.

"I'm going home," he whispered again. and as much as he feared that, he was also looking forward to it. He missed the others.

"I won't see you again, will I?" Michael asked carefully, and Ray shook his head.

"I'll go where you can't follow."

"Will you be more happy there?"

Ray let his eyes drift open and buried his hands in Michael's jacket. He had thought he was happy here, or at least that he had played it well enough, but apparently not.

So he just nodded and Michael pulled him tighter, tight enough that Ray feared he wouldn't let him go anymore and he wasn't sure if he could free himself from this embrace.

But then Michael did let go and pressed a kiss against Ray's forehead.

"I'm happy then," Michael said and smiled at him with his dimples and freckles and reddish curls.

It squeezed Ray's heart, and for the first time in long, long years he felt nearly close to tears. In that moment he missed Michael unbearably.

"Thank you."

 

He found Ryan at the shooting range, all the way down in their base. It was behind the armory and while Ray went through there he stopped and looked around. All those guns they had collected over the decades, all for the purpose of killing and taking.

They disgusted him now, and he thought back to his rapier. He still had it, up in his room in a safe.

He would grab it later, but for now he just placed his own pistol right where it belonged. He gave it one last tap and then let his hand run over the sniper rifle next to it.

It was a horrible weapon. Being so far away from the victim that you couldn't even hear their yell as they died was against his nature, but he had chose it to stay away from the blood. Sometimes it still made him all loopy and he couldn't risk losing his control.

Now he left it on the wall and turned towards the glass door. Inside he saw Ryan steady his hand and shoot at something. Most likely a target, but Ray couldn't make it out from this angle.

Ryan was concentrated and wearing ear protection so he shouldn't notice him, but still he did.

He turned toward the door and even though he was surprised seeing Ray there, he quickly waved him inside.

"What's wrong?" he asked once Ray opened the door. "You look a bit pale, you alright?"

Did he? Ray reached up to touch his face as if he could feel it, but then just shrugged. He felt weightless by his decision, but it wasn't freeing, not yet. It felt like floating away with no real goal in mind even though he knew exactly where he would be going. It was strange like that.

"Yeah," he finally said and watched as Ryan carefully put the gun apart to clean it.

"If you say so."

"I need your help," Ray said, ignoring the previous comment.

Ryan looked up, a bit surprised and Ray realized he usually wasn't one who asked for help.

"What do you need?"

He could nearly picture what Ryan was thinking about. Violence and cruelty, but Ray shook his head softly. As much as he would enjoy that, killing together with Ryan was a soft spot, reserved for his own Ryan and oh, how beautiful those moments had been.

Pushing the thoughts away, he said, "Flowers. I need some of your flowers."

"Poisonous?" was Ryan's immediate reaction, and Ray scoffed.

"No... just flowers."

Ryan raised his brow but didn't comment on it. "Which ones?"

"Arbor Vitae and Red Bay if you got it."

He watched as the cogs in Ryan's head turned and he knew it was an unusual request but right now it was the most fitting ones he could think of.

"A strange choice," Ryan admitted. "Not the prettiest flowers for a bouquet."

"It's not supposed to be one. You got some?"

"I do." Ryan put the gun down and then stood to his full height before Ray. It wasn't threatening, but a warning of some kind for sure.

"You're saying goodbye?"

Ray smiled shyly and ducked a little away. "I hoped you wouldn't know the meaning of those..."

Ryan didn't answer but Ray watched him work through it. He let him; it was easier than saying it out loud.

"Things will change when you go," Ryan said slowly, and Ray nodded.

If he wasn't there to bind them together anymore... when he took the immortality with him there was no reason to stay together.

He didn't know if Ryan would.

It was a shame, but Ray tried to swallow down the guilt.

He made to turn around but then hesitated. He felt awkward and a bit stupid for it but Ryan was still watching him and finally he stepped ahead and hugged the other man.

Back in his own world it was as familiar as everything, but here it gave him a small thrill. Nobody else dared to hug the Vagabond, and Ray had also been kinda shy about it.

Now it felt nice, and he should tell Ryan that the others were great, that he could trust them. When Ray wasn't around to distort everything anymore surely they would settle and fit their roles more easily.

Ray had always hoped to find Ryan and Gavin in the living room one day, bickering over a game of chess, but that seemed highly unlikely.

Ryan's arm came up, strong and unrelenting as he pulled Ray closer, just for a moment before letting go again, and Ray stepped back.

There were a lot of words he wanted to say, a lot of apologies on his tongue, but in the end he just touched Ryan's hand briefly before finally turning away.

 

He was just closing the safe in his room again when the voice startled him.

"Arbor Vitae," Gavin said behind him. "It means 'Unchanging Friendship' probably because those things are evergreen or whatever."

Ray decided not to answer. He held his rapier in his hands and fiddled a bit to actually fasten the sheet on his belt. He was back in his old clothes, the uniform of his kingdom, and surely Gavin had noticed that.

But he was still talking about the flowers.

"You put that one down in front of all of our doors," he continued. "But this little guy here I only found in front of mine."

Now Ray turned around as if he didn't know what it was. The two plants looked lost in Gavin's hand, too green and not enough, nearly carelessly pulled together.

Ray at least hoped that the other knew he had chose them for the meaning and not because of how pretty they were.

"It's Red Bay," Ray explained. "It means love's memory."

"Does it?" Gavin scoffed and Ray was sure that he would crush both of the plants or just carelessly throw them to the ground, he even made a move to do so, but then hesitated. That more than anything hurt because as flattering as it was, Gavin shouldn't keep holding on.

"You're leaving." It wasn't even a question and of course it wasn't.

Ray stood in front of him, nearly the same as when they had met all those centuries ago, and God, it hurt.

He didn't want to hurt him anymore.

"I always knew this would happen and I am still not prepared," Gavin went on and fully stepped inside the room. He had lingered in the doorway but now moved towards the desk and let his hand travel over the red cloak laying there.

For a second Ray wanted to slap his hand away, but he couldn't even move, too entranced by the other’s presence.

"You found who you've been looking for?"

"Back when we met you reminded me of him," Ray said slowly.

"But I wasn't him, right? I never quite got it right."

"At first I only saw the similarities, but you are so different," Ray admitted, and Gavin smiled sadly at that.

"I am not ashamed of that," he said and turned back to Ray. "I was for a long time, figured I wasn't who I was supposed to be, but you know what, Ray? I am me. I am Gavin. The only Gavin I know and the only Gavin I can be. I am... I am so tired of playing the role you want me to."

"I'm glad."

Gavin scoffed again and then glanced down at his flowers. "In the end I was love's memory. Nothing more."

"You always were more," Ray told him. "I just... it was my fault that you thought so little of yourself. And even when I noticed I never dared to own up to it."

Gavin looked up mildly surprised, but then nodded. Hopefully he understood what Ray was trying to say because he had never been good with words, and Ray didn't want to leave him more scarred than he already was.

He watched as Gavin took the cloak from the table and then the brooch next to it. Stepping closer, he wrapped it around Ray's shoulder and then fastened it at the front with the brooch as if he had done that a thousand times, but still he got caught on the sharp edges.

It wasn't bad, like pricking yourself on a thorn, and only a little blood welled up. Something about it made Ray panic though and he quickly reached for Gavin's hand, only to have the other step back.

"Leave it," Gavin just said and rubbed the blood away. "I've gotta get used to this."

It broke Ray's heart, and before he could stop himself, he had pulled the other in. Gavin instantly huddled against his chest, their bodies fitting together seamlessly, and Ray closed his eyes.

He meant no harm, he had just wanted to protect Gavin!

"I am sorry," he pleaded. "I am so sorry!"

"You always say that," Gavin told him and that was true. He knew it was true, but this time he meant it, he meant it from the bottom of his heart and for a second he wanted to offer to stay. Just a few more years, just a while longer-

But Gavin hadn't even begged for it. No, Gavin was strong and Ray had to be as well.

"The lullaby," he managed say, and Gavin shifted confused. "I want to give it to you. It's yours now."

"What?" Gavin mumbled and turned his head to look up to him. "What do you want me to do with that? Get a bunch of babies so that I can sing them to sleep?"

"If this is what you want. I am not holding you back anymore," Ray promised, and Gavin huffed.

He fell silent for a moment before saying quietly, nearly shy, "Me and Jack wanted to go on a vacation once."

Closing his eyes, Ray squeezed him tighter.

"Please do."

They stood like that for a while, but Ray felt restless. He knew if he waited too long he wouldn't be able to move at all. But Gavin still had his hands pressed to his chest, still didn't dare to let go.

Ray felt horrible when he pried Gavin from him, but it was their only chance. He had come so far and he wasn't sure how long it would take him to grow the needed courage to try leaving again.

Holding Gavin at an arm's length, he said, "Arbor Vitae has a second meaning."

Gavin was watching him but he didn't seem too interested. His hands were holding on to the hem of his shirt to not reach for Ray.

"'Live for me'," Ray explained, and amusement flickered in Gavin's eyes.

"'Live for me'?" he echoed. "I don't think I am very good at that."

Ray let go off him and turned towards the door. He didn't get more than two steps before Gavin grasped his wrist.

"I don't know how to live without you," he said. "I never did."

Ray swallowed heavily but didn't dare turn around. He stared at the door, knew he could just escape and be done with this before Gavin would beg him to stay. He knew the other would, he was breathing heavily behind him, and his hand clutched tight enough to hurt.

Ray didn't dare to tear himself loose, but then Jack appeared in the doorway.

How long had she been out there? All this time? Had she listened to anything or was she just passing by? Ray didn't know and he also didn't care. He was just happy to see her, and Gavin's grip faltered enough so that he could slip free, right into Jack's arms.

He buried himself into her embrace, felt the tumult of emotion in the back of his throat and didn't know what to say.

It wasn't needed because it was Jack who said, "Don't worry. I'll watch over him."

She looked up and let him go. Ray turned around and saw how she pulled Gavin into her side.

"We'll go somewhere nice, won't we?"

Gavin didn't answer, just stared at Ray, and Ray stared back.

He couldn't move, just stood there, and if Gavin would say a word he would fall back to his feet.

He couldn't, not now. No matter how pale the other was, how tears shone in his eyes, and it had been forever since he'd seen Gavin cry.

He hadn't even noticed.

It was Jack who took things into her hands again. She smiled at Ray, but also reached out to take a hold of the door.

And then she pushed it close and Ray only managed one last glimpse at Gavin, how horrified and lost he looked and then- then the door snapped shut.

Ray stood alone in the dark hallway, breathing heavily. In the other room, merely two steps away Gavin stood but he couldn't hear a thing. So he turned around and hurried away, scared to hear the other say his name, to call him back.

He was scared he would listen.

He made for the stairs and found Geoff at the top of them, holding out his hand as if they were ready to flee somewhere. Ray felt like that was exactly the case and also lifted his hand when he heard the cry.

It was Gavin, hollowing like a wounded animal, and Ray froze on the spot.

He couldn't-

Geoff grasped his wrist and stopped him from turning back around.

"You made your choice," he said, and tugged. For a moment Ray resisted, even though he knew the other was right, but then he followed.

Running down the stairs felt like a dream and when Geoff unlocked the car, Ray didn't hesitate to slip into the passenger seat. They drove out of the garage and Ray turned in his seat to watch the base one last time.

Even though it was such a huge building only a couple windows had light in them. He couldn't help but search for his own, expecting a shadow there but nobody appeared.

Surely Gavin didn't think that far. Ray could nearly pretend to see him cowering on the floor, screaming while Jack held him and Ray clung to the leather of the seat.

"Stop," he whispered and turned towards Geoff. "We need to go back!"

Geoff didn't react, just sped up.

"Geoff!" Ray cried out and was nearly ready to reach for the steering wheel, but Geoff held it so tight that his knuckles turned white.

Something about that sobered Ray up and he slumped against the door. He felt weak in that moment, all of Sichora's power not enough to prepare him for this, and he closed his eyes.

They drove for what felt like forever and the rhythmic sound of the engine made him dizzy. He feared falling asleep and jerked himself awake, nearly expecting dawn to come but it was still dark outside.

Geoff next to him laughed, short and unamused and Ray turned towards him.

"I don't even know where the fuck I'm driving you," he admitted and sounded a little hysterical. "Like, is there a... portal or something to other worlds?"

There were some but hopefully not in this world.

"No. Just get me somewhere far away."

"We're already in the middle of nowhere, kid."

Turning around, Ray realized he was right. They were on a highway with nothing but wide fields around them and the occasional street lamp. Nobody besides them would come here for hours.

"This is fine," Ray confirmed, and Geoff turned towards him.

He caught his eyes but before he could make out his expression, the other stopped the car.

Now Ray realized what Geoff had wanted to say, and as they sat in the little light of the streetlamp he realized that this was it.

This was the end of his role in this world, and his hands shook again as he reached for the door. He didn't open it yet and when Geoff reached for his own, Ray shook his head.

"You need to go," he whispered, and something hurt crossed Geoff's face.

Still, he let his hand sink back into his lap, but when Ray opened his door, he reached out for him.

"Ray," he said softly and he hesitated again, couldn't move.

"Who are you? What are you? You gotta tell me that much at least."

It was such a loaded question, one he would gladly ignore, but didn't Geoff deserve that much? After all he had brought him out here, had helped him break out of this trap he had built himself.

"I was your loyal knight once," he said slowly and balled his hands to fists in his lap. "But I couldn't protect you when I should have and then... then I lost you. I lost you and you lost me and we could never find each other again."

He reached up to touch his brooch, but Geoff's hand beat him to it. It wasn't his symbol and maybe they both knew it. Ray had found a new King to serve.

"I always missed you," he admitted, and was shocked about himself. That was something he hadn't even dared to think, least of all say out loud, and it made something upset slam into him. "Your... your guidance, back then I would have needed it. Even today I need it, but you were out of reach and I was... I was so angry for so very long-"

"I'm right here," Geoff said, and Ray looked up.

Geoff's hand wandered up to grasp some of his hair and pull him closer until their foreheads touched. It was intimate enough that Ray felt tears well up into his eyes and he quickly closed them. Reaching up he held onto the other's jacket and breathed in.

"You will protect them in my place, right?" he asked carefully, and felt Geoff nod.

"I will. All of them."

"You’re a good person, Geoff. You… you made me believe again.”

Geoff let go of him and Ray sat back in his seat. The door was still open, and still it took him so much strength to slip out of the car.

He glanced back to Geoff, but Geoff was smiling and Geoff was crying and Ray just smiled back.

He closed the door and stepped away, far enough so that Geoff could easily turn the car, and he did so, didn't hesitate or wait for Ray to change his mind.

He was very grateful for that.

He stood on this lonely road and watched Geoff's car disappear. He could see it for a long time in this dark night, the red lights like two eyes in the distance.

It made him shiver slightly and he pulled his cloak tighter around himself.

Finally the car vanished on the horizon and Ray stood underneath the only streetlight down here.

What was happening in the base right now?

Part of him didn't even want to know, another part was worried. It was out of his control and he closed his eyes, concentrating on Sichora's strings. They were barely able to reach the others over the distance and with one last breath he called them back.

In his head it sounded like they were snapping before they returned to him, curling around his joints and breaking his skin.

It's been too long since he had felt all of them, since he had been able to move all his joints in this flowing movement.

His breath came out as a white fog, and this time he realized it sooner. Turning around he was nearly blinded by the whiteness of the snow, how it caught the lights of the streetlamp around.

It was falling upwards, blocking out the stars and getting caught in his hair.

Ray walked in that direction, heard the snow crunch beneath his feet before it disappeared all together. It disappeared as quick as it had appeared and fell down from the sky in sparks, like million of fireflies dancing around him, and now he could make out the person by the next street light. They were barely illuminated by the harsh white light, just a halo painted around them, and Ray kneeled where he stood.

There was no use to run and chase anymore, and so he lowered his head and offered his rapier.

He heard the boots on the asphalt, and when he finally saw them, they sparked more fireflies with each step.

Hands laid above his, making them curl around his sword again and he sighed in relief. If Gavin would decide to take it from him, he would acquiesce without hesitation, but he had hoped-

"Rise, Knight of Roses."

He did and dared to look Gavin in the eyes. He was smiling softly and Ray tried to smile back but it was hard. His thoughts were still back there, at the base, and only returned here when Gavin cupped his face.

"I want to go home," Ray admitted, and it nearly sounded like a sob. He hated that it did but Gavin just rubbed every hint of that from his cheeks before letting go and taking his hand.

"Alright," he said, and Ray's knees bucked in relief. "But we have to visit someone first."

One more of Gavin's missions probably, not that he really cared. He could take one more world, he could take ten more if Gavin just held his hand to guide him.

If he just didn't have to think.

And he would follow him anywhere without question, like right now. He didn't understand why they didn't leave this world, but all he had to do was follow and hold on to that hand.

Aldebaran; The Follower.

Polaris; The Light.

The moth to the flame.

When they entered a hospital he still didn't understand, only when Gavin opened to a room that seemed random in this hallway of rooms, did he look up.

There was just one bed in there, nearly hidden by machinery to keep whoever was in it alive.

Ray stopped at the door even if it meant losing Gavin's hand.

He hadn't thought to face this again, this horrible mistake he had made, but when he watched Gavin reach the bed, it nearly choked him up.

"I can't change a lot of things as my power isn't as strong as yours," Gavin said as he placed a hand on the sleeping Ray's. "But this was the only way to ease Pollux's wrath and stop him from interfering. I told you I took care of it."

He flashed him a small smile before reaching up to flick the little charm on the table next to the bed.

It was a bunny, smirking evilly up at them.

"But I could never heal him."

Now he turned to Ray, but he was still frozen by the door. Only when Gavin reached out his hand, he inched closer to take it.

The boy from all those years ago was around Michael's age as he laid there, his blanket up to his chin and not rumpled at all, like he hadn’t moved besides the slow rise and fall of his chest.

Gavin was watching him attentively and Ray carefully turned towards him, barely able to avert his eye.

"You want me to... to heal him?"

"You stole so many years from him, Ray," Gavin said. "But not his life."

He looked back towards the sleeping boy and his mouth felt all dry.

"This is his world, Ray. This Michael and this Ryan are his, not yours."

"Maybe we shouldn't bring him back," Ray whispered, and a sudden dread came over him. He squeezed Gavin's hand tighter. "Who knows how the others will react? The other Gavin; we don't know what he might do-"

"This is not our choice to make, Ray. We can't control his life and he's not ours." He squeezed back, always so patiently with him. "Just let the boy live."

Maybe that was the way, the beginning of repaying for what he had done. He wasn't sure what to think or what to feel when he looked down at himself, but he didn't have to. Gavin did it for him, guided his hand like always and with one last breath he whispered, "Sichora."

 

All in all the healing didn't take long, barely more than a minute.

Sometimes he thought about how much good he could do in his world, in any world with that power, but he never dwelled too long about that. He didn't care about any of the worlds, he only cared for what was his, for the mark over his heart.

Gavin would tell him if he had to lift his gaze from that and look outside, step out of their little home to either heal or kill, and then he would.

It was so much easier like that.

The boy in the bed groaned and his eyes moved behind his eyelids. Gavin tugged at Ray’s hand and guided him out of the room, down the endless hallways.

Soon enough nurses hurried past them, down the way they had just come from, but they didn't stop to ask what they were doing here. No, the both of them were back to being shadows in the corner of one's eye that disappeared once you turned.

Gavin leaned his head against his shoulder and Ray dropped a kiss on top of his unruly hair.

They reached the roof of the hospital a few minutes later and stood on the edge, watching over the city in front of them. The lights laid like a carpet beneath them, twinkling like stars but with no constellations whatsoever.

How could they with the cars always moving, crawling through the veins between the houses like insects?

It was as ugly as it was beautiful, and Ray swallowed heavily.

"I want to go home," he repeated, and Gavin turned towards him.

His green eyes turned black while they watched each other and Ray followed suit, allowed Sichora's power to flow through him.

"Alright," Gavin agreed as the first snowflakes drifted up.

Ray tilted his head to look up where the stars vanished from the whiteness of the snow. They weren't alone though, there were deep red petals flowing in between them, getting carried this way and that. It looked like a dance, slow and calculated to the sound of a lullaby, and he closed his eyes.

"Let's go home."

 

 

 

This incredible art was made by [Starry ](https://starryalpha.tumblr.com/post/162015289036/before-i-forget-lmaooo-heres-this-skulls-by)\- thank you so much!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaah, it's done - what a load of fun this was! Totally self-indulgent and probably only makes 100% sense if you are aware of my multiverse and read part of it but I tried to explain enough for it to make sense for first-time readers. Did I succeed? Who knows!
> 
> Thank you all for reading and your wonderful comments! Special thanks to Rachel and her help, even during those hard times. She's simply amazing, believe me.
> 
> I started my next story today and it will be a big one again. Anyone surprised?  
> You should soon find infos about that on my Tumblr and my Patreon if you're interested in another journey!  
> http://kahnah23.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> Find out how you can support me writing my stories:  
> http://kahnah23.tumblr.com/post/140765552875/patreon


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